Goodkind XXX v.2.0: Coiled for Success

[Isgrimner]

I have it on good authority that Tairy is working on a few new outlines that will revolutionize the fantasy "genera". Behold:

1) Richard, an orphan boy living with his mean aunt and uncle, has no idea that he's special. But when a goodhearted half-giant shows up on his doorstep he's whisked away to a fantastic school of Warcraft and Wizardry. But all is not well in Richard's new home; the evilest wizard who ever lived, Lord Jagangamort, has returned from the dead, and it's up to Richard and his new found cronies to defeat this commie asshole and show the world how to live better through selfishness.

2) Richard is the world's last Gunslinger (having killed all the others for being "pinko Clinton-lovers"). Now he's on a quest to find the Truth Tower and fix it. Along the way he will travel through time and to other worlds and kidnap three people from their happy lives to force them to fight his arch-nemesis Walter O'Jang and other evil baddies like the Commie King. Richard will stop at nothing to wrap his fingers around that Tower.

3) Richard is a moisture farmer on a shitty little planet where he is happy to spend all day bulls-eyeing wamp-rats. But all that changes when he comes into possession of a couple of droids who carry an urgent message from Princess Klan. He seeks out the hermit Old Zedd Kenobi only to find out that Zedd is the legendary Jedi master Obi Zedd Kenobi. Now Richard must learn the ways of the Force from Zedd in order to stop his father Darken Vader and the evil emperor Jagang from spreading altruism throughout the galaxy.

As you can clearly see Tairy is poised to blow our minds with his "genera" altering stories!

I'm pretty sure his 3rd outline is not a book that is not a fantasy book. I'm pretty sure number 3 is a book that is not a Science Fiction book. Regardless, I bet all three contain important human themes and explain how by having a noble human spirit, one can choose life.

[VigoTheCarpathian]

Here's a prediction I made from GK VIII, that seems to have panned out fairly well:

...I'm guessing that Richard has to play Jagang, and he ends up beating him honorably, even though Jagang tries to cheat. And the whole crowd loves him , and through his perserverence at Ja’la dh Jin, brings the whole Empire down.

Kinda like Rocky 4...

Though I didn't see the "Richard = Yahweh, create a whole new world" plot line coming, this begs the question(s):

1. Does Tairy believe that one day, a noble race of Aryan-looking aliens will come to re-conquer us, the evil descendents of the IO? If so, he will greet these aliens as liberators?

2. Does anyone else desperately hope that crazy Tairy-fans start blasting themselves into outer space in home-made spacecraft in order to find the "true world", ruled by Richard? This would be the best cult ever.

ETA: grammar

[Exa Inova]

Please don't try to make magically convenient plot contrivances fit the overall continuity, simply realise the truth: there is no wolfman (unless it is convenient).

Sure there was. In book "x" there was this dude who was innocent but Klan zapped him anyway and the only way his brain could unzap was if he would agree to become a wolf or dog or some other noble creature........or somethink....(and some dont)

[WLU]

Sure there was. In book "x" there was this dude who was innocent but Klan zapped him anyway and the only way his brain could unzap was if he would agree to become a wolf or dog or some other noble creature........or somethink....(and some dont)

Appeared in book 1. Died in book 1. Possibly the only character who does not re-appear in Confessor.

Why was it called Confessor? Was there a big Confessor-related plot that Moose missed out on, because it was a noble human theme that failed to register with his hiccuping epistemology?

If that's her on the cover, her jugs aren't nearly as big as I thought they'd be.

[The Wolf Maid]

Why was it called Confessor? Was there a big Confessor-related plot that Moose missed out on, because it was a noble human theme that failed to register with his hiccuping epistemology?

That confused me as well. I thought Kahlan would do something relatively badass, but all she did was pine for Richard and so, and confess her love to him, again. Whatever.

Vigo, your prediction powers are awesome. Now if the second one comes true, I'll be so ever glad.

[Myshkin]

I predicted that the whole series would turn out to be the snowglobe dream of an autistic child, and that would have been a far better ending than the one we got. Do I get points for that?

[Mossman]

I predicted that the whole series would turn out to be the snowglobe dream of an autistic child, and that would have been a far better ending than the one we got. Do I get points for that?

Only if Bobby Ewing stepped out of the shower and handed you the snowglobe.

[The Wolf Maid]

What does Dallas have to do with this? O_o

[Nerdanel]

You see, Kahlan is the titular confessor, since she's a Confessor, the Mother Confessor in fact. She's also the confessor since she confesses something, i.e. her love to Richard. Isn't that enough? Look, it's a title with a dual meaning = sophistication! What more do you need?

I suppose if you comb through the book you might also find other people confessing stuff, but I'm not sure if Tairy felt that he should go for something as advanced as a triple or better meaning.

[Talyn]

Re-reading my own post sparked my imagination. I had to try to scribble down a concept drawing of a Lemmings of Discord invasion. At first I tried to draw a parody of the D-Day landings but I suck too much at perspective to even being drawing something halfway decent of that nature. So I simplified it a bit while trying to retain the central message. Operation Lemminglord portrays General Lemmington (three stars) lecturing the troops before the T-Day landings. Click on the picture to enlarge it.

Thats great. Now I almost hope that it will get made, just so that we can do it.

[The Wolf Maid]

I just found out my new co-worker is a Tairy fan, and that she found Faith of the Fallen 'beautiful'.

...I need a jaw to kick.

[Larry.]

In such cases, there is only one remedy.

You strip naked, paint yourself white, lead an attack on her, and convince her of your moral celerity

[Myshkin]

In such cases, there is only one remedy.

You strip naked, paint yourself white, lead an attack on her, and convince her of your moral celerity

Or you can pretend to stretch and have a war break out.

[Larry.]

Anything that involves celerious women gettin' buttnekkid is preferable to the loss of life...at first, anyways

[Myshkin]

Anything that involves celerious women gettin' buttnekkid is preferable to the loss of life...at first, anyways

Who says nekkid women and violent slaughter have to be mutually exclusive?

[The Wolf Maid]

And you'll want pictures of this, I'll bet.

Nah. I'll just let her borrow GRRM. That should do it.

[Larry.]

I humbly plead the 5th here, in case it's used against me by another, very celerious if I might add, lady

But YouTube would be a nice consolation prize.

[The Wolf Maid]

I humbly plead the 5th here, in case it's used against me by another, very celerious if I might add, lady

But YouTube would be a nice consolation prize.

Ha! Knew it.

[Larry.]

You know full well that I wouldn't even joke about it if I thought for an instant that you'd be offended by it

Besides, you've met my...umm...well, you know who. I have to be careful what I say

[Moosicus]

Now that Confessor is done I needed something new to read. I grabbed a book on Inquisiton and found quite quickly that the descriptions of torture aren't nearly as interesting as Tairy's. Those Catholics had no idea what torture was. Reading Confessor, THAT was torture.