Mme Erzulie Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Ok, my objective here is to demonstrate beyond any reasonable doubt that Terry Goodkind is a craptacular excuse for an author, and should never have been published, and hopefully provide you with some entertainment along the way. I'll start where the action starts, and keep it going if enough of you enjoy it. It had been well over an hour since they had come out of the trees [They were special, hollow trees, perfect for hiding and petting in], climbing steadily upward, into the sun. [Richard lived to defy natural laws.] They were heading east on the ledges before the trail cut back to the west later. [basically just going back and forth, but never mind that. Logic exists only at Terry's mercy.] The men, if they had followed, would have to look into the sun to see them. [And what did mum say about staring at the sun? Richard was nothing if not sly and delightfully cruel.] Richard kept them crouched as low as possible and checked over his shoulder often as they climbed, scanning for any sign of the men. When he had seen them by Trunt Lake they were staying well hidden [although apparently not hidden enough], but it was too open out here for them. He saw nothing, and started to feel better. [Zedd had always taught him that what he couldn't see couldn't hurt him.] They weren't being followed; the men were nowhere to be seen, and were probably miles down Hawkers Trail by now. The farther from the boundary and the closer to the town they got, the better he felt. His plan had worked. [And what a plan it was. Go from boundary to town. Keep pants on.] Seeing no sign that they were being followed [other than that Goodyear Blimp], Richard wished they could stop for a rest, as his hand [and a certain something else] was throbbing, but she gave no sign that she needed or wanted a break. [Perhaps she didn't know the universal inter-boundary sign language? Unlikely.] She kept pushing on as if the men were right on their heels. Richard remembered the look on her face when he had asked if they were dangerous, and quickly rejected any thought of stopping. Ok, that's enough for tonight. If you like it, tell me, and I'll keep going. If you don't, I won't. Cheers Kid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Illin' Pain Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 That makes me laugh. Now skip to the part where Kahlan in Con Dar mode makes the dude eat his own balls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 LOL can't wait to get to one of richards monologues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Illin' Pain Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 LOL can't wait to get to one of richards monologues That's easy, you just end each 2 page lecture on the human spirit, treatment of horses, how to make a roof, why propehcy is BS, or what have you, with: "But I'm just a woods guide. What do I know?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice and Fire Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 OMG, I am new to this "Other Authors" thread and this is the first time I have heard so much TRUTH (pun) about Goodkind's writing downspiral. (I have lived a sheltered existence. ) I was beginning to think that I was the only one to make fun of his growing soap-box agenda. And to think I used to count him as one of my favorite authors. I wonder, in the beginning, how much of his editor's editing kept him from this current self-destructive writing style (for want of a better word). Keep it coming, Kid... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terrence Goodkind Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 You haters, merely envious of my aesthetic prowess, endorse the routine barbarian ignorance that always arises to confront True Art when such threatens to destroy your Stalinistic worldview. I weep for your futures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Iceman of the North Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I wonder, in the beginning, how much of his editor's editing kept him from this current self-destructive writing style (for want of a better word). Keep it coming, Kid... You're aware that this is from the first (or was it second) chapter of his first book? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krafus Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Keep it coming, KC. I wonder who's behind the alt Terrence Goodkind? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 oh gods, I haven't read WFR in so many years -- but it just come flooding back. KC -- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry Goodkind Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I wonder who's behind the alt Terrence Goodkind? I have no idea, but he's clearly an imposter. Come the triumph of objektivism the false Goodkinds will be hunted down and shot. I have spoken! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Praetor Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 *While Terrence and Terry flex their muscles, sizing each other out…objectively…, a chant echoes among the crowd.* Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Barry Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 You have managed to make reading Godkind entertaining, I bow to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Praetor Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 *Terry! Terry! Terry!* No, seriously, great stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terrence Goodkind Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I have spoken! You have, but it is the usual pedestrian savagary I've come to expect in my wide experience. I have spent years walking through woods, and thinking, and walking, and thinking, and walking. I have realized that A = A. And I have realized furthermore what follows from this Complex Truth: I am a unique, free individual. I write about myself, and I bring the world with me. You on the other hand are just trying to exploit my walking and thinking like a typical collectivist by jumping on my back. Just wait until I shrug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jagged Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 who was it that used to have a Terry Goodkind alt, was it Jaxom... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry Goodkind Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 You have, but it is the usual pedestrian savagary I've come to expect in my wide experience. And your laughable attempts to conterfeit my name reveal your own morbid lack of self. Devoid of a true love of life and its possibilities, you ape the identity of those who have thrown off the shackles of oppression. What are you, some kind of commie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandiric Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Nice show, KC. Keep 'em coming if you can make the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baeraad Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I wonder why I never noticed how horrendous Goodkind's descriptions are? Oh yeah - I skim descriptions and wait for the dialogue. ; I did notice how horrendous Goodkind's dialogue was, thereby hopefully saving me from complete literary insensitivity... Anyway, love it - keep going, if you would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isis Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I have never read ANYTHING by Goodkind. A "friend" suggested to me that I should try WFR. This was only a few months ago. Would a 'real friend' do this to me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Barry Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I have never read ANYTHING by Goodkind. A "friend" suggested to me that I should try WFR. This was only a few months ago. Would a 'real friend' do this to me? Check their mobile records, question close family members, have them tailed. They tried to do this to you for a reason!!!! How could they profit from your insanity? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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