deleted01 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Glad to hear ir, Kungtotte! :DThe boyfriend left today. We had a nice few days together - went out for dinner on Tuesday, cooked a roast yesterday, and we ended up having the house to ourselves the whole time, which was extra nice. I'm glad we managed to sort our issues out, and having a few days of quality time was definitely a good idea. The only issue that came up was me asking him to come back down again in May to help me pack up some things and drive them up. He wasn't keen, as he still has uni and he's worried about getting the work done. I tried not to be too demanding, but he always offers/says he wishes he could help me out. This is the first time I've actually asked him for help, and he kind of let me down. I understand his situation, but yeah, I was kind of disappointed that he wasn't prepared to give me a hand.The reason I need his help is because I'm leaving Plymouth at the end of July as my degree will be finished, and I'm moving back home. I have a lot of books, so it's going to take a few trips :laugh: My car is pretty small, and I don't like doing the 250+ mile journey alone when I have a full car, because I take a few breaks along the way. As an aside, it's likely that I'll be doing a Masters at his university, so we'll be together a lot more often. To tell the truth, it worries me a bit. I'm used to us having some time away from each other, but from August I'll be a 10 minute drive away. I think it will be mostly positive, but there are still some concerns when the dynamics of a relationship change like that. Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this pretty big change? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Kilmore Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I think, to be honest that you will both find yourselves busy enough that you will find that you still have "time apart." Not much advice, more allaying a worry. I would also make sure that you are not each other's only source of entertainment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Drac, I'm going through it right now. It's been kind of hairy trying to sort out the changing expectations. I shall keep you posted. Glad you had a good weekend, and congrats on the upcoming graduation. You'll love Grad school. You get to study what you want and only what you want. It's awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Thanks guys. I do worry a bit that I'll be relying on him more than he relies on me, as I don't have many friends up there any more, and I don't get on particularly well with my family. For what it's worth, he's not really worried about it. He's keen for me to be there, so we can see each other more often, pop over for an evening or go out for coffee - all the positive things. I guess I'm a worrier :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Yeah I'd say you're on the money there, Mandy. Unless the whole booty call situation is pre-arranged, it's kind of shitty to try and pull that. Also who can't make plans half a week in advance? It's one thing if you've already got something and you don't know if it'll run long/when you get out of it but that's different from "Not quite 100% yet". Leaving for my date in about 45 minutes. I guess I must be really into this woman since I'm pretty damned nervous right now and I just don't get nervous, ever. Even though we've met up several times in the past week this will be our first proper date. It's going to be fine though, because that's the only acceptable outcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Things go well with V, however I am sure this will end painfully when he goes back on tour. I'm considering other dates in the meantime to insulate myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 That seems like a self-sabotage type of tactic, Kay. "Oh, I don't want to hurt from stubbing my toes on this table so I am going to cut off my toes now before it happens." Yes it might be painful when he leaves, but part of being with him, for this short time, is the whole experience. Avoiding that pain by seeking out other dates is unlikely to go well with V, unless he really does grock you at that deep of a level. And if he does, then fuck, why are you letting him go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Is there such a thing as 'good' drama? Playing headgames really only ends up with someone feeling bad, and quite often it's you. Cards on the table is the least painful in the long run, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Is there such a thing as 'good' drama? Playing headgames really only ends up with someone feeling bad, and quite often it's you. Cards on the table is the least painful in the long run, I think. Depends on your definition of good. Useful - yes, definitely. Drama easily sustains relationships. It can also cause relationships to end, but a relationship without drama is typically dead and loveless. Cards on the table way seems right in theory, and I will never advocate dishonestly. But here is how cards on the table will work in reality: He:Hi I want NSA sex She: Hi I want to get married, live in the burbs and have 3 babies He: OK bye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NestorMakhnosLovechild Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Depends on your definition of good. Useful - yes, definitely. Drama easily sustains relationships. It can also cause relationships to end, but a relationship without drama is typically dead and loveless. Cards on the table way seems right in theory, and I will never advocate dishonestly. But here is how cards on the table will work in reality: He:Hi I want NSA sex She: Hi I want to get married, live in the burbs and have 3 babies He: OK bye So being completely honest will allow two people to avoid getting romantically entangled when they have completely divergent goals and desires? What's the "downside"? No chance for "He" to mislead "She" as to his intentions so he can use her for NSA sex? No chance for "She" so mislead "He" and entrap him in a suburban hell he never wanted to live? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Cards on the table way seems right in theory, and I will never advocate dishonestly. But here is how cards on the table will work in reality: He:Hi I want NSA sex She: Hi I want to get married, live in the burbs and have 3 babies He: OK bye Really? Come on man, isn't this thread alone sufficient to expose the lie that women are only looking for marriage and babies whereas men only want sex without commitments? Because we have several counterexamples from both genders in the previous pages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 He:Hi I want NSA sex She: Hi I want to get married, live in the burbs and have 3 babies He: OK bye What's wrong with that? I've had these conversations before: Him: "Hi, I like your pic." Me: "Oh thanks. I saw that your profile says you're looking for LTR and boyfriend?" Him: "Yes, are you interested?" me: "No thanks. I am not. Wish you the best of luck." Him: "Oh ok. Thanks. Bye." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 nvm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The BlackBear Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Remembered reading this comment earlier then saw this comic :lol:Don't talk about love. Express it. (show, not tell!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Date went very well. No pizza, but that's the direction we're heading in.We seem to be on the same page with pretty much everything, and she's absolutely stunning. I think I used up all of my luck for 2014 when I ran into her.Also I can't understand why I haven't been dating older women before. This is so much better than dating girls in their 20s who haven't experienced anything worth a damn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 I'm glad to hear it all went well :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 That seems like a self-sabotage type of tactic, Kay."Oh, I don't want to hurt from stubbing my toes on this table so I am going to cut off my toes now before it happens."Yes it might be painful when he leaves, but part of being with him, for this short time, is the whole experience. Avoiding that pain by seeking out other dates is unlikely to go well with V, unless he really does grock you at that deep of a level. And if he does, then fuck, why are you letting him go?V would not try and stop me from seeing other people, though I'm sure he wouldn't love it, he wouldn't discourage me. But, the fact remains he is here until June only, and thereafter I certainly wouldn't see him for several months at least. He's not living in Minnesota or even staying somewhere I could visit after June. When he does go back to living in one place, it will be in NY. And I cannot be parted from Minnesota, I pretty much don't want to be more than an hour from Minneapolis for more than a week for the rest of my life (yes, MPLS is just that superb). V and I are very smitten with each other, but he can't give up the road and I can't give up my home. So, in June, I have to give him up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 PA, as much as I agree with you most of the time, I think the honesty towards the NSA goal is the best approach. I mean, I know plenty of women who would rather I just say "Hey, I don't have very high expectations. Just looking for a good time tonight."A lot of women reciprocate the notion. Some are even bold enough to say it first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Even Intimidated Boy Toy has come back to the fold, hesitantly reaching out with a "how are you?" We won't answer that with any truth, since we don't want to scare the poor little thing with "I NO LONGER HAVE A UTERUS, HOW DO YOU THINK I AM?"...but rather, will say, "Great! How are you?" How are you really though? Did everything go OK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I guess he really is more into the self-conscious blonde type if he thought that tactic would work. :PGlad to hear everything is OK though. I'm sure you'll be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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