GOODKIND VIII: It's Not Terrorism If We Do It!

[Zadok]

These men were in his way.

When you see a statement like this you just know it's a prelude to slaughter. Not a good place to be.

These men might have thought that they had an army against him, but in a way that was his advantage. He didn’t fight an army. He fought individuals. They thought like a collective mass, a collective element, allowing one another to move, as if the soldiers were trying to be one big fighting centipede.

Big, fighting centipede aside, it seems that Goodkind(BBHN) can't even get through a simple massacre without beating his readers over the head with his philosophy. In case you missed it, individual > collective.

and these battle scenes are just an absolute mess. i'm not going to complain about unrealistic or impossible feats, since this is fantasy after all, but I mean, this is little more then Goodkind(BBHN) describing various body parts flying all over the place.

Richard didn’t shy away from the commander. “Yes, I know how to play the game of life.â€

I guess they have Milton-Bradley in Goodkind's(BBHN) world?

[Xray the Enforcer]

I am so happy to know I am noit alone in thinking that any book featuring a giant talking fuzzy dinasaur who says "graatch lugg rach arghhhh" should be burned. Thank you all so much.

Welcome, Papz101! Yes, I walked into SoT not knowing what was going on (OK, this was in 1996 or so) and BLAMMO! I was left wondering "did I hallucinate this? Could a man be this bad?" And as Mad Moose has proven, the bitter, sludgy, feculent answer is YES. Yes he can be this misguided.

I keep telling Mr. X to read WFR. For shits and giggles. I fear he will divorce me soon. So I wave some Duncan and some VanderMeer and some Stross under his nose and he calms down for awhile.

Does anyone know what the Wizards Rules are?

For the Wizards Rules. Read and Weep.

[Dornishman]

Big, fighting centipede aside, it seems that Goodkind(BBHN) can't even get through a simple massacre without beating his readers over the head with his philosophy. In case you missed it, individual > collective.

And that doesnt even work. In wars and fighting collective>indiviuals. Soldiers beat warriors every time, just let the Gauls tell you about that! I mean, thats not even a point of argument - purely military, an orderly army of soldiers (that is, a "collective") will always fare better then a horde of warriors (that is, of individuals).

[Mr. X]

I keep telling Mr. X to read WFR. For shits and giggles. I fear he will divorce me soon.

And there we were in a used book store in Champaign, IL, a copy of WFR in Xray's hand, which she was intending to buy for me to read. (Used of course, so she wasn't actually contributing money to the Terry.) She decided against it because, and I quote, "If I buy this, I will feel compelled to actually read it again."

[Werthead]

It is 3.10am in the morning (hence the whole 'am' situation), I am more drunk than Jordan was when he sent CoT to his publishers giggling, "They're never going to print this turd," and my hot ex just spent an hour chatting to me non-stop then demanding my new phone number (I know, never venture into pre-charted territory; bad Wert!). But, much more than this, I was happy because for several hours I entertained no thoughts of Goodkind at all. Now I come back and, as bad as the previous QotDs are, somehow the previous height of Goodkindism is surpassed. I weep for the future of humanity.

So yeah, Phantom got to Number 1 in the list at the end of Dead Month. Wahey! That's far more impressive than Martin getting to Number 1 in the middle of November which is, you know, one of the biggest-selling periods of the entire year!!! GO GOODKIND!!! GOODKIND FTW!!! No doubt this means his sales have multiplied by another thirty million.

I am actually so sozzled I am half-tempted to re-read WFR. But I think I'll refrain and make Neverwhere my next book instead. Hmm, the main character is called Richard... :sleep:

[The Wolf Maid]

“It was quite impressive the way you made your way through all those men and to the opening in the wall, like you were making your way toward a goal. You continued on toward that goal without allowing yourself to be stopped no matter what the men threw at you. Well, You’re a natural point man.â€

~Terry Goodkind, Phantom

This has to be a joke, right? I think TG wanted this to look witty and cool, but it turned out to be crap.

Wait, this game they're talking about, is this the same 'losers get whipped' game discussed earlier?

So yeah, Phantom got to Number 1 in the list at the end of Dead Month. Wahey! That's far more impressive than Martin getting to Number 1 in the middle of November which is, you know, one of the biggest-selling periods of the entire year!!! GO GOODKIND!!! GOODKIND FTW!!! No doubt this means his sales have multiplied by another thirty million.

Whoa, Werthead. You must be truly wasted to post this.

[TLL17]

Terry Goodkind's nonsensical after-action combat report:

"Despite the sudden cacophony of metal clanging, of men yelling, Richard was already in a silent world of purpose. He was in control. These men might have thought that they had an army against him, but in a way that was his advantage. He didn’t fight an army. He fought individuals. They thought like a collective mass, a collective element, allowing one another to move, as if the soldiers were trying to be one big fighting centipede."

If Richard (Whoops, I mean Terry) were to write a history of the Gallic Wars he would have the Gauls, who fought as individual warriors defeat the disciplined Roman legions that fought as a collective handily and conquer Rome in a week. This despite the fact that the Gauls performed best under a leaders like Vercingtorix (sp) when they were able to impose some degree of discipline on them. Oh, and Byzantium would have fallen in a day, not lasted for a 1,000 years after the fall of the West while surrounded by enemies on at least three fronts courtesy of its highly disciplined imperial armies and superb bureaucracy. Real history and the collective military experience of the ages must be wrong in the face of Terry's universally applicable theory on the superiority of the individual over any form of group in any human endeavor whatsoever.

Quite frankly, I don't think Ayn Rand's philosophy was intended to have much to say about how to fight and win a war. I think we should leave that to Clauswitz and actual military practice.

I think Richard's understanding of history is based on Xena: Warrior Princess and its awful treatment of Rome (besides being an awful show to begin with).

Maybe that's why Raimi 's going to make SOT into a movie for him.

[Watcher]

Having a weapon, a sword, in his hand, instantly flooded Richard with memories, forms, and skills he had spent long hours learning. The lessons might have in part come from otherworldly sources, but the knowledge was not magic. It was the experience of countless Seekers before Richard. Even though he didn’t have that weapon with him, he still had that knowledge.

So before Richard this didn't realize he knew how to use sword? And how is getting memories dumped into you from countless people not magic? Is Richard really plugged into the Matrix?

I wrote a witty reply that references the Roman Army, but 2 people have. bah.

From the list of Wizard's Rules.

"Deserve victory" is a rule? The Wizards actually had to include this one so they wouldn't forget it?

[Merentha]

If you read SoT, it's like you're in a pot that is slowly being brought to a boil. One hopes you can jump out once you realize what is happening before you get burned and scarred badly.

QotD is like having streams of boiling water shooting into your eyeballs and groin. You have caught the worst of it, and are permanently scarred all over your tender bits. But at least your whole body isn't covered with festering blisters.

It fits. Eventually, you get numb to the whole stupidity of it, which is how I reached book...9? The one where he kills the peace protestors.

[VigoTheCarpathian]

Um, first off, all of you simply do not understand. Terry Goodkind, and by extension, Richard, is a military genius.

Everyone in the world knows that you fight a guerilla war on your homefront, where you have popular support, available supplies, and know the lay of the land.

Everyone in the world knows that one single warrior will not make a bit of a difference when facing a united group of soldiers (unless they apparently have arrows, which why the hell wouldn't someone just stick you full of them once 3 or 4 people got cut down?)

Well guess what, people? Since everyone in the world knows that, Emperor Jagang and all of the people in Richard's world/time also know that. So, Richard (through Terry Goodkind) has the element of suprise on all of the idiots who have already read "history" books.

I bet Jagang is all like "OMFG, no one with an inferior force tries to wage a guerilla war isolated in enemy territory", and also like "Fuxor, no one would attack a bunch of my dudes, who know how to fight as a collective! Three guys would like stab you with spears while you were artfully using the power of your sword swings to disembowl one dude and ragily slashing through the next dudes throat!"

Bow to the Yeard, and realize that he is always one step ahead of human logic.

[TLL17]

Vigo, I now see the light: Good will always triumph because it has the advantage of the surprise of downright studpidity and ignorance.

Thank you man, Goodkind is now my God. I must grow a beard and a ponytail and develop my own Yeard to demonstrate my faith in the prophet of our times.

[Seventh Pup]

It is 3.10am in the morning (hence the whole 'am' situation), I am more drunk than Jordan was when he sent CoT to his publishers giggling, "They're never going to print this turd," and my hot ex just spent an hour chatting to me non-stop then demanding my new phone number (I know, never venture into pre-charted territory; bad Wert!). But, much more than this, I was happy because for several hours I entertained no thoughts of Goodkind at all. Now I come back and, as bad as the previous QotDs are, somehow the previous height of Goodkindism is surpassed. I weep for the future of humanity.

Tears of joy no doubt! For the Greatness that is Goodkind. Do you not see when you put Goodkind out of your thoughts the morally reprehensible choices you make? Drunkenness? Fraternizing with questionable women? (Life is the future, not the past, Werthead.) These are all because you ignored the inherit truthiness Goodkind's teachings. You allowed passion to rule reason, and forgot the only sovereign you can allow too rule you is reason.

Bad Wert indeed. Now swear loyalty to Richard, I mean Terry, or I will be forced to torture you for the good of humanity.

So yeah, Phantom got to Number 1 in the list at the end of Dead Month. Wahey! That's far more impressive than Martin getting to Number 1 in the middle of November which is, you know, one of the biggest-selling periods of the entire year!!! GO GOODKIND!!! GOODKIND FTW!!! No doubt this means his sales have multiplied by another thirty million.

Oh how wrong you are. It is known that Phantom alone has sold 50 million so far. It has been translated in to 250 languages. There are more copies of it in print then the bible.

I am actually so sozzled I am half-tempted to re-read WFR. But I think I'll refrain and make Neverwhere my next book instead. Hmm, the main character is called Richard... :sleep:

Do not be fooled. Unlike our beloved Richard Rahl, Richard Myahew in Neverwhere almost completely lacks moral clarity. Goodkind (BBHN) would hate Richard Mayhew, with the same furrier that he loves Richard Rahl. Though he may be able to appreciate that Mr. Croup and Mr. Vandemar, have some moral clarity…

Best cure for a hang over is a greasy breakfast, one with lots of sausage, an asprin, and a gatorade. Much luck in the morning!

[Xray the Enforcer]

It is 3.10am in the morning (hence the whole 'am' situation), I am more drunk than Jordan was when he sent CoT to his publishers giggling, "They're never going to print this turd," [...]

So yeah, Phantom got to Number 1 in the list at the end of Dead Month. Wahey! That's far more impressive than Martin getting to Number 1 in the middle of November which is, you know, one of the biggest-selling periods of the entire year!!! GO GOODKIND!!! GOODKIND FTW!!! No doubt this means his sales have multiplied by another thirty million.

I cannae help the one-line post. A sozzled Wert is a beauty to behold. I am sure he's going to *facepalm* when he rereads his post in the morning.

[Voland]

Gods, those two last quotes Just when you think Terry (BBHN) can sink no lower, out come the drills and heavy machinery and digs even deeper.

Well, at least the ending is quite clear now. Richard will bore the hell out of turn the whole damn IO army to objectivism with massive 40 page speeches after winning the World Cup of jalalalala! He'll no doubt score the winning goal while the rest of his team lies twitching on the ground showing once again, with dazzling antilogic how the individual will always beat the collective. Causing the whole order to repent their evil commie ways and start living life for themselves.

I mean, even Terry can't possibly come up with a way for Richard to win the war with his retarted brilliant strategy. So he turns to the next best thing besides violence; speeches.

[KAH]

mr nobuddy;

A question for those who have either read Rand and/or have read other Objectivists. Can Goodkind be considered to be an average objectivist, (but with lacking writing skills), or is he an outcast. Where does he fit in the Objective firmanent? Are most of these ideas commonplace with Objectivists, or restricted to TG?

I haven't studied Objectivism closely, but I read this one a few years ago:

http://www.jeffcomp.com/faq/wrong.html

(What's Wrong with Objectivism)

AFAICT, Objectivism is plagued by the same problems that any fringe extreme-absolutist religion or movement are plagued by; incessant in-fighting, Prophet-breeding and general divisiveness.

I couldn't say what particular sub-group would most fit Goodkinds drivel, but the underlying tendency to cast opposing ideology as Eeevil is suffusing at least some of them (and by the same logic, violence visited upon evil is but a step away). I think it's clear to see what motivates characters written by the sort of Goodkinds' er, kind.

Caution: The thing appears to be written by an Objectivist, so you will not find a critique of the Ideology itself, just some applications of the ideology.

[whelp]

Hmm, maybe the Great Yearded One took inspiration for the movie from this or this...

As to the last QotD: I think Terry's prose has hit rock bottom - and started to dig...

[The Wolf Maid]

I cannae help the one-line post. A sozzled Wert is a beauty to behold. I am sure he's going to *facepalm* when he rereads his post in the morning.

Oh, I think he'll do more than that.

And thank you, Vigo, for enlightening us.

Richard is the best practitioner of the Wizard's First Rule: People are Stupid, so act stupider

[MinDonner]

Good morning ladies and gents; today we have the words of Richard Begbie from Truthspotting (apologies to any Scots if I get the dialect wrong - and I've also censored the c-words a bit as I believe some people find them offensive).

The street wis fuckin mobbed. Ah wis just tryin tae get tae the palace to do they council shites for stoppin ma war, but this bunch ay c ts wis all blockin the road with banners like. --Give peace a chance, sais this one c t wi a big smile.

--Fuck off, ah sais, and kicks im in the heid, shatterin his jaw like. --I'll gie ye fuckin peace, ya radge.

They all starts comin for me. Obviously ah had ma sword in ma belt, so there wis no way these c ts were gettin in ma way. Ah startid tae run doon the hill towards the wee shites, then ah slowed doon, then ah sped up agin. --Oot ma way, ya fucks! ah sais.

Fucks were no match for ma moral clarity, ken. No a blade between em, the shitein c ts. Wis short work tae hack em doon wi ma sword, fuckin aye, then off tae the palace fae those other shites. Peace protesters, ma arse.

[Maid Sansa]

MinDonner, I'm sending you the bill for a new keyboard. The old one got tragically drowned. On reflection, though, my own fault for drinking water while reading your posts.

And what's with the QOTD? "Oh, Richard got his strength and his energy from the sword, oh, no, he didn't, wait, actually he did, and even the experiene of all the Seekers before him, but it wasn't the Sword of Truth, so it was not magic, except it kinda was..." My brain's begging me to let it explode.

[MinDonner]

By the way, that latest QotD was just awesome. I like the way the good guys never have a plan of what to do if they get caught, it's always "His mind raced" at the last minute when he has to think of a cover story or a false name. It was good of Terry (BBHN) to explain exactly why Richard couldn't use his real name, too, cos that would never have occurred to me ("Hi, I'm king of your enemies!"). He does know his fan base well and looks after them in their ignorance.