Jaime L Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 "From where do you come barbarian, and by what are you called?" Gasped the complying wench, as Grignr smothered her lips with the blazing touch of his flaming mouth. The engrossed titan ignored the queries of the inquisitive female, pulling her towards him and crushing her sagging nipples to his yearning chest. Without struggle she gave in, winding her soft arms around the harshly bronzedhide of Grignr corded shoulder blades, as his calloused hands caressed her firm protruding busts. "You make love well wench," Admitted Grignr as he reached for the vessel of potent wine his charge had been quaffing. A flying foot caught the mug Grignr had taken hold of, sending its blood red contents sloshing over a flickering crescent; leashing tongues of bright orange flame to the foot trodden floor. Damn flying feet, just when you're about to enjoy a beer and a wench. A couple things I like: I like that she has firm, protruding breasts but saggy nipples. I also like that the floor requires a descriptor. I was just wondering about how used it was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brude Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 I also like that the floor requires a descriptor. I was just wondering about how used it was. As opposed to the "head bashed floor," one would suppose. It IS a barbarian fantasy story, after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two Paths Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 The Space Ark! excerpt gave me a headache and I couldn't get past the first few sentences. The "reviews" are just as bad, except they don't contain as many exclamation points. "We sold a bunch of autographed copies at the Ear Nose Throat Scrote Thing Clinic and believe you may have the next Left Behind." Jesus wept. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atreides Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Who was that guy who claimed to be the youngest published science fiction author (although Asimov thrashed him in this as with all else)? The cover of his first book looked like a badly-drawn dragon with a sword, and he claimed to be bringing string theory to the masses, or some such. Not that I've actually read his work, but I thought this guy deserved a mention. Was that Kenneth Eng, the crazy Asian supremacist responsible for Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate? http://www.amazon.com/Dragons-Triumvirate-...1761&sr=8-1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vhagar Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 "From where do you come barbarian, and by what are you called?" Gasped the complying wench, as Grignr smothered her lips with the blazing touch of his flaming mouth. The engrossed titan ignored the queries of the inquisitive female, pulling her towards him and crushing her sagging nipples to his yearning chest. Without struggle she gave in, winding her soft arms around the harshly bronzedhide of Grignr corded shoulder blades, as his calloused hands caressed her firm protruding busts. "You make love well wench," Admitted Grignr as he reached for the vessel of potent wine his charge had been quaffing. A flying foot caught the mug Grignr had taken hold of, sending its blood red contents sloshing over a flickering crescent; leashing tongues of bright orange flame to the foot trodden floor. Holy mother of all that is good and nice that is bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazzlebane Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Was that Kenneth Eng, the crazy Asian supremacist responsible for Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate? http://www.amazon.com/Dragons-Triumvirate-...1761&sr=8-1 Eng's book had the best review I've ever read online. Note: this is a 5 star review. Kenneth Eng is an author for our times, and "Dragons: Lexicon Triumverate" is a novel for our times. Concerned with heady concepts like the nature of reality, logical evolution, and how dragons are totally wicked sweet, Eng's book is a tour-de-force of barely-constrained fetishism, and an observant reader can imagine precisely when Eng's hands left the keyboard to begin frenetically masturbating over his own furious fantasies of being a mighty scaled warlord and totally slaughtering tons of humans. Basically what you wind up with is a fantasy novel as penned by your average MySpace user; disjointed, full of ridiculous concepts and pseudo-intellectual rhetoric, all wrapped up in a tight bundle of self-righteousness and topped off with a delicious cherry of incoherence. I've seen heavy metal album covers that had more substance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bored of the Morning Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I wish I could share with you all the worst writer ever, but I unwisely returned my ex's manuscripts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedEyedGhost Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 his early xmen was and still is seminal work as well as the best that the xmen has ever been. other than that, i agree that he is pretty bad. Once you try to read any of his"books" it will ruin obliterate any fond memories that you have for his time with X-men. I wish I could share with you all the worst writer ever, but I unwisely returned my ex's manuscripts. edit: typo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Lotor Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 (Oh, freddled gruntbuggly, thy micturations are to me . . .) Jean Auel needs to be mentioned. And I second (or third) the mention of L. Ron Hubbard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Terry Goodkind is an author for our times, and SoT is a novel for our times. Concerned with heady concepts like the nature of moral clarity, logical convolutions of representational designs involving lethality, and how chickens are not chicken but evil encarnate and goats are noble, Goodkind's book is a tour-de-force of barely-constrained fetishism, and an observant reader can imagine precisely when Goodkind's hands left the keyboard to begin frenetically masturbating over his own furious fantasies of being a mighty jaw-kicking, spine-ripping, travelling pants-wearing warlord and totally slaughtering tons of humans. Basically what you wind up with is a fantasy novel as penned by your average Objectivist user; disjointed, full of ridiculous concepts and pseudo-intellectual rhetoric, all wrapped up in a tight bundle of self-righteousness and topped off with a delicious cherry of incoherence. I've seen heavy metal album covers that had more substance. There. Fixed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Jean Auel needs to be mentioned. A pox on you I say! She brought bad, soft core caveman porn to the masses...of thirteen year old boys who discovered it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I keep on seeing Auel's novels in used book bookstores. Good thing I never bought them. I nominated Janine Cross of the venom cock fame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 If she wrote more frequently, or had a larger following, we'd give Auel the same kind of treatment that we've given TG. That being said, I'm not ashamed to admit that I own all 6 of her books. They're right next to the Goodkinds'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord O' Bones Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Jean Auel needs to be mentioned. And I second (or third) the mention of L. Ron Hubbard. You are thirding him. And Oh, Donii is Ayla hawt or what?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arbor Gold Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Jean Auel needs to be mentioned. Absolutely. See "worst book" thread for more details. While Clan of the Cave Bear was actually a really good book, the rest of the series just degenerates into prOn. Frankly, that's why I liked it when I was 13 ( "He licked her tangy salt" ) but as an adult, Auel totally sucks ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Absolutely. See "worst book" thread for more details. While Clan of the Cave Bear was actually a really good book, the rest of the series just degenerates into prOn. Frankly, that's why I liked it when I was 13 ( "He licked her tangy salt" ) but as an adult, Auel totally sucks ass. Now now, AG. I don't think that's a sexual position/thrill that Ayla actually invented...at least not through the first 6 books... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arbor Gold Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Now now, AG. I don't think that's a sexual position/thrill that Ayla actually invented...at least not through the first 6 books... Good point. While we can credit Ayla for many contributions to modern humanity, I guess we can credit dear, hot 6'6" blonde Jondalar for inventing a few things! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 So Jean Auel's stuff was basically a pre-historic porn fest? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arbor Gold Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 So Jean Auel's stuff was basically a pre-historic porn fest? From books 3---->whatever, yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 It has it's...moments...shall we say... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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