Dating 9: resolving the cliffhangers of the last thread

[KiDisaster]

Does anyone have experience with long-distance relationships? In this case I live Pennsylvania, and the girl lives in Colorado. I knew her from high school but we literally never spoke until recently via Facebook. It started as nothing but it's kind of coming to the point where we're realize we really like each other. But, that's a pretty long distance, and I've never had experience with anything like this before. I'm kind of afraid of getting to into her (and she feels the same) because of the distance. At the same time, we're considering the possibility of trying to make it work...somehow. I don't know.

I've had a couple. They are difficult, tremendously so. There will be times when you become incredibly frustrated because your SO isn't there and can't be. There will be days and nights when you want nothing more than to do the things "normal" couples can do and feel lonely. Of course smart phones and such help, keeping in touch and chatting constantly is easier than ever but it's no replacement for the real thing obviously. They require a lot more trust than normal relationships do, if either of you are particularly jealous people it's can be rough. If either of you have the ability to visit the other on a fairly regular basis it can make it easier, there's nothing like that first day after you haven't seen each other in months :lol:. But there's nothing like the last day when you know you won't see each other again for months either. Goodbyes suck.

Whether it's worth it or not really depends on how much you like her and how much she likes you. I always say it's worth a shot, you never know where it can go. Better to try and have it go nowhere than to look back wondering what if.

[Arbor Gold]

Does anyone have experience with long-distance relationships? In this case I live Pennsylvania, and the girl lives in Colorado. I knew her from high school but we literally never spoke until recently via Facebook. It started as nothing but it's kind of coming to the point where we're realize we really like each other. But, that's a pretty long distance, and I've never had experience with anything like this before. I'm kind of afraid of getting to into her (and she feels the same) because of the distance. At the same time, we're considering the possibility of trying to make it work...somehow. I don't know.

I would suggest one of you flying over to the other person ASAP to find out if you two have any chemistry in person. If not, then problem solved. If so, then decisions need to be made.

[Stannisaurus]

This is just awful, but funny at the same time..... :D :angry: this article is a smoothie of emotions..... Things like this make men look like nothing more than excited half-brain dogs that are just gross, and eager to fill their sexual appetites

Alright, sorry for barging in the thread like that but I have read this article a while ago and I have two questions (not directed particularly to Unecumbered but generally to people who have that opinion):

1) How is this newsworthy to, well, anyone?

2) Is there any actual reason that this is supposed to be "bad"? Yes, many men have no problem having sex with a woman who is pretty regardless of character... And? Is there some unwritten moral law saying that sex is supposed to be always something more than the fill of sexual appetites or personality must come into play? Or is this just one of those things were women generally don't like it so it is "gross" and "bad"?

[Tellus Explorer]

Alright, sorry for barging in the thread like that but I have read this article a while ago and I have two questions (not directed particularly to Unecumbered but generally to people who have that opinion):

1) How is this newsworthy to, well, anyone?

2) Is there any actual reason that this is supposed to be "bad"? Yes, many men have no problem having sex with a woman who is pretty regardless of character... And? Is there some unwritten moral law saying that sex is supposed to be always something more than the fill of sexual appetites or personality must come into play? Or is this just one of those things were women generally don't like it so it is "gross" and "bad"?

Officially no, but for women who want more than sex, it's a bit tactless. Now if you don't have any goals but to sleep together and it's already been mutually established then I agree with your reasoning.

Newsworthy? No, but interesting.... I had never read this article before and I wouldn't pass up any opportunity to further my knowledge.

[Stannisaurus]

Okay thanks for the reply. Although I would just like to point out that many men who do that (have sex with women regardless of personality) can also get into a committed relationship (well, not at the same time obviously)

[Maithanet]

1) How is this newsworthy to, well, anyone?

2) Is there any actual reason that this is supposed to be "bad"? Yes, many men have no problem having sex with a woman who is pretty regardless of character... And? Is there some unwritten moral law saying that sex is supposed to be always something more than the fill of sexual appetites or personality must come into play? Or is this just one of those things were women generally don't like it so it is "gross" and "bad"?

1. Well it is a humor piece. And a lot of people find it pretty funny.

2. I suppose that for me anyway, I see a big difference between wanting to have sex with someone you don't know very well vs still wanting to have sex with someone who is obviously, actively horrible. With the former, you can at least imagine that they are an interesting, likeable, non-horrible person. When you can no longer pretend that (as in the latter case), it is a lot harder to remain attracted to said person. With the profile of ImaginaryHorribleGirl, it would be unpleasant just being in her presence, let alone...literally inside her.

[Lily Valley]

Stannis, my OKC profile literally read, Message me if: "You're NOT looking for a new girlfriend."

You would be surprised how many lonely men who wanted a nice woman to settle down with messaged me anyway.

On long distance,

I would suggest one of you flying over to the other person ASAP to find out if you two have any chemistry in person. If not, then problem solved. If so, then decisions need to be made.

+1

Go visit immediately. In addition to absence and jealousy, long distance brings taking things slowly to a new level. It might be months before you've had a chance to spend one week together. Keep that in mind.

[Stannisaurus]

@ Maithanet What I meant was why everyone acted surprise to something that, at least to me, was common knowledge. I find the article a bit funny myself, mostly because people did not realize that the girl was obviously fake.

What we're laughing about is either these guys don't care that this girl is a racist asshole gold digging bitch who wants to lie and ruin your life, or these guys didn't read her damn profile. Oh, and also how far these guys would go with an apparent piece of shit person just to get inside her pants..

@ Mandy

Why should they care that this girl is a racist asshole gold digging bitch when we are talking about just sex? (I doubt that any respondent was going for anything more)

Why should they care that this girl wants to lie and ruin their lies when they were just going for sex? Its not like they would (normally) give her the chance to do so

These guys did not really go "far", they just wrote a few BS lines in the chat. I doubt for example that that one guy would actually let her give him a mermaid tattoo.

And those are basically my questions: Is there any actual, objective reason that men should not want to have sex with that awful girl? Or is it just "personal preference", like maithanet said above, that he would find it hard to be attracted to such a person?

[Derfel Cadarn]

Dinner went well but my last train was earlier than expected so it was a bit too brief. Not helped by her bus being 40 minutes late (which she txted me about).

She said we should keep in touch, which was promising. Still to hear back from her, which isnt unusual. The distance is a pain, but I'll see.

[EyesLikeNeedles]

I don't know if I would try Online dating, you hear of too many weirdos, case in point the people who replied to that girls profile at the same time I don't see the problem with having sex with someone who has a terrible personality, it's only sex.

[Arbor Gold]

Having sex with a person despite their horrible personality?? Sounds like a job for the Naked Man! (totally SFW)

[Angalin]

Having sex with a person despite their horrible personality?? Sounds like a job for the Naked Man! (totally SFW)

Martina McBride is the Naked Man? :p (I have missed you, AG. :love:)

[Inigima]

I would suggest one of you flying over to the other person ASAP to find out if you two have any chemistry in person. If not, then problem solved. If so, then decisions need to be made.

This definitely. LDR isn't impossible but it's not something you want to be doing for a long time. It's also risky because something that works with distance or in the short term might not work out so well when you're around each other more.

[deleted01]

Does anyone have experience with long-distance relationships? In this case I live Pennsylvania, and the girl lives in Colorado. I knew her from high school but we literally never spoke until recently via Facebook. It started as nothing but it's kind of coming to the point where we're realize we really like each other. But, that's a pretty long distance, and I've never had experience with anything like this before. I'm kind of afraid of getting to into her (and she feels the same) because of the distance. At the same time, we're considering the possibility of trying to make it work...somehow. I don't know.

You've had some pretty good advice already, but I'll chime in anyway. My current relationship (almost 18 months) is long distance, and has been from the start. It has its difficulties, but it works better for different people. I entered the relationship coming from a long period of being single, and keen to still have my own space. It has since developed into wanting to be closer to him. I couldn't have predicted that, and things have been tough at times, but having an "end goal" (like moving nearer to one another) helps somewhat.

I have no idea of the distance between the two places you said - my boyfriend lives about 250 miles away from me, back in our hometown (I moved away for uni 3 years ago). Is it relatively easy for you to visit each other? Can you stay at or near the other when you visit? My boyfriend has spent weeks at my student place, so we've had that trial of living together, which was good imho. He used to get the train or bus down every couple of weeks - unfortunately life has gotten in the way and we have only been able to see each other for a few days every 3-5 weeks. It sucks, and we've struggled at times, but we're nearing the end now. I'm going home on Sunday for a couple of weeks (hurray!) seeing as tomorrow is my final exam (double hurray!), and then I'll be moving home in August for the foreseeable future.

I guess if you both enter into the relationship knowing what it is, and are able to address any difficulties that arise, there's always a chance it will work. I dislike people declaring that something will never work, because everyone, and every relationship and situation, is different. If you both want the same things, and are willing to give it a go, I say go for it. And best of luck! :D

[Tempra]

Okay, in all seriousness, the article is set in outline form like this:

The Profile:

Here the author tells us how she tried to purposely make the profile mean, spoiled, lazy, racist, manipulative, and willfully ignorant, and I threw in a little gold digging for funzies.

The Messages

150 Messages in 24 hours.

I dont get that many messages. But then Im also not a supermodel and I understand that. The girls picture she used was very pretty and a little flirty loooking, which Im sure helped with the dudes. Still 150 MESSAGES wow.

Response Tactic #1: Be Unforgivably Awful

Here she just says horrible shit. Like that shes currently pretending to be a 14 yr old on a fake facebook profile and is bullying her little suster and her little sisters friends. Also mentions here how she once got out of community service by pretending she was pregnant and how shes gotten really good at (she should win the nobel prize) that and people give you all kinds of things, especially if they think theyre the dad LOLZ.

Response Tactic #2: She Will Ruin Your Life

She says she wants to give you a mermaid tattoo. Says she does not like sex and will only have sex with the purpose of pretending she is pregnnant in order to make you do shit for her. Asks another man if she can pull out on of his TEETH. Hes all about meeting up.

Response Tactic #3: Utter Nonsense

I dont even have the energy to describe the rest. I mean. WHAT?

Dude, if you cant find a chick to have sex with who has a little less problems, I feel REALLY bad for you. I suggest hiring a professional instead. You would have less problems.

Eh, this is about as real as BloodNinja's cyber escapades. Besides, her trolling is so over-the-top that no one would take her seriously even if the responses are legit. Finally, the guys just want to hit it or at least get some nudes on snapchat for the spank bank. Guy's aren't going to actually have their teeth pulled to hook up with this lady...

[Tempra]

Well of course not. But the fact that they keep talking to her is what is gross.

If you think that's gross, you'll be horrified at this: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=160940131 (some parts are NSFW)

Some people are desperate and will put up with all kinds of shitty behavior for a quick lay.

[Arbor Gold]

(I have missed you, AG. :love:)

Aww, thanks!

[Francis Buck]

Thanks for the advice everybody. I especially agree with getting to see her at least once before dragging it out too long, and certainly before "making the decision" so to speak.

You've had some pretty good advice already, but I'll chime in anyway. My current relationship (almost 18 months) is long distance, and has been from the start. It has its difficulties, but it works better for different people. I entered the relationship coming from a long period of being single, and keen to still have my own space. It has since developed into wanting to be closer to him. I couldn't have predicted that, and things have been tough at times, but having an "end goal" (like moving nearer to one another) helps somewhat.

I have no idea of the distance between the two places you said - my boyfriend lives about 250 miles away from me, back in our hometown (I moved away for uni 3 years ago). Is it relatively easy for you to visit each other? Can you stay at or near the other when you visit? My boyfriend has spent weeks at my student place, so we've had that trial of living together, which was good imho. He used to get the train or bus down every couple of weeks - unfortunately life has gotten in the way and we have only been able to see each other for a few days every 3-5 weeks. It sucks, and we've struggled at times, but we're nearing the end now. I'm going home on Sunday for a couple of weeks (hurray!) seeing as tomorrow is my final exam (double hurray!), and then I'll be moving home in August for the foreseeable future.

I guess if you both enter into the relationship knowing what it is, and are able to address any difficulties that arise, there's always a chance it will work. I dislike people declaring that something will never work, because everyone, and every relationship and situation, is different. If you both want the same things, and are willing to give it a go, I say go for it. And best of luck! :D

Yeah...we're well over one thousand miles apart, closer to two thousand I believe. She could definitely stay at my place, and I'm not positive but I'm pretty sure I could stay at hers (we both still live with our parents, I'm 24, she's 22). So that's the shitty thing, it ain't easy for us to visit each other. To be clear, I haven't heavily researched what pricing for flights or even trains are like, which is obviously important. I'm almost afraid to do it.

But...I think I'm going to try it out. I'm definitely going to meet her at least once anyway, and I know she wants to as well (we've already discussed the whole "real life" chemistry thing). Even though there are/could be enormous challenges, I do think I want to try it. As weird as it sounds, the descriptions above posters said about finally seeing each other sound pretty amazing. I think it would feel amazing to me, anyway, I presume her as well. I wouldn't even say at this point that I've truly "fallen of for her", since it's just very different from any other relationship I've ever had and exists entirely through Facebook/texting/phone, but that urge to just be in the same vicinity as her alone is very strong.

Thanks again for the advice peoples.

[Larry of the Lawn]

If you think that's gross, you'll be horrified at this: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=160940131 (some parts are NSFW)

Some people are desperate and will put up with all kinds of shitty behavior for a quick lay.

What's with the bulk of the posts saying something like "in on first page" and that's it? Are these guys just playing into common body-builder stereotypes intentionally?

[Bea_Stark]

Hello, everyone, I've read some of your posts and found this thread nice, so I thought I'd share a bit about me too and see what you think.

I noticed here some people talking about the difference sometimes between what we expect of someone and what they can offer. That's happened to me a few times in the past. My ex, for example, was never really clear about what he understood by being in a relationship. We started dating and I liked his company. After a bit more than a month I started asking myself what I wanted, and I thought I'd like him to be my boyfriend. Eventually that happened, but there was never a real conversation about what each of us expected to begin with. I wanted a man who wasn't afraid to be in a stable relationship. However, he wasn't exactly so trustworthy and dependable I later learned. He wanted to be with someone, but feared having to promise anything. But then, did I tell him from the start what I wanted? I don't think so. I guess maybe that's got to change from now on. Communication seems pretty important to me. Being honest too.

I'm happy now being single, but it was really rough getting over him.