Maithanet Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 So apparently I'm pretty fucking excellent in person or godawful via text (or a little of column A, a little of column B). Better that than the reverse! Online dating is hard, and it is a skill to learn like any other. Don't expect to be good at it right away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Online dating/fucking sites are also great for people in more remote geographical areas. If you live in a town of 10k people, your dating pool is not going to be huge. But if you can date within an hr drive, then you might have 5 or 6 small towns available, and your odds can get better. It does make moving the dating to real life a bit of transition, but I think most people will consider a 1hr drive each way worth the effort for a date. Heck, in some metropolitan areas like LA and NYC, getting from one end of the city to the other takes easily that long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Other than my terrible injury, my days off with V and B went great. I spent Tuesday with V, which all went good up to breaking myself. Wednesday B and I spent the day together so we could catch up and I could make sure we're all cool. That put to rest my lingering concerns of damaging my or V's friendships with B. It did raise a little foreboding for me, because I thought V would only be here for the month of April. B explained to me they don't go back out on tour until June. One month was an appealing amount of time because it isn't enough time to arrange a total disaster and I know any time he's here and not home in NY or on tour is mostly for me. As someone who is a bit easily spooked into bolting (refer back to bassist wearing my bandana), anyone planning on spending time with me more than a week or two in the future is troubling. This has greater potential to hurt somebody (probably not me) than I had factored in. So, everything is great now, very possibly not so much later Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Trying to get a relationship going from Tinder is like trying to get a taco at a pizza joint - possible, but why are you at the pizza joint looking for tacos? As for Grindr, same deal. I only checked it out briefly for a few days, because I am allergic to twinks and Aberzombies, but it's much more meat market than dating site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 You're not looking for hookups and you're not looking for marriage. What exactly are you looking for? Are you drawing a distinction between "one night stand" and "no-strings-attached sex more than once"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Better that than the reverse! Online dating is hard, and it is a skill to learn like any other. Don't expect to be good at it right away. Oh for sure! I'd much rather not get any first dates than not get any second dates. If you never really talk you never know if there was something there. And I figured it'd be an acquired skill, I just didn't think the contrast would be this sharp. Or I just had a horseshoe up my ass yesterday and it was all a perfect storm of chance. I wasn't planning on going to that party, I was heading out to do something else but I changed my mind at the last minute and went anyway. She was already sitting at the bar when I went to order a beer, and we kind of joked with each other about both being way too early to this thing (nearly nobody was there yet) and that was that. Every guy I've dated from an online site has said the same thing: that it's a LOT more difficult to get responses and/or dates as a man than as a woman. I'm no supermodel and yet I've had plenty of dates from there. Which is kind of nice since I think I'm a specific brand and online allows the guys who LIKE my specific brand to be easily accessible. For me, meeting someone in person is a lot harder. Whatever works for you!!! I hope you at least got her number, kungtotte? The site I'm on lets you see how many views other people's profiles get, and you wouldn't believe the number of visits that all women get. Even the ones that you'd think would be really unpopular still get 5-10 views a day, most women get 20-30 on the low end and 60-70 on the high end, and the really attractive women get hundreds of views per day. PER DAY. And yes, your second point is exactly why I thought online dating was a good idea. It's not so much that I have a specific type in the looks department but rather to make sure that there's at least some overlap in interests and general idea of what we both want out of the date in the long term. That sort of pre-selection should be the cornerstone of online dating, I think. And those are the kind of women I've been messaging, but I guess I need to work on my delivery. And yes, Mandy. I did get her number :) I would've tried to set something up for this weekend except I'm going on a booze-cruise with my crew from work D: I feel good about this though, and when we spoke on Facebook she agreed that we should hang out again. So yeah, real life: 1. Online dating zerooooooo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disturber of Peace Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 You're not looking for hookups and you're not looking for marriage. What exactly are you looking for? Are you drawing a distinction between "one night stand" and "no-strings-attached sex more than once"?I am just an observer in all this dating and pizza stuff but i got some definitions.I believe you just asked for a distinction between an ONS and a booty-call.Whereas Chats distincts between ONSs and dating where both people understand eachother in that one or both of them do not aim for marriage or anything of the sort and their relationship is ON only while there is stronger "chemistry".I think we need a term for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 "Dating"? A series of instances of hanging out together doing something fun, rather than an ongoing relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 You're not looking for hookups and you're not looking for marriage. What exactly are you looking for? Are you drawing a distinction between "one night stand" and "no-strings-attached sex more than once"? Casual/open/short-term relationships are still relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 It's like there are different types of bars. Some bars are more geared towards hookups and have more a meat market feel, while others are more social and local neighborhood feel. Can you socialize at a pick-up bar? Sure. Can you pick someone up at a neighborhood bar? Sure. But that doesn't mean that the 2 types of venues are the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tempra Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 OMG, I'm a Tinder girl.I think the term is Tinderella.Also, Tinder is a hook-up app. Browse a few male dominated forums and you'll quickly realize how most men using that app view women on Tinder (and in general). You might even see some of your pictures posted as trophies. Be careful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah Lannister Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Anyone ever have someone tell them "I lube you" after a month or so dating? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia Morgan Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I don't know if I'm ready to start dating again yet, I had a rough breakup just over a month ago and am still a bit down about it all.When I do though is OkCupid any good?, because I've heard lots of different opinions on it and I've not done online dating before but it would be good to meet someone new outside my group of friends completely and without having to shout in a bar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 Anyone ever have someone tell them "I lube you" after a month or so dating? From my experience this is usually a term more commonly reserved for taking care of practical issues that precede.. uh... pizza. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Walker Texas Ranger Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 I don't know if I'm ready to start dating again yet, I had a rough breakup just over a month ago and am still a bit down about it all.When I do though is OkCupid any good?, because I've heard lots of different opinions on it and I've not done online dating before but it would be good to meet someone new outside my group of friends completely and without having to shout in a bar.Are you a straight woman? Then Ok cupid can work, but expect hundreds of messages, some of them obscene. It's an unfortunate feature of any free dating site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 I don't know if I'm ready to start dating again yet, I had a rough breakup just over a month ago and am still a bit down about it all. When I do though is OkCupid any good?, because I've heard lots of different opinions on it and I've not done online dating before but it would be good to meet someone new outside my group of friends completely and without having to shout in a bar. I think I'd recommend OkCupid more for queer women (and I assume men) than I would for straight women and men. It's got a reputation as being more queer friendly and consequently has a substantially larger queer userbase than many other dating sites have, along with friendly features like if you are a gay woman you can set it so your profile is only visible to womens accounts so you aren't getting a ton of messages from men. For straight dating I think I'd probably say go with the site that is oriented towards whatever kind of relationship you are looking for, ie some are more pick up oriented (as Terra has talked about above) and others are not very friendly towards that sort of relationship and are very much oriented towards finding a LTR. What that site is will depend on which country you are in, although if you have a particular special interest you might also be well suited if there is a site catering to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 I disagree with that, I've used a few paid and free and I think OKC is the best hands down unless you have a specialty need (e.g., ChristianMingle, JDate). They seem to "get" the way people interact in ways that the others don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Well obviously mileage varies, my main point was just that it's in particular queer friendly, I didn't try it for straight dating back with the old me so I'd bow to others experiences there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Okay. That's a fundamentally different statement from recommending against it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 I need help not overthinking things. How long after sending a text do I start to worry that I screwed up, and assuming that I did screw up what's the best move? Follow-up to attempt to unfuck things? Wait longer and try not to go crazy? Realise that I am overthinking things and she's not replying for a number of perfectly valid reasons such as; her phone got eaten by an alligator, the government has blacked out the cellular net in her area, or she's a figment of my imagination and I just sent a text to a completely random number. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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