Jerm Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Why not use Walkies instead of cellphones?No need for cellphone towers etc.With some good thinking they can get them work on solarpower and bingo, quick communication over a couple of kms.Of course the wizards can do the same over bigger distances and such :-)So why actually bother bringing technology to a magic land, where you don't need logic to make things work, just magic :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteHaven Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 :cry: But there is so much unintended hilarity to discover I just got to the point where Richard talk about how his brother for selling a vase for four coins showing me Richard is obviously a commie death chooser.Not for me dude - I can't stand it anymore :tantrum: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theMountainGoat Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 You only made five chapters before giving up? :oWhiteHaven you shall henceforth be known as "The lemming who quit leaping".To be a true Lemming of Discord you need to hurl yourself off that cliff time and time again, taking the pain, enduring the stupid.Mind you with that said we all gave up at some point, could not take any more, otherwise we would not be lemmings we would be Yeardites. Rejoice for your saved brain cells that you did not finish that book and go on to read any more as most of us did. I myself got through seven books before my mind could take no more punishment..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord O' Bones Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 WhiteHaven is wise. I knew I should stop when I got to the tracking cloud and Zed's first appearance.But I finished the book. What is done can never be undone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 We told WhiteHaven we wouldn't judge him for giving up. Fear not, WH, we all feel your pain, you are wiser than most of us! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robb of the South Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 No more blog :(. I do however fully understand your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord O' Bones Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Oh I'm not judgeing him. I'm saying I was a fucking idiot in comparison. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robb of the South Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 For refusal to quit I read them all. What does that make me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerm Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 For refusal to quit I read them all. What does that make me?Same here, I wanted to know how the story ended. But I stopped feeding the yeard before the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tormund Ukrainesbane Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 I never read confessor. I don't think I missed anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robb of the South Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 If you don't miss 750 pages of moralist BS and 100 pages of deus ex machina....no then you won't have missed anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kuenjato Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Not for me dude - I can't stand it anymore :tantrum:You didn't miss anything. I made it to the end of WFR and must have chucked the book across the room at least a half dozen times - something I'd never done before, but with that book, if somehow felt appropriate. Cathartic.A few months later I picked up the Legends anthology (this was back in '98) and read Debt of Bones. It too was garbage and after that I swore NEVER AGAIN*......though I did religiously read the quote-of-the-day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 For refusal to quit I read them all. What does that make me?Repressed. Seriously repressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ecchi-Oni Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 For refusal to quit I read them all. What does that make me?A true follower of Sun Tzu. Share with us what do you know of the enemy. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tormund Ukrainesbane Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Law of Nines - Final Update (chapter I don't care - chapter just get it over with)Before getting to today's plot summary, let me point out a BIG GIANT PLOT HOLE ALERT. Apparently Barack Cain's whole plan is to take Earth technology to Dickland and thus subjugate the masses with his socialism. And whores. But Alex and Jax have been emoing about their inevitable parting the whole book because stuff from our world can't go to their world. Seriously. Alex gave her a painting and she tried to take it back but it didn't make it. Why would technology make it where nothing else does? So really, the whole plot could have been: "Barack Cain wants to take your worlds technology to enslave my world!!""Well he can't! It's impossible!""Oh, awesome. Want to fuck?"Instead I've had to read through this convoluted pile of feces. Anyway, on with the show.Let me first say...shitty. Shitty shitty shitty shitty. There, I feel a little better. Never mind, no I don't. There is no curse in elvish, entish or the words of men for this treachery.When we last saw our two impressivley endowed heroes, Jax had just finished rising up and embracing life. And when I say "rising up and" I mean "inserting", and when I say "embracing life" I mean "Alex's penis of truth".After they are done embracing the noble human spirit through exchanging various fluids, Alex goes to the car dealership. Really. He has to get the starter fixed on his car, which hasn't been working right the whole book. Jax is apparently sexed to the point of exhaustion and doesn't come with.While there (the dealership), he sees on the tv that ZOMG! Terrorists are KILLING the SHIT out of EVERYONE. That's right. The bad guys are committing terror attacks all over the world. Jax and Alex decide that this is a message to them. The message being that the bad guys, who know where they are and outnumber them hundreds to two, are apparently so inept that they start killing people in Germany out of sheer idiocy.Alex and Jax then walk past an art gallery, where, in a plot twist that has to be against the law somewhere, as I'm certain that eyeball rape is a crime, they see some art. That they immediately know to be drawn by Barack Cain. Remember back in update 1 how Alex was mocking the other art in the gallery because it didn't celebrate life with sufficient enthusiasm? Apparently the bad guy made it. Yeah. He has apparently been within yards of Alex the entire fucking time. I feel the need to pour everclear into my eyeballs right now.Alex buys the painting and writes a STRONGLY WORDED warning but definately no DIRTY WORDS on the painting, and gives it back. This shows that embracing life can also involve petty revenge.Now it's time for Alex and Jax to go camping! Every good stunningly original non-fantasy thriller needs a good camping trip. There are no roads to "Castle Mountain" where the gateway thingy is, they have to walk across Alex's huge spread of land. When they get in sight of the mountain Jax tells Alex it looks just like the people's palace of D'Hara. I am seriously about to start weeping from the amount of failIn between making s'mores and telling ghost stories, Alex and Jax manage to swear undying love for each other! Squeeeee! Oh yeah, and we finally learn that Jax's last name is Amnell. Surprise!When Alex awakes the next morning, Jax is gone! Ohnoz! Alex immediately knows what she's done, but leaves the rest of us in the dark about it. He starts ascending castle mountain, killing I think 4 guys on the way. He gets to the top of the mountain where the gateway is and there's like 200 guys there. Along with Barack Obama and Joe Biden. They have Jax tied up. Apparently she turned herself into them so they could use her to convince Alex to open the gateway. Becuase otherwise they'll keep being terrorists and kill a bunch of people. This is done to illustrate the important human theme that Tairy thinks that women are stupid. Sexist ass.Barack Obama sends a bunch of guys off to do mischief, but only after they receive an order from him to do so. This way, when Alex and Jax kill him, there will be no ramifications that might add a little bit of grey to their shining white morality.So Alex secretly passes Jax a knife to cut her bonds, then starts to open the gateway. He has a bunch of guys stand in the gateway, which he uses to KILL the SHIT out of them. He knows how to do this because he is an expert on representational designs involving lethality. Alex and Jax then draw on their amazing ninja powers and kill like 30 dudes, including Barack and Joe, in like half a page. That's it. That's the big climax. This book couldn't make me climax with an army of Thai hookers.Alex and Jax whisper tearful goodbyes to each other as he sends her through the gateway to her world to mop up the war. He goes back and tells an unimportant side character that she will be back and they're going to get married. The end. Honestly that's the end. Kill me. Please, God, kill me.Summary:This is by far one of the worst books I've ever read. Primarily due to the following complaints:Bad writing: side characters who do nothing, subplots that go nowhere, and just plain bad prose.The most 2-D villian in the history of literature: he is bad and evil and wants power becausehedoesand WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION THE YEARD!Gaping plot holes: see aboveUnsympathetic protagonists: what is there to like about Alex? That he visits his mom? Serial killers do the same. He doesn't do anything that would endear him to the reader. And Jax? Tits, ass, noises that come out of her face.Anyways, hope you all enjoyed it. I'm thinking I'll start a blog to give the same treatment to some classics like Moby Dick and The Great Gatsby and stuff. Watch this space if you are interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perin Stone Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Bless you for bravely taking one for the team. Did they ever explain what the "Law of Nines" is? Or why turning 27 is any more terrifying that turning 26 or 28? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tormund Ukrainesbane Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 No, the law of nines was never explained, except that the number 9 is important. 27 is a multiple of 9, and it is nine times the square root of nine so apparently its extra special. I don't think that math is Tairy's strong suit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deluge Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Deluge, where is your quote from? (the one concerning Atlas Shrugged).I'm not entirely sure. I read it on a blog somewhere, and found it rather amusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeoFreak Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Well I'm off to Amazon to get some lulz out of the reviews. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthmail Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 this book couldn't make me climax with an army of Thai hookers Best. Quote. Ever. Tormund, your reviews are awesome. Please, please...go read some more shitty books. Its just too funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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