The Worst Author of All Time

[Prince Lotor]

Hmmm, I could perhaps add John Saul to this discussion. I was stuck overseas desperate for anyting in English and I came across 3 or 4 of his books. The first one was ok (considering how desperate I was). But the remaining books were exactly like the first book in their plot, just changing some names and locales. Very uninspired.

[back_packn]

Truly, I have read a lot of crap. But to this day, there is only one book that has been absolutely so craptacular that I just flat could not even finish it; even for the sake of saying I read it: Eragon. Regardless of the arthur's flat out lack of originality, he is just flat out a god-awful writer.

[Nerdanel]

I've read a lot of crap in my time, but the winner must be Chris Claremont. He's worse than Goodkind, Eddings, Lackey, and the bottom of the barrel D&D authors combined. He makes you long for the Eye of Argon.

The thing is, there's so bad that it's funny, and Eye of Argon is possibly the most hilarious of that sort ever. Based on the excerpt, I'd also class Space Ark! to that class. Then there's so bad it's really very bad. Chris Claremont is boring, mind-numbing essence of suffering that's written just competently enough so that your suffering is unrelieved by laughter but at the same time so incompetent that you get zero literary enjoyment from the glacially-paced, sanity-destroying stupidity. I got 50 pages into Shadow Moon (and skimmed a bit after that, but even that couldn't bring the suffering to an acceptable level), and I'll be extremely surprised if anyone on this board has read the entire book, let alone the entire trilogy. It's just that abysmal.

[Dycedarg]

Hmmm, I could perhaps add John Saul to this discussion. I was stuck overseas desperate for anyting in English and I came across 3 or 4 of his books.

You poor man. I was stuck overseas looking for something in English and scored a copy of Bonehunters. Granted, I haven't got that far in the series yet but it's nice having a book well in advance of the date when I'd normally be able to buy a copy in person. [/smug]

Oh, another author just popped into my head. How about Lori Jareo, author of "Another Hope". Better known as 'Ms.-I-don't-understand-copyright-law-or-the-difference-between-private-distribution-and-

selling-something-on-fricking-amazon.com'.

[ennui]

Brian Herbert- Those ripoff Dune books are a crime. Where is a good vigilante lynch mob when you need them.

Ann Rice- I got fooled into thinking that I was reading vampire mythology and instead found myself reading gay romance novels with terribly long and boring descriptive passages.

Eddings- anything after the Belfariad is bad, and the Belgariad only seems decent because I read it when I was 12.

Dan Brown- The popularity of his books embarasses me as a human being.

Thomas Harris- See above.

[Mad Monkey]

Ann Rice- I got fooled into thinking that I was reading vampire mythology and instead found myself reading gay romance novels with terribly long and boring descriptive passages.

How long did you last before learning this seemingly unmissable truth? Me, I figured it out around page 20 of Interview with a Tedious Arrogant Baby.

and I'll be extremely surprised if anyone on this board has read the entire book, let alone the entire trilogy.

Trilogy? Trilogy!? I try not to swear on the Internet, but this just has to be said: What the fuck!? What the fuck!?

[The Wolf Maid]

Eric Van Lustbader, anyone?

[Bazzlebane]

Eric Van Lustbader, anyone?

Never heard of him, but that's a great name.

[The Wolf Maid]

Never heard of him, but that's a great name.

Gah. Misspelled it. It's Lustbader.

He's a guy who writes asian-ninja-themed thrills full of soft porn and gore and violence.

[Piper]

He's a guy who writes asian-ninja-themed thrills full of soft porn and gore and violence.

Sounds fun, what's not to love?

[Nous]

He's a guy who writes asian-ninja-themed thrills full of soft porn and gore and violence.

SPOILER: Soft porn?

I recall Ninja had lesbians pleasuring each other with a Colt revolver in a bathtub, and the evil ninja anally raped both the good ninja and his girlfriend. There was quite enough description. What exactly is your definition of hard or regular porn?

[Lady Blackfish]

Dan Brown isn't literally the worst author but if you multiply the badness by the number of copies sold he definitely wins the prize.

Exactly. Some (a lot) of his prose is really really awful, but it's more that he's horrifically overrated.

I give you Amanda McKittrick Ros, an infamously bad Irish author from the turn of the last century:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_McKittrick_Ros

Nick Page hails her as the greatest bad writer that has ever lived. The opening of her second novel, Delina Delaney, goes:

"Have you ever visited that portion of Erin's plot that

offers its sympathetic soil for the minute survey and scrutinous

examination of those in political power, whose decision has

wisely been the means before now of converting the stern

and prejudiced, and reaching the hand of slight aid to share

its strength in augmenting its agricultural richness?"

[beniowa]

Gah. Misspelled it. It's Lustbader.

He's a guy who writes asian-ninja-themed thrills full of soft porn and gore and violence.

I read the Nicholas Linnear books as a teenager. Can you guess why?

And most recently he wrote the Pearl Saga. The first book wasn't half bad, but it went downhill from there. Didn't even bother reading the third book.

[Jaxom 1974]

Gah. Misspelled it. It's Lustbader.

He's a guy who writes asian-ninja-themed thrills full of soft porn and gore and violence.

Ohmigod! That Wiki was great!

Eric Van Lustbader (1946 - ) is a writer of fantasy and thriller novels.

He is a graduate of Columbia College, with a degree in Sociology, and is a second-level Reiki master

That't all this guy got. Then right into the bibliography. Guess it never pays to be too popular.

[matt b]

Brian Herbert- Those ripoff Dune books are a crime. Where is a good vigilante lynch mob when you need them.

I agree that they're horrible, but I give most of that credit to his co-writer Kevin J. Anderson than to Brian Herbert. I have no way of knowing exactly who's responsible for what, but I have a feeling Brian just comes up with the general concept and plot points, and Anderson does the actual writing. Either way, it's still a crime!

[The Wolf Maid]

SPOILER: Soft porn?

I recall Ninja had lesbians pleasuring each other with a Colt revolver in a bathtub, and the evil ninja anally raped both the good ninja and his girlfriend. There was quite enough description. What exactly is your definition of hard or regular porn?

Okay, I stand corrected. That was hard porn.

(Haven't read Ninja, though,)

And yes, beniowa, I can guess why.

[RedEyedGhost]

I've read a lot of crap in my time, but the winner must be Chris Claremont. He's worse than Goodkind, Eddings, Lackey, and the bottom of the barrel D&D authors combined. He makes you long for the Eye of Argon.

The thing is, there's so bad that it's funny, and Eye of Argon is possibly the most hilarious of that sort ever. Based on the excerpt, I'd also class Space Ark! to that class. Then there's so bad it's really very bad. Chris Claremont is boring, mind-numbing essence of suffering that's written just competently enough so that your suffering is unrelieved by laughter but at the same time so incompetent that you get zero literary enjoyment from the glacially-paced, sanity-destroying stupidity. I got 50 pages into Shadow Moon (and skimmed a bit after that, but even that couldn't bring the suffering to an acceptable level), and I'll be extremely surprised if anyone on this board has read the entire book, let alone the entire trilogy. It's just that abysmal.

I'm glad somebody agrees with me. I think I read maybe 150 pages of Shadow Moon before I gave up. Utter crap! His SF books are just as bad. Although, I did manage to finish the first one (Fisrt Flight??), but I couldn't read more than 100 pages of the second. I was really stupid in high school; no way would I give him near that many pages now (and I am very stubborn when it comes to finishing books).

[Gerold Hightower]

I agree that they're horrible, but I give most of that credit to his co-writer Kevin J. Anderson than to Brian Herbert. I have no way of knowing exactly who's responsible for what, but I have a feeling Brian just comes up with the general concept and plot points, and Anderson does the actual writing. Either way, it's still a crime!

I don't think Brian Herbert does any of the writing either but without him they couln't be published. He holds the copyright to the duniverse and the name Herbert on the cover suggests authenticity (which the books don't have). So he is ultimatetly reponsible. Anderson was probably just hired by the publisher.

[The Wolf Maid]

I will now add Beatrice Small, the romance novelist who writes about men with two cocks and women with self-healing vaginas, as one of the worst authors.

[duchess of malfi]

I will now add Beatrice Small, the romance novelist who writes about men with two cocks and women with self-healing vaginas, as one of the worst authors.

I followed your link. The excerpt from that book made me laugh until tears were in my eyes. That might be the most bizarre sex scene I have ever read!

I think we might have a winner here, folks!