Worst Line in the Series?

[The-Spiders-Little-Bird]

Definitely the Darkstar dialoge. Just downright silly and utterly unrefined.

[Caris]

So many things from the sex scenes. Apparently y'all think it's hilarious, but every time I read "The Lord's Kiss" I cringe. It makes me feel bad to type it, which is odd, because it's so tame by comparison to other things that I don't blink to read. Nothing was that cringeworthy (apart from terrible awful injuries) until the now-infamous Myrish Swamp.

And yes, the Darkstar dialogue is so impressively camp. I can only see him in my head as a scrawny, pasty thing in too much eyeliner with an asymmetrical haircut and perpetual slouch. "I am of the night" indeed.

[Queen Cersei I]

It’s a five way tie between:

1. “Her cunt became the whole world.”

2. “Serve, Obey, Protect. Simple words for simple men.”

3. “Had there ever been a woman with nipples so large, so brown, or so responsive?"

4. “Cersei plunged a finger into the Myrish swamp.”

5. And (to state the obvious); “They call me Darkstar, and I am of the night.”

There are some other clunkers, including the introduction of Samwell’s fat pink mast as a character in its own right, but they don’t get much worse than these five.

[Ravenhair]

So many things from the sex scenes. Apparently y'all think it's hilarious, but every time I read "The Lord's Kiss" I cringe. It makes me feel bad to type it, which is odd, because it's so tame by comparison to other things that I don't blink to read. Nothing was that cringeworthy (apart from terrible awful injuries) until the now-infamous Myrish Swamp.

And yes, the Darkstar dialogue is so impressively camp. I can only see him in my head as a scrawny, pasty thing in too much eyeliner with an asymmetrical haircut and perpetual slouch. "I am of the night" indeed.

The Lord's Kiss didn't bother me at all, other than it makes Ygritte sound like someone from the Beverly Hillbillies. I was happy to see that Jon Snow and Tyrion are at least written as knowing how to perform oral sex on a woman. And Theon once he became Reek. Frankly, Catelyn's "[h]er loins still ached from the urgency of his lovemaking..." combined with "o when they had finished, Ned rolled off..." always made me wonder if Ned was bad in bed. This description just did not sound like Catelyn was in any type of post-orgasmic, God is he good, kind of state.

[Lolly's Baby Daddy]

The 100 derivations of fondling wanton women on your sword hilt

[Ser Hippie]

The sex scenes in general are almost all cringe-worthy so I can't really pick.

The "Couldn't tell who had the cock and who had the cunt", or whatever it was exactly, was pretty horrible though.

[Caris]

The Lord's Kiss didn't bother me at all, other than it makes Ygritte sound like someone from the Beverly Hillbillies. I was happy to see that Jon Snow and Tyrion are at least written as knowing how to perform oral sex on a woman. And Theon once he became Reek. Frankly, Catelyn's "[h]er loins still ached from the urgency of his lovemaking..." combined with "o when they had finished, Ned rolled off..." always made me wonder if Ned was bad in bed. This description just did not sound like Catelyn was in any type of post-orgasmic, God is he good, kind of state.

I think you're onto something about the hillbilly thing (though I recall giggling at the time and thinking, yes, I remember that reaction :leer: ). I think it's just the name that is awkward and ham-fisted. And yes! I read about Ned and Catelyn and thought, she really must not be having too much fun. So many people appear to not have good sex in this world. Poor dears.

Also, I postulate this is 9% of why people like Jon. According to highly unscientific measures, of course.

[Housefires]

"The more she drank, the more she shat..."

The American Tolkien.

[Jolene Brown]

It’s a five way tie between:

1. “Her cunt became the whole world.”

2. “Serve, Obey, Protect. Simple words for simple men.”

3. “Had there any been nipples so large or so responsive?”

4. “Cersei plunged a finger into the Myrish swamp.”

5. And (to state the obvious); “They call me Darkstar, and I am of the night.”

There are some other clunkers, including the introduction of Samwell’s fat pink mast as a character in its own right, but they don’t get much worse than these five.

I thought of "Her cunt became the world," before even opening the actual post, as soon as I saw the headline, but I had forgotten about #3 - that's pretty tough competition. At least the awful cunt line comes in the context of what I think is probably the series' best sex scene (although I also thought the Lord's kiss thing was sort of cute, so what do I know?).

At some point Jaime says something about "Baelor Butthole here" (I think referring to Lancel?), and it just feels so out-of-place and inconsistent with the general tone/vocabulary used in the series that even though it's not so horrible in and of itself, it snaps me out of my willing suspension of disbelief more than even the bad lines in the sex scenes.

[Every]

“You are the blood of the dragon. You can make a hat.”

No, that was the one time a 'blood of the dragon' reference made me laugh.

[The Marquis de Leech]

The sex (and nipple) scenes are in a class of their own, but I have a distaste for 'Man wants to be the king o' the rabbits, he best wear a pair o' floppy ears.' Perhaps it is because I associate it with the dull Essos storyline, and is such a step down from the likes of 'Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaegar died.'

[Ser Thomas Derpingham]

It’s a five way tie between:

1. “Her cunt became the whole world.”

2. “Serve, Obey, Protect. Simple words for simple men.”

3. “Had there any been nipples so large or so responsive?”

4. “Cersei plunged a finger into the Myrish swamp.”

5. And (to state the obvious); “They call me Darkstar, and I am of the night.”

There are some other clunkers, including the introduction of Samwell’s fat pink mast as a character in its own right, but they don’t get much worse than these five.

Samwell's mast as a character will drive the plot forward, which, although it not exactly drawing-room manner, like Dany's crucifixions and tortures, is necessary to the story.

Surely you didn't think the jokes about it being relevant to the story weren't only jokes....?

[Saer]

Myrish swamp.

I skimmed others. I wish I had skipped that.

[SerStinger]

I enjoy sex scenes. I myself, as a writer, feel I'm at my best when I'm writing on sex and as a reader when reading on sex.

[Ser Thomas Derpingham]

I enjoy sex scenes. I myself, as a writer, feel I'm at my best when I'm writing on sex and as a reader when reading on sex.

Well, don't tell that to the "boys/girls have cooties" crowd. Reading about yucky girls gives you cooties, ewww!

[David Selig]

ADWD, when Dany was watching Xaro's slaves, um dancing(?): "The sight of their arousal was arousing." :lmao:

This. Worst sentence in the series. So clumsily written.

[mcb]

All the lines you guys quoted aren't that bad, actually. Compared to this gem:

Tyrion, Jon, Dany, Stannis and Melisandre, Davos Seaworth, and all the rest of the characters you love or love to hate will be along next year (I devoutly hope) in A Dance with Dragons.

George R. R. Martin, June 2005

[sumpthy]

Came in to post fricking Darkstar. What a loser.

[Liar]

"The rat squealed as he bit into it, squirming wildly in his hands, frantic to escape"

I was eating for crying out loud! The scene continues... Only to make it worse.

[BigFatCoward]

i don't know why people are surprised by nerds being crap at writing sex scenes.