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Frances Bean Corbray

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About Frances Bean Corbray

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    Will Have Her Revenge On The Vale

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  1. all part of the script for the end of the game. May it be up for an Emmy. What, you think I'm gonna start pretending this shit is real just because they let my team of choice win? It came down to the literal last play. You stayed tuned for all the commercials. Mission accomplished.
  2. Refs coming up clutch for Seattle in Seattle again with that bogus post-play personal foul. Way to step up and save a timeout. Shanahan also deserves to lose for that chickenshit concession punt too, though. Whoever has the ball last, wins. Baltimore and Philadelphia two years ago are somehow still the only teams that have figured this out.
  3. friendly reminder that if Kyle Shanahan had strategized like an adult coaching actual football instead of some snot nosed punk playing Madden Online and taken the guaranteed tie at the end of overtime back in Week 10, the 49ers would have already clinched the NFC West. Keep that in mind when when somebody essential to a deep run gets injured in a game at Philadelphia and/or Dallas and you're stuck watching a Packers/Patriots Super Bowl because we are in the Evil Parallel Universe. *resumes sipping Christmas Tea*
  4. Totally Legitimate Tripping Penalty Call to wipe out a first down and affect the outcome of the Totally Legitimate And Totally Not Rigged On The Up And Up Athletic Sporting Competition. Sorry, Dallas. Marching for the winning score against New England in New England is illegal. No first down for you. I hope I remember to subscribe to the WWE Network in time to watch Super Bowl 54 this year.
  5. if taking away draft picks and trying to fine a billionaire is the best Rob Manfred can come up with then he might as well install a new center field spy camera in Houston with his own two damn hands. That is nothing against winning a world series. A pittance of a price that all 30 teams should happily pay to win and 30 fanbases should now demand their teams pay. Go look at the NFL to see how worthless and toothless that is as a punishment, and the message it sends to both perpetrator and victim. Better to just declare it legal and let everyone do it openly/overtly, than to give the Astros a non-punishing punishment and claiming the problem is solved when countless observers can plainly see that it is not.
  6. I can. He is clearly just as lacking in ability to conceive of the concept of protecting a lead in a season long divisional race (as a tie would have done in that situation) as he is at doing so in an individual game. Ask an Atlanta Falcons fan about Super Bowl 51. If you dare. The Atlanta Falcons would have won Super Bowl 51 easily if not for this nincompoop and his fetish for tactical malpractice and utter contempt for effective clock management. Even Andy Reid looks at this jabroni and says "damn, son, control the clock a little?" And if a collapse so complete as to be indistinguishable from taking a dive IN THE SUPER BOWL didn't learn him his lesson, he straight up ain't gonna learn it. No matter how many times he and his teams lose because of it.
  7. I got some Classic Tourism in (had to see The Book Of Kells!) but I'm gassed. My feet will stage a coup if I do anymore walking. Totally worth it though. Fly back tomorrow AM
  8. missed the queue cutoff for the "Winter Went" panel, sadly, hoped I might at last run in to some of you at that one.
  9. Officially checked into the hotel Will see some of you soon, hopefully Can’t hardly wait ( except I am also super jet lagged so...)
  10. MODIFIED MCSHANE SCORING SYSTEM PRESENTS: GAME OF THRONES S8 EP6 AKA PART 73 OF 73 AKA "....um, okay" Were there dragons? Was there a dragon? Yes and it was arguably the highlight of the episode? Were there there tits? No. Edmure Tully IS a tit, yes its true, but that's not the kind of tits we're talking about here and besides he'd only be one even if he did count. STARTING BASELINE: 5 out of 10 In honor of Seasons 7 & 8 and their alacritous pace, I am going to RUSH THROUGH THIS Peter Dinklage puts his Emmy Pants on one last time as he excuses himself [refusing Jon's offer of an armed escort] to go through the rubble of the keep, past the floor map and the hand's chambers, down through the secret pathways, past the dragon skulls, and into the depths and the rubble, and he breaks down when he sees a glimpse of Jaime's metal hand. He unearths just enough rubble to confirm both his siblings are dead, and has a nice breakdown. +1 GREAT shot of Drogon's wings flapping behind Dany that makes it look like they're her wings as she addresses her conquering army, exclusively in High Valyrian, getting everyone hype to stay on the conquering warpath and spreading THE REVOLUTION (fuck this staying and ruling shit). I'm quite cool with this. It's about the best path to take now that they're committed to rushing through to this end point and making Dany as nutso as possible. Going all High Valyrian and leaning into the foreign conqueror and not really caring much about the Iron Throne now that she's actually got it, and also implicitly threatening Winterfell & The North as part of her upcoming Burn It Down World Tour 300AC. Tyrion resigns as hand dramatically as Dany has him arrested for treason. Jon lurks around being a dour wallflower. Arya shows up and informs Jon re: Dany that "I know a killer when I see one" and tries to get Jon to leave, or at least not go off on another classic Jon Snow Heroic Suicide Mission, but you know our boy Jon. +1 Jon and Tyrion have a chit chat in Tyrion's cell where Jon tries to give Dany the benefit of the doubt but Tyrion breaks it down and does his best to tell in one 4 minute speech what the show could have shown us about Dany's descent into believing in her own manifest destiny and fanaticism. Jon quotes Maester Aemon ["Love is the death of duty"] which is nice. Jon know what the right thing to do is, he just knew he needed to have Tyrion talk him into it. +1 for more Dinklage Emmy Pants It really is too bad that we got such a late, such a fast-tracked, and such an abrupt heel turn for Dany because Clarke is really, really good as delusional wingnut Dany. Especially considering how much the interviews she's done lately seem to imply she personally didn't enjoy the Season 8 script. Really good stuff from her, wish she'd gotten to do more of it. Dany stands in the ruined throne room, staring at the Iron Throne [never actually sitting on it btw, which I like given she's already got her mind on the next conquest], and immediately rambling to Jon when he shows up about Viserys, and everything she's heard about the swords melted to make the throne, and breaking the wheel and making the world a better place and it's okay because they (inc. Jon but mostly it's a she) actually do know what's right. So it's okay for her. Y'know, every authoritarian's rationalization ever. Anyway Jon says "you will always be my queen" for the 500th time and FINALLY our boy Jon has learned some deceit, as he shanks Dany while hugging her, and lets her down to the ground gently as she bleeds out and dies with nary a whimper. +1 for Clarke selling Fanatic Dany as best as one could given the time constraints. -1 for the TV stab and easy death, like humans die on contact with a blade as easily as White Walkers. Remember Season 3? How slow and bloody and violent Jeor Mormont's death was when he got stabbed? Yeah. Microcosm of how the tone of the show has completely shifted once past the source material. DROGON MVP. WONDERFUL JOB depicting a make believe CGI animal's rage and grief. The bit where it tried to nudge Dany's body to make her move again was gorgeous. Drogon melts the Iron Throne completely (yay), grabs Dany's body in one talon (the left one, if you care about such things) and flies off to Parts Unknown with her. Great Shit, even though they wasted a little time trying to get us to buy into Drogon attacking Jon. Once it didn't happen right away you knew it wasn't (and besides, he's a Targaryen too). +2 for Drogon being so real. Stop me if you've heard this one before, but like the whole of the show itself, the first half is way better than the latter half. Most internal logic flew out of here in Drogon's other claw w.r.t. The Council Of Lords to pick a new king. We follow still-imprisoned Tyrion as Grey Worm leads him to the Dragon Pit where the convention is going down. Grey Worm yells at Tyrion to not talk anymore. Tyrion goes on to do quite a lot of talking anymore. (-1) Jon's absence is immediately raised as an issue and then quickly dismissed as an issue by some hasty handwaving. Sansa reminds Grey Worm that hurting Jon would be a bad idea given that the city is surrounded by Northmen. So I guess Jon confessed and the Unsullied arrested him alive rather than just killing him (or Tyrion for that matter?) on the spot. "Hey yeah uh Dany flew off on Drogon I dunno where she is but she totally left me in charge until she gets back" is the easiest lie in the world to tell here. Not that our boy Jon lies. But he did finally learn to sneak attack, so maybe? This should have been SHOWN, either way. Grey Worm could use a little explaining here instead of just looking like RRRGH HATE YOU NOW BUT NOT KILLING YOU FOR I DUNNO. -1 -1 LOL THE DOTHRAKI SPONTANEOUSLY DESPAWNED APPARENTLY. I do love how "everybody" came back for the council of lords. It was nice to hear Royce get to speak, the Generic Prince of Dorne looked suitably Dornish, Little Robin Arryn was there and he ain't so little no more. Yara is there being angry and getting a token pro-Dany statement. Would've been nice to have her mention her little brother, either resentful that he died for The Starks or being more pro-Stark out of respect for his memory. Arya threatens to silence her for good if she keeps talking shit. Boy we're off to a good start aren't we? Sam is there, Brienne and Davos are there, I think Gendry is there but the camera never focuses on him for long enough for me to be sure, some unnamed other lords are there, EDMURE TULLY IS HERE HOLY SHIT Y'ALL. And he gets to start the proceedings with a rambling, pointless speech puffing himself up that goes nowhere and never gets to the point because Sansa tactfully gets him to sit down and shut up. +2 for Edmure being back and as much of a dingus as ever. Episode needed the laugh. Meera Reed is NOT here, which seems a glaring omission considering this scene eventually becomes All About Bran (-1). After Edmure, Sam stands up and proposes Democracy. Everyone laughs him out of the room (well not literally but he's done talking). Eventually Tyrion, talking despite Grey Worm saying he can't talk anymore, suggests Bran, bringing up the whole stories and memories and wisdom thing that got dropped (along with Bran) after the Night King's early and ignominious exit. Sansa gives no fucks and straight up spoils that Bran can't have children. Tyrion says this is good because bloodline kings suck and we should do this council shit to elect a king from here on anyway. Bran is elected more or less unanimously though Sansa is all NORTHERN INDEPENDENCE YO. Yara and Generic Dornish Prince sitting over here like "wait, that was an option? Dang." Tyrion is named hand, which Bran frames as punishment/atonement "he'll spend the rest of his life fixing his mistakes" to placate Grey Worm. And along those lines, Jon is exiled to The Night's Watch which somehow exists again, and everyone just ignores that The Wall has a big ol irrepairable hole in it (also there's no White Walkers it needs to keep out anymore). Grey Worm is just whatever because he's on the plot rails and wants to get out of here. The last we see of him is scowling one last time at Jon and loading up all the Unsullied on a voyage to Naath. -2, one for each water bottle on the set. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK. It's the last week of school and everyone's on summer vacation already. Teary goodbyes from all The Starks (well, not Bran, he's actually got a little smirk going), and Arya gets on some bullshit about going west of westeros because Okay, I guess? No buildup to this. Just some whatever shit. It's not like you have to write her out of the rest of the episodes, this IS the last one. -1 for Leif Ericsson Arya coming out of left field. Bran's small council convenes. Lord Bronn of Highgardren, Hand Tyrion (still no mention of whether he's Lord Of Casterly Rock or not BTW), Grand Maester Samwell, and Master Of Ships Davos Seaworth. Kingsguard L.C. Brienne is there too. Oh and Pod's in the guard which is kinda whatever considering his whole character now boils down to Magic Dick Man. He wheels Bran in and out. Anyway the council immediately sets to squabbling about what repairs to pay for first and how. I guess that's the bittersweet ending. All that shit and all that death and humanity's back where it was, arguing over petty shit without an existential threat to make everyone come together and focus on the big picture. Oh and Sam busts out Archmaester Ebrose's history of recent events, of course called A Song Of Ice And Fire. The gag being that Tyrion's basically not in it. Eyeroll. Anyway this is just tying up a lot of bows. I DO LIKE that Bran is smirking as Pod wheels him out, giving us just that little hint that maybe he's not so unemotional and detached after all, maybe he was Playing (and Winning) The Game his own way, after all. Hope so, as a lot of stuff makes more sense if he is. +1 Brienne fills out Jaime's entry in the Chronicles Of The Kingsguard. She is tactful and discreet about the whole thing between her, and Jaime, and Cersei. Is faithfully accurate about the rest. Necessary scene, executed competently. Right length, right beats, etc. Completely satisfied with the knot on this loose end. +1 So Jon goes to "The Night's Watch" which of course is actually all Wildlings. Tormund is there and everyone fucks off into the wilderness behind them. Jon's "punishment" isn't a punishment at all; Jon is effectively King-Beyond-The-Wall, which does explain why Goodbye really does seem to be Goodbye with Sansa and Arya. Jon's got what he actually wants (presumably). So basically Bran pulled another fast one on Grey Worm and whatever pro-Dany lords there were out there. Though I'm not so sure, given how fast reliable information travels in Westeros now, that it makes sense that nobody would go "hey, wait a minute, I thought there wasn't a Night's Watch anymore on account of them all getting killed defeating the thing they exist to fight" but whatever. Jon's got Longclaw, HE PET GHOST THIS TIME OMG YES, and he's got BFF Tormund, and I guess Jon's happy ever after. +1 for FINALLY PETTING GHOST Sansa's Crown Of Winter is pretty cool, I guess. BRAN DIDN'T WARG DROGON OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER WTF -1 ARYA DIDN'T STEAL A FACE ALL SEASON LONG WTF -1 House Stark rules the continent though. King Jon Beyond The Wall, Queen in the North Sansa, and King Bran of the southern 6 Kingdoms. But they'll all implicitly never see each other again. Que Triste. FINAL SCORE: 6 out of 10 Some good stuff, but could've been a lot better and a lot of potential seems [now forever] untapped. The symptoms of rushed writing manifest just about everywhere. The shit with Arya going west feels transparently and cynically STAY TUNED FOR THE SEQUEL/SPIN OFF, and King Bran feels pretty WTF though it would probably be less so had they not been so stop and start with him all along (really wanted ONE cut to him and his eyes turning blue during the closing Stark Exodus Montage, or even just rolling back white and finding/controlling Drogon. Even a "Ha Ha I won" laugh or smirk or ANYTHING. And as "TV"ish as it is for people to gratuitously call each other by name when they're just talking I really wish they had done more of it during the council of lords since several folks (Edmure, Robin) were showing up for the first time in a long time, and some of those people were entirely new. Who are they, where are they there? One of them being Old Howland Reed would've been a very good touch (and he could've vouched for Bran on his daughter's behalf if they couldn't get the actress to show up and be Meera at the council, though they should have if they could have). Feels weird to have it actually be over. I do want more than we got, even if towards the end I tended to only like about half of what we were getting. If only they'd taken a little more time. Oh well.
  11. Lord Samwell Tarly of Horn Hill, surely soon to be confirmed as Lord Paramount of the Reach and Warden Of The South. Betcha he backs Jon.
  12. MODIFIED MCSHANE SCORING SYSTEM FOR: GAME OF THRONES S8 E5 aka EPISODE 72 OF 73 aka "DING DONG" were there dragons? was there a dragon? Yep. Were there tits? No, not really, unless topless Frankengregor counts. Starting baseline: 5 out of 10 Pour one out for Missandei. It was very bold of the Tits and Dragons show to kill off the best remaining pair of tits on the show. I choose to remember the good times, like when she revealed the gender-neutral nature of Valyrian pronouns in a very forced and ham-fisted way, like the producers were speaking through her and passive-aggressively including one last bit of book content. Or the time Ser Davos randomly started hitting on her and they turned Westeros' favorite Grandpa into Creepy Inappropriate Uncle Man. Or the time they aged her up so the Dany/Missandei bedwarming scene wouldn't be Creepy As Fuck but they ended up chickening out on doing it anyway. Ah well. Moving on... Varys seems resigned to his own death. One of his little birds reports in, and we quickly realize a poisoning attempt has gone awry because Dany is on hunger strike. Varys began this bit with some letter writing and the camera focuses on enough words to let us know that Varys is getting the word out to the whole seven kingdoms about Jon Snow. Welp, he's all in, ain't he? Not sure why the merman is suddenly tired of paddling and the consumate survivor is now gung-ho about dying for the cause, but here we are. Tyrion and Dany. Remember, folks: nothing says "crazy" like a woman no longer wearing makeup. Anyway, Dany's "paranoid" rambling is actually an astute and 100% accurate assessment of the situation: Jon blabbed to Sansa and Sansa blabbed to Tyrion in the hope Tyrion would blab to Varys and others and foment dissent among Dany's ranks and that's exactly what you did you little dummy. It's never spelled out if Dany's not eating because she knows some shit is up of if that's just supposed to be part of the mad with grief over Missandei thing. Anyway, Varys takes his rings off and burns his last letter before being arrested. Astute viewers have pointed out this is so his signet ring will go unmelted and can be used to verify his letters about Jon posthumously. Anyway Tyrion and Varys have a touching tender moment as Tyrion admits he ratted him out to save himself. Varys hopes he's wrong and deserves this, but the tone of his voice says he doubts it. Connleth Hill was a very good Varys and it's such a shame they really stopped giving him stuff to do once they ran out of source material to adapt. Dany asks Varys what time it is while Drogon emerges from the gloom and answers "4:20, time to BLAZE IT." Tyrion and Jon watch Varys burn. +1 for the fond farewell. Jon has shown up and reaffirmed his loyalty to Queen Dany for about the 400th time in the last couple weeks. He comes in on the tail end of a convo between Dany and Grey Worm, conducted in Valyrian, and we're given subtitles and its framed like its significant. Dany bemoans that the people do not love her, only fear her, but they love Jon. So she tries to play Come Into My Castle with her tongue and Jon's mouth one last time, but Jon ain't having it. "You're my queen." "Is that all I am? I guess it's fear then." This was really good, and the often-panned Emilia Clarke is doing a good job of playing broken down and nuts. It's just a shame they waited so long to start doing this and are rushing through to the end result. Game of Thrones, for all its great props and good costuming and wonderful music and even good acting, is still being written like it's a term paper due tomorrow morning. +1 The goodbye scene between Tyrion and Jaime is BEAUTIFUL. Wonderful enough for me to look the other way on the silly TRANSLATION HUMOR between Tyrion and the Unsullied guards to set it up. Oh and Jaime even fucking being here in the first place. Jaime now claims not to give a shit about the people of king's landing even though the whole essence of his character is that he chose their lives over his honor way back when. FAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT. But laying out Tyrion's emotional motives for putting his own neck in the noose w.r.t. Dany by springing a prisoner is done so well and these actors are so in-tune with their characters after all this time that this scene deserves a +1 anyway. Arya and The Hound join the bum rush and just barely get inside the gates before they close specifically because they pushed a woman and little girl out of their way. HAHAHAHA. Jaime misses the cutoff and has to take the long way around. +1 The battle is on. Dany uses the sunshine as cover (holy shit would you look at that sensible tactics! This show has missed you so much, sensible tactics, never run away from us like that again!). The Ninja Inverse Power Principle applies to dragons and the scorpion ballistas: now that Drogon is solo, dragons are basically invincible again, while the mass number of scorpions makes them all useless. The cannons are cannon fodder. Ha ha, it's irony! Ha ha? Ha? Ugh. Look I tried, okay? Dany makes short work of what's left of the Iron Fleet and the Lannister troops on the ramparts don't fare any better. Meanwhile, The Golden Company starts flexing like they're actually gonna accomplish shit in this show, and lines up outside the city walls. NO, SENSIBLE TACTICS, WHERE ARE YOU GOING PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME AGAIN I'LL BE GOOD THIS TIME I SWEAR! Anyway, Captain Harry Strickland gets his Cosplay Jaime on [I love the idea of Cersei hiring a guy who kinda looks like Jaime, its a good callback to Lancel] one last time before Dany blows out the walls from behind with dragonfire after which Jon & Grey Worm lead the charge. The regenerating Dothraki ride over everybody save for a bloodied and stumbling Strickland, who quickly gets finished off by Grey Worm. I am stunned -- STUNNED, I SAY -- that Captain Strickland did not survive to the end of Game Of Thrones +1 for this battle shaping up to be the one sided ass-whipping it always should've been, though it begs the question of why they bothered having the goodguys fritter away their army in The Battle For The Dawn and several instances of dumb tactics for the sake of plot to make Cersei look like she had a chance. CLEGANEBOWL was pretty good. Having The Mountain lose some of his Darth Vader armor so we could see the grotesque monster underneath was a necessary beat. Sadly, no Nedhead or anything super freaky like that, just some greenish Frankenskin. The best part was Qyburn being oddly fond of Cersei one last time and suddenly, ruthlessly, paying for it with his life when he tries to give Frankengregor an order and gets his head smashed against a wall gruesomely for his effort. Make a mistake and pay for it. Remember when Game Of Thrones was full of that? Anyway we get your standard human vs. zombie fight. There's a torch mounted on a half-broken wall and I _REALLY_ wanted that to play into the finish the way they kept leaving it in the shot. Having Sandor win by burning his brother the way his brother burned him to start this whole mess would've been poetic. But we got a good "stabbing Gregor through the eyeball does nothing" spot and a nice callback spot where Gregor does the same eyegouge that he did when crushing Oberyn's skull. Eventually Sandor makes the decision to tackle Gregor over the edge and send both men plummeting to their deaths, sacrificing himself to take his brother out. We'll call it a draw. I'm good with this. Qyburn's death might have been the highlight of the episode. +1 At one point Arya is running through the carnage and the rubble to give us that Horrors Of War feel and she runs into an extra that kinda looks like Gendry. I think it's the recurring walk-on they used for Alton Lannister way back when. Anyway, having Arya run into a Gendry lookalike is a wonderful touch and does a way better job of what I think they were trying to do with Arya than most of what they ended up doing with her in this episode. +1 for Doppelganger Gendry. Grey Worm eventually says "fuck it" and spears a surrendered Lannister soldier signalling that the rout and rampage is on. I actually kinda like the idea that Dany worked out a deal beforehand with Grey Worm to say Fuck This Surrender Bullshit we wiping these punks off the map, and that this was what their secret Valyrian convo was about. Since for all Tyrion's pleading that "the bell tolling means the city has surrendered to you" Dany treated it with a Yeah Whatever and I think (I should rewatch to confirm) she never quite actually agreed to go along with that. It'd salvage this whole thing if Dany went in never having intent of accepting a surrender. +1 All right. Let's get to the dumb shit. Euron vs Jaime. Jaime karate chopping Euron in the throat with his gold hand was excellent. The rest of this was a stinker. You know, I've been watching "blind" reaction videos on youtube from people who are just now getting into the show and starting with Season 1, so I'm seeing stuff like the Ned/Jaime fight again and boy the contrast between show the and show now is STRIKING. One spear wrecks Ned's knee forever. Now? Jaime gets stabbed in half his organs and it ceases to mean anything once the fight is over. Euron's lines are all clunkers. I really wish this guy had gotten more to work with than the Captain Jack Sparrow shit he got, and if a couple interviews are any indication so does he. -1 for stab wounds not mattering outside of actual combat. Jon stops one northern troop from committing one rape. Ask Mirri Maz Dur what the fuck that's worth. Okay we get it JON GOOD DANY BAD. Stop hitting me over the head with it. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. Arya almost dies but then she doesn't. OKAY WE FUCKING GET IT, SHOW. GEEEZUS. Look, if you stopped at one death fakeout, some people might actually buy into it. Textbook example of Diminishing Returns. The more fakeouts they go for the more obvious it becomes that they don't have the guts to actually pull the trigger on killing Arya off. Which is too bad because actually killing someone who really matters might have been the one way to close the gap and make Dany's rushed heel turn actually take in spite of it all. They also do some dumb shit with A PALE HORSE HAHA GET IT DEATH RIDES A PALE HORSE that takes way too fucking long for Arya to finally get on the thing and ride away. It's like they're stalling just to make this be an 80 minute episode. Also, while having Arya say goodbye and thank you to The Hound by finally calling him by his real name of Sandor was a nice little nugget of warmth, and I dug it as a detail, it's really not enough to offset how dumb and "characters serving the plot" it is to have them wait to have the "don't be like me, save yourself" convo NOW as the Red Keep is crashing around them and it by rights ought to be too late than, say, you know, AT ANY DAMN POINT DURING THE HUNDREDS OF MILES OF RIDING FROM WINTERFELL TO KING'S LANDING. It's not like Sandor didn't know why she started following her in Episode 4 in the first place. They clearly just wanted Arya to be there to run through the rubble but not be a casualty. Arya is _probably_ my favorite of the main characters bookside, and when this show started I was so hype and had Maisie Williams penciled in as the one sure bet among the new/young actors to come out of this Game Of Thrones gig as the superstar of tomorrow. And boy has this show kicked me in the balls repeatedly for having that sentiment. Arya was the first character to get victimized by the dialogue writing getting really bad. She hasn't quite gotten as bad a stinker as "BAD PUSSY" but it has not been for lack of shoddy effort on Benioff and Weiss' parts. Woof. Anyway, Arya suddenly has MATERNAL INSTINCT now and you can probably hear the dull fluttering click of my eyelids trying to do barrel rolls as Arya runs around trying to convince women and children to GET TO THE CHOPPAH! NOW! to little avail. I swear, if this is all just to have Arya be "WAIT I WANT BABIES AND TO BE A MOMMA NOW" and that's her pretext for getting back together with Gendry I'm gonna puke blood, and I hope Woke Feminist Twitter doesn't blow it's wad on Dany and has some outrage left in the barrel for _that_ rough beast lumbering towards Bethlehem to be born next week because I have a bad feeling they're gonna need it. -3 for all sorts of irritating shit. Jaime and Cersei run to the escape dinghy but the rubble has cut them off. They're stuck. They die together as shit collapses all around and on top of them. That sound you hear is the mother of all Wet Farts rumbling its way through a mummer's intestinal tract. NOW, if the result of this is nobody finds the bodies and Dany concludes they escaped, AND she resolves to hunt them and their baby in a mirror of King Robert's hateboner for her and Viserys back when we started, I can dig this. If Dany does the math and decides this is Tyrion's final straw and she has him killed, or even just tries to have him killed, that'd be cool. The show needs to go all in on selling the Dany heel turn and anything that can be used to sell it should be. But, on it's own, there's just something underwhelming about this, and maybe that's the point but man it just seems that so much of what they did with Jaime ended up not mattering and it really sucks that such an effective acting performance got squandered on what became such an inconsistently written character. And I don't mean inconsistent so much in terms of behavior but, like, inconsistent in the sense of they changed their mind on their vision for the character constantly, and it got dragged along for a bumpy ride on Plot Beat Road as a result. If book Jaime matters as much to you as book Arya does to me I bet you're PISSED right about now. And you should be. And boy does Brienne look like a chump now too. Knighting was the perfect denouemont. 'Shipping them was a mistake. One of them should've died against the White Walkers and this all would've been better (and then the Walkers would've had an actual effect too, wouldn't THAT be nice?). -1 But, really, this whole episode is about Dany, and hoping you the audience buy into the sudden heel turn. All the eggs are going in this basket. And unfortunately, the basket was placed half-hanging over the edge of a really large table and all this weight caused it to fall over and now we've got a bunch of cracked eggs and cleaning the carpet is going to be a chore and a half. Why didn't we put the basket in the middle of this big ass table? We had the room! There's lots of reasons to rationalize Dany going over the deep end. There is, theoretically, a lot of hints even going back to watching her brother die and not giving a fuck that Dany has had this in her all along. But, here's the problem. Everything from Viserys to Mirri Maz Dur to Pyat Pree to Xaro Ducksauce & Doreah to Kraznys to The Slavers Of Astapor to the Second Sons not named Daario to crucifying the slavers of Yunkai and Mereen to feeding that one dude to her dragons to melting The Tarlys was always framed as "WOO HOO BADASS!", contrary to the spirit of the books w.r.t. "righteous" vengeance. Also, they all Had It Coming. Even Varys at the start of the episode. They all crossed her first. The framing of the show has always presented this stuff as COOL. We've been expected to cheer Dany for roasting people even as Stannis' burning people was [rightly] cast as Pretty Fucked Up, man. But now we're expected to think The Tarlys and Varys were A Bridge Too Far and now we're supposed to boo her, even though Arya fucking up the Freys and doing morbid shit like baking Lothar and Black Walder into a pie is still presented as COOL. So, no, it hasn't really been hinted at since Season 1 because the hints weren't framed as such. Maybe if she'd killed Varys earlier on. Maybe if Dickon hadn't volunteered but Dany roasted him anyway. Maybe if Barristan had lasted longer and been able to give more WTF looks at some of this shit. Maybe if she'd never forgiven Jorah, channeled some Stannis, and gone like "yes you did all this great emotional journey to come back to me and you are doubtlessly 100% loyal to me now, and I appreciate it, but you did double cross me once and that must never be forgotten. DIE." Like, just imagine if Jorah had survived the white walker battle only to get executed in a fit of paranoia NOW when everyone else is turning on her and she decides "well he did it once, best not give him a chance to do it again, the Mormonts have always loved the Starks". Maybe if she'd tried to "accidentally" kill Jon during the White Walker battle. Maybe, even, if she'd gone straight for the Red Keep and nuked Cersei along with it, and that had set off the wildfire caches and made the first wave of civilian casualties accidental. And have her initially disgusted but frantically shifting blame and denying culpability (and responding to that criticism by doubling down, lashing out, and killing more.) Instead, it was framed like Dany flips out when she hears bells, specifically, and she started actively targeting civilians (when even Dany at her most furious has _never_ done before) and consciously avoiding The Red Keep [so that Cersei has time to run away]. This deserved to be set up better, and to have a slower, better paved road taken to it. Clarke is actually a lot of fun as Crazy Dany and it's just too bad we didn't get more of a chance to savor the descent. Maybe one great expository speech next week from Dany will pull us out of this nosedive. But it's gonna take a lot. Waiting until the penultimate episode to rush the turn is really hurting what could've been one of the most memorable TV moments ever. I want to love the Dany heel turn. I want to revel in the horror of it, see it coming a couple episodes away. It should be the last top level gut punch, like Ned's beheading or The Red Wedding. Reaction videos should be people screaming and crying and calling GRRM a sadist. Instead it's more "oh well they finally did it" and the reaction videos are "WTF". Like Stannis suddenly being in an eager hurry to burn Shireen because that was his next plot point, Dany going trigger happy on civilian targets without a sufficient explanation because She Needs To Be A Badguy Before The Last Episode is a really jarring shift and the foundation work wasn't adequately done, and it doesn't feel earned. And it's worse here because at least Stannis' extremes were always framed by the show as "hey this is actually a pretty bad dude" but with Dany the show has repeatedly framed her as a sympathetic hardass but NOW says "yeah all that stuff we told you to cheer? You should've been booing actually." And it underscores just how rushed and contrived the plot has been in the last couple seasons. Big -3 for not sticking the landing. FINAL SCORE: 5 out of 10 Stop me if you've heard this one before, but it looked and sounded gorgeous but made little sense if you forgot to turn your brain off before viewing. There were good nuggets here and there but the continued frustration of this show being so close to still being good yet deliberately not taking that last step, not paying that bit more attention to detail, just rushing through the plot points and not caring to stop do the homework that makes them cogent and emotionally gratifying. There's a dozen little things that could've been done in this episode, or even in the last couple, or even a couple years go, and the big punch would've landed. But they weren't and they didn't. And that's way more frustrating than if the show were just straight trash from top to bottom. I mean, even these goofy reviews of mine are actually starting to feel like work [and I'm cutting the corner of a second viewing] What does that tell you? NEXT WEEK: It's finally over.
  13. Strickland being Cosplay Jaime was a tremendous little touch. Euron's blood eye logo on the scorpions [which I didn't notice first time around] too.
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