Goodkind XXX v.2.0: Coiled for Success

[diabloblanco18]

Wow. I'm rather surprised here. Of all the psychotic things Richard could have done with ULTIMATE COSMIC POWAH, I think that he chose the most moral one possible. Think about it: there's now an entire world that doesn't ever have to put up with his shit again. And not only that, it's free of magic, so they don't have to put up with (most of) Goodkind's shit anymore, since no magic = no plot devices. Compared to the fascist nightmare that Richard will no doubt create, it sounds like a total paradise to me.

[Zap Rowsdower]

Wow! I had my doubts about the series, but in the end Terry knows hows to deliver! I mean, this book had everything that made the previous books so great. And the guest appearances by all the minor characters that we've grown to known and love is truly awesome! The fact that Goodkind knew that his fans and also his anti-fans here on Westeros wanted to see what happened to Gratch and Betty the goat makes Goodkind a truly class act. For Goodkind fans, Gars and Goats are the ultimate fanservice!

I've justed started "Faith of the Fallen" and I can't wait to get to Confessor! Bravo, Moose, and may the Force be with you.

[Xray the Enforcer]

...and we also get Betty the Goat, well aware that chickens are "beneath her". Surely, surely that was a special easter egg for us?

Thank you Yeardi Bunny! Bawk Bawk!

[Moosicus]

Now I think we should all put together a "best of Tairy's writing/quotes".

If we do, then "To her he looked like coiled fury, and like he knew how to uncoil." Is by far the best of the worst. Top of the list says I.

[Shryke]

If we do, then "To her he looked like coiled fury, and like he knew how to uncoil." Is by far the best of the worst. Top of the list says I.

Oh shit, you can't be serious. No fucking way.

[Myshkin]

Awesome! That book had everything! Coiled fury, jaw kickings, young girl killings, almost rapes, statue carving, "Graaaach luuuurggg Riichaaaarg", noble goats, evil chickens, deus ex machina by the truckload, and my personal favorite, "Blade be true this day". And to top it all off Tairy managed to create an ending that made the entire series utterly irrelevant! I only wish there were more rising things and namble cocks. But I guess you can't have everything.

Moose, now that you're done with Tairy I humbly ask that you start on Robert Newcomb. You would be doing us a great service.

[The Wolf Maid]

BETTY THE GOAT!!!!

THE COILED CIRCLE IS COMPLETE!!!

Things that happened while I was reading the summaries.

1. Threw up at the "I love you Richard" moment. Is this supposed to parallel the first book where Richard confesses and all? Lame.

2. Got reminded of a person on the verge of orgasm by the statue.

3. Hurled again.

4. Died laughing.

Kudos to you Mad Moose.

[Moosicus]

Moose, now that you're done with Tairy I humbly ask that you start on Robert Newcomb. You would be doing us a great service.

You can't possibly be serious. Would you ask Jesus to take a stoning after he had just been nailed to a cross? Cuz I'm a lot like Jesus in this. I pass the torch to you Myshkin. Bring on the Newcomb threads!

Oh shit, you can't be serious. No fucking way

Oh yeah, I shit you not.

[Xray the Enforcer]

WAIT. Where was the evil chicken?

[Xray the Enforcer]

Also, what about Stanek?

[Ecchi-Oni]

WAIT. Where was the evil chicken?

Eaten by Betty and Gratch after an orgy involving electric butt plugs, sheep, and horses.

[Myshkin]

You can't possibly be serious. Would you ask Jesus to take a stoning after he had just been nailed to a cross?

I might. In any event, I'm sure Jesus wouldn't deny me my perfectly reasonable request.

I pass the torch to you Myshkin. Bring on the Newcomb threads!

Are you joking? I'm far too important to die in that manner. That's why it must be you, or someone like you. The job is yours unless and until you can pass it to another sucker.

Also, what about Stanek?

I would never ever ask anyone to subject themselves to Stanek!! What kind of horrible person are you?

[Xray the Enforcer]

I'm a moderator. We are the foulest scum in the galaxy.

[Moosicus]

WAIT. Where was the evil chicken?

A brief mention in the second last chapter. A mention that there were chickens on Jennsen's farm, and Betty considered them to be beneath her. To me, this clearly indicates that Betty was fully aware of there evil nature.

Also, what about Stanek?

That shall be your job.

I might. In any event, I'm sure Jesus wouldn't deny me my perfectly reasonable request.

Are you joking? I'm far too important to die in that manner. That's why it must be you, or someone like you. The job is yours unless and until you can pass it to another sucker.

I'm waaaaaaaaaay better than Jesus though. Not only have I suffered for you people and saved you, but I'm far more entertaining than that stupid carpenter. Finding a bigger sucker to take on a Newcomb thread could be really tricky. I don't actually work miracles.

I'm a moderator. We are the foulest scum in the galaxy.

True.

[The Wolf Maid]

I'm a moderator. We are the foulest scum in the galaxy.

True.

I'd take on Stanek or Newcomb, but I can't find their books anywhere.

[Jaxom 1974]

Though one thing you may have noticed, since the boxes of Orden will kill anybody who tries to use them for evil, Darken Rahl never had a chance. Had Dick just stayed the fuck home in Wizard's First Rule, none of the shit that followed would have been necessary.

I seriously cannot wait to see how the "jaw kickin's a-okay" crowd decides to explain away this little gem. The fact that everything is irrelavent in the end with regard to the initial plot of the inital book.

I mean, it almost seems like the SoT universe's equivalent of "Greedo shot first". WTF???

[potsherds]

I'm waaaaaaaaaay better than Jesus though. Not only have I suffered for you people and saved you, but I'm far more entertaining than that stupid carpenter.

Once again, thanks Moose.

[Daedalus V2.0]

Who's Robert Newcomb, how bad are his books and where do I sign up?

[Talyn]

I seriously cannot wait to see how the "jaw kickin's a-okay" crowd decides to explain away this little gem. The fact that everything is irrelavent in the end with regard to the initial plot of the inital book.

I mean, it almost seems like the SoT universe's equivalent of "Greedo shot first". WTF???

This just reminded me of another WTF moment that I had the last time that I read one of the Yeard's books. Zedd and someone else have been capture by the IO and as he was escaping I think that someone asked him why he doesn't just try and kill Jargband. Zedd goes off on this big speech about how if he killed him someone else would just take his place so there was no good reason risk himself blah blah blah ... (thats more or less how I remembered it anyway). Of course I thought that this is pretty stupid because; isn't he the only dreamwalker around? that would mean that if he was to die it would free everyone he was controlling. All those magic uses of his would probably go and join Dick or just start killing all those people that had been making their life hell.

That sounds like a pretty good reason to me, he could probably end the war right there.

[Moosicus]

Who's Robert Newcomb, how bad are his books and where do I sign up?

Praise me!!! a miracle at last. Daedalus has volunteered to start a Newcomb thread....just as soon as he finds the books. Well done Daedalus.

This just reminded me of another WTF moment that I had the last time that I read one of the Yeard's books. Zedd and someone else have been capture by the IO and as he was escaping I think that someone asked him why he doesn't just try and kill Jargband. Zedd goes off on this big speech about how if he killed him someone else would just take his place so there was no good reason risk himself blah blah blah ... (thats more or less how I remembered it anyway). Of course I thought that this is pretty stupid because; isn't he the only dreamwalker around? that would mean that if he was to die it would free everyone he was controlling. All those magic uses of his would probably go and join Dick or just start killing all those people that had been making their life hell.

That sounds like a pretty good reason to me, he could probably end the war right there.

You just don't understand, do you? You're missing out on the more important human themes going on. It's like you're trying to turn this into some kind of fantasy novel. Grow up Talyn.