Rant and Rave without Repercussion [Book Spoilers]

[Chebyshov]

The topic of this thread is to discuss what we didn't like about the episode. This is not a thread for debate. Please stay on topic.

I'll start. Jon's last word was "Olly."

[Troy Reynolds]

So, Ellaria and the Sand Snakes expect to survive this how? The heir to the Iron Throne just died two minutes after being frenched by Ellaria, who is the mother and former paramour of well know poisoners. Umm, are they counting on everyone thinking the girl just has a heart condition? And you just gave them the perfect hostage. How can you start a war when the Lannisters have your cousin, the only heir left in House Martell? How stupid are the writers for contriving this shit.

[dooog]

Shit episode but i'm so happy we finally have some closure on Benjen, hands up if you guessed that he warged in a piece of wood

[bobbybuilderton]

ANYONE WHO TOLD ME THAT MYRCELLA WAS RECAST FOR A BETTER ACTOR

CAN KISS CERTAIN AREAS OF MY ANATOMY

[MordredDayne]

Oh man. I'm not even sure where to begin. This wasn't a uniformly terrible episode, but it's probably one of the worst episodes I've ever seen. Let's go place by place:

Stannis' Camp

OK, so nearly HALF of Stannis' men deserted in the night with all the horses and nobody is telling him until the middle of the morning? I guess they didn't want to interrupt his beauty rest. Also, the King's wife was able to slip out of the tent and hang herself by her fallopian tubes for being such a woman and nobody saw her or tried to stop her. Then Mel rides out of camp and nobody tries to bring her back. Sure. I guess it makes sense to walk to WF, seeing as it was only about a half a mile down the road. Then came the battle that wasn't. How awkward was that. Show the beginning of the battle and just cut to the aftermath and hope that no one notices? Oh Brienne, if you had only kept up your 87 hour vigil another of couple of minutes you...probably would have never seen that tiny ass candle from a mile away. It's OK though, because you got to play Brienne the Executioner. OR DID YOU? DUN DUN DUN

Braavos
So it's not enough to have Meryn Trant into little girls. He also has beat them with sticks? I guess the audience can't be trusted to fully hate him based on his ephebophilia alone. Then Arya has to go completely horror movie killer on him and give this clumsy list speech because they already blew the Lommy Greenhands scenario a while ago. It's cool though, because apparently you can just take one of those faceless men masks and slip it on no problem. Nobody even locks that room or checks them or anything, and there certainly doesn't have to be an elaborate surgical ritual surrounding it. Then Arya had a full blown LSD trip and I'm not sure what happened.

Dorne
This was by far the worst scene of the episode. Did anyone else pick up on poisoned lipstick right after that long goodbye kiss on the mouth? I'm actually glad Myrcella was poisoned and died, because if I had to go through more of that "Myrcella knows Jaime is her dad and doesn't give a shit" I was going to legit poison myself. Jaime "I sound like an idiot." Pretty much. Who knew that Tyene's "bad pussy" line to Bronn wouldn't be the most absurd thing about this scene? Also, apparently all antidotes in Dorne must be worn on a tiny chain around the neck. It is law. It's going to be pretty weird for Ellaria when they turn that boat right around and bring it back to Dorne and say, "Hey, Myrcella was poisoned. You wouldn't by any chance know anyone who is really good at poisoning people and might have had motive and opportunity, would you?"

Meereen
Hey guys, Greyworm is back! And apparently the Meereenese will listen to him...for some reason. And the Unsullied are the only thing keeping this city from tearing itself apart, even though all they do is constantly get stabbed over and over again. Don't worry though, because High Valyrian speaking St. Tyrion is going to fix everything while Daario and Jorah go on a buddy trip to find Dany. Also, Varys is back! It's like one big family reunion...in that it makes me want to drink heavily. Elsewhere, Dany has to deal with a sleepy Drogon until she's surrounded by a khalasar riding all of the horses stolen from Stannis' camp. Don't worry though, because she totally left a ring clue for them. This was completely better than them finding her eating meat in the shadow of her dragon like a badass.

King's Landing
I actually have to give credit here and say that I thought that the Walk of Shame was pretty well done. Lena Headey acted her fucking ass off. I found it as upsetting as its book's counterpart. My only minor nitpicks have to do with the FM beating people out of the way and the fact that Qyburn can apparently appoint a new member of the Kingsguard even though none of them have died. Also, I like Carol's fun summer haircut.

Winterfell

Who knew that a giant corkscrew was the perfect way to pick a lock. And Sansa can just wander through the middle of WF without anyone questioning what she's doing or why she's not locked in her room. Everyone except for awkward bow wielding Myranda, though. Just...fuck this whole scene. I don't even want to talk about it. It was as absurd as the yelp Myranda gives as she hits the ground. As absurd as Theon's sudden change of character. As absurd as jumping 100 feet down into a drift of snow that somehow exists despite the fact that we saw maybe an inch on the ground during the battle.

The Wall

Poor dumb Jon. He doesn't understand why Sam needs to go all the way down to Oldtown to become a maester for some reason. I mean, it certainly couldn't be his idea or anything. Then they have to have a bonding moment over Sam totes tapping that. Seriously, this is full on half of the Wall scene and it's so fucking stupid. Oh, and apparently Mel can totally ride a horse from just outside of WF to the wall in less than a day. That's not fucking ridiculous at all. Luckily Olly is there to take Jon to the Benjen trap. Then all we need is a revolving door of people stabbing Jon in the stomach while he doesn't do anything. The place of honor of course being reserved for Olly, the most important character and probably Lord Commander elect. I wish I couldn't believe that they took Jon's epic last scene from ADWD and turned it into this below mediocre shit. They fucking made Jon's last word OLLY instead of Ghost? ARTHSETORGD

Ugggghhh. I'm done. There's so much more to write but I seriously can't even right now. I'm so glad that this season is over. I need a break.

[Follmann]

No Pink Letter, no Wildlings to be seen, no Wun Wun?

Jon standing up taking half a dozen stabs with his Jon-expression was priceless.

JON "LAST" WORD WAS OLLY???

So the ONE thing we got from Dorne, a place where they don't hurt little girls, is a (probably) dead little girl. Gotcha.

No Fire and Blood.

Brienne spent half the season doing nothing besides looking at that damn window, then she goes away and 2 seconds later...

And what a joke of a episode it was for Stannis.

He is the best commander in the realm, and yet 20 men destroy his supplies and siege equipment and half his army peaces out without anyone noticing.

It's clear now that the ONLY reason they decided to burn Shireen now was to have a "shocking" moment on episode 9.

"Ok, I burned my daughter, this better be good."

"Half your army is gone, your wife is dead, and Mel skipped town."

[Cas Stark]

Holy shit!

Olly! Yeah, ditto.

But, wow. They REALLY hated Stannis. Really, really, really hated him. Are people crazy that they think he's coming back??? To do what? He has no army, no family and Mel deserted him. He's fucking dead.

And red dress, whose dressed changed colors literally in the same scene, is completely incompetent. Like utterly. She burned Shireen and got zero out of it. Snake eyes. Does this mean king's blood IS worthless or is this more show nonsense, since I'm sure she comes back next year powerful and why the fuck did't Davos kill her ? He was already going to kill her over nothing as bad as what she just did?

I was underwhelmed by most of the walk of shame until the about the last minute. And did we need the bell ringing and "shame' repeated??

I did like Arya's segement minus the beating of the girls, which was SO FUCKING SILLY. And why did she put whatever that was in his mouth? I didn't get that?

[A_Cornered_Wolf]

Sweet mother of mercy. Thanks for this.

[CornCornSnow]

Tyene's "Bad Pussy"

I can't even

[Follmann]

Sweet mother of mercy. Thanks for this.

We asked for the Mother's Mercy and got this thread. It is known.

[Dejat]

Ramsay was happy to go back to WF without knowing if Stannis lives or not?

[Lady Sansa's Direwolf]

I hate what happened to Stannis. After everything he has done, all that he has suffered, only to be cut down in sight of Winterfell? It seemed a convenient way to make Brienne's vigil seem worthwhile (since she turned around and MISSED the lit candle!)

Also, Dorne. Really? The princess gets ill 500 yards from shore and no one says turn this thing around, we've got some Sand Snakes to behead? Doran is going to freak out. I fear D&D have gone so far afield from the original story lines in Dorne, there is no redemption to the arc.

Until we get the next book from GRRM, I fear nothing is going to make sense any more.

"All Hail the Royal Tits" - still gets my vote for best line of the episode.

[Theostru]

I mean, I was all ready to rant, but MordredDayne pretty much captured all of it. I want to frame that post and hang it on a wall.

Edit: I accidentally a word

[Good Guy Garlan]

YOU GUYS, OLLY KILLED JON!!!!

I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!!!!

[Vee Stark]

Good episode IMO Arya's scenes were my favorite.

[Lord Wraith]

Oh man. I'm not even sure where to begin. This wasn't a uniformly terrible episode, but it's probably one of the worst episodes I've ever seen. Let's go place by place:

Stannis' Camp

OK, so nearly HALF of Stannis' men deserted in the night with all the horses and nobody is telling him until the middle of the morning? I guess they didn't want to interrupt his beauty rest. Also, the King's wife was able to slip out of the tent and hang herself by her fallopian tubes for being such a woman and nobody saw her or tried to stop her. Then Mel rides out of camp and nobody tries to bring her back. Sure. I guess it makes sense to walk to WF, seeing as it was only about a half a mile down the road. Then came the battle that wasn't. How awkward was that. Show the beginning of the battle and just cut to the aftermath and hope that no one notices? Oh Brienne, if you had only kept up your 87 hour vigil another of couple of minutes you...probably would have never seen that tiny ass candle from a mile away. It's OK though, because you got to play Brienne the Executioner. OR DID YOU? DUN DUN DUN

Braavos

So it's not enough to have Meryn Trant into little girls. He also has beat them with sticks? I guess the audience can't be trusted to fully hate him based on his ephebophilia alone. Then Arya has to go completely horror movie killer on him and give this clumsy list speech because they already blew the Lommy Greenhands scenario a while ago. It's cool though, because apparently you can just take one of those faceless men masks and slip it on no problem. Nobody even locks that room or checks them or anything, and there certainly doesn't have to be an elaborate surgical ritual surrounding it. Then Arya had a full blown LSD trip and I'm not sure what happened.

Dorne

This was by far the worst scene of the episode. Did anyone else pick up on poisoned lipstick right after that long goodbye kiss on the mouth? I'm actually glad Myrcella was poisoned and died, because if I had to go through more of that "Myrcella knows Jaime is her dad and doesn't give a shit" I was going to legit poison myself. Jaime "I sound like an idiot." Pretty much. Who knew that Tyene's "bad pussy" line to Bronn wouldn't be the most absurd thing about this scene? Also, apparently all antidotes in Dorne must be worn on a tiny chain around the neck. It is law. It's going to be pretty weird for Ellaria when they turn that boat right around and bring it back to Dorne and say, "Hey, Myrcella was poisoned. You wouldn't by any chance know anyone who is really good at poisoning people and might have had motive and opportunity, would you?"

Meereen

Hey guys, Greyworm is back! And apparently the Meereenese will listen to him...for some reason. And the Unsullied are the only thing keeping this city from tearing itself apart, even though all they do is constantly get stabbed over and over again. Don't worry though, because High Valyrian speaking St. Tyrion is going to fix everything while Daario and Jorah go on a buddy trip to find Dany. Also, Varys is back! It's like one big family reunion...in that it makes me want to drink heavily. Elsewhere, Dany has to deal with a sleepy Drogon until she's surrounded by a khalasar riding all of the horses stolen from Stannis' camp. Don't worry though, because she totally left a ring clue for them. This was completely better than them finding her eating meat in the shadow of her dragon like a badass.

King's Landing

I actually have to give credit here and say that I thought that the Walk of Shame was pretty well done. Lena Headey acted her fucking ass off. I found it as upsetting as its book's counterpart. My only minor nitpicks have to do with the FM beating people out of the way and the fact that Qyburn can apparently appoint a new member of the Kingsguard even though none of them have died. Also, I like Carol's fun summer haircut.

Winterfell

Who knew that a giant corkscrew was the perfect way to pick a lock. And Sansa can just wander through the middle of WF without anyone questioning what she's doing or why she's not locked in her room. Everyone except for awkward bow wielding Myranda, though. Just...fuck this whole scene. I don't even want to talk about it. It was as absurd as the yelp Myranda gives as she hits the ground. As absurd as Theon's sudden change of character. As absurd as jumping 100 feet down into a drift of snow that somehow exists despite the fact that we saw maybe an inch on the ground during the battle.

The Wall

Poor dumb Jon. He doesn't understand why Sam needs to go all the way down to Oldtown to become a maester for some reason. I mean, it certainly couldn't be his idea or anything. Then they have to have a bonding moment over Sam totes tapping that. Seriously, this is full on half of the Wall scene and it's so fucking stupid. Oh, and apparently Mel can totally ride a horse from just outside of WF to the wall in less than a day. That's not fucking ridiculous at all. Luckily Olly is there to take Jon to the Benjen trap. Then all we need is a revolving door of people stabbing Jon in the stomach while he doesn't do anything. The place of honor of course being reserved for Olly, the most important character and probably Lord Commander elect. I wish I couldn't believe that they took Jon's epic last scene from ADWD and turned it into this below mediocre shit. They fucking made Jon's last word OLLY instead of Ghost? ARTHSETORGD

Ugggghhh. I'm done. There's so much more to write but I seriously can't even right now. I'm so glad that this season is over. I need a break.

Agreed. Season 6 will be the first season of GOT that I am not really looking forward to, but I will keep watching this train wreck of a show because the Winds of Winter is still not here.

The whole Dornish arc annoys me because of.... everything. Lack of motivation, characterization, etc. I was really hoping for some hint of Doran's plan. More fool I.

[Troy Reynolds]

(Snip

The Wall

Poor dumb Jon. He doesn't understand why Sam needs to go all the way down to Oldtown to become a maester for some reason. I mean, it certainly couldn't be his idea or anything. Then they have to have a bonding moment over Sam totes tapping that. Seriously, this is full on half of the Wall scene and it's so fucking stupid. Oh, and apparently Mel can totally ride a horse from just outside of WF to the wall in less than a day. That's not fucking ridiculous at all. Luckily Olly is there to take Jon to the Benjen trap. Then all we need is a revolving door of people stabbing Jon in the stomach while he doesn't do anything. The place of honor of course being reserved for Olly, the most important character and probably Lord Commander elect. I wish I couldn't believe that they took Jon's epic last scene from ADWD and turned it into this below mediocre shit. They fucking made Jon's last word OLLY instead of Ghost? ARTHSETORGD

Ugggghhh. I'm done. There's so much more to write but I seriously can't even right now. I'm so glad that this season is over. I need a break.

The highlighted bit. Where the fuck did she get the horse? Stannis, the king, is legging it and the red witch was able to dig up the last horse in the camp?

[LmL]

I've taken to reding this thread before deciding whether or not to watch the episode, or at least have proper expectations before I do. thanks for the breakdown Mordred Dayne.

[MordredDayne]

Ramsay was happy to go back to WF without knowing if Stannis lives or not?

Yeah. Apparently Stannis' army can be completely encircled by cavalry, but the most important person just sneaks off into the woods pursued by two men on foot. Makes total sense.

[Dejat]

Double post.