Depression and loneliness

[Elder Sister]

I think everyone feels like this at different times - it's just life. I do echo what peter and others say, though; get some help. Talk to a professional if you can, or find an AA or NA meeting, or a church group, or something that gets you out of yourself...whatever works for you.

For me, I find that focusing on helping someone else lifts my spirits drastically. And doing this on a regular basis; whether it's calling to check on a sick friend, sending someone a card, or helping an elderly person with their shopping or yardwork...just get out of yourself and help someone else. It's a huge mood changer and always gives me gratitude for what I have.

Best of luck to you - I hope things turn around for you and you find some peace.

[Starkess]

Just want to weigh in and say that if you have only just started therapy, its not unusual to not see results yet. It varies by person of course, but sometimes it can be months after the therapy is over that you feel the benefits. It is (or was, for me at least) worth it though.

Best of luck, and to you too Dracarya :grouphug:

Thanks. I did a brief bout of therapy in college and it helped immensely. But this time around, it just feels like a waste. I think that I am not connecting with my therapist--I get the feeling he doesn't really like me, honestly. He also expects me to drive the appointments so I there's a lot of awkward silences because I'm not just like coming in with a list of things I want to talk about. Plus he is very into kind of spirituality-type stuff that is not my cup of tea at all. But I'm not sure how to go about getting a new therapist through the system (I was assigned to him after an initial screening) and definitely don't want to tell him that it isn't working out because that sounds like the most awkward conversation. So yeah I'm feeling rather conflicted about it. Anyway he has me reading a new book on CBT so maybe this will help. I figure I'll give it a few more visits before I give up.

[Elder Sister]

Thanks. I did a brief bout of therapy in college and it helped immensely. But this time around, it just feels like a waste. I think that I am not connecting with my therapist--I get the feeling he doesn't really like me, honestly. He also expects me to drive the appointments so I there's a lot of awkward silences because I'm not just like coming in with a list of things I want to talk about. Plus he is very into kind of spirituality-type stuff that is not my cup of tea at all. But I'm not sure how to go about getting a new therapist through the system (I was assigned to him after an initial screening) and definitely don't want to tell him that it isn't working out because that sounds like the most awkward conversation. So yeah I'm feeling rather conflicted about it. Anyway he has me reading a new book on CBT so maybe this will help. I figure I'll give it a few more visits before I give up.

I'm so sorry you're having this experience. I would call the location where he is and ask about reassignment. They may do it without a lot of stress on your part.

I've been doing therapy for the last several months since my marriage ran off the rails. I went back to the same woman who helped me cope with cancer - she is wonderful. No pushing, no forcing of any agenda on her part - it just gives the opportunity to talk with an impartial person who is not invested in my emotional well being. She points out when I'm being too hard on myself and that's about it. It has helped me tremendously.

Your current therapist sounds like an ass, honestly. You deserve better, Nora. Sending you big hugs and wishing you could go see my therapist. She's awesome.

[deleted01]

Building a good relationship with the therapist is possibly the most important part imo. Without that solid base relationship everything else becomes that much harder. And discouraging as it may seem, don't quit just because you feel like shit after a session. Discussing things you rather wouldn't is bound to make you feel bad, but long-term...like I say, it worked.for me, and I experienced the shitty feeling after pretty much every session too. Therapy isn't easy, but its well worth the effort in my.view

Thanks for the advice. It's good to hear it from someone who's done it before. My SO did CBT before, and said he's much better now at ignoring the intrusive thoughts, or rationalising them - for example, if a group of people are laughing, he'll think they're laughing at him, but since the CBT, he's learnt to tell himself all the reasons why they're not laughing at him, instead of thinking about why they might be.

Mine is different, though the above does happen at times. It's all based around numbers and impulses, and lately, a lot has been happening while driving. If I drive past a cyclist, at best, I check in my mirror that I passed them safely. At worst, I'm convinced I hit them, spin out a scenario in which I did hit them, and panic if I can't see them in my mirrors. Or if a police car is behind me, I'll freak out, and have to calm myself down by listing the reasons why they're not going to pull me over. But I don't relax fully until they go away. I need to stop these intrusive thoughts before they take over my life completely.

[maarsen]

Thanks for the advice. It's good to hear it from someone who's done it before. My SO did CBT before, and said he's much better now at ignoring the intrusive thoughts, or rationalising them - for example, if a group of people are laughing, he'll think they're laughing at him, but since the CBT, he's learnt to tell himself all the reasons why they're not laughing at him, instead of thinking about why they might be.

Mine is different, though the above does happen at times. It's all based around numbers and impulses, and lately, a lot has been happening while driving. If I drive past a cyclist, at best, I check in my mirror that I passed them safely. At worst, I'm convinced I hit them, spin out a scenario in which I did hit them, and panic if I can't see them in my mirrors. Or if a police car is behind me, I'll freak out, and have to calm myself down by listing the reasons why they're not going to pull me over. But I don't relax fully until they go away. I need to stop these intrusive thoughts before they take over my life completely.

Sounds like you have OCD. Having a touch of it myself, I can understand what you are going through. Try seeing you family MD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder does not respond well to talk therapy. Good luck.

[deleted01]

Sounds like you have OCD. Having a touch of it myself, I can understand what you are going through. Try seeing you family MD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder does not respond well to talk therapy. Good luck.

Most definitely. OCD is a nightmare. Sorry to hear you have it too. Mine started manifesting when I was about 7 or 8. When I had the initial phone conversation with the counselling service, they said it's likely that it developed due to me having a lack of control in my life. I can't speak to that, so I'll take their explanation.

The doctor said CBT *should* help, and the pills I'm on are supposed to help with the anxiety that comes along with it, though it's too early to say anything definitive yet.

Eh. This seems to have turned into a general thread, and I feel like I've taken over. Sorry, OP.

[maarsen]

One way mine strikes is books. I read way too much. This was an actual conversation about me:

Grey haired English teacher to her class- "You can never read too much."

Student- "What about maarsen? He reads all the time."

Teacher - "That's not good. There is something wrong with him."

[Wise Fool]

I often wonder why I have gotten myself so absorbed by the lore and depth of these stories.

In a time where people seem to have just deep meaningful lives and are achieving success and posting about it on facebook, i feel more and more alone in this world.

Again, this is not a call to self pity, its a realization. I am in my thirties, have had two solid relationships in my life along with people I thought were my friends, but again, people come and go, and I find myself always alone.

I also went through a period where I was at the height of my career, making tons of money, having many people that cared for me, I was truly a good person, but I lost myself in drug addiction, recovered, and found that all the time I spent building my character, I destroyed it.

Now I am left with the ruble of who I was, people who do not give me a second chance, which I do not deserve, but I wonder how to move forward and be happy.

I am geographically relocating to a new place where no one knows my name, I can start again humbly from the beginning with literally just the cloths on my back and my computer, which thankfully, has ASOIAF series loaded on it.

Not really sure what I am asking and why I am posting this, but I wonder for anyone who feels like they are alone and stuck in a meaningless senseless life, then does reading a book like this series help pass time away or perhaps absorb us in a world where we do not have to think of ourselves, but are observants of other people and characters?

Does anyone else feel like this?

If you hadn't mentioned geographically relocating, or having ever made tons of money, your post could have been written by me.

I'm in my 30's, few and casual friends, no real relationships. Went through drug addiction for about a decade. Recovered... more or less...

I find this book series to be very helpful sometimes. It's not merely getting lost in a fantasy world, or being distracted. Like with anything, one can read into the series a lot of things... and that's part of the experience. At times I've seen it as full of metaphors about spirituality and philosophy, psychology and sociology. Reading a book can be like looking into a mirror, and looking into a mirror is itself a kind of symbolic representation of consciousness. It can be, and has (for me) been as spiritual an experience as reading actual religious literature. This is probably why I continuously find myself advocating religious literature in general, and interpreting it, and seeing layers of meaning that delight the intellect and stir the heart.

But that aside. For myself, I can't really afford therapy, or psychiatry, or psychiatric medicine. Or medicine at all. Don't know about you, but I'm an American, making a few cents more than the local minimum wage and spending 75% of my income on rent. Most likely, this is why I tend to be depressed more than not (and why I would probably avoid psychiatry in general - I think the problem is my grinding, hopeless state of poverty, not some chemical imbalance or personal inability).

Glad you posted this thread. Hang tight. And yes, Facebook is evil and must be burned, all agree. (Not that I can. I'm addicted to CLICKING ON THINGS.)

[Tellus Explorer]

Another recommendation when this happens:

GET THE FUCK OFF OF FACEBOOK!!!!!

Seriously though. That's not real life. It's the facade people want others to see. It's the PC version that only shows the good and very rarely the bad. It will suck you in to believing that what you do is worthless. Don't fall for that shit. Half the people you know on there are going through shit just like you.

Get it, and all other social media off your phone, computer, etc... as soon as possible and I'd bet in a week you start to feel better.

Also, get a therapist.

:bowdown: :agree: :commie: please listen to this very wise advise

[TerraPrime]

Starkess:

Your therapist is hired by you to help you, much like hiring a dentist or a hiring a plumber. If he is not delivering the service that you find useful, then by all means, get someone else. I would suggest staring with your insurance representative and inquire about the options available to you about seeking another therapist if your insurance is covering it. And then once you find an alternate that you like, just leave a message with his receptionist saying "I am not seeing the improvement I want to see in myself from these sessions so I am going to stop coming. Please relay my thanks to blahblah for his work."

There no need to say that he's not good. There no need to say that he's not a good match. There's monnerd to say you're seeing someone else. And heck you can probably just email them too.

So I hope you will consider this option so you can get someone who can help.

[Starkess]

Thanks for the advice, TP. I'll have to look into it. The whole process was a little weird--I had to go in and see a therapist for an initial screening who then assigned me to a therapist, I never had any choice in the matter, not like when I picked my doctor. And my insurance is just for the network, so I'd have to go to another therapist in the building. So I'm not sure who I would talk to about finding someone new.

[Dr. Pepper]

Starkess, your current therapist might be able to help you find a new therapist in your network. I have had negative experiences with therapists that were similar to what you mentioned above (general tenseness, not directed in a way that felt helpful, not connecting with therapist, differing beliefs making me feel uncomfortable, etc) but most of the time, I've found the therapist was professional and helpful when I thanked them for their help, explained that it wasn't working for whatever reason and asked if they could provide a recommendation. Current therapist has spent time with you, has a basic understanding of the issues that brought you to therapy, and a general idea of the problems that are occurring in therapy. Current therapist would be better able to determine which of his colleagues would be most suitable to treat you. It can be really uncomfortable to broach this topic with therapist, but chances are that he is very aware that it isn't working for you and will have no problem assisting you in finding something that will work.

Of course, it doesn't always work out like this. You're in a better position to judge whether or not this therapist will be helpful or unprofessional. It's just something you might want to consider.

[The_Noctua]

If you hadn't mentioned geographically relocating, or having ever made tons of money, your post could have been written by me.

I'm in my 30's, few and casual friends, no real relationships. Went through drug addiction for about a decade. Recovered... more or less...

I find this book series to be very helpful sometimes. It's not merely getting lost in a fantasy world, or being distracted. Like with anything, one can read into the series a lot of things... and that's part of the experience. At times I've seen it as full of metaphors about spirituality and philosophy, psychology and sociology. Reading a book can be like looking into a mirror, and looking into a mirror is itself a kind of symbolic representation of consciousness. It can be, and has (for me) been as spiritual an experience as reading actual religious literature. This is probably why I continuously find myself advocating religious literature in general, and interpreting it, and seeing layers of meaning that delight the intellect and stir the heart.

But that aside. For myself, I can't really afford therapy, or psychiatry, or psychiatric medicine. Or medicine at all. Don't know about you, but I'm an American, making a few cents more than the local minimum wage and spending 75% of my income on rent. Most likely, this is why I tend to be depressed more than not (and why I would probably avoid psychiatry in general - I think the problem is my grinding, hopeless state of poverty, not some chemical imbalance or personal inability).

Glad you posted this thread. Hang tight. And yes, Facebook is evil and must be burned, all agree. (Not that I can. I'm addicted to CLICKING ON THINGS.)

Man, the stories I hear about you people in the U.S. make me think why half the population isn't in open rebellion. Expensive higher education, expensive medicine and so on. Every time someone posts a story about having depression or some other psychological problem, this person is most likely to be from the U.S.

I live in Eastern Europe, a country where all three major political parties are more similar to mafia groups than actual political parties (not to mention the other economic and social problems my country has), yet I don't know of anyone suffering from depression. Healthcare is supposed to be free in here, but unless you bribe the doctors, nurses and even janitors, you will most likely get some half-assed care from them, unless (and in rare cases, even if) you are at risk of death. Food is cheap, and in most cases 100% 'bio' (no hormonal growth or such crap), so I have to give my country this at least.

My advice: avoid social media. It's hard, I know, but you can do it. You have to. The whole social media thing is a facade, an illusion. If you can't see past it, then do your best to avoid it. Best of luck to you.

[Galactus]

I used to feel really, really bad a couple of years ago, it's stabilized a bit to the point where I can more or less function (it's been almost a year since I had a genuine panic attack)

Can't say what helps. Doing stuff does, keeping busy, even with just ordinary stuff. Having a dog helped me a lot. Since I have other handicaps I've been able to get various types of aid to keep me afloat, and having a job helped too of course.

But it's still difficult sometimes, and it often feels like you're walking on really thin ice and that you'll fall down in the dark waters at any moment.

EDIT: Oh, and medication helps stabilize things a lot in my case.

[Theda Baratheon]

What you need to do is to genuinely look after yourself, make sure you have good sleep hygiene and are getting enough sleep, make sure you are eating well (or as best as you can manage, food is one of my BIGGEST hurdles in life, I have major anxiety about food preparation and often just lie in bed for hours until I'm really really hungry and have bad hunger pains until I do anything) make sure you leave your home often, just to go for a walk, if you work - great - walk there more often if that's feasible, if you work in your home, try to at least regularly go outside to shop and take walks. Mornings are the worst for me too, I find it horrible difficult to get out of bed, I'm on sleeping pills at the moment to try to sort out my sleeping pattern, I recently came off anti-depressants because they were NOT doing anything for me and now I am on a waiting list for a referral to see a counselor so I can dish out all this advice but obviously am sttil facing a lot of the same problems you seem to be. I am very lucky to be a student in the UK able to get free meds and therapy and I do really appreciate this.

OP, something else about your post resonates with me too; I am NOT a miserable person, I am glad to be alive and I don't think all life is meaningless and horrible. It's just my body is this disgusting horrible weight that I have to carry around and it makes life just look grey, not being able to get out of bed, finding household chores a monumental task, being very, VERY tired most of the time, it' just so horrible I have so much fun when I'm with friends and I laugh a lot and people seem to like me, but after awhile I have to retreat and be alone and then the horrible cycles begin

I wish you all the best OP and everyone in this thread you has to deal with depression or mood disorders of any kind. I've been in bed most of the week and missed most of my week's university lectures and i hate it, i'm not even lazy because this has nothing top do with comfort, i am not comfortable at all spending all day in bed / in my flat, but it's so fucking cold at the moment i never want to leave my bed.

just make sure you are better than me and you EAT WELL, and SLEEP WELL because when you are not hungry or feeling week or tired you can do so much more and feel capable of so much more.

i am actively working on improving my diet, my fitness and my sleeping pattern at the moment all whilst working and trying not to completely fail my third yr of uni. it's horrible and sluggish but little achievements like going for a jog or making myself breakfast or getting a good grade just mean the WORLD to me and make me SO happy so keep doing little things like that for yourself where you can feel proud of yourself. it's nice to like yourself every once in awhile

sorry for the big rant i hope you find a therapist or a medication or a routine that will work for you and make you feel better x x x

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

it does not just get better and it is something you must actively find a way to make better but i really really really hope that you OP and everyone in this thread does try to help themselves because you all deserve to like yourself and care for yourselves and to not feel like this all the time.

[brook]

See here is the thing about 'get of social media'.

Social media is a tool, not inherently good or bad but its effects are going to vary based on both personality and how you use it.

For me it has very literally been a lifesaver. I'm not in a position where there are any handy support groups for people dealing with similar issues to me - anyone dealing with the same situation is just as isolated and just as incapable of easily getting out ANYWHERE as I am. I can however find these people online, and I have, and they help. It means I can post something on facebook and within a short period of time know there are people there who will be messaging or calling me to offer support *and mean it*, it means there are people I can say things to that I would never ever be able to say to anyone who is not living in similar circumstances. It means I can find people like me, and sometimes that translates into off-line friendships and sometimes it doesn't but either way I gain something.

It does require me to manage my networks carefully, it can't be just 'add everyone you've ever met and sit back', people who aren't supportive, who post things that are going to be hurtful to me, get blocked/deleted with almost no exceptions. If they aren't someone I can delete (ie family) they get hidden from my feed and moved to a list that sees nothing but the most generic status updates. I take every effort necessary to make sure my online networks are safe spaces for me and as a result I get a great deal of support out of them that I simply could not receive any other way.

[Theda Baratheon]

I like social media too, I totally understand and accept it can be harmful to some people and make them feel bad but I feel sort of pathetic when I admit getting nice comments from people or a like on a status actually does make me feel a bit better.

[deleted01]

I mostly use social media to promote my work, and it does make me feel good when people respond. I recently did a huge cull, deleting a lot of old "friends" and cutting them out of my life. My personal profile is set to private, so I can control who sees my stuff. It's better that way, imo.

[JonStarkIII]

We have the same story. I'm just older. Just ended a LTR and relocated. I'm lonely and depressed and hope and know it will pass. But to occupy myself I'm rereading all the books and on this And other Asoiaf message boards. It helps. I wish you the best and know things will get better for you. :).

[Love Is A Sweet Poison]

Very grateful for the responses, helpful suggestions, and straight up commands. They are helpful to me - today I wrote a bit, which at first, was nerve racking because when you write, or I should say when I write, the emotions come out but after a while, I felt better.

As far as social media goes, i will keep it to a very minimum - I sometimes wish that life came with an instruction manual. People say emotions and feelings aren't real or reality but all of life is a series of emotions and feelings.

I just have to stay as balanced as possible.