[ADwD Spoilers] Ashara Dayne

[IAmNobody]

If Ashara isn't Lemore, then who is? Martin spent too much time pondering who she is for it not to be an intersting reveal!

Hell, the only other person that I think could be Lemore is Lyanna Stark, but that doesn't make much sense, does it?

Lemore is a red herring of course. Martin wants us to think there is more to her than meets the eye; Tyrion even says as much. It would be too much of a contrivance to make Lemore Ashara. If you are basing the fact that she is Ashara on the stretch marks, let me remind you that most women who gave birth have stretch marks. Why does it have to be Ashara? And it is known that "despoiled" women often join septs and become septas. She could be anybody.

And it is definitely not Lyanna, cuz Lyanna is definitely dead.

[ishmael]

Having read this entire thread, I would say that Brandon being the one to dishonor Ashara is on the crackpottiest theories I have read. There is about a 1/2% chance that is was anyone other than Ned. Brandon is thrown into the mix because of one instance where "Stark" is used in reguards to Ashara rather than Ned, and because one bitter woman who is very angry with the Starks says she was beddeed by Brandon. She implies that Brandon and Robert were kindred spirits in their constant pursuit of the next woman, and what has been previously presented by various other people is swept aside for and an iidea that does not and cannot fit the time frame we know to be fairly accurate.

Brandon died a few months prior to the outbreak of Roberts Rebellion. Harrenhal was 1-2 years prior to this and/or Lyanna disappearing. The sack of KL happend about a year into the war, and then you had the cleaning up of a few ongoing battles, then the TOJ, and then the travel to Starfall. This puts Ned showing up at Starfall at 15-18 months after the start of the war. Ashara jumped to her death shortly after learning that her brother had been killed. This means it occurred after Ned showed up. Barristan also indicates that she died shortly after the birth of her stillborn daughter. This would have been close to 2 years following Brandon's death at KL. The opportunity for Brandon to be the father also takes a hit when you consider that Brandon was arrested when he first showed up at KL, so any interaction between him and Ashara would have to have been a while before that event. (He was on his way to his wedding before he turned to KL, and it would not be wise for him to get caught with another woman on the way to his wedding.)

Now, we have at least 5 different instances from people both close to one or the other of them and people on the fringes of their social circles where there is reference made to Ned and Ashara being an item.

1) The Reeds tell a story where Ned (Shy Wolf) and Ashara fall in love at Harrenhal.

2) Barristan tells the same story from his point of view, only he states that she turns to "Stark", or falls in love with Stark instead of him.

3) Edric(?sp) reports to Arya that Ashara's sister has talked about Ashara being in love with Ned. Who better to know Ashara's thoughts and feeling than her sister?

4) Then we have Cersei throwing the death of the woman he loved in his face when she asked whether she killed herself because of the child he stole from her or the brother that he killed. While Cersei may not know their relationship or whether they are in love, she knows enough to believe that they had a child together which strongly implies that they had a relationship that was not very secret.

5) Then following the war, Ned returns home and we have the confrontation about Ashara between Ned and Cat. She remembers how she had heard whispers from the wives of the soldiers returning home. This tells us that the men that went to war with Ned saw something during the war that they believe makes Ahsara the most likely candidate for Jon's mother. Jon was not old enough to have been conceived at Harrenhal, so the stories don't come from their time there together. It would have to be sometime more recent that would be consistent with Jon's age.

While I will admit that these examples are not absolute proof, they are much stronger than the use of "Stark" and the implication by a bitter, jilted lover of Brandon's that he was a womanizing casanova. We have no idea when the incident she described happened. They could have been anywhere between 14-20 year old when it happened. All we know is that later Brandon was betrothed to Cat, and she is still angy over not getting a Stark and that Ned called his banners rather than give his head up without a fight. Brandon or anyone else being involved with Ashara is pretty far fetched with what we have to this point in the novels. The Daynes are not from Valyria nor are they related to the Targs.

[Flea Bottom's Up!]

If Ashara isn't Lemore, then who is? Martin spent too much time pondering who she is for it not to be an intersting reveal!

Hell, the only other person that I think could be Lemore is Lyanna Stark, but that doesn't make much sense, does it?

I'd say that Lemore is the mother of the sand snake that is mentioned to have a septa for a mother. From an overall storyline perspective, it might be a sign that there is a Dornish plan 'B' should Quentyn fail in his long-distance quest for dragon booty.

[Dinsdale!]

I'll say Ashara Dayne is the Veiled Lady of Braavos, a courtesan who shows her face only to her lovers. How else to hide her purple eyes!

(actually I don't really believe this, but it seems more likely than Ashara being Lemore...)

If Ashara is hiding somewhere, she'd know the truth of Jon Snow's parentage. But so does likely every important person in Starfall. (I mean if Eddard Stark shows up at Starfall with Arthur Dayne's sword, Lyanna Stark's bones and a mewling babe who needs a wet nurse, you'd have to be a pretty dense Dornishman to not figure it out)

[inkasrain]

I'm throwing my lot in with the "Brandon + Ashara = Stillborn daughter x Brandon's death = Suicide" faction. Sure, it's a hole-y theory, but given the personalities of all parties involved (and Ser Barristan's continued positive regard for Ned) it makes much more sense to me than the obvious option.

Most reasoning has already been hashed out over this thread, but one issue that sticks out to me in particular is the question of why Ned wouldn't have simply promised himself to and/or married Ashara, had he been infatuated to the point of deflowering her. As others have mentioned, both Ned and Ashara were unattached at the time of the tourney, and they were well-suited as far as birth goes. If the betrothal and/or marriage was a bit sudden, well, I'm sure it would hardly have been the first time two young people tied the knot quickly, especially in a heady spring. I just can't see solemn, honorable Ned boinking... well, anyone, but especially a peer, and giving her the old "Hey, this was fun. Gimme a call some time." It's possible that that might have been Ashara's attitude (the Dornish are a little different in that way, yes?) but I just can't imagine Ned going along with it, not without exacting/giving some kind of promise that would have overridden his responsibility to marry Catelyn.

[Cydal]

Barristan breaking his vows is even less likely than Ned besmirching his honour.

Agreed

That is ridiculous, sleeping with someone is not breaking your vows, they are not septons or maesters, so they never took a vow to be celibate, They only took a vow to father no children or take no wives. That said Ed Stark is probably the most honourable person in the entire series.

[Cydal]

Fair enough, I was unsure so I checked the obviously totally wrong wiki. Even so if Lyanna was what 14 at harrenhall, its still possible... if realllllly creepy. (not that I believe it but devils advocate and who knows right!)

Her being 14 would totally explain her dying during child birth

[Morrigan]

Lyanna died at 16, IIRC, and the NW and the Kingsguard ARE celibate. Why do you think ser Arys Oakheart feels so guilty at sleeping with Arianne, or Jon with Ygritte? Of course, it's stupid that they'd consider it oathbreaking since the actual oath does not mention sex, only taking wives and fathering children, but it seems commonly accepted that sleeping with a woman is sorta oathbreaking (the NW just close their eyes on it because if they hanged every man who went to Mole's Town, only ghosts would guard the Wall).

[Cydal]

And I think Brandon is already betrothed by this point anyway. Sure, we see people breaking their betrothals, but it's usually the hopeless romantics who do drastic things like that. ;) If Brandon was something of a player, and not in love with Ashara, he wouldn't see much point in breaking a betrothal to one heiress to marry another heiress when he didn't give much of a damn about either woman personally.

Not much point u say??? Catelyn Tully is the heiress to a great house whose house is the overlord for the riverlands(That happens to be conveniently close to the North), Ashara Dayne is the heiress to House Dayne which is a banner house to House Martell of Dorne which is a thousand leagues away from winterfell(even souther than King's Landing)

[Cydal]

Lyanna died at 16, IIRC, and the NW and the Kingsguard ARE celibate. Why do you think ser Arys Oakheart feels so guilty at sleeping with Arianne, or Jon with Ygritte? Of course, it's stupid that they'd consider it oathbreaking since the actual oath does not mention sex, only taking wives and fathering children, but it seems commonly accepted that sleeping with a woman is sorta oathbreaking (the NW just close their eyes on it because if they hanged every man who went to Mole's Town, only ghosts would guard the Wall).

Not true. The hanging refers to people that "leave" not people that go to mole's town which explains why Mormont mentioned it to Jon after Jon went "midnight riding" as he called it. The reason its common practice to not have sex is because of the "Father no children" part which is the only honourable reason for having sex. Jon never mentioned hanging anyone when they spoke of black brothers sleeping with the wildlings after he let them through the wall.

[Morrigan]

You might be right about the "leaving" part, but it still doesn't explain why Jon and Oakheart would feel so damn guilty at sleeping with a woman and think of it as oathbreaking if it weren't considered as such.

[Été]

That is ridiculous, sleeping with someone is not breaking your vows, they are not septons or maesters, so they never took a vow to be celibate, They only took a vow to father no children or take no wives. That said Ed Stark is probably the most honourable person in the entire series.

With the NW, having a sex life seems to break the spirit rather than the letter of the vow. As for the KG:

"She died never knowing that Ser Barristan had loved her. How could she? He was a knight of the Kingsguard, sworn to celibacy. No good could have come of telling her his feelings." ('The Kingbreaker')

[Ygritte]

The reason its common practice to not have sex is because of the "Father no children" part which is the only honourable reason for having sex.

Or just so you won't father any children by accident. I doubt the birth control and abortion techniques of Westeros are fully reliable.

[corbon]

Lemore is a red herring of course. Martin wants us to think there is more to her than meets the eye; Tyrion even says as much. It would be too much of a contrivance to make Lemore Ashara. If you are basing the fact that she is Ashara on the stretch marks, let me remind you that most women who gave birth have stretch marks. Why does it have to be Ashara? And it is known that "despoiled" women often join septs and become septas. She could be anybody.

Its like R+L=J. No one piece of evidence, but the accumulated weight.

Hair - both have dark brown hair

Eyes - Ashara has purple, Lemore has suspiciously (and unusually) un-noted eyes. (Tyrion is busy looking elsewhere, but it is still a weak ploy by GRRM, even though he has used it before).

Attractiveness - Ashara was clearly extremely attractive and outgoing. Lemore is also clearly extremely attractive and outgoing.

Age - We can estimate roughly Ashara's age (although we could be wrong, we don;t have any definitive statements) based on who she danced with at Harrenhal. A reasonable estimate would be around 38-43. Tyrion's estimate (and that is all it is, at a difficult age to guess accurately) is 40+. Their ages fit.

Swimming - If Ashara lives she faked her 'suicide' by diving into the sea - Lemore swims regularly.

Background - Ashara was a noblewoman and clearly Lemore has the skills of a noble background.

Career - the usual option for despoiled noblewomen (Ashara) is a religious vocation, at least in our world equivalent cultures. Lemore clearly has a religious vocation.

Birth - Ashara had at least one child (which we didn't have any idea of until well after we had seen Lemore's stretchmarks), Lemore also, despite being a Septa.

Connections - Ashara was clearly close to the Targs (Elia's handmaid, brother is Rhaegar's best friend) and knew Jon Connington (danced with him at Harrenhal + Targ association). Lemore...

Hiding - If Ashara is not dead then she is hiding. Lemore tells Griff that he is not the only one who needs to keep hidden (clearly meaning herself, so Lemore is a somebody who needs to hide).

Everything could be explained away by coincidence or misdirection. But there is a lot of connections between Lemore and Ashara.

And Ashara's death was always suspicious. The perfect tragedy? In Martin's world/writing? With no body?

[King Ned Stark]

I've never been much on theory speculation in this forum, I much prefer a good morality debate. Having said that, at some point enough is too much. Overall, I very much enjoyed aDwD, even though I felt that GRRM should have advanced the story a bit more. I am beginning to fear that aSoIaF is turning from, in my opinion, from one of the greatest literary works of all time into a soap opera of over-the-top cliffhangers and mysteries in which each subsequent book adds only more questions instead of answers. If, as GRRM has said, seven books is the plan, then why add a new wrinkle to a fifteen year mystery that already had three primary possibilities (as in Jon's parents are N+A, N+W, or R+L). Sure this isn't solely about Jon's parentage, but adding Brandon Stark into the mix is a thinly veiled attempt to cloud an already clouded issue. Three quarters of the way through the series is when you start reducing the possibilities, not adding to them, IMHO. Anyway, that is my rant, here is my theory, grasping as it is.

This is pure speculation, theorizing more on the "characteristics" of the people involved and my own gut feeling of said events, instead of factual evidence. And perhaps a bit of wishful thinking, but I'll be the first to admit the structure of my timeline may be a bit off.

Oswell Whent's brother announces the tourney at Harrenhal, and the great lords converge. Ned and Robert, wards of Arryn attend, and Stark's siblings attend, possibly to see their brother. At this point in time, it seems there a plethora of eligible high nobility in their late teens to mid-twenties. Whent's tourney just feels much different than the Hand's Tourney in aGoT, the talk of dancing and whatnot after days of jousting and melee's, seems to me to be this young nobility using the tourney to mix and mingle. After several days, Ned has noticed Ashara, and perhaps Brandon, the alpha male, noticed Ned noticing Ashara (don't see Ned asking Brandon to approach her, and always thought terming Ned "shy" was just wrong, reserved and conservative sure, but not shy, though I guess fifteen years can take a man's shyness away). Brandon, being the wild wolf that he is, approaches Ashara on Ned's behalf, and I think this is somewhat a crucial clue in the turn of events, because to me it feels that if that is true then Ashara approached Ned to dance, a subtle clue that possibly Ashara holds to form of Dornish women being more aggressive (e.g. Lemore's skinny dippin, yes I think they are one and the same). Perhaps she is smitten with this younger brother, who instead of being bold and cocksure, is kind and decent and honorable, shades of her older brother. As the days of the tournament elapse, the sheer size of Harrenhal allow for moonlit trysts between the two, and I think it more likely that Ashara seduced Ned for the simple reasoning that Arianne Martell, a princess of Dorne, did not consider it out of the way to have premarital sex, I think another clue. Selmy's own recollection of a Stark that dishonored her is his own opinion and he is jealous to boot. After days of drinks and dances, they have sex and Ashara becomes pregnant. Perhaps Ned promises her that he will speak with his father of a betrothal, as Ned is not so important as Brandon, and Ashara seems suitable for a second son of Stark to wed. Maybe a promise he never fulfilled.

The tourney ends, and all respective parties go their seperate ways. Ned leaves for the Eerie, Ben heads for Winterfell, and either both Brandon and Lyanna both head towards Riverrun or only Brandon does (though it would help to know who told Brandon of the abduction). Lyanna elopes/is abducted and Brandon hears, and goes off half-cocked (don't blame the guy). Ashara returns to King's Landing with Elia, and soon finds out she is pregnant. Another small but vital clue, though Selmy said she was new at court and fast friends with Elia, Ashara decides to return to Starfall, either due to the possibility of war or, and I think, to hide her pregnancy. Possibly to send word to Ned to speed up his talk with his father about betrothal, but Starfall is quite the long way off (a couple months?), with nary a message in between. When she returns there is news of war and everything has changed. The father and brother of the man she loves have been murdered by the family that her brother serves and her best friend? is married into, and Ned is now a fugitive and fled from the Eerie, so she can only wait anxiously.

The war rages and her belly grows (still on the fence about the child being stillborn, so I'll go with wishful thinking). Ned is forced to marry Catelyn in Brandon's stead to bring in the Riverlands for his cause, which seems constant with how Ned's life went, always doing what was better for everyone else instead of what he wanted. Ned wins the war, takes King's Landing, lifts the siege, and through some deduction figures his missing sister and the wayward kingsguard's are at the Tower of Joy, an old haunt of Rhaegar. For reasons unbeknownst to me, Ned picks the only six men in the world he feels he can trust to deal with the situation. They converge on the Tower of Joy. Ned is forced to kill the brother of the woman he loves, adding insult to injury (I don't see Ned hero-worshipping any man, not even Dayne, I think his praise of Arthur was because he was tough, honorable, but mostly because he was Ashara's brother).

The Ned returns Dawn (an act juxtaposed to Tywin and Ice, as the two seem destined to be compared and contrasted) to his lost love Ashara. Here is where I stumble. Ashara, knowing by raven now, that Ned has already wed, does not tell him that he has a child by her or the child was actually stillborn. Perhaps, if the child was stillborn or having not yet told him of the babe, Ashara being the cooky Dornishwoman that she is, pleads with Ned for them to flee together, people will assume he is dead, or maybe after all that the death of her brother was the straw that broke the camel's back. Anyway, I don't see a man as indomitable as Arthur Dayne having a sister (that Ned loved) being so very opposite that she takes her own life. I think either (and hopefully) she fled with Ned's son and by chance met Griff, or she fled to help raise the son of her best friend, which would likely mean her baby was stillborn (but if her baby was stillborn, why not stay on to help raise her nephew Edric?) I think there are a myriad a subtle clues like that throughout the series.

Have a few other reasons and opinions on this theory, but this post is long enough.

[Efilnikufesin]

Have to side with the Ned+Ashara being much more likely. As the Reeds are telling the Harrenhal story, they keep asking Bran if he is sure he hasn't heard any of this before. Why would they do that if it wasn't the moment that Ned and Ashara fell in love? Pretty sure the Reeds would know why Bran hadn't heard the story if it was just some girl Ned's brother slept with. Along with Edric Dayne's comments and a few other mentions of them together, one comment of "Stark" in Barriston Selmy's thought doesn't change the ballgame for me. He may have just said it in that manner out of pure jealousy.

[corbon]

Brandon is thrown into the mix because of one instance where "Stark" is used in reguards to Ashara rather than Ned, and because one bitter woman who is very angry with the Starks says she was beddeed by Brandon.

No, Brandon is thrown into the mix because when you look at the accumulated evidence he makes a lot more sense than Ned.

She implies that Brandon and Robert were kindred spirits in their constant pursuit of the next woman, and what has been previously presented by various other people is swept aside for and an iidea that does not and cannot fit the time frame we know to be fairly accurate.

She gives us the information that Brandon was not above despoiling young noblewomen. Nothing about Robert there at all, nor that Brandon was at a Robert-level of whoring. Just that Brandon has a past record of dishonouring young noblewomen.

And the time frame is exactly the same for either of them. Ashara was despoiled at Harennhal, not during the war, and Brandon was certainly there, and with Ashara, since he asked her to dance with Ned.

You've messed up a timing connection and thrown everything out in your calculations (see below).

Brandon died a few months prior to the outbreak of Roberts Rebellion. Harrenhal was 1-2 years prior to this and/or Lyanna disappearing. The sack of KL happend about a year into the war, and then you had the cleaning up of a few ongoing battles, then the TOJ, and then the travel to Starfall. This puts Ned showing up at Starfall at 15-18 months after the start of the war. Ashara jumped to her death shortly after learning that her brother had been killed.

Yes, except that Ashara probably didn't jump to her death. It was always suspicious that no body was found. We have a certain septa in Essos with at least 8 different potential clues connecting her with Ashara.

This means it occurred after Ned showed up. Barristan also indicates that she died shortly after the birth of her stillborn daughter.

"Soon after" (not shortly) can be quite a long time, especially in a world where news and travel can take months. And especially when the one remembering is busy fighting a war during the interval.

Barristan explicitly connects the 'dishonouring' to Harrenhal. Brandon was there.

The dishonouring very likely connects directly to the pregnancy, so it is merely a matter of degree, or mistaken memory, that Barristan considers the "suicide" 'soon after' the stillbirth. It appears to be a year or more between the two events.

This would have been close to 2 years following Brandon's death at KL. The opportunity for Brandon to be the father also takes a hit when you consider that Brandon was arrested when he first showed up at KL, so any interaction between him and Ashara would have to have been a while before that event. (He was on his way to his wedding before he turned to KL, and it would not be wise for him to get caught with another woman on the way to his wedding.)

Only relevant if you resolve the inconsistency between Barristan's two timing recollections by introducing further contact, an on-going affair despite being on opposite sides of the war.

There are other, simpler, more likely ways to resolve it.

1) The Reeds tell a story where Ned (Shy Wolf) and Ashara fall in love at Harrenhal.

No, they don't. They tell a story where the Ashara dances with Ned (who is shy and appears to have a crush) at the behest of Brandon. There is nothing there about Ashara loving Ned, nor about Ned having anything more than a young mans crush and a single dance.

2) Barristan tells the same story from his point of view, only he states that she turns to "Stark", or falls in love with Stark instead of him.

Critically, Barristan considers that 'Stark' dishonoured Ashara, whom he loves. Yet Barristan has previously been shown to hold Ned in high regard. Does. not. compute.

Actually, so does Arthur Dayne. He seems sad to have to fight Ned at ToJ, rather than relishing the chance to tangle with the man who dishonoured his sister.

3) Edric(?sp) reports to Arya that Ashara's sister has talked about Ashara being in love with Ned. Who better to know Ashara's thoughts and feeling than her sister?

This is well after the events. There are three possibilities.

1. Allyria Dayne knows and is telling the truth.

2. Allyria Dayne knows and is lying.

3. Allyria Dayne does not know (may or may not think she knows) and is telling what she believes.

1 is explained by Ned being the dishonourer.

2 is explained by cover story for Ashara's fake suicide, Jon, or both.

3 is explained by there being no indication or necessity that anyone at Starfall knew the real father of Ashara's baby, but they put 2 and 2 together when Ned turns up after the war.

4) Then we have Cersei throwing the death of the woman he loved in his face when she asked whether she killed herself because of the child he stole from her or the brother that he killed. While Cersei may not know their relationship or whether they are in love, she knows enough to believe that they had a child together which strongly implies that they had a relationship that was not very secret.

Covered by the same rumours floating around post war.

At Harrenhal, Ashara gets dishonoured, and was hanging around with Starks, among others. After the war, Ned goes first to Starfall, and comes away with a bastard son and Ashara having suicided.

Everyone puts the same 2+2 together. Cersei, Starfall people, Winterfell people. Looks like 4, feels like 4, sounds like 4. But it's actually 5.

5) Then following the war, Ned returns home and we have the confrontation about Ashara between Ned and Cat. She remembers how she had heard whispers from the wives of the soldiers returning home. This tells us that the men that went to war with Ned saw something during the war that they believe makes Ahsara the most likely candidate for Jon's mother. Jon was not old enough to have been conceived at Harrenhal, so the stories don't come from their time there together. It would have to be sometime more recent that would be consistent with Jon's age.

See above. None of the people at Winterfell were at ToJ. Therefore none were at Starfall. All they know is that Ned rode away from Starfall with a bastard and Ashara suicided. And possibly that there was some sort of scandal between Stark and Ashara earlier at Harrenhal.

Key points to remember.

a) What people say can be, and often is, wrong. Even what people remember can be wrong, though usually in small ways rather than big ones (eg Sansa's kiss). Even what we witness can be misleading, though not actually wrong. Us witnessing is best, eye witnesses to off-screen events next best, and reports by people impartial to the scene are better than reports by people who are not impartial.

b ) People say what they think is true as if it were true. Unless they were a witness or closely involved then any report is suspect.

c) People usually act 'in character' ie, consistently. Even when they appear inconsistent there is usually a hidden reason, and it is actually consistent.

Ned dishonouring Ashara would be out of character. Brandon dishonouring Ashara and doing nothing about it would be precisely in character.

Barristan and Arthur Dayne appearing to respect Ned Stark would be inconsistent if he dishonoured their love/sister.

[corbon]

Have to side with the Ned+Ashara being much more likely. As the Reeds are telling the Harrenhal story, they keep asking Bran if he is sure he hasn't heard any of this before. Why would they do that if it wasn't the moment that Ned and Ashara fell in love?

The story is about Lyanna, not Ned. Ned gets about two lines in the whole story, Lyanna many (KotLT).

It's important because Lyanna and Rhaegar connect here for the first time, and R+L is the sad story that starts the path toward the murder of Bran's uncle and grandfather and the events that made his father Lord of Winterfell.

[inkasrain]

Have to side with the Ned+Ashara being much more likely. As the Reeds are telling the Harrenhal story, they keep asking Bran if he is sure he hasn't heard any of this before. Why would they do that if it wasn't the moment that Ned and Ashara fell in love? Pretty sure the Reeds would know why Bran hadn't heard the story if it was just some girl Ned's brother slept with. Along with Edric Dayne's comments and a few other mentions of them together, one comment of "Stark" in Barriston Selmy's thought doesn't change the ballgame for me. He may have just said it in that manner out of pure jealousy.

I'm pretty sure that the Reeds assumed that Ned would have told his children the story because of what occurs between Lyanna and Rheagar-- by extension, the (presumably) true origins of Jon Snow. Ned himself plays a pretty small part in the tale, as I recall, and Ashara an even smaller role.

@ corbon,

Kudos for that post :)

[Winterfell is Burning]

As noted elsewhere... maybe it doesn't. Barristan says "Stark", not "Eddard Stark". The theory has been put forward that there's hints that Brandon, not Ned, was the one who had the Harrenhal fling.

Nah, it was Ned. For one thing, Brandon wasn't even shown to be in Harrental IIRC, only Ned, Benjen and Lyanna. Plus, from that story in SOS, it seems clear than Ned and Ashara were in love.

And it makes Ashara's story very tragic:

1) She meets and falls in love with Ned, and gets pregnant with his child;

2) Before they can marry, Brandon dies, and he has to marry Catelyn Tully instead. After that, he goes to war, in an opposite side of which her family is;

3) She has the child, but it's stillborn, so she mourns her, and possibly has postpartum depression as well;

4) Nevertheless, she believes Ned loves her (and is probably right) and maybe they'll be together one day;

5) Then he shows up, with another bastard in hand (it's probably not his, but she doesn't know that), meaning for her that he's just a "player", and ends any hope for the two of them, saying he'll stay with Cat;

6) And, of course, the reason he shows up is to tell her he just killed her big brother.

If it's Brandon or Benjen the one that got her pregnant, there isn't the tragedy.