Cerseisms

[Queen Cersei I]

Okay, so it seems to be a commonly held opinion of those on this board that Cersei is evil, worthless, annoying, and above all, laughably stupid. Yet, IMO, she does get some pretty good lines. Reviewing AFFC and earlier books, I was surprised at the wittiness of some of her words and thoughts. For someone who is generally counted as the intellectual equivalent of Hodor; mindless and witless, I think she shows a surprising amount of wit. (Especially if one concentrates not just on what she says, but what she thinks as well.)

A sample of a few choice lines (or Cerseisms):

“Do you have any notion of what happens when a city is sacked, Sansa? No, you wouldn’t, would you? All you know of life you learned from singers, and there is such a dearth of good sacking songs.”

Tyrion: What sort of man do you take me for?

“A small and twisted one,” said Cersei.

Cersei: “Was that a new horse you were riding in the yard yestermorn?”

Osney: “The black stallion? Aye. A gift from my brother Osfryd. Midnight, I call him.”

How wonderfully original.

“Lord Merryweather and I wish only to serve Your Grace and the little king,” the woman purred, with a look that was as pregnant as Lady Graceford.

“I do not believe she is a maid. Renly had a cock, didn’t he? He was Robert’s brother, surely he had a cock.”

"A man may prefer the taste of hippocras, yet if you set a tankard of ale before him, he will quaff it quick enough."

“There has never been a boar so delicious."

Grand Maester Pycelle had been old for as long as she had known him, but he seemed to have aged another hundred years in the past three nights. It took him an eternity to bend his creaky knee before her,

“I have no doubt that you are more able than Ser Harys.” The contents of my chamber pot are more able than Ser Harys.

The Blue Bard went white. “No.” Blood dripped from his lip where the lute had torn it. “I never...” When Merryweather seized him by the arm, he screamed, “Mother have mercy, no.”

“I am not your mother,” Cersei told him.

Are there any lines of Cersei's that you like?

[kwvapor]

I'm going by memory--

Words are wind, don't listen to them. I am beautiful, Jamie says so, he'd never lie to me. Even Robert, he thinks I am beautiful.

For me, all the past up to the present just becomes not so important at that moment.

[Lyanna Stark]

Cersei to the Small Council, ranting about Sansa:

"When I am done with her, she will be begging the Stranger for his kiss".

Not very nice perhaps, but the imagery is quite inventive.

Her comment about a woman's life being nine parts mess to one part magic is spot on, too.

I love the comment about the Kettleblack's horse, it's so condescending, and so true!! :lol:

[Ygrain]

That moment in Kevan's chapter whe she suggests that Mace might be compensating for something with, er, the length of his guards' spears, or what was it?

BTW, I don't think Cersei is _that_ stupid - she's probably no more stupid than an average person, her problem is that she does not realize her limits.

[Lummel]

It's fantastic new erection of the even bigger tower of the hand that he is having put up.

Love is a sweet poison is nice Cerseism too.

[All Men Must Rhyme]

She's such a bitch lol. Very sarcastic, very condescending, always looking to put people down. They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but George has given her some really good lines. I actually found the scene where she thinks about killing Robert's unborn heirs really interesting. Made her character seem a lot more intimidating.

[another bastard]

Hmmm ... parted by an ocean from my books, and can't recall any off the top of my head. But FWIW, I don't think you're evil, worthless, annoying, or laughably stupid. I enjoy your posts.

[Fire Eater]

"Go naked for all I care. It might remind the mob that you're men. They're like to have forgotten after seeing the way you behaved out there in the street."

The knight of the yellow chicken. You ought to take a worm for your sigil, ser. A chicken is too bold for you.

[eyeheartsansa]

'Ten thousand of your children perished on my palm, Your Grace, she thought, slipping a third finger into Myr. Whilst you snored, I would lick your sons off my face and fingers one by one, all those pale, sticky princes. You claimed your rights, my lord, but in the darkness I would eat your heirs.”

I'm not sure if 'witty' is the right word to describe, but it's quite vivid, and kind of dark.

I googled 'eat your heirs' to find this quote and I was promptly directed to another Cercei thread!

Cersei to the Small Council, ranting about Sansa:

"When I am done with her, she will be begging the Stranger for his kiss".

Not very nice perhaps, but the imagery is quite inventive.

'

I got a kick out of this as well, and the Small Council's awkward/horrified silence that followed.

[Grip]

“Do you have any notion of what happens when a city is sacked, Sansa? No, you wouldn’t, would you? All you know of life you learned from singers, and there is such a dearth of good sacking songs.”

Tyrion: What sort of man do you take me for?

“A small and twisted one,” said Cersei.

“I have no doubt that you are more able than Ser Harys.” The contents of my chamber pot are more able than Ser Harys.

These are probably my favorite ones. Out of all the Lannister siblings I have found Cersei to be the best at one-liners ..Though it must have been hell raising these three, imagine their teenage years!

[Independent George]

Aren't we missing the obvious? The eponymous, "When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground."

I was positively chilled when I first read that.

[eyeheartsansa]

Can we include TV quotes?

Last week's episode, the stuff she said to Tyrion.. basically, "I hope you love someone because I can't wait to take her away.."

That was also quite chilling.

[Darth Visenya]

I don't find her to be stupid, she's not as inteligent as some of the other characters but she's far from stupid, and yes she does have some great lines.

The line about Renly having a cock made me laugh when I read it.

[pamparius]

I think the best way of putting it is that Cersei is not stupid but she is not half as intelligent as she thinks she is.

[The Sleeper]

From all Lannister quips, Jaime's are the funniest but the ones that really draw blood are Tywin's.

[David Selig]

"That answer did not please the noble Noho, it would seem. “I have spoken with Lord Gyles six times. He coughs at me and makes excuses, Your Grace, but the gold is not forthcoming.”

“Speak to him a seventh time,” Cersei suggested pleasantly. “The number seven is sacred to our gods.”

“What a jape the gods have made of us two,” she said. “By all rights, you ought to be in skirts and me in mail.”

"Surely the Lord Commander remembers how to count to seven. Take the number of your fingers, then add two.”

“Were it anyone else outside the gates, I might hope to beguile him. But this is Stannis Baratheon. I’d have a better chance of seducing his horse.”

[The Sleeper]

"I'm starting to believe Robert was the smart one."

[OnionAhaiReborn]

"Ten thousand of your children perished on my palm, Your Grace, she thought, slipping a third finger into Myr. Whilst you snored, I would lick your sons off my face and fingers one by one, all those pale, sticky princes. You claimed your rights, my lord, but in the darkness I would eat your heirs.” -AFFC, p. 693

Definitely the cleverest Cerseism of all.

[Nausicaä]

A little laugh burst from her lips, bleak and bitter.

"Does Your Grace find this amusing?" said Septa Scolera. "No, septa," said Cersei. But one day I will have your tongue ripped out with hot pincers, and that will be hilarious.

[Gingerly Grumkin]

That moment in Kevan's chapter whe she suggests that Mace might be compensating for something with, er, the length of his guards' spears, or what was it?

Ser Kevan nodded. “The new tower will be twice as tall as the one you burned, he says.”

Cersei gave a throaty laugh. “Long lances, tall towers … is Lord Tyrell hinting at something?”

My favorite quote (I dont remember the words nor do I have the book) Anyways during the riot she was like "the hand speaks with the kings voice, if the hand says go outside then go!" Some KG said should we wear our white cloaks? Cersei said "go naked for all i care, it may remind the people that your men"