NFL Week 15-The Johnny Goose Egg Era Begins

[awesome possum]

Chicago leads the league in jerkface.

Jimmy Clausen? Jerkface? I think you mean Bondvillainface

[Rockroi]

Its funny because its not happening to me.

So, I have been absent for a bit so I have a lot to cover- I mean I could spent 12 paragraphs alone on Johnny Football's epic face-plant against the Bengals. Jesus.

Lets start with the Patriots, or at least the second-half Patriots. Against Miami, the Pats looked nigh unstoppable. But in the second half of games this season? Fuck-balls. Pats are basically a monster in the second-half. Since the bye-week, the Pats have outscored opponents 82-16 in the 3rd and 4th quarters. And 10 of those points were garbage-time points to the Colts; that means the Pats have given up SIX TOTAL second-half points in the last 4 games. They have utterly shut down teams with second-half adjustments- Rodgers, Rivers, Stafford, Luck; all are "figured out" to some degree as the game moves on by a pretty stellar defense. Pats are second in Total DVOA and #1 in weighted DVOA; they are also the third best in Defensive DVOA (only Buffalo and Detroit are better; two teams the Pats have already defeated).

Now, there are definitely some problems. The O-line continues to have trouble against extra-physical front D-lines, and this will cause problems against Buffalo in the last week of the season and, if it comes to that, down the road against Seattle. Now, that's a long way off, but ... don't look now, but the Pats ...are the favorite to win the SB... according to Football Outsiders. Not that that means anything but ...

Other things to look at while I try not to get my hopes up:

-I want to know from our Washington DC fans, how much of the demise of RGIII - by %- do you put on the following people:

a. RGII;

b. Mike Shanahan;

c. Jay Gruden;

d. The Team Doctors;

e. Dan Snyder

I used to be like 15% RGIII, 55% Shanahan, 10% Gruden, 0% doctors, 20% Snyder. But ... he's Dan Snyder; I wouldn't be surprised if he had something to do with Ishtar, the Hindenburg, and New Coke. I just want some rough estimates here.

-I just love watching Harbaugh pretend to pretend to give a shit. He's such a fucking pompous windbag. Jesus Christ, LOOK- you took over an immeasurably talented team that had been run by Mike Singletary. You turned around a team that had already been turned around because it fired the one guy holding it back- THE GUY YOU REPLACED! You consistently brought your team to the NFC Championship game and to one Superbowl. Ho-ray! Now, in the process, you injured everyone, you turned the team over to a QB who is, in a word, fuckingterrible, and its an open secret that you are jumping ship to ...Oakland? Your Golden Parachute is ... Oakland? You... you really are a special kind of stupid, aren't you? Also, your coaching style seems to consist of ... yelling at everything the refs do at all times and generally acting like a 4-year old who has been told they can't have cake.

Like, right now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGpqbqzQ8Nc So, yeah... just shut up, sit down and end your career in Oakland.

-Was it me or did you think maybe the Ravens didn't want to win Sunday? I mean, how badly do you need to play to make it a close game against the Jaguars?

-Then we come to Peyton Manning's Shade. So, he;s hurt. We all have to agree on that. He had to leave the game with various BS excuses and the Chargers, of course, pee'd on themselves so they could not take advantage. Anyway, Manning's numbers have not been the same since he got brutalized against the Pats; he looks old, he throws old and now the organization is making excuses (because its not just the media's job anymore). I think that the Broncos can only win IF THEY TAKE THE BALL OUT of Manning's hands. He's clearly fading and Elway has to do for Manning what Pat Bowlen did for Elway- give him a capable defense and a stout running game. If that does not happen, its going to get ugly. Fast.

-So, yeah, ah.... is it true that the Chiefs have not completed a TD pass to a Wide Receiver all season? How is that true after, like, week 4? How is that possible? Is Alex Smith throwing underhand? I mean, at a certain level, I'm kind of impressed; how do you win ANY games that way? I'm intrigued; like that story of the chicken that lived like 7 years without its head. That's KC- living without a head.

-Speaking of playing terrible, what the fuck Aaron Rodgers? Couldn't save your stink-bomb against the Pats? Had to implode against the Bills? Really? 4-14 on 3rd down? 34.3 Rating?

-Which brings me to this: Holy. Shit. Johnny. Football. 10/18 (I can't believe he completed 10 passes), 80 yards (or 2,880 inches) 0 TDs and 2 INTs for a rating of 27.3 or about 27 more points than he should have gotten. His ESPN QBR was 1.0 (on a scale of 0-100). ONE! That means AS A STARTER this season, my season QBR is only 1 point less than Manziel. And one of us is an obnoxious toad who is lazy, self-absorbed and completely useless on a football field. And the other is Rockroi. And you know what's crazy? He looked worse! He actually looked worse than 2 picks and a 1 QBR! There were some plays where I honestly thought he had not gotten the play and was just making it up. Fuck, did you EVER think you would hear the sentence- "This was a terrible mistake; I hope Brian Hoyer can save us!"

This brings up a legit discussion: next week the Browns are playing the Panthers, then finish up with the Ravens. With that knowledge- at what point will Manziel have more lifetime TDs than INTs? Can he throw 2 TDs before his next pick? I say no. I say he throws AT LEAST another pick before his first TD and then against the Ravens? I may get benched. I say- Manziel does not have more TDs than INTs until like week 4 next year.

- And then Chip Kelly realized that Mark Sanchez was Mark Sanchez and its all gone south from there. I thought the game was terrible, but the way NBC kept running that "count to the next play" clock while the Eagles O was on the field and haplessly fucking up - I have not seen a team go 3-and-out faster since the 1985 Superbowl. It was utterly spellbinding that NBC thought that was a good idea. All it did was remind us that sometimes, merely because you speed up, that does not mean you are not still headed for a cliff.

-Speaking of Jay Cutler sucking so bad he got benched... fucking WOW! To start, against the 26th ranked pass D in the NFL (the Saints), Cutler went 17/31 2 TDs (both in a the 4th quarter, pure garbage time), 3 INTs for a Rating of 55.8 and a QBR of 6.8 (only 5.8 points higher than Johnny Manziel). The Bears have not beaten a team with a winning record all season; Cutler has not had a 100 point Rating day since week 8 against the Pats, a game the Bears lost by almost 30 points. Cutler has only ONE game since October 12 where he has not thrown a pick (Against Tampa Bay). Since beating Atlanta on October 2, the Bears are 2-6, and Cutler has 15 TDs against 12 Ints. He has looked terrible and finally he was benched because, well, why not?

Which is what Smoking Jay Cutler would say. Why not? He doesn't care!

So... where does this leave us? Well, it leaves me afraid of the Bills, that's for damn sure. As a Pats fan, I don't love the idea of finishing the season against a suddenly feisty Bills team who in consecutive weeks has held Peyton Manning and Aaron Rodegrs to 0 Tds and 3 INTs. If Manning and Rodgers were one player, their Rating would have been a combined 47.6. Brady had an amazing day against the Bills in week 6 going 27/37 for 361 yards 4 TDs and 0 INTs. But ... fuck... the Bills are playing about as good as a defense can play.

Oh, and the Pats still have to beat the Jets AT the Jets and that's no small task.

Regardless, right now as the season reaches its climax, I am feeling pretty good about the Pats chances.

[Manhole Eunuchsbane]

-I just love watching Harbaugh pretend to pretend to give a shit. He's such a fucking pompous windbag. Jesus Christ, LOOK- you took over an immeasurably talented team that had been run by Mike Singletary. You turned around a team that had already been turned around because it fired the one guy holding it back- THE GUY YOU REPLACED! You consistently brought your team to the NFC Championship game and to one Superbowl. Ho-ray! Now, in the process, you injured everyone, you turned the team over to a QB who is, in a word, fuckingterrible, and its an open secret that you are jumping ship to ...Oakland? Your Golden Parachute is ... Oakland? You... you really are a special kind of stupid, aren't you? Also, your coaching style seems to consist of ... yelling at everything the refs do at all times and generally acting like a 4-year old who has been told they can't have cake.

-So, yeah, ah.... is it true that the Chiefs have not completed a TD pass to a Wide Receiver all season? How is that true after, like, week 4? How is that possible? Is Alex Smith throwing underhand? I mean, at a certain level, I'm kind of impressed; how do you win ANY games that way? I'm intrigued; like that story of the chicken that lived like 7 years without its head. That's KC- living without a head.

-

As bad a Kaep is, he is an upgrade over Alex Smith. Can't say I like the way Smith lost his job, but you can't fault Harbaugh for making that change.

[Rockroi]

Yeah, I would have to agree. Which is hard because I want to make fun at everyone. Smith has been so mediocre in KC that its hard to put blame on Harbaugh.

But then I watch Harbaugh stomp up and down the sidelines yelling for no reason, that all I can think is "I want to blame you for Gamergate."

[Jaime L]

-I want to know from our Washington DC fans, how much of the demise of RGIII - by %- do you put on the following people:

a. RGII;

b. Mike Shanahan;

c. Jay Gruden;

d. The Team Doctors;

e. Dan Snyder

I used to be like 15% RGIII, 55% Shanahan, 10% Gruden, 0% doctors, 20% Snyder. But ... he's Dan Snyder; I wouldn't be surprised if he had something to do with Ishtar, the Hindenburg, and New Coke. I just want some rough estimates here.

Man, that's a tough one. Was originally going to say 33% RGIII, 33% Shanahan, 33% Snyder, but Shanny installed the only offense RGIII had ever been successful in. But he did unquestionably hurry RGIII back from injury and left him in that wildcard game despite being visibly limping. Unless a lot of that was Snyder.

But regardless seeing RGIII's immense struggles picking up the pocket passer skillset, one starts to wonder if Shanahan was a critical component to his success. Or maybe he's failing because the injuries fucked up his mechanics/confidence. It's all so intertwined.

End of the day I'm going 15% RGIII/15% Shanny/70% Snyder. The shitty culture instilled from up top destroys everything it touches. In some alternate universe RGIII and Shanahan are winning Superbowls with some benign Pat Bowlenesque owner*.

*unless RGIII was forced on Shanahan by Snyder. See, these are the things we'll never know because the culture is so poisonous

[Maithanet]

-I want to know from our Washington DC fans, how much of the demise of RGIII - by %- do you put on the following people:

a. RGII;

b. Mike Shanahan;

c. Jay Gruden;

d. The Team Doctors;

e. Dan Snyder

Well, the fall of RG3 has been in several stages and the responsibility varies:

Incident #1 - November 2012, Griffin sprains knee vs Ravens. Shanahan should have taken him out as soon as it was obvious he couldn't move, and Griffin should have too, although players want to play and so it's a little more understandable.

Griffin 20%, Shanahan 80%

Incident #2 January 2013 vs Seahawks. Shanahan allows Griffin to continue playing in spite of respraining his knee on the second drive of the game. Once again, players want to play, and this was far more egrigious to allow him to continue. The entire game I was screaming at the TV to take him out.

Griffin 10%, team doctors 10%, Shanahan 80%.

Incident #3 Game 1 2013 vs Eagles. Griffin is back out there with no preseason and is obviously not ready for NFL duties.

Griffin 30%, Shanahan 40%, Snyder 30%.

Incident #4 Griffin's injury causes his mechanics to erode in 2013, and erode further in 2014. Gruden is obviously not the qb whisperer we had hoped.

Shanahan 25%, Gruden 25%, Snyder 50%.

Overall - Shanahan 60%, Snyder 20%, Griffin 15%, Gruden/team doctors/etc 5%.

[sperry]

Marc Trestman is a joke. Trying to undermine his starting quarterback to make up for his own utter failure as a head coach. Bears have got to clean out that clown car and get someone competent to run the show.

[James Arryn]

Marc Trestman is a joke. Trying to undermine his starting quarterback to make up for his own utter failure as a head coach. Bears have got to clean out that clown car and get someone competent to run the show.

I keep telling people I can see Harbaugh there. I get the arguments for Oakland, Ann Arbour and Miami, too.

[Manhole Eunuchsbane]

Marc Trestman is a joke. Trying to undermine his starting quarterback to make up for his own utter failure as a head coach. Bears have got to clean out that clown car and get someone competent to run the show.

Not to defend Trestman, but I think it's fair to say that Cutler is part of the problem as well. Not sure that quite qualifies as undermining.

[sperry]

Not to defend Trestman, but I think it's fair to say that Cutler is part of the problem as well. Not sure that quite qualifies as undermining.

Cutler hasn't played great, but he's also hamstrung by the Bears laughable offensive scheme. And the coaching staff is clearly trying to scapegoat him, as it's obviously complete horse shit that anyone in that organization expects Jimmy Clausen to do better. That combined with the offensive coordinator saying that stuff about Cutler in the media, its clear that the coaching staff is trying to blame Cutler for their own failings.

Good lord, Trestman is a weaselly little, arrogant fuck.

[Manhole Eunuchsbane]

Cutler hasn't played great, but he's also hamstrung by the Bears laughable offensive scheme. And the coaching staff is clearly trying to scapegoat him, as it's obviously complete horse shit that anyone in that organization expects Jimmy Clausen to do better. That combined with the offensive coordinator saying that stuff about Cutler in the media, its clear that the coaching staff is trying to blame Cutler for their own failings.

Good lord, Trestman is a weaselly little, arrogant fuck.

I think Kalbear nailed the motivations for benching Cutler down. They may as well tank for a better pick at this point. I don't think anyone actually believes they have a better chance to win with Clausen.

All that being said, Cutler hasn't played well. Forget great.

[Kalbear]

At the beginning of the season I was talking with my wife about how well Chicago would do. We brought in Jared Allen, had made the offensive line better, done well in the draft, and had a great set of skill players along with Cutler, who I had hoped would flourish with the well-known abilities of Marc Trestman to make meh QBs into pro bowlers.

My wife asked simply this: is Chris Conte still on the team?

I was confused. Okay, yeah, he's not that good, but he's not the worst ever - and the Bears had upgraded, and...she cut me off.

"If Chris Conte is on the team they're going to have a losing record. I think they'd get maybe 4 wins", she said, with authority.

But...what about the rest of the defense? The offense? The coaching?

"All of that is suspect. If the Bears organization believes that Chris Conte is actually worthwhile as a starting safety in the league, it's clear that the entire organization is completely incompetent. And if that's true, nothing else can be taken for consideration. If the coach thinks Conte is worth starting then it's clear the coach is incompetent. If the organization couldn't find a better safety or doesn't think they need to, it's clear that the scouting and GM are incompetent. "

Well, okay, that's all fair - but I can't ignore the actual talent on the field or what they were able to do with McCown last year. They might not win it all, but they're certainly going to be no worse than 8-8.

"If you say so. We'll see".

And she was 100% right. She diagnosed everything about this season based on that evaluation - that if Chris Conte was on the team and a starter then the entire organization is bad. She predicted that Trestman would fail and fail worse than almost any other coach in recent history has. She predicted the draft picks and big chances wouldn't work. She predicted that Cutler's contract is way too much. She almost perfectly figured that Chicago's record would be around 4 wins.

Because fuck you, Chris Conte.

[Fez]

My prediction is that Cutler ends up on the Jets. I don't know how, but its the sort of match made in the hell that the team does.

[sperry]

My prediction is that Cutler ends up on the Jets. I don't know how, but its the sort of match made in the hell that the team does.

Don't even TRY to kill the dream of Jameis to the Jets.

[Jace, Extat]

Bill Barnwell openly wondered in his Jay Cutler article today if the Bears might have already agreed to a trade with someone, and they're benching him to keep him from getting hurt.

[Jaime L]

My prediction is that Cutler ends up on the Jets. I don't know how, but its the sort of match made in the hell that the team does.

Cutler for RG3 trade. Put it on the board. Skins have already tried to acquire Cutler once.

[Kalbear]

My dream is this:

Chicago fires Trestman and basically everyone on the coaching staff, keeps Emery (because Emery has done fairly well otherwise -though my wife would disagree). I'd probably be happiest with someone like Ray Horton as the coach.

Chicago trades Cutler to move up in the draft. I could see Cutler getting traded to Tampa along with, say, Charles Tillman. Tampa would probably bite on that. They use that pick to get either Winston or Mariota.

[Fez]

Don't even TRY to kill the dream of Jameis to the Jets.

Hey now, you aren't thinking big Jets-y enough. They could easily try to get both and have Cutler mentor him.

[Jaime L]

My dream is this:

Chicago fires Trestman and basically everyone on the coaching staff, keeps Emery (because Emery has done fairly well otherwise -though my wife would disagree). I'd probably be happiest with someone like Ray Horton as the coach.

Chicago trades Cutler to move up in the draft. I could see Cutler getting traded to Tampa along with, say, Charles Tillman. Tampa would probably bite on that. They use that pick to get either Winston or Mariota.

Only problem is Lovie Smith has previous experience with Cutler. Can't even do the usual "don't know what Cutler's like in person but we're fascinated by his talent" that teams always tell themselves.

And TB deserves instant relegation if they bring in Cutler at $20m over Mariota/Winston at $6m.

[DanteGabriel]

My dream is this:

Chicago fires Trestman and basically everyone on the coaching staff, keeps Emery (because Emery has done fairly well otherwise -though my wife would disagree). I'd probably be happiest with someone like Ray Horton as the coach.

Chicago trades Cutler to move up in the draft. I could see Cutler getting traded to Tampa along with, say, Charles Tillman. Tampa would probably bite on that. They use that pick to get either Winston or Mariota.

Doesn't hurt to dream, I guess. :P

Think Lovie wants Cutler back?

ETA: Ninja'ed by Jaime!

Bill Barnwell openly wondered in his Jay Cutler article today if the Bears might have already agreed to a trade with someone, and they're benching him to keep him from getting hurt.

Well, there's also this:

Cutler's contract could be a big reason for the quarterback's benching, according to ESPN NFL Insider Mark Dominik.

The deal calls for Cutler to be paid $15.5 million in 2015. A $10 million guarantee kicks in on March 12, the third day of the 2015 league year, if Cutler is on the Bears' roster. If Cutler is injured at that time, the Bears will owe him $10 million in 2016.

By sitting Cutler the final two games of the season, the Bears guarantee he won't get injured and will have the ability to cut him or trade him after the season, basically saving the team $10 million.

Benching Cutler really hits a few birds with one stone for the Bears:

- Clausen gives them the best chance to improve their draft position

- Protecting Cutler from injury keeps all their options open

- Convenient public scapegoating, which is apparently pretty important to Trestman