If they lived in modern times...

[Gandalf the Grey]

Because he's rich?

I was under the impression that he was quite miserly. But I think his cold but highly competent leadership would be welcome in the Whitehouse.

[Ser Lepus]

She has komodo dragons, but they won't cooperate on camera so they weren't included on the show. But yes she does try to talk to them and Barristan has been sending her to psychologist Dr.Quaithe to work through this issue.

The image of ModernDany trying to breastfeed a komodo dragon has crossed my mind. It wasn't pretty. As a matter of fact, it was horrible, Painfully, bloody horrible.

[ElizaMartell]

On this episode of My Super Sweet Sixteen:

Daenerys: So I have like this totally awesome idea. I`m going to be like the queen of like Egypt you know kinda like Cleopatra but like way prettier. There are gunna be like elephants and like professional dancers and like gourmet foods.

Barristan: I don't know if we can do that much Dany I mean I kno-

Daenerys: I know you're my like godfather but like god you are not my father. Understand that you are talking to the blood of a dragon Barry.

(Cut to commercial)

Be sure to catch an all knew Pie Boss with pastry chef Hotpie.

(return)

Daenerys: Oh my Gawd I really hope like Daario agrees to be my like date to my party he is like so perfs. I can just imagine his scarlet red skinny jeans, and his gray cardigan. I love the thick mutton chops he grows out, they like frame his face like a work of art and those thick rim glasses, oh, they like totally make his eyes pop. I can't forget about that silk scarf he wears around his neck and those like spacer thingies he has in his ears. Even though he is like totally a nice guy and like deep and like likes poetry he is also like totally a tough guy and does MMA.

(cuts to Barristan and Dany)

Barristan: Daenerys! what is up with this report card. Straight D's! there is not going to be any party for you unless you start going for extra help at school.

(cuts to Dany at school)

Quentyn: Hhhhhh-hi Daenerys!

Daenerys: Quents! So I really need you to start doing all my homework again because when I try to do it by myself it is all like totally wrong.

Quentyn: Oooooo-ok Daenerys I love you..

(Cuts to Dany and guidance counselor Jorah)

Jorah: Khalee-err-Daenerys, I'm sorry to say this but no university will accept you, you're just going to have to try to go right into the workplace.

Daenerys: Oh. My. God. Like seriously you are like the worst guidance counselor I have ever seen in my life. Like I will do whatever I want I am a dragon and if those universities won't take me then I will take them, with fire and like blood.

( Cuts to the party where Daenerys and her "guuurlfraannnds" Missandei, Doreah, Irri and Jiqui are all dancing)

(Show ends)

Where can I watch this show?

[MrsManderly]

Dire Turtle, both your "Westeros' Biggest Loser" and "Sweet Sixteen" posts were hilarious! Please come up with some more!

Suggestions (to which I could not begin to do justice):

- Westeros' Celebrity Big Brother - featuring washed out has beens and B List celebrities including King Robert, Strong Belwas, Jorah Mormont, Rattleshirt and Ashara Dayne

- Westeros' Next Top Model - hosted by Cersei Lannister (famous former model turned businesswoman), with panel judges Daario Naharis, Renly Baratheon/Loras Tyrell and Olenna Tyrell. Contestants include Irri, Jiqui, Doreah, Pia (with teeth), Gatehouse Ami, Fair Walda, the Sandsnake sisters Nymeria and Tyene and a couple of Crasters' daughters who are in for a big makeover

- Westeros Survivor 2012 - where they have to tame draggons, battle the undead and survive extreme cold conditions; some Spanish kid called Quentin goes out in first round

:drunk:

[Tattered Prince Pumpkinn]

If characters from the book lived in modern times, there's a great chance that Arianne Martell would become my wife. Nym Sand would be my mistress then. That leaves Tyene Sand as my girlfriend. Oh, and I'll have Dany as my pet.

[Ser Areo Mace]

I could see the Greyjoy family being part of a 1%-er MC (aka outlaw motorcycle club).

The Krakens

Balon is president

Euron is the former VP that was kicked out

Victarion is the Sergeant at Arms

Andrik the Unsmiling is the Enforcer

[stannis halfelven]

Tension mounts at the Stark dinner table when Jon Umber insists that he should be the one to drive the van.

[Accio Euron]

The Krakens

Balon is president

Euron is the former VP that was kicked out

Victarion is the Sergeant at Arms

Andrik the Unsmiling is the Enforcer

YES!

Euron would just be nomad for several years until Balon mysteriously dies and then everyone wants Euron as president because they're all greedy mofos.

[Lothar Imbel]

Aeron Greyjoy would probably be in prison for inciting religious hatred, due to being Westeros' Abu Hamza.

[Ser Areo Mace]

YES!

Euron would just be nomad for several years until Balon mysteriously dies and then everyone wants Euron as president because they're all greedy mofos.

Oh and Aeron would be the member that went to prison for not ratting he club out and in there found some off the wall faith and now wants the club to convert.

[Accio Euron]

Oh and Aeron would be the member that went to prison for not ratting he club out and in there found some off the wall faith and now wants the club to convert.

That would make an amazing series, not going to lie. Asha would be the woman who doesn't want to be a Kraken's old lady, she wants to be the Kraken, but she's an outsider, more of the type that they use for information and busy errands. Poor Theon never gets patched in.

[Ser Areo Mace]

That would make an amazing series, not going to lie. Asha would be the woman who doesn't want to be a Kraken's old lady, she wants to be the Kraken, but she's an outsider, more of the type that they use for information and busy errands. Poor Theon never gets patched in.

Am I the only one that wants to make ASoIaF about mc's now?

[Melonica Stormborn]

Both Jon and Rhaegar are the emo guys in real life, based on the answers I've seen. Further gives credence to R+L=J. Haha! :shocked:

Ned - owner of a ski resort. He suddenly becomes secretary of state and was assassinated by terrorists.

Jon - Ned's supposed bastard who was sent to boarding school after Ned became secretary of state. He becomes student council president.

Robb - has to run the ski resort after Ned becomes secretary of state.

Bran - aspires to be an Olympic snowboarder but was crippled by a snowboarding incident.

Catelyn - was devastated by Bran's accident and Ned's death. To forget her problems, she starts helping in the ski resort and meddling with Robb's business decisions.

Rickon - forgotten child so he will grow up to become a rebellious kid. He'll be addicted to heroin and joins the Italian mafia. Robb and Catelyn will call for an intervention with Dr. Davos.

Robert - the president. After his term and subsequent death, Cersei tries to run for presidency, but loses the nomination to Barack Obama. She becomes a senator instead.

Arya - will have difficulty conforming to society. Will be sent to boarding school as punishment, but runs away and becomes a member of female rock band called The Faceless Men.

Sansa - the next first lady.

Samwell - some geek in Silicon Valley. After Jon graduates from boarding school, he will forego college and have a tech start-up. He will get Sam on the project and they will create Facebook.

Littlefinger - hotshot banker.

:pimp:

[Woman of War]

Olenna Tyrell: Christine Lagarde

Tywin Lannister: Pinochet or simply Todd Akin

Kevan Lannister: Jacques Chirac

Tyrion Lannister: Nicholas Sarkozy (or Napoléon if the Others win)

Sansa Stark: Carla Bruni (or Mother Theresa if she gets truly fed up)

Melisandre: Osama Bin Laden

Cersei: Anna Wintour or Sarah Palin (no, that would be unkind towards Cersei)

Jaime: Joe Montana

Varys: Angela Merkel, has always been underrated

Littlefinger: Dominique Strauss-Kahn

Sam Tarly: Winston Churchill

Dany: Trotski

Ned: Olof Palme, not enough sex or head for Bill Clinton

Catelyn: could have been Hilary Clinton if they had let her

Ramsay: Marc Dutroux

Pia: one of those millions of abused women and children in the world who get no mention because they are neither beautiful nor POVs

The Reader: GRRM

[Tewks44]

Renly Baratheon: Reality star on a Bravo television program, probably involving flipping real-estate

Cersei: Reality star on the Real Housewives of King's Landing

Lysa Tully: Reality star on the Real Housewives of the Vale

Randyll Tarley: A popular republican candidate

Tyrion Lannister: A popular author of works such as "My Life as a Lannister" and regular on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

[Lummel]

Oh Woman of War! I think that's a tiny bit unfair to Sam Tarly who so far doesn't seem to be an alcoholic, have depression, be an adventurer or be a racist (although admittedly he is about the right shape)

Wasn't Olof Palme up to no good with the US, not quite The Ned.

Mind you I am intrigued that you think that Merkel is secretly plotting for the restoration of the Hohenzollerns - possibly through a bastard line!

[Myrish Swamp Thing]

Mind you I am intrigued that you think that Merkel is secretly plotting for the restoration of the Hohenzollerns - possibly through a bastard line!

That would be awesome.

Littlefinger: Bernie Madoff. Too easy?

[Natalie_S]

Tywin: CEO of some multinational

Jaime: should inherit the company, but decides to join the army

Tyrion: Lawyer, should defend the company from the many complaints and suing

Cersei: married the president Robert Baratheon to gain political support for the company

Renly: the typical politician, very good at keeping a good public image

Stannis: general

Bronn: has a private company that provides surveillance system and bodyguards

Littlefinger: politician, but secretly mafia boss

[LordReaper]

Mance Rayder - Former Ranger captain turned hippie. Lives in SF, plays guitar.

Tormund Giantsbane - Hell's Angels ringleader. Has four kids, all from diffrent mothers. Surprisingly enough, a warm and caring father.

Ramsay Snow- In jail serving 25 consecutive life-sentences. Known for flaying his victims alive. Feared by the gen pop - picture Harlen Green from Con Air.

Greatjon Umber - owns an Irish pub that's been in his family for generations.

Jorah Mormont - Serving 10-20 for armed robbery. Bitter divorcee. The only inmate not scared of Ramsay.

Tywin Lannister - Mob boss.

Gregor Clegane - Works for Tywin. Bodyguard and enforcer.

Sandor Clegane - Following a serious spat with Tywin and Gregor, was forced to flee the country. Joined the French Foreign Legion. Now trains a private army for a Columbian drug cartel run by Euron Greyjoy.

Jaime Lannister - Tywin's carefree son, a constant dissapointment to his father in declining to take over the family buisness. Studies for a degree in B.A on a college football scholarship.

Ned Stark - Yale graduate in B.A and Political Sciences. Worked as Robert's Baratheon's campaign manager in the last presidential elections, and for his younger brother Stannis when he ran for the position of D.A.

Victarion Greyjoy - Navy Seal team leader.

Jon Snow - Youngest cop ever making detective in the SFPD. Disliked by his fellow officers as a jumpstart, though clearly capable. DIA is currently investigating his dealings with Hell's Angel's ringleader Tormund Giantsbane.

Alliser Thorne - DIA detective currently investigating Jon Snow's relations with Tormund Giantsbane.

Walder Frey - Owns a event venue and a catering service run entirely by family members in a medium town in SE United States. Nuptuals, bar-mitzvas, weddings.

Harma Dogshead - Top dog (pun intended) in the female wing of Ramsay's and Jorah's prison. Serving 7-10 for cruelty to animals.

Loras Tyrell - Greenpeace activist and an open advocate for gay marriage. Chief prosecution witness at Harma's trial.

Aeron Greyjoy - Former criminal turned to the faith. Founded a cult and lives in a compound on the beach.

[cantharella]

A few people had a genius idea about Sandor Clegane being a lead singer of a metal band :agree: This ties up nicely with all the threads "pick perfect song for each character".

Ned Stark - Coach Eric Taylor from Friday Night Lights - molder of men!