MaroonedHopes Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 "You may pass, boy. Our business is with the girl." The man's voice was deep, almost friendly. Nonetheless, the threat was sharp as a blade. [Riiiight. And I am intent, almost fascinated, about what's to happen. Nonetheless, I'm falling asleep.] He removed his leather gloves and tucked them in his belt as he spoke [Don't say men can't multi-task.], not bothering to look at Richard. [Doing three things at once is, afterall, just a bit too much.] He obviously didn't consider Richard an obstacle. He appeared to be the one in charge, as the other three waited silently while he spoke. Richard had never been in a situation like this before. [i like this guy's rather, erm, untraditional and unhelpful thought-processes.] He never allowed himself to lose his temper, and could usually turn scowls to smiles with his easy manner. If talk didn't work, he was quick enough and strong enough to stop threats before anyone was hurt, and if need be he would simply walk away. [What a subtle way to reveal his nature-of-being.] He knew these men weren't interested in talking, [Look: He's smart!] and they clearly weren't afraid of him. He wished he could walk away now. Richard glanced to her green eyes and saw the visage of a proud woman beseeching his help.["Ah", the reader thinks, "this is a weak and vulnerable girl, and Richard is her savior."] He leaned closer, and kept his voice low, but firm. "I won't leave you." Relief washed over her face.[Again: this is obviously a rather helpless little girl.] She gave a slight nod as she settled her hand lightly on his forearm. "Keep between them, don't let them come at me all at once," she whispered. "And be sure you aren't touching me when they come." Her hand tightened on his arm [Erm, alright, is it OK for her to touch him?] and her eyes held his, waiting for confirmation that he understood her instructions. Afterall, the instructions were rather complicated, and no narrator had subtly revealed to her how smart Richard really is. He nodded his agreement. "May the good spirits be with us," she said, compounding the the desperate gravity of the situation. She let her hands drop to her sides, turning to the two behind them, her face dead calm, devoid of emotion. [Erm. Just before she was the kind of person who had relief washing over her face, but now she's some emotionless, hard-core veteran?] "Be on your way, boy." The leaders voice was harder. His fierce blue eyes glared. He gritted his teeth. "Last time offered," he said, not allowing much time to consent or not. Richard swallowed hard. He tried to sound sure of himself. "We will both be passing." He heart felt as if it were coming up into his throat. [so know Richard is the scared, unsure one? What happened to his easy manner and ability to get out of trouble?] "Not this day," the leader said with finality. He pulled free a wicked-looking curved knife.Wicked-looking...? Riiiight. Hope you don't mind me adding some comments as well. If any of them seem unenlightened, it's probably because I haven't actually read any SoT books. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krafus Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Seriously, how did he get away with that? The whole Stone of Tear thing is a pretty big deal in Jordan-world, and was focussed on extensively. I know some overlapping ideas are accepted in fantasy (um, anything with elves post-Tolkien), but that was ridiculous. I wondered about that myself... Until I realized that Goodkind and Jordan have the same publisher, Tor. Likely Tor didn't want two of its biggest cash cows to fight in court, and made a secret deal with Jordan (like letting his wife edit his books, which IMHO caused WoT's downfall) or otherwise convinced him not to press charges. EDIT: Oh, and Mme Erzulie, please write more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perin Stone Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Seriously, how did he get away with that? The whole Stone of Tear thing is a pretty big deal in Jordan-world, and was focussed on extensively. I know some overlapping ideas are accepted in fantasy (um, anything with elves post-Tolkien), but that was ridiculous. I'm not proud to say that I have read all of the WOT and the first 3-4 books of SOT. I was amazed at the number of "similarities" (i.e. rip offs) of Jordan in SOT. All the way down to the horse named Bela.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hark Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I'm not proud to say that I have read all of the WOT and the first 3-4 books of SOT. I was amazed at the number of "similarities" (i.e. rip offs) of Jordan in SOT. All the way down to the horse named Bela.... I'll be the first to admit I don't have a WHOLE lot of Fantasy series under my belt. One thing struck me in Goodkind's second book (which I never finished.) There is this sister of some kind (Aes Sedai ripoff) who is guarding an old man (a Prophet or something like that) in a room that is warded^H^H^H^Hguarded by magic. Before she walks in, she checks the "weaves" of these wards. My question: It's a given that fantasy type stories will have recurring and common elements. But is it common for "magic" or "spells" to be refered to is being woven? RJ's WoT books were the first ones I read where the magic was threads which were woven around a pattern. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazzlebane Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I've only seen "woven" as used by Jordan. Chalk that up as another blatant ripoff... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophelia Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I use 'woven' in the novel I'm writing - I assumed it was pretty common in fantasy. My magic is very stringy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mme Erzulie Posted January 14, 2006 Author Share Posted January 14, 2006 Hello, everybody! Time for a late-night update (it's well past 3 AM here). Marooned: By all means. Make yourself at home. The man to his side pulled a short sword clear of the scabbard strapped across his back. With a depraved grin [cuz he was a depraaaved man, see?] he drew it across the inside of his muscled forearm, staining the blade red. â€I'm so evil I even hurt myself just to see me cry! Muhahaha!†From behind, Richard could hear the ring of steel being drawn. From behind what? Props are obviously easy to come by in Terryland. He was paralyzed with fear. This was all happening too fast. They had no chance. None. Oh, so that's what he meant by 'no chance'. For a brief moment, no one moved. Glad you didn't forget to mention that, Terry. Pretty fucking pivotal to the plot. Richard flinched when the four gave the howling battle cries of men prepared to die in mortal combat. Easily distinguishable from the much less blood-curdling battle cries of men only prepared to get roughed up in a brawl. They charged in a frightening rush. This is just too much. I'm so glad Terry explains that the rush is frightening. That's the bestest way for any writer to convey or induce a feeling in (or to) someone. Where is the editor here? The one with the short sword swung it high, coming at Richard. He could hear one of the men behind him grab the woman (excellent hearing, he had) as the man with the sword raced toward him Oh, I had almost forgot what the guy with the short sword was doing. Thanks for the recap. And then, just before the man reached him (I hope he means the man with the sword, or I'm lost), there was a hard impact to the air, like a clap of thunder with no sound. Or, like a flash of lightning with no light. Pretty scary stuff. The violence of it made every joint in his body cry out in sharp pain. Luckily for everybody, they had perfect tune and cried out a flawless Ab7#9. It was a funky moment. Dust lifted around them, spreading outward in a ring. The man with the sword felt the pain of it, too, and for an instant his attention was diverted past Richard, to the woman. As he came crashing forward, Richard fell back against the wall and with both feet hit the man in the chest as hard as he could. What's cool about falling backwards into the wall of a sheer cliff face is that your feet are in the perfect height for kicking someone in the chest. It knocked him clear of the path, into midair. Richard had picked up some mean kicking techniques from watching Walket, Texas Ranger re-runs. The man's eyes went wide in surprise as he dropped backward to the rocks below, the sword still held over his head in both hands. He dropped backward? Ok... To Richard's shock, he saw one of the other two men behind him [Jesus, how many men are there really behind Richard?] falling through space [Yeah, life was hard on Babylon 5], too, his chest ripped and bloody. Told you. Before Richard could give it a thought, the leader with the curved knife charged past, intent on the woman. He hammered the heel of his free hand [haughtily high into his hot hair] into the center of Richard's chest. The jolt knocked the wind out of him and flung him hard against the wall, smacking his head against the rock. As he fought to stay conscious, his only thought was that he had to stop the man from getting to her. Summoning strength he didn't know he had, Richard snatched the leader by his husky wrist [and led him swirling across the path in a mesmerizing merengue?] and spun him around. Close enough. The knife came around in an arc toward him. No further introduction needed for THE KNIFE. The blade flashed in the sunlight. There was a savage hunger in the man's blue eyes. Richard had never been so afraid in his life. In that instant he knew he was about to die. I got 5 bucks right here says he knows wrong. Seemingly from out of nowhere [take note, fellows, I think we'll be seeing more of this kind of problem solving], the last man, with a short sword covered in gore, smashed into the leader, driving his sword into the other's gut, slamming the wind out of him. See, many people think a sword to the gut is bad, but they should try having the wind slammed out of them. The collision was so fierce it carried them both over the cliff. All the way down the last man howled in a cry of rage that ended only when they met the boulders below. A good thing they had been prepared to die in mortal combat. Richard stood stunned, staring over the edge. Reluctantly he turned to the woman [Richard could stare at mangled bodies all day], afraid to look, terrifiedhe would see her gashed open and lifeless. Although the idea turned him on a bit too. Instead, she was sitting on the ground, leaning against the cliff wall, looking drained but unhurt. Her face had a faraway look. It was all over so fast he couldn't understand what had happened or how. Richard and the woman were alone in the sudden silence. He slumped down beside her on rock warm from the sun. He had a powerful headache from having his head whacked on the wall. Amazing. Six sentences that didn't suck ass! Richard could see she was alright, so he didn't ask. And that's the good old Terry we know. Every real man knows that hurts you can't see are only make-believe hurts. Ugh. He felt too overwhelmed to talk and could sense the same in her. She noticed blood on the back of her hand and wiped it off on the wall, adding it to the red splatters already there. And so the murals were invented. Richard thought he might throw up [on the wall, as it would add some much needed variation to all the redness]. Too sleepy to do any more now. G'night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 ROFL congrats - you've made reading Goodkind enjoyable I like the fact that Richard seems to be flung back against the wall twice without ever getting up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
werewolfv2 Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 I love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hark Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 I like the fact that Richard seems to be flung back against the wall twice without ever getting up Not to mention that the first time he was flung back against the wall, he used the opportunity to kick a guy with both legs. Maybe in Terriland when you kick someone with both legs while falling backward, you can just land on your feet. But lo! When a thick-necked guy runs past and shoves you in the chest with the palm of one hand, special-ed Richard falls back yet again, except this time he slams his head against the wall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brys Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 And slamming his head against the wall gives you superhuman strength in Terryland. Excellent stuff this - it's funnier than I thought. One day I'll have to actually read Wizards' First Rule for myself - I never realised it might have such great comedy value. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Sun Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 Very funny how the hero always defies gravity without making a special efforts. But maybe gravity only affects you when you are evil, then you fall backwards or through the space. Wonderful job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ixodes Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 The sound you hear is my enthusiastic applause. Keep up the great work. Reading this is the highlight of my day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eurytus Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 I have never read Goodkind and I really don't want to put myself through so please, please, will someone please put up the Fire Speech (I would guess this would not even require commentary to be funny). Oh and if the testicle self-cannibalism can be posted too, so much the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mme Erzulie Posted January 14, 2006 Author Share Posted January 14, 2006 I'm getting there, Eury. Try to show patience - it is a virtue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
williamjm Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 I've only seen "woven" as used by Jordan. Chalk that up as another blatant ripoff... I seem to remember that the Elven magicians in Feist's Riftwar series are referred to as "Spellweavers", and that predates Jordan's series by about a decade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pat5150 Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Hmmm, reading Goodkind's work here is so insightful. . . You really brought a grin on my face, and that's more than TG can do! As for RJ, I don't know exactly what Tor Books asked of him and what he got in return. But every time someone asks him what he thinks of TG or some such questions, his reply is always the same. "I am aware of Mr. Goodkind." I really don't think the two of them exchange Christmas cards, for some reason. . . Patrick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Again, hearty thanks and kudos to Mme. Erzulie for braving the cesspit known as Goodkind to provide us with unending entertainment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of the Wineskin Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Is this kosher (copyright-wise)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Baelish Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Who cares? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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