Dating 8 - group 'pizza', swaggering, internet dating, and more!

[TerraPrime]

Re: Chats

"Gosh, these girls are indeed quite beautiful. It must really sting for you to be rejected by someone whom you don't even think is really all that hot. Not only can you no longer get the hot blond chicks to date you, you can't even get me to date you. I'd say your prospects for romance and sex are looking pretty dim. I wish your luck turns around! Bye."

But seriously, people who turn nasty like that after a rejection just make you feel so much less guilty for dumping them.

[Lily Valley]

Good Afternoon Everyone!

I'm glad to read that everyone is doing so well.

Kungotte, your excitement and nervousness over this lady is really charming. She's lucky to have met you too.

Mandy, you hit the nail on the head with the Sunday plans. That's really tacky behavior.

Kay, I would pose a question to you that one of our insightful boarders asked of me. Do you think you liked this fellow so much because you knew he was leaving and it gave you a chance to let go? I know there is zero chance I would have been so open and honest with Gary unless I thought I'd never see him again after that first week. Either way, your situation totally sucks and I'm sorry. I hope you have a chance to enjoy every day that you've got. Don't bother wasting your time with other people when you have so little of it left with him. It's gonna hurt anyway.

I finally made Gary an offer he couldn't refuse to get him to agree to watch Game of Thrones with me. He'll be back on Wednesday and I'm really excited. The weather here is co-operating and I hope it continues to do so over the next week. It would be nice if he had a chance to enjoy the city a little bit before it becomes a hellish inferno.

He was totally out of contact for most of this trip out of town. I was expecting that, but missed him rather more than usual this time.

Chats, what an ass. Good riddance, but I agree that it's bizarre.

I ran smack into my ex yesterday. I haven't spoken to him in years. It was strange. We were together for 10 years and I felt like I was looking at a complete stranger. We exchanged a friendly wave and I ran away immediately.

[Kelli Fury]

Lily- I don't think so, because the world groans beneath the weight of unavailable boys. If it were about that why not metal bassist? Why not Boston pretty boy or Arizona upright bassist or San Diego piercer or California motorcycle builder? I think I do a good job of keeping myself away from boys who won't be here but for some reason this one is different

[kungtotte]

Things keep going swimmingly with my lady. We're so on the same page it's not even funny, and tonight she invited me back to her place. No pizza was had because she said she was nervous and not ready, and I didn't try to force anything because I think enjoyable pizza tomorrow is way better than rushed pizza today.

So yes, I am very happy :)

Also as a bonus the burlesque show we saw was really good.

[deleted01]

I'm a little nervous about posting this, for fear of sounding like a bit of a broken record, but I don't really have anyone else to talk to right now.

Long story short, there seems to be some kind of gang trouble on my street, a few houses up from me. Tonight there was another huge fight, weapons were involved, house windows smashed, cars damaged. Everyone shouting and fighting, girls screaming, and at one point someone was thrown into the road and didn't get up. I think he was seriously injured at the very least. I called the police and they turned up pretty quickly, but this kind of thing seems to happen every weekend, so I'm not sure they actually do much.

Anyway, I'm pretty shaken. I can't sleep - I can still hear people hosing down the road, sweeping up broken glass, and making death threats. I messaged the boyfriend to see if he was awake, and I asked if his friend was still there. I wanted to talk to him, but he kind of brushed me off. He then said I could call him once his friend left. I'm not the kind of girlfriend that interrupts his time with his friends, but I thought a situation like this would be an exception.

I've explained how I feel about how he reacted, and he's apologising, saying how he "didn't think" (which is a recurring theme) and knows it was wrong to prioritise gaming with his friend over comforting me, but I'm not feeling particularly forgiving. I could forgive him not telling his brother that I don't like prawns, and me ending up with food I didn't like at his Boxing Day dinner, but this is another thing altogether. I told him before that I don't feel like I can rely on him in tough times, and he obviously isn't trying to rectify that. I feel completely let down, and as if I'm not important enough.

That said, I'm now worried that I'm overreacting or being demanding.

[karaddin]

You aren'over reacting or being demanding, if our partner isn't willing to be there when we really need it then they aren't really treating us as number one whether you are a man or a woman, gay relationship or straight.

I think whether you should try forgive him comes down to how much you want to try make the relationship work. This sort of thing can really chip away at the confidence in the relationship and may eventually get you to the point you don't want to try, you will want to find someone else who fulfills your needs. Alternatively it won't and you will accept that he has some short comings and you love him and want to be with him anyway.

I'm not trying to tell you to leave him so I hope it doesn't sound like that, what I'm trying to say is to trust your emotions. Maybe let it cool a day or two because emotions in the moment can change with time, but never think your emotions aren't legitimate. How you feel about your relationship is the definitive thing, you can't reason or logic around it, so trust your emotions and be confident in how you feel.

ETA: kung - loving how this is going, your genuine enthusiasm and delight is intoxicating. Hope it keeps going well, you sound like you are completely falling for her. I also approve of going to burlesque this early on, great sign - approved!

[Gillio]

Drac :grouphug: I dont think you are overreacting, or being too demanding, either. That sounds really scary.

karaddin is very wise. I agree with the above. Give yourself time, and trust yourself.

Is the boyfriend one of those guys who takes a while to process things? Hubby is. I tend to plant an idea then leave him to it for a while. Sometimes he even thinks it was his idea! :)

[deleted01]

Yeah, Gillio, I think he is. I have done that with him before. It's just that on the one hand he's all caring and offering help/support, but when I ask for it, he's reluctant. I asked him to come down in May to help me move some stuff back home, and his immediate reaction was "no, I have uni work to do". Oh really, you do? I had no idea! What is uni work? :rolleyes: But he always has time to take weekends off to play games with his friends. Priorities.

Sometimes when I talk about all the negative stuff, I feel bad. But I guess I'm reacting right now, and haven't had a chance to cool down. I always give him a chance to explain, we talk it through, and try to come up with a solution and a way to move forward. But there's only so many times I can expect something to change, and be disappointed when it doesn't. Prior to our recent.. falling out, shall we say, I thought I could count on him to be there when I needed him. But that's definitely not the case, and I think it took us falling out for it to become clear to me. It's also clear that I should not be in a relationship with someone who isn't supportive enough, but the thought of breaking it off just upsets me further. I don't know where to go from here, to be completely honest.

Karaddin is always wise, as are most people here. I appreciate you listening to me moan, and for giving me advice.

[karaddin]

Karaddin might be wise at giving advice but she's certainly not at following it, especially her own :p

[Gillio]

Yeah, Gillio, I think he is. I have done that with him before. It's just that on the one hand he's all caring and offering help/support, but when I ask for it, he's reluctant. I asked him to come down in May to help me move some stuff back home, and his immediate reaction was "no, I have uni work to do". Oh really, you do? I had no idea! What is uni work? :rolleyes: But he always has time to take weekends off to play games with his friends. Priorities.

Sometimes when I talk about all the negative stuff, I feel bad. But I guess I'm reacting right now, and haven't had a chance to cool down. I always give him a chance to explain, we talk it through, and try to come up with a solution and a way to move forward. But there's only so many times I can expect something to change, and be disappointed when it doesn't. Prior to our recent.. falling out, shall we say, I thought I could count on him to be there when I needed him. But that's definitely not the case, and I think it took us falling out for it to become clear to me. It's also clear that I should not be in a relationship with someone who isn't supportive enough, but the thought of breaking it off just upsets me further. I don't know where to go from here, to be completely honest.

Karaddin is always wise, as are most people here. I appreciate you listening to me moan, and for giving me advice.

I dont think you are moaning! :grouphug:

Its a tough decision, and not one to be made when you are emotional. In the end though, you need to decide if you are just putting off the inevitable, or if a relationship can ensue that is what you want.

When you think about ending it, are you sad to lose what it is, or what it could/should have been?

Karaddin might be wise at giving advice but she's certainly not at following it, especially her own :P

Its always easier in the abstract, no? :grouphug:

[deleted01]

I believe that I will miss what it is - when we took a break last month, I was heartbroken, convinced that it was over. He's my best friend, the person I talk to about everything - but sometimes he does something (or neglects to do something) that really gets to me, and it immediately makes me question everything. Which might be me getting a bit spooked, and giving into my desire to run away from trouble.

Generally, we get along well, and I tend to forget the good things when confronted with a negative thing. But sometimes the negative things seem really big to me, and I wonder if I'd be "settling" if I kept excusing things like this.

[Gillio]

I don't understand this "settling" thing. Especially as a negative concept.

Its probably a generational thing.

I'd always been told you find the "right" person, then you both "settle down"!

There are probably hundreds of people we are each compatible with; so the "right" person may not be just one person, especially nowadays when we are so much more in touch with each other over long distances, and instantly.There could be lots of "the one"

Its a daunting task to try to sort through them all!

I think the idea that you have settled because there are more people out there you haven't met yet is not helpful to a relationship. I also think it makes it sound very impersonal and dismissive of the relationship, but I'm probably not reading the term the same way.

[deleted01]

That's why I wrote it like I did - at 4am I couldn't find another way to describe it :laugh: I guess I meant that maybe I'm doing myself a disservice by constantly forgiving behaviour that makes me feel like crap.

[Littlefingers In The Air]

So the ex and I are simply not gonna work out. She told me that she isn't in a place where she can focus on doing what she feel it takes to better herself for this relationship. She wants me to wait on her and I told her there's no way that's gonna happen.

[Lily Valley]

LITA, I'm really sorry. That sucks.

[Littlefingers In The Air]

thank you for caring, but it is what it is. I doubt I'll fret too much.