Arkhangel Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Whenever this thread restarts it reminds me that I've been single for a long time and I haven't even considered dating. So my initial reaction is "hey, I like people, I like sex, maybe dating is something I'd like". But then I open the thread and I am reminded that there's all this nonsense about changing yourself, your life, talking selectively, incl. exaggeration, everything for the sole purpose of succeeding at dating. At this point I usually remember that although I could do that, I just don't wanna, because as PA mentioned, sex has a single player mode and you can get enough social interaction with people without dating them, which fulfills the need for companionship. And you can do both without the need of buying into the bullshit about what kind of a person one needs to be to date that society has force-fed itself for decades and centuries. Let's just take the "fat" part of the example - several people gave Blauer advice to work on his physical flaw. My response to that is that society should work on its psychological flaw of not liking fat people. Yes, I don't like fat people either (as sexual partners) and I blame society for instilling the notion that I should like fit people instead. See, I read that as less 'fat people can't find love' and more 'don't be a hypocrite'. Blauer has said that he has unfairly high expectations of his partner's physical attractiveness, and yet wants a woman who will not hold the same expectations of him. Since he has said he doesn't feel capable of broadening his definition of attractiveness, I don't think it's at all unreasonable to suggest he start holding himself to the same standards he wants from his partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Really anybody who wants to improve their self-confidence should start with their clothes, since all it takes is an afternoon or two of shopping (and some money) and you're already on your way. Getting into shape helps a lot too, but that's more of a long term goal and not something you can throw money at to fix. Wearing clothes that a) look good, and B) fit your body is like a cheatcode for a free confidence-boost. eta This smiley thing is dumb. A sunglass-smiley is made with an upper-case B, not a lower-case one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angalin Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 You said supposed. Does that mean you unofficially condone XXX speak? No. That just means it's not PG13 all the time, and there are consequences all round when things get graphic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Changing your wardrobe can be great, but I have a few notes on the subject:1. If you don't already have a sense of style, get some help. Get friends with good taste (of either gender) to advise you. We can help with this as well. The men's style thread was merged into the general fashion thread a while ago, but we have tentatively agreed to separate it going forward. Feel free to make a new thread if one doesn't exist yet. (Women's style, the existing thread is a better choice.)2. Don't spend a lot of money all at once. Building a wardrobe is a process, not an event. You don't want to go all-in and then realize you hate that look.3. Similarly: If you're planning on losing weight, don't spend lots of money, because your expensive new clothes won't fit you when you do.4. Buying new clothes can be expensive. That said, style on a budget is possible. If you want help, again, please do ask. You are going to have to spend a little cash, though.5. kungtotte mentions fit and he's absolutely right. Most people do not wear clothing that fits well. Wearing clothes that fit is not hipster bullshit. (That does not mean you need to wear jeans that keep you from bending your legs.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Oh yeah, if you're planning to get into shape you don't want to build an entire wardrobe and instead focus on some basic items. Also some things can pretty easily be sold to recoup some of the cost, and if you don't massively change your body then you could probably bring some stuff to a tailor and have it refitted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Really anybody who wants to improve their self-confidence should start with their clothes, since all it takes is an afternoon or two of shopping (and some money) and you're already on your way. Getting into shape helps a lot too, but that's more of a long term goal and not something you can throw money at to fix. Wearing clothes that a) look good, and B) fit your body is like a cheatcode for a free confidence-boost. eta This smiley thing is dumb. A sunglass-smiley is made with an upper-case B, not a lower-case one.I usually have shit self-esteem but just bought my self a suit for an upcoming engagement party and my confidence went through the roof when I tried it on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace, Extat Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 What is 'fetlife' ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edda van Heefmstra Ruston Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 A website for people with fetishes to make connections. Not all sex and/or dating, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 A webpage where you will discover that none of your urges are strange or even particularly original. If you like it, there is someone on fetlife that likes it too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace, Extat Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 A webpage where you will discover that none of your urges are strange or even particularly original. If you like it, there is someone on fetlife that likes it too. Challenge accepted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Damn, that was quite inspiring. I feel like a loser in a good way now as weird as that sounds.:lol: Yeah there are basically two ways to react to that piece if it applies to you. One is to get bummed because what you should do seems insurmountable or you aren't willing to do it. The other is to get pumped up to tackle it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Yeah that article sums up the kind of kick I've been on lately. I used to be bummed out about the things about me that I can't change and focused way too much on that, instead of realising that there are plenty of things I actually can change and why the hell didn't I do it sooner? Past kungtotte is a dick sometimes :\ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 *high five* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Kilmore Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Good article Ini, I know that when my wife and I are starting to feel out of sorts it is because we aren't really doing stuff together or doing things, but just kind of plodding along. That usually is a sign that we need to get moving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
koudoulis Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I didnt know people thought real life is a bad hollywood rom com.then i have been called naive before Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbstark Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Inigma, that was a good article (from cracked).My personal problem with cracked is usually their tone. I think they write assuming their audience are idiots incapable of understanding nuance, but I have to admit this one had some universal truths. It seems to me that most people are miserable dating when there's an inbalance in what you want and what you can offer. I don't mean to equate dating to a series of transactions, but I think at least at an unconcious level we do it. Love isn't just about getting some, it's about giving some. In the end it's not easy to find people you're compatible with, emotionally, intellectually and sexually, and I don't mean to hand out platitudes, but compatibility is worth holding on to.That said, if you're not physically attractive, or fit, don't have a fascinating personality or job, and you're not intelligent and kind, but are asking for these traits in a partner, you're not looking for compatibility, you're looking to beat the system.Ask yourself, at the end of the day, you want to be loved, yeah? Well that's one thing that cannot be coerced or bluffed your way into. It has to be given with complete volition. So in fact, your strategy is crap, there is no system to beat. sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace, Extat Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Inigma, that was a good article (from cracked). My personal problem with cracked is usually their tone. I think they write assuming their audience are idiots incapable of understanding nuance, but I have to admit this one had some universal truths. Not to derail the thread, but John Cheese has some great articles for cracked. I more or less agree with you about the way they insult their own readers, but there's some good stuff there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 (Obviously, Vin Diesel and Nathan Fillion are already my internet boyfriends, so they don't count for this discussion. Vin Diesel? I hate to break it to you, but you're barking up the wrong tree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbstark Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Not to derail the thread, but John Cheese has some great articles for cracked. I more or less agree with you about the way they insult their own readers, but there's some good stuff there. every time I read a cracked article, I feel like I'm being pulled into the back room of a random mom 'n pop store that's actually a front for drug/human/weapon/organ trafficking, by some dude in a suit looking like he just stepped out of Reservoir Dogs, about to school me on "how the world really works, son". I only read the first 1-2 sentences of each paragraph to get the gist of it. At least they stick to High School essay writing structure so you don't need read the whole thing to get what it's about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edda van Heefmstra Ruston Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Vin Diesel? I hate to break it to you, but you're barking up the wrong tree.Death metal lesbian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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