Seventh Pup Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Heresy! Chuck Norris cannot be defeated by mere hair. Hell, his pubic hair could probably slay the dread Hanksian locks. I do not deny that in the prime of his youth Chuck Norris would have squashed Tom Hanks hair as easily as Terry Goodkind can squash a new reader faith in Fantasy. However Norris has lost his Texas Ranger mojo and so I think that against such an badass opponent even the mighty Walker would have to walk away. And how sad, we've sunk to...this. And now I must ask myself, "What Would Randyll Tarly Do?" Chain you to the gate and pour pigs blood on you to try to make you more of a man! And probably imply that all women here deserve a good raping to teach us not to be so uppity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerol Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 So while Dr. Seuss wouldn't do it in a box, He wouldn't do it with a fox, But he would do Terry Goodkind Right there in the behind? Interesting. Serves Terry right because he probably did the same to his beloved goat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 We need more Seussian poetry about Terry: He would do it with a goat. He'd give an evil chicken deep throat. He would do it with a horse. He'd even do it with Ayn Rand's corpse. Any other submissions? We can have a contest! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Werthead Posted June 6, 2006 Author Share Posted June 6, 2006 I do not deny that in the prime of his youth Chuck Norris would have squashed Tom Hanks hair as easily as Terry Goodkind can squash a new reader faith in Fantasy. However Norris has lost his Texas Ranger mojo and so I think that against such an badass opponent even the mighty Walker would have to walk away. Chain you to the gate and pour pigs blood on you to try to make you more of a man! And probably imply that all women here deserve a good raping to teach us not to be so uppity. This was so perfectly classic that my sig had to be updated immediately to reflect it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seventh Pup Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 I feel honored Werthead! I have never been quoted in a sig before . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BranTheBuilder Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 "I was out in the woods, looking for evidence of who had killed my father-the man I grew up thinking was my father, George Cypher, the man who'd raised me. Kill me now. How much Wensleydale can one Yeard fit into a non-sentence? hmmm, did he attend the George W. Bush school of prose? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Werthead Posted June 6, 2006 Author Share Posted June 6, 2006 I feel honored Werthead! I have never been quoted in a sig before . I think the only other person who I've quoted here is JaimeLannister (who provides quotes for sigs in return for a modest fee, allegedly). I would have quoted Zak's legendary: "I had a few early wanks over Ce'nedra." But someone beat me to it. If Tairy was a D&D entity, what would his stats be? Str 20 (but only when wielding the Sword of Truth) Dex 20 (needed to type whilst simultaneously holding open a copy of a Robert Jordan novel and a highlighter pen) Con 20 (he needs it to write the stuff he does) Int 20 (for he is strengthened by Pure Objectivism) Wis 20 (when his wisdom fails he strokes his evil chicken and is inspired anew!) Cha 20 (he walks into a room and everyone passes out from his sheer genius) Attacks: +50 with the Sword of Truth +40 with Yeard (1d50 damage+whiplash) +20 with a Sword of Truth novel (1d20 crushing damage, these books ain't thin y'know) Hit Points: 666 (he will not be defeated easily!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightning Lord Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Kill me now. How much Wensleydale can one Yeard fit into a non-sentence? hmmm, did he attend the George W. Bush school of prose? Is that seriously a line from Goodkind? I mean...seriously? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BranTheBuilder Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Yup, from book 9 chapter 8... Please kill me now! :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad King Billy Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 QUOTE(Seventh Pup @ Jun 6 2006, 20.46) * If Tairy was a D&D entity, what would his stats be? Str 20 (but only when wielding the Sword of Truth) Dex 20 (needed to type whilst simultaneously holding open a copy of a Robert Jordan novel and a highlighter pen) Con 20 (he needs it to write the stuff he does) Int 20 (for he is strengthened by Pure Objectivism) Wis 20 (when his wisdom fails he strokes his evil chicken and is inspired anew!) Cha 20 (he walks into a room and everyone passes out from his sheer genius) Attacks: +50 with the Sword of Truth +40 with Yeard (1d50 damage+whiplash) +20 with a Sword of Truth novel (1d20 crushing damage, these books ain't thin y'know) Hit Points: 666 (he will not be defeated easily!) Oh god, you're killing me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightning Lord Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Yup, from book 9 chapter 8... Please kill me now! :cry: ....and people read this? And not as a sort of poster for what not to do, but as a work of fiction for entertainment? I want to print this and show it to my nephew, him all of 7, as a method of punishment for poor writing. "See this? Do you want to write like this?!?! DO YOU?!?!?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BranTheBuilder Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Ahh, now we find a use for TG! - to spur our children into paying attention in school! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightning Lord Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 This might fall under the category of abuse, however. Could never go for it in schools, the law suits would be flying into the courts and classrooms would be shut down, teachers run out with howling mobs hurling Sword of Truth novels at their fleeing backsides. It wouldn't be pretty, but justice isn't always pretty, is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kedlav Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Jesus tap-dancing christ, 6 pages added in 12 hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Werthead Posted June 6, 2006 Author Share Posted June 6, 2006 That's because we decided to close this thread when it hits 666 posts in honour of this day. I think everyone wants in on the action. The person who actually gets to post 666 wins my copy of Wizards' First Rule (provided they pay the postage ) Sorry, I'm meant to be inspiring people to post, aren't I? Okay whoever gets to post 666 will not get my copy of Wizards' First Rule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 That's because we decided to close this thread when it hits 666 posts in honour of this day. I think everyone wants in on the action. The person who actually gets to post 666 wins my copy of Wizards' First Rule (provided they pay the postage ) Sorry, I'm meant to be inspiring people to post, aren't I? Okay whoever gets to post 666 will not get my copy of Wizards' First Rule. But I want the 666th post so I can have your copy of WFR, just so I can say "I got Wertheads copy of WFR". I can only pay postage in shiny buttons though, is that okay? besides, Richard wouldn't charge me postage, he'd just send it to me cuz it's the right thing to do, and Richard always, ALWAYS does what's right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BranTheBuilder Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Richard may always do whats right, but we are EVIL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Richard may always do whats right, but we are EVIL. I guess I'll have to fall back on my shiny buttons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad King Billy Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Sorry, I'm meant to be inspiring people to post, aren't I? Okay whoever gets to post 666 will not get my copy of Wizards' First Rule. Wait. Does that mean that the others get a copy of WFR? :sick: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Werthead Posted June 6, 2006 Author Share Posted June 6, 2006 Wait. Does that mean that the others get a copy of WFR? :sick: Heathen! You have brought logic into a TG thread! You know not your folly! Although to be frank the sheer quantities of second-hand Goodkind books I see clogging up Colchester's four second-hand bookshops means I could probably supply the entire board with their very own Goodkind book. But then I don't really want four thousand people hunting me down in retaliation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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