SergioCQH Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='Teri' post='1702392' date='Feb 27 2009, 13.34']Right. Sure, there are women who go out to bars hoping to find a one-night stand, but even so, they want to feel that the guys who are chasing them find something hot about them in particular, and [b]enjoy[/b] the time spent talking with them rather than dismissing it all as a complete waste of time if they don't score. If all the time spent flirting with her in the bar is viewed as a tedious hurdle rather than as a pastime that is fun in its own right, then it's demeaning.[/quote] This is not the problem you seem to think it is. I think most women can recognize when a man just wants to get laid. The desperation is fairly obvious to them. Ideally, women will only leave with men who they found interesting and attractive. Here is where the spectre of alcohol and drugs raise their ugly heads, and why I find the hookup scene to be intolerable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IheartTesla Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='Ghost of Nymeria' post='1702359' date='Feb 27 2009, 13.13']Nah, I get you. And its a totally different culture in the UK to the US anyway, as far as my understanding of pulling is. And yes, women in the UK tend to go on the pull as much as men do (our UK boarders can confirm or deny that). I think young women accepting drinks in one of these meat markets know what the score is, and aren't for the most part looking for meaningful relationships.[/quote] I seriously dont understand mating rituals in the US at all. I think this "UK" sounds like a wonderous place where you can just go to a bar/pub and hang out, you know. Just have fun and see what happens. I also think the fact that everyone here happens to "play hard" on Friday/Saturday nights leads to a distorted sense of lost opportunities and desparation and what not. You have to make your play within these two days and no other time. Times a wastin', no need to learn more about the other person. Everyday should be Friday. No need to ritualize the whole shebang to two days of the week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacen Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 This thread has just about reached the point where it's too dangerous to say anything as a guy. :P BUT I think it has to be said that the term "cockblocking" is not [i]always[/i] referring to some bar hijinks Male bullshit. I've seen it happen where guys who are really into a girl, I'm talking an ongoing thing, a dating situation (i.e. they know her name and this doesn't happen in a bar), and one of their "buddies" goes out of his way to attempt to fuck it up. Why? I don't know. Men are too competitive with each other. God, I hate other guys So my point is cockblocking as a term is more than a one night stand bar thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoN Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Its a fascinating difference to me, Cyrano, especially having grown up in the bible belt. I think the UK 'wins' in this instance just because there seems to be less judging of women who do want to have sex outside of serious relationships. The double standard in the US is what I object to the most- that men want to get laid, but the women who sleep with them are obviously sluts. Jacen- agree on the term. I've also heard it used (and use it myself :P) in context to just being denied a desired outcome in a situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zollo Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='cyrano' post='1702406' date='Feb 27 2009, 20.43']I also think the fact that everyone here happens to "play hard" on Friday/Saturday nights leads to a distorted sense of lost opportunities and desparation and what not. You have to make your play within these two days and no other time. Times a wastin', no need to learn more about the other person. Everyday should be Friday. No need to ritualize the whole shebang to two days of the week.[/quote] A word of UK-induced experience caution - it is hard work showing up on a Friday morning at work and doing a proper job after having gone out on the piss on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night. :P Other than that, you might want to consider taking up UK citizenship instead. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SergioCQH Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='Balefont' post='1702398' date='Feb 27 2009, 13.39']What they want and what they get in these situations are almost always mutually exclusive. There's usually a fair amount of settling on both parts. Let's face it, not many one night stand guys are actually any [i]good[/i] in bed due to the usual issues of lack of respect, not knowing one another's preferences, lack of intimacy, and the simple fact that they just don't care if the girl gets off. Plus, laying drunk guys usually means a less than stellar erection.[/quote] How many one-night stand guys have you had Bale? You did say that you married early, right? :P I'm sure your girlfriends are eager to relate to you their unsatisfactory liaisons, and I've no doubt their experiences are ubiquitous. Yet another reason to despise hookups. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balefont Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='SergioCQH' post='1702423' date='Feb 27 2009, 13.51']How many one-night stand guys have you had Bale? You did say that you married early, right? :P I'm sure your girlfriends are eager to relate to you their unsatisfactory liaisons, and I've no doubt their experiences are ubiquitous. Yet another reason to despise hookups.[/quote] I do have [i]girl friends[/i], Sergio. :P (And I was a bit wild in my teen years.) And yes, anyone, particularly females, hoping for satisfaction are more than likely looking the wrongest of places. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shryke Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='Xray the Enforcer' post='1702379' date='Feb 27 2009, 13.23']I don't think she's saying this at all. I think she's taking issue with a lot of the posturing in this thread that reduces women to the meat between their legs.[/quote] If the women's got meat between her legs your either too late or in for a BIG surprise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
litechick Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='Teri' post='1702392' date='Feb 27 2009, 12.34']Right. Sure, there are women who go out to bars hoping to find a one-night stand, but even so, they want to feel that the guys who are chasing them find something hot about them in particular, and [b]enjoy[/b] the time spent talking with them rather than dismissing it all as a complete waste of time if they don't score. If all the time spent flirting with her in the bar is viewed as a tedious hurdle rather than as a pastime that is fun in its own right, then it's demeaning.[/quote] Exactly. Of course women sometimes just want to get laid. That's what fuck buddies are for. ;) The essence of the fuck buddy is that he is someone who respects you and with whom you can enjoy mutual sexual chemistry without any hurt feelings or unrealized expectations. I understand that many men's minds just work in this way which is largely dismissive of the very women they pursue. I don't get angry about it because I know there's nothing anybody can do about it. I'm just registering my distaste for this unpleasant fact of life and giving thanks that I have left my 20's behind. All I'm asking is that the guys acknowledge their motives and that their object is not in the woman's best interest. Don't tell yourselves lies which make it possible for you to believe that you're not doing anything wrong. I don't judge the whole man by this one very common form of bad behavior. A woman should be perceptive enough to understand that a hook-up at the bar is not a promise but I think a woman has a right to expect to be treated decently and not to have the man run from her as if she has cooties. eta: Thank you to all those who provided positive reinforcement. Thank you. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SergioCQH Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='Balefont' post='1702428' date='Feb 27 2009, 13.52']I do have [i]girl friends[/i], Sergio. :P (And I was a bit wild in my teen years.)[/quote] My my, drunken hookups before you could even drink. I must say, my perceptions of you have [i]changed[/i]. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teri Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='SergioCQH' post='1702405' date='Feb 27 2009, 10.43']This is not the problem you seem to think it is. I think most women can recognize when a man just wants to get laid. The desperation is fairly obvious to them.[/quote] I [i]don't[/i] think it's particularly a "problem." I'm just agreeing with GoN, potsherds, mash, et al that litechick was mostly reacting to the dismissive [i]language[/i] in DJ's post. DJ usually seems like a nice person, so I'll assume that he was being deliberately more crude in his post than he really feels when he is on the make, as is often the way with these threads. Litechick was making a point about the guys who [i]actually[/i] view women as fungible commodities and a drag to spend time with outside the sack. No, they aren't a huge social problem, but they [i]are[/i] being dicks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tully Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Face it, ladies, we are men, meaning we are pigs. Nature evolved us to be that way long before we started wearing clothes and grunting semi-coherently. While certainly not universally shallow, opportunistically horny and partially intoxicated, that is [i]exactly[/i] the condition in which we are most likely to be found IN SINGLES BARS. Any woman going to a meat market expecting to find anything else is incredibly optimistic. On the bright side, some of us can be remarkably decent people when cut from the herd, removed from the hunting grounds, and sobered up. Which would seem to me to be the major reason for women to go to singles bars if they [i]aren't[/i] just looking to get laid. Because, let's face it, the vast majority of the men will be there to [a] get drunk, [b] get laid, or [c] both of the above. And there's generally many cheaper places to get drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balefont Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='SergioCQH' post='1702435' date='Feb 27 2009, 13.55']My my, drunken hookups before you could even drink. I must say, my perceptions of you have [i]changed[/i].[/quote] Don't forget the pot, coke, acid, shrooms and E all before age 20. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
litechick Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Jacen, you are correct and there is a use of the term 'cockblock' which doesn't need to be associated with all the other boorish crap. Unfortunately, this thread got off on the wrong foot for making that distinction clear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IheartTesla Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 By the way, I've been to some of these "meat market" bars (I was drunk, ok. It wont happen again). Loud music, overpriced alcohol, you can hardly hear the person next to you. The notion that someone would go to these places to enjoy good company is alien to me. I think most people frequenting those bars have certain expectations when entering them. But still, no reason to be disrespectful or not treat the opposite sex (or the sex of your mating choice) as living breathing thinking humans. Also, I'll pay anyone who recommends a decent bar in Atlanta where I dont have to yell to make myself heard over the din of some loud music. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SergioCQH Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='Teri' post='1702444' date='Feb 27 2009, 13.58']I [i]don't[/i] think it's particularly a "problem." I'm just agreeing with GoN, potsherds, mash, et al that litechick was mostly reacting to the dismissive [i]language[/i] in DJ's post. DJ usually seems like a nice person, so I'll assume that he was being deliberately more crude in his post than he really feels when he is on the make, as is often the way with these threads. Litechick was making a point about the guys who [i]actually[/i] view women as fungible commodities and a drag to spend time with outside the sack. No, they aren't a huge social problem, but they [i]are[/i] being dicks.[/quote] I suppose I should have realized by now that sometimes women are just damn [i]sensitive[/i] about words. You'll have to excuse us males. Many of us simply don't possess the mental faculties of the stronger sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLoneliestMonk Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='Xray the Enforcer' post='1702379' date='Feb 27 2009, 13.23']I don't think she's saying this at all. I think she's taking issue with a lot of the posturing in this thread that reduces women to the meat between their legs.[/quote] i think it is the minority that has been reducing women to anything. personally, i have never gone out and had a one night stand then looked back and though "hah, fooled that slut." usually it's looking back more nosthalgicly thinking about maybe if the circumstances were different it would have been more than a one night stand. or i look back and think how i shouldnt have gotten that drunk. either way, i fully believe that i can fall in love just for the night, and usually tell her so, often remenissing about the beautiful night. im not sure if that makes me a hopeless romantic or a creep but there it is regardless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Progressive Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Lol, tuck away behind all this playful male-banters is a seething sea of misogyny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacen Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I can't help but notice the prevalence of male Bakker readers in this thread............. Surely this is no coincidence? ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [quote name='litechick' post='1702306' date='Feb 27 2009, 12.32']Men get hurt when a woman relagates him to the Friend Zone and women get hurt when a man comes on like he's really attracted to her then treats her like a disease the next day. Don't hide behind bullshit rationales. Don't tell yourself "she just wants to get laid too" when you don't know that.[/quote] Oh, well, hey, that's not true. At all. Sometimes women [i]do[/i] just want to get laid. And there's absolutely nothing at all wrong with that. And sometimes we have no intention of talking to the guy again after that either. But I'll give you this - nobody wants to have a one night stand with [i]that[/i] guy. :lol: [quote]If you're thinking "you're not that attractive but I want to get laid and you look like an easy mark" then you're a douche. Just admit it. You're the real cockblocker because your treatment of women is the reason women have to guard so rigorously and turn down perfectly good guys for fear that he may turn out to be you.[/quote] Yes, and there are plenty of guys that [i]don't[/i] walk around thinking about women like sperm receptacles who still might want to have casual sex without the promise of a relationship afterwards. You can tell who they are pretty easily - they're the ones still getting laid two years into college and are friendly with the girls they've hooked up with. And, to be fair, sometimes women freak out on them all Cameron Diaz "your body made a promise" style, and that is also wrong, and makes [i]guys[/i] guard so rigorously and pass up perfectly good girls for fear that they might be a stalker who wants to get married after five dates. It's a two-way street. Just wanted to say that it's totally possible to just want to have a good time and not get into anything serious without being a misogynistic douchebag. It'll also improve your chances of getting laid. Once again, this is why I also hooked up with pseudo-intellectual self-proclaiming feminist Marxists and not football players. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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