Lily Valley Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 LITA, I'm so sorry. There is absolutely nothing you can do to hurry up and get over the sadness and heartache of a breakup. It just really sucks and it just takes time. You WILL eventually get over it and you WILL fall in love with someone again. If you think you're suffering from depression, get to a doctor. Exercise, hobbies and getting out of the house are good ways to fight the break-up blues, but if if your depression gets worse, you might need medication to pull out of it. Please try to see a doctor. There should be a low cost or sliding-scale clinic in your area. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Sorry to hear you're going through that, man. It's a lousy spot to be in, but it happens. I know it probably seems like nothing will improve, but it will. It sounds like you've had a little bit of time to experience all the negative stuff that comes with a break-up. That stuff won't go away immediately, but don't feed it either. When you wake up tomorrow, take care of whatever obligations you have (ie work, family stuff) and then go take an hour or even a half hour to do something that you enjoy. Read. Go for a short run. Anything that you've gotten enjoyment out of in the past. I've been there, man, and while I don't know exactly how you feel, it's never easy to deal with a relationship that has just ended. Take care of yourself, try to balance your time between doing work (grocery shopping, working, paying bills, boring shit) and things that you've always enjoyed. Hang in there, keep your head up. I know from your posts that you're smart and you have a lot to offer. Don't expect to get over your ex immediately, because it won't happen. Just try to be okay with that and put one foot in front of the other, do one thing at a time, and before you know it you'll be in an entirely different frame of mind and feeling a lot better. Hope you're feeling better in the near future ETA: :ninja: 'd by Lily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 You think I like being treated like that? Daum.... Well look, the first time a rattlesnake bites your friend in the dick, you feel terrible for him. The fifth time he comes home with fang marks in his wangledangle, you have to start to wonder if he's got a thing for scales. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Nothing here is causing me to re-evaluate my "cynical manipulatrix" theory on MPDG. Behind that Zooey Deschanel exterior lies a steel-hearted monster. Flee! (unless you like that sort of thing). I think maybe she's just basking in the attention I'm paying her after over 2 years with what from all accounts is an emotionally undemonstrative albeit reasonably decent guy, but at the same time she's hung up on him enough that she can't really see herself with anyone else yet. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. It could be that she's cynically manipulating me, getting her kicks from jerking me around and not putting out, either physically or emotionally. But I hope not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Well look, the first time a rattlesnake bites your friend in the dick, you feel terrible for him. The fifth time he comes home with fang marks in his wangledangle, you have to start to wonder if he's got a thing for scales. Yags, I'm crying over here. You're killing me. What's it costing you to pay attention to MPDG? More than a few minutes texting everyday? Is she giving you anything for the spank bank? Is it fun? If not, cut her ass off. If she's really nuts, she'll start stalking you as soon as you ignore her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 I mean a couple of racy but not explicit snapchats, which isn't bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Along with possible down the road payoff, I'd say good investment. Mandy, my total outsider take on why you've had such crappy luck is NOT because you're looking for bad behavior. It does appear that you overlook the early signs of bad behavior and then it escalates (as bad behavior inevitably does). I probably stayed single for much longer than I needed to by rejecting anyone that displayed even a whiff of behavior I won't tolerate. Somewhere between the two of us is a happy medium. I wish you the best of luck, it really is a numbers game. Gary met my son briefly. Totally unplanned and it went fine. They both seemed unfazed. I worried for nothin'. He's leaving for work again, another month out of town. I'll be headed to ConCarolinas when he gets back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 You think I like being treated like that? Daum.... You know I'm only joking, right? I know you've just had rotten luck of it lately, and I hope things start working out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponine Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 What's the line between leading someone on and simply acting friendly if nothing explicit has been said indicating definite interest? I think it's horribly narcissistic and tedious when people feel the need to drop that they have a SO the second that someone of the opposite sex tries to speak to them. But I tend toward oblivious with flirting and have definitely been in the position of seeming to send signals that I was interested to someone for way too long given that in hindsight it was pretty obvious and overt about his interest in me beyond friendship. Anyway, even as oblivious as I can be, I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable, because I can see that an acquaintance has been acting interested in me and being flirtatious, but hasn't put me in a situation where I need to explicitly tell him I'm not interested. It's becoming obvious enough that I feel the need to clear the air, but I obviously don't want to be like - hey I can tell you're flirting and I'm not interested - but also don't want to start acting cold or unfriendly given that my discomfort isn't because he's done anything inappropriate. I don't think that continuing to act friendly until I have to say something is a bad idea, but I can also see the case for him feeling like omg you let me act like a fool for weeks when you had zero interest and you didn't have to do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Doing the flirting in subtle, deniable ways is a chickenshit move; chances are if you DID try to be explicit, you'd be met with "WTF? I wasn't doing anything!". If they're not going to make their intentions clear, and you make sure to shut down any overt flirting right away, they only have themselves to blame for being "led on" IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 I am really very indecisive, it is the worst. V says the right things and I am very conflicted and nervous. Boys don't usually trip me up this way. Ep, maybe mention a fun thing you and your man did recently so it won't seem all I HAVE A BOYFRIEND but still mention it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 You can't lead someone on unless you've given them the wrong idea about what's going on, and this guy hasn't allowed you to even do that. It's on him if he feels led on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A wilding Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Doing the flirting in subtle, deniable ways is a chickenshit move; chances are if you DID try to be explicit, you'd be met with "WTF? I wasn't doing anything!". If they're not going to make their intentions clear, and you make sure to shut down any overt flirting right away, they only have themselves to blame for being "led on" IMO. While I agree with this, us men can be very unreasonable about rejection and it can get messy. So, with Kay Fury, I would recommend making a subtle reference or two to your SO. If you do want to stay friends, perhaps ask for some advice about a possible present for your SO? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Us men can also be entirely reasonable about it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 While I agree with this, us men can be very unreasonable about rejection and it can get messy. So, with Kay Fury, I would recommend making a subtle reference or two to your SO. If you do want to stay friends, perhaps ask for some advice about a possible present for your SO? I have not met a man in my entire life who was unreasonable about rejection, I'm assuming you're being sarcastic? Eponine, this is pretty damn obvious, if you're receiving unwanted flirtation/advances, you confront the person and tell them you don't like it/don't want it. If you still want to be friends with that person tell them that as well. Doing the flirting in subtle, deniable ways is a chickenshit move; chances are if you DID try to be explicit, you'd be met with "WTF? I wasn't doing anything!". So what? And she'll say, "OK, cool, glad I was wrong." Is this a game where the one who tricks the other is a winner? If there is something not clear about communication between 2 people, you clarify it. If you don't like them, you stop talking to them. If you like them, you continue talking to them. That's all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Why is it silly to date if you can't get physical? That sounds like a great opportunity to see if there's more to it than just mutual booty calling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Don't worry Mandy, some people just read half of what you say on here. :grouphug: That's what love is all about... giving. :) I wouldn't say it's what it's all about, especially not in the pizza department. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Doing the flirting in subtle, deniable ways is a chickenshit move; chances are if you DID try to be explicit, you'd be met with "WTF? I wasn't doing anything!". If they're not going to make their intentions clear, and you make sure to shut down any overt flirting right away, they only have themselves to blame for being "led on" IMO. Why is flirting in subtle, deniable ways a chickenshit move? That's the way you do it to let both people save face if the other party isn't interested. Just because some people may handle whatever comes next poorly doesn't make it a "chickenshit" move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Because if the other person wants you to stop, it makes it really hard for them to openly ask for you to knock it off. 'Chickenshit' is stronger than what I would use, but I also think it's kind of a dud move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Because if the other person wants you to stop, it makes it really hard for them to openly ask for you to knock it off. 'Chickenshit' is stronger than what I would use, but I also think it's kind of a dud move. I'm just unsure of how subtle and deniable flirting would be of the kind that would make one uncomfortable. Seems to me that if it had risen to the level of causing discomfort, it would be neither subtle nor deniable. Subtle and deniable seems to me to just being a little friendlier and more complimentary than the average acquaintance. The anxiety seems to be with the fear of having to reject this person down the road, and them not taking it well. Which doesn't have anything to do with "subtle and deniable" flirting, and more with being bad at taking rejection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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