Rant and Rave without Repercussion [Book Spoilers]

[Tall Tyrion Lannister!]

Holy shit!

Olly! Yeah, ditto.

But, wow. They REALLY hated Stannis. Really, really, really hated him. Are people crazy that they think he's coming back??? To do what? He has no army, no family and Mel deserted him. He's fucking dead.

And red dress, whose dressed changed colors literally in the same scene, is completely incompetent. Like utterly. She burned Shireen and got zero out of it. Snake eyes. Does this mean king's blood IS worthless or is this more show nonsense, since I'm sure she comes back next year powerful and why the fuck did't Davos kill her ? He was already going to kill her over nothing as bad as what she just did?

I was underwhelmed by most of the walk of shame until the about the last minute. And did we need the bell ringing and "shame' repeated??

I did like Arya's segement minus the beating of the girls, which was SO FUCKING SILLY. And why did she put whatever that was in his mouth? I didn't get that?

Keep him from screaming?

Battle of Winterfell felt like the battle in season 1 where Tyrion got hit in the head and ko'd. Like they ran out of budget.

[MordredDayne]

The highlighted bit. Where the fuck did she get the horse? Stannis, the king, is legging it and the red witch was able to dig up the last horse in the camp?

Hahaha. That's a great point. I didn't even notice that. Apparently she magicked herself up the last horse and hightailed it out of there. It was also a horse that ran about 300 mph to get to the Wall in a couple of hours.

[A Ghost of Someone]

ANYONE WHO TOLD ME THAT MYRCELLA WAS RECAST FOR A BETTER ACTOR

CAN KISS CERTAIN AREAS OF MY ANATOMY

I think they should stick with the orginals, especially in this case, however, the nasty romour is that it was because Nell was prettier, sick.

[rosehustle1]

The only thing I liked was the Walk of Shame. Everything else was pointless and just really dumb.

[dooog]

Did anyone else laugh when Myrcella died? The goodbye kiss looked a tad suspicious but once Jaime hugged his daughter you knew she was a goner

Brienne abandoning candle watch seconds before candle and then somehow finding needle in a haystack Stannis without so much as having to draw her weapon was so bad. So so so so so so so so so so so bad.

Doesn't Danerys have an entire army of Unsullied, sell swords, bloodriders etc why are there only two people in the world looking for her?

How did red boobie lady arrive at the wall 10 minutes after Davos

Sansa is dead now right? Shattered legs and ankles at the very least

Kit Harrington is an appalling actor. It is known. Everything about the scene was poor but more than anything it had no feeling whatsoever

[Cas Stark]

Keep him from screaming?

Battle of Winterfell felt like the battle in season 1 where Tyrion got hit in the head and ko'd. Like they ran out of budget.

I actually thought that was clever, the way they did the segue, then. We don't need to see battles, that's not what the story is about really, for the most part.

[CornCornSnow]

The drunken rabble of KL have perfect aim; the nuns around Cersei managed to stay clean as a whistle

[bobbybuilderton]

I think they should stick with the orginals, especially in this case, however, the nasty romour is that it was because Nell was prettier, sick.

I was one of the first people to suggest this and I posted a thought out argument for why it was because of the actress's looks.

Some people responded saying "maybe they didn't want to give a major role to a nobody"

LOL

[Follmann]

Did anyone else laugh when Myrcella died? The goodbye kiss looked a tad suspicious but once Jaime hugged his daughter you knew she was a goner

I did. When the scene was lingering on too much after the "incest pride" thing, I knew she was a goner.

[SerMixalot]

I can see it now

Season 6 Ep. 1

Jorah to Daario

"Not lightly do the leaves of lorien fall"

[Drasanil]

So is Doran going to be pissed his only heir is pretty much dead now? I mean Trystane can't exactly expect to walk off a Lannister boat after Myrcella got poisoned right? Or maybe he will cause Ding and Dong just don't think shit through.

[Cas Stark]

I did. When the scene was lingering on too much after the "incest pride" thing, I knew she was a goner.

I knew she was poisoned as soon as she got the kiss, but I also thought Bronn was poisoned as well.

[BitsOfBrains]

Oh man. I'm not even sure where to begin. This wasn't a uniformly terrible episode, but it's probably one of the worst episodes I've ever seen. Let's go place by place:

Stannis' Camp

OK, so nearly HALF of Stannis' men deserted in the night with all the horses and nobody is telling him until the middle of the morning? I guess they didn't want to interrupt his beauty rest. Also, the King's wife was able to slip out of the tent and hang herself by her fallopian tubes for being such a woman and nobody saw her or tried to stop her. Then Mel rides out of camp and nobody tries to bring her back. Sure. I guess it makes sense to walk to WF, seeing as it was only about a half a mile down the road. Then came the battle that wasn't. How awkward was that. Show the beginning of the battle and just cut to the aftermath and hope that no one notices? Oh Brienne, if you had only kept up your 87 hour vigil another of couple of minutes you...probably would have never seen that tiny ass candle from a mile away. It's OK though, because you got to play Brienne the Executioner. OR DID YOU? DUN DUN DUN

Braavos

So it's not enough to have Meryn Trant into little girls. He also has beat them with sticks? I guess the audience can't be trusted to fully hate him based on his ephebophilia alone. Then Arya has to go completely horror movie killer on him and give this clumsy list speech because they already blew the Lommy Greenhands scenario a while ago. It's cool though, because apparently you can just take one of those faceless men masks and slip it on no problem. Nobody even locks that room or checks them or anything, and there certainly doesn't have to be an elaborate surgical ritual surrounding it. Then Arya had a full blown LSD trip and I'm not sure what happened.

Dorne

This was by far the worst scene of the episode. Did anyone else pick up on poisoned lipstick right after that long goodbye kiss on the mouth? I'm actually glad Myrcella was poisoned and died, because if I had to go through more of that "Myrcella knows Jaime is her dad and doesn't give a shit" I was going to legit poison myself. Jaime "I sound like an idiot." Pretty much. Who knew that Tyene's "bad pussy" line to Bronn wouldn't be the most absurd thing about this scene? Also, apparently all antidotes in Dorne must be worn on a tiny chain around the neck. It is law. It's going to be pretty weird for Ellaria when they turn that boat right around and bring it back to Dorne and say, "Hey, Myrcella was poisoned. You wouldn't by any chance know anyone who is really good at poisoning people and might have had motive and opportunity, would you?"

Meereen

Hey guys, Greyworm is back! And apparently the Meereenese will listen to him...for some reason. And the Unsullied are the only thing keeping this city from tearing itself apart, even though all they do is constantly get stabbed over and over again. Don't worry though, because High Valyrian speaking St. Tyrion is going to fix everything while Daario and Jorah go on a buddy trip to find Dany. Also, Varys is back! It's like one big family reunion...in that it makes me want to drink heavily. Elsewhere, Dany has to deal with a sleepy Drogon until she's surrounded by a khalasar riding all of the horses stolen from Stannis' camp. Don't worry though, because she totally left a ring clue for them. This was completely better than them finding her eating meat in the shadow of her dragon like a badass.

King's Landing

I actually have to give credit here and say that I thought that the Walk of Shame was pretty well done. Lena Headey acted her fucking ass off. I found it as upsetting as its book's counterpart. My only minor nitpicks have to do with the FM beating people out of the way and the fact that Qyburn can apparently appoint a new member of the Kingsguard even though none of them have died. Also, I like Carol's fun summer haircut.

Winterfell

Who knew that a giant corkscrew was the perfect way to pick a lock. And Sansa can just wander through the middle of WF without anyone questioning what she's doing or why she's not locked in her room. Everyone except for awkward bow wielding Myranda, though. Just...fuck this whole scene. I don't even want to talk about it. It was as absurd as the yelp Myranda gives as she hits the ground. As absurd as Theon's sudden change of character. As absurd as jumping 100 feet down into a drift of snow that somehow exists despite the fact that we saw maybe an inch on the ground during the battle.

The Wall

Poor dumb Jon. He doesn't understand why Sam needs to go all the way down to Oldtown to become a maester for some reason. I mean, it certainly couldn't be his idea or anything. Then they have to have a bonding moment over Sam totes tapping that. Seriously, this is full on half of the Wall scene and it's so fucking stupid. Oh, and apparently Mel can totally ride a horse from just outside of WF to the wall in less than a day. That's not fucking ridiculous at all. Luckily Olly is there to take Jon to the Benjen trap. Then all we need is a revolving door of people stabbing Jon in the stomach while he doesn't do anything. The place of honor of course being reserved for Olly, the most important character and probably Lord Commander elect. I wish I couldn't believe that they took Jon's epic last scene from ADWD and turned it into this below mediocre shit. They fucking made Jon's last word OLLY instead of Ghost? ARTHSETORGD

Ugggghhh. I'm done. There's so much more to write but I seriously can't even right now. I'm so glad that this season is over. I need a break.

Damn. Do you hire out as a ranter because that was masterful. I wanted to say all that stuff but all I could think was, "GGGUURRRRGLLLE!"

No seriously, that gurgle sound was me getting physically ill.

[Follmann]

Ok, since Jon's last word was "Olly" instead of "Ghost", maybe he will warg into Olly and remain like that for the rest of the show, and Kit told the truth about not coming back.

[Lord Wraith]

So is Doran going to be pissed his only heir is pretty much dead now? I mean Trystane can't exactly expect to walk off a Lannister boat after Myrcella got poisoned right? Or maybe he will cause Ding and Dong just don't think shit through.

Hope Trys got off the boat before Jaime can add Princeslaying to his resume.

[Tall Tyrion Lannister!]

I did. When the scene was lingering on too much after the "incest pride" thing, I knew she was a goner.

when Ellaria kissed her i was thinking " that sure is a long goodbye kiss for someone you wanted dead"

[Troy Reynolds]

So, where exactly are Theon and Sansa supposed to go? Even if they find Brienne they are still just 4 people trying to outrun Ramsey and his 20 good men. With the snow on the ground Maester Aemon could track them by moonlight. I'm predicting they get about 10 miles before they are caught.

[Le Cygne]

That was laughably bad.

Jon's last thoughts were of Olly, not Arya. Ghost really was just a big, fluffy pet.

Sansa was turned into a beaten and battered raped sex slave to pick a lock.

Arya did not learn the art of poetic justice, after which, she was Arya again.

Brienne chose vengeance over being a true knight (maybe she'll get another chance).

Jaime... Ellaria... Oh. My. God... No words.

[MordredDayne]

I did. When the scene was lingering on too much after the "incest pride" thing, I knew she was a goner.

That's how you know that Myrcella has been in Dorne for years. Those pervs made her completely OK with being a child of incest. Hell, she's even glad about it. I guess you can afford to be fine with the situation when you're going to pointlessly die seconds later.

[Tall Tyrion Lannister!]

I did. When the scene was lingering on too much after the "incest pride" thing, I knew she was a goner.

when Ellaria kissed her i was thinking " that sure is a long goodbye kiss for someone you wanted dead"