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Word by Word Story - Volume 35

First of My Name

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First of My Name

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Volume 35:

BOOM! A hidden bomb exploded. Duke Milky Way's palace burst into flame. Gold toilets were overflowing. Silver roofs were torn apart by Cthulhu, who had previously smuggled the castle's aquatic freedom fighters out of their drenched seats of power. Halfdan entered the ruins, smiling. "Wipe that smile off your face," cried the dying Duke. The duel was short, Halfdan was bloodied and the people all screamed "Die!". Mayhaps he would have lived if not for the weeping sores located on his buttocks. Halfdan screamed at the Duke, "Now we die!" He pressed an ominous red button, but the laser beams ripped both of his hands off. He cried and screamed profanities at the people who lay dying around him. Mr. Angry traded the laser with him for masculinity. "E tu, Mr. Angry? Then fall, Caesar - I mean Halfdan!" Suddenly, the bombmaker appeared. He saw the mutilated corpses, and decided blowing them up was quite profitable, so he took some of his aunt's savings and started a bomb-making club. Sadly, he was attacked by the Duke's surviving loyal men, who thought they could fly into the clubhouse with explosives, painted bright red and shouting, "For the Duke, you bastards!" Meanwhile, the shocked cupbearer refused the aquatic freedom fighters in the face of overwhelming odds. He was sacrificed to Cthulhu, sp the rest of the slaves would fear their masters. The Duke's fate seemed certain. He never could keep his life force, leaving the wound to fester. His wet nurse was terrified, and decided to pour backhanded compliments on him like syrup on Pancake Day. Yet he still died in agony. Lucifer wanted his soul for Hell's upcoming sexy tea-party, featuring the cast of 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' However, the tea party ended when random fried chicken eaters dashed all the hopes of the damned assembled, by dropping excrements into the teapot, which made the tea undrinkable. This angered Satan, who decided to scale Mt. Olympus wearing nothing but a bikini top and glittery high heels. At the top, he invited 1000 close friends to a gala fundraiser for Cthulhu's political campaign to become the next POV character in ASOIAF. Most contributors pledged Bitcoins and fluffy pandas to rescue spacecraft trapped on Neptune, but everyone OD'd on Twinkies and boiled sea-slug fat. The failure led to mass swearing and slug fat wrestling, which was highly entertaining until the moon crashed into the village. Destruction was complete, chaos reigned, and many slugs perished. The loss of the slugs saddened princess Mushroom and she thought, Why should I continue my lifelong struggle for the perfect omelette, which was taken from me long ago. I vowed to never be without slug-fat again. Learning to live slug-fat free is harder than you'd think. Just then, princess Mushroom realized that her life would be absolute shit without the love of a knight like no other, a muscled hero with long ass-fissures due to extreme horse-back riding. She went to the local fertility clinic to buy creamsicles, which tasted great. She returned to the ship unsatisfied, only to be ruthlessly abducted by Father Christmas and five really tall elves who wore ugly purple plaid thongs, made from a skin-like mesh that chafed. Men shuddered, but the elves cried "YOLO!" Just then, the clouds parted and the elves started drinking the blood of the fallen. It tasted delicious. Princess Mushroom cried out for lemon-flavored amniotic fluid, but they were fresh out. Disheartened, they set out for the Bermuda triangle, to claim the forgotten tome of ominous love and birth. En route, they ran into a Titanic-sized dragon by the name of Nigel. Nigel couldn't fly, but danced the tango with other dragons, and played with their tails. Nigel saved princess Mushroom, using a dishcloth covered with crankcase lube. The next day, in rewards for his efforts, Nigel received a freshly slaughtered walrus herd. He enjoyed them immensely. One walrus escaped death by hiding under dismembered walrus pieces, which were later gathered, boiled, and hung up on tree limbs to warn all not to trifle with flightless dragons. Nigel even resurrected the druids. It is not fully understood how or why, but it was done. Nigel also began a quest dedicated to Merlin, with the purpose of finding the old wizard. Nigel believed Merlin was willing to give him the gift of flight, if he was willing to free Merlin from the crystal chandelier on which he was imprisoned. Nigel agreed this was for turning princess Mushroom into a walrus queen extraordinaire. Suddenly Merlin turned Nigel into a bright yellow toadstool, that smelled awfully like an animal that was flayed alive. But then morphed into a purple dinosaur and proceeded to snack on Merlin's BFF. Shockingly, nobody intervened to stop him, so Arthur was snacked upon. After Arthur's demise, Merlin decided to cast a magic spell on

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First of My Name Council Member

First of My Name

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Several weeks passed.

Volume 35:

BOOM! A hidden bomb exploded. Duke Milky Way's palace burst into flame. Gold toilets were overflowing. Silver roofs were torn apart by Cthulhu, who had previously smuggled the castle's aquatic freedom fighters out of their drenched seats of power. Halfdan entered the ruins, smiling. "Wipe that smile off your face," cried the dying Duke. The duel was short, Halfdan was bloodied and the people all screamed "Die!". Mayhaps he would have lived if not for the weeping sores located on his buttocks. Halfdan screamed at the Duke, "Now we die!" He pressed an ominous red button, but the laser beams ripped both of his hands off. He cried and screamed profanities at the people who lay dying around him. Mr. Angry traded the laser with him for masculinity. "E tu, Mr. Angry? Then fall, Caesar - I mean Halfdan!" Suddenly, the bombmaker appeared. He saw the mutilated corpses, and decided blowing them up was quite profitable, so he took some of his aunt's savings and started a bomb-making club. Sadly, he was attacked by the Duke's surviving loyal men, who thought they could fly into the clubhouse with explosives, painted bright red and shouting, "For the Duke, you bastards!" Meanwhile, the shocked cupbearer refused the aquatic freedom fighters in the face of overwhelming odds. He was sacrificed to Cthulhu, sp the rest of the slaves would fear their masters. The Duke's fate seemed certain. He never could keep his life force, leaving the wound to fester. His wet nurse was terrified, and decided to pour backhanded compliments on him like syrup on Pancake Day. Yet he still died in agony. Lucifer wanted his soul for Hell's upcoming sexy tea-party, featuring the cast of 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' However, the tea party ended when random fried chicken eaters dashed all the hopes of the damned assembled, by dropping excrements into the teapot, which made the tea undrinkable. This angered Satan, who decided to scale Mt. Olympus wearing nothing but a bikini top and glittery high heels. At the top, he invited 1000 close friends to a gala fundraiser for Cthulhu's political campaign to become the next POV character in ASOIAF. Most contributors pledged Bitcoins and fluffy pandas to rescue spacecraft trapped on Neptune, but everyone OD'd on Twinkies and boiled sea-slug fat. The failure led to mass swearing and slug fat wrestling, which was highly entertaining until the moon crashed into the village. Destruction was complete, chaos reigned, and many slugs perished. The loss of the slugs saddened princess Mushroom and she thought, Why should I continue my lifelong struggle for the perfect omelette, which was taken from me long ago. I vowed to never be without slug-fat again. Learning to live slug-fat free is harder than you'd think. Just then, princess Mushroom realized that her life would be absolute shit without the love of a knight like no other, a muscled hero with long ass-fissures due to extreme horse-back riding. She went to the local fertility clinic to buy creamsicles, which tasted great. She returned to the ship unsatisfied, only to be ruthlessly abducted by Father Christmas and five really tall elves who wore ugly purple plaid thongs, made from a skin-like mesh that chafed. Men shuddered, but the elves cried "YOLO!" Just then, the clouds parted and the elves started drinking the blood of the fallen. It tasted delicious. Princess Mushroom cried out for lemon-flavored amniotic fluid, but they were fresh out. Disheartened, they set out for the Bermuda triangle, to claim the forgotten tome of ominous love and birth. En route, they ran into a Titanic-sized dragon by the name of Nigel. Nigel couldn't fly, but danced the tango with other dragons, and played with their tails. Nigel saved princess Mushroom, using a dishcloth covered with crankcase lube. The next day, in rewards for his efforts, Nigel received a freshly slaughtered walrus herd. He enjoyed them immensely. One walrus escaped death by hiding under dismembered walrus pieces, which were later gathered, boiled, and hung up on tree limbs to warn all not to trifle with flightless dragons. Nigel even resurrected the druids. It is not fully understood how or why, but it was done. Nigel also began a quest dedicated to Merlin, with the purpose of finding the old wizard. Nigel believed Merlin was willing to give him the gift of flight, if he was willing to free Merlin from the crystal chandelier on which he was imprisoned. Nigel agreed this was for turning princess Mushroom into a walrus queen extraordinaire. Suddenly Merlin turned Nigel into a bright yellow toadstool, that smelled awfully like an animal that was flayed alive. But then morphed into a purple dinosaur and proceeded to snack on Merlin's BFF. Shockingly, nobody intervened to stop him, so Arthur was snacked upon. After Arthur's demise, Merlin decided to cast a magic spell on Nigel, transforming him into Voldemort. The Dark Lord then kissed Merlin, turning him to stone. Afterwards they danced in the glow of dragonfire, while rising up as big stone behemoths over a city which had been unprepared for. Nigelmort cursed Merlin by summoning Dumbleydore, who shaved his long pubic beard, then shot poor Harry Potter. Several weeks passed.

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