Dating 8 - group 'pizza', swaggering, internet dating, and more!

[Inigima]

You're making yourself nuts. Relax. Unless you need to talk to her to nail down plans, let it be. Don't keep texting her or you will look neurotic. Hide the crazy.

Not everyone handles texts the same way. Last girl I dated seriously just did not consider reading or answering texts a priority and I just had to accept that if I wanted to date her.

[kungtotte]

Yeah I figured I was being crazy, but the worst part about it is you don't really know until you get some outside validation. And part of the problem is I don't know how she deals with texts, like you say she might just not care that much (which is fine) but until you know how she typically communicates this whole thing feels like standing in front of the firing squad with a blindfold on waiting a shot that might never come.

If she hasn't replied by tomorrow afternoon when I get back from this cruise thing I might contact her on Facebook instead. I sort-of asked her out without asking her out by inviting her to meet me at that bar again, which I think is a good idea because it's her regular place and her friends will probably be there (safety net) and it was a nice and low-key kind of place where you could actually talk, but it's still a bar that plays rock music so it's not like a candle-lit dinner or anything. That way it's a date if we both want it to be, and just two people hanging out getting to know each other if we don't.

Thank you, Ini! I'm gonna go party with my co-workers now and try to kill the crazy with alcohol (don't worry, I don't drunk-dial).

[White Walker Texas Ranger]

Yeah I figured I was being crazy, but the worst part about it is you don't really know until you get some outside validation. And part of the problem is I don't know how she deals with texts, like you say she might just not care that much (which is fine) but until you know how she typically communicates this whole thing feels like standing in front of the firing squad with a blindfold on waiting a shot that might never come.

If she hasn't replied by tomorrow afternoon when I get back from this cruise thing I might contact her on Facebook instead. I sort-of asked her out without asking her out by inviting her to meet me at that bar again, which I think is a good idea because it's her regular place and her friends will probably be there (safety net) and it was a nice and low-key kind of place where you could actually talk, but it's still a bar that plays rock music so it's not like a candle-lit dinner or anything. That way it's a date if we both want it to be, and just two people hanging out getting to know each other if we don't.

Thank you, Ini! I'm gonna go party with my co-workers now and try to kill the crazy with alcohol (don't worry, I don't drunk-dial).

have you already texted her more than once?

[Maithanet]

have you already texted her more than once?

If the answer is yes, you should watch the answering machine scene in Swingers. You know which scene I'm talking about*.

* If you haven't seen Swingers, you should just watch the entire movie, but the scene is obvious.

[kungtotte]

No. This was the first one. I commented on a Facebook status of hers and got a positive reply, but that's it. I said I had a great time and that we should do it again and she agreed, but nothing further.

[Arkhangel]

Tips for killing unwanted crushes?

Edit: in the sense of stopping the feeling, not in the bury-him-in-the-backyard sense, which seems a little extreme.

[Inigima]

What did you say in your text?

[kungtotte]

What did you say in your text?

Loosely/badly translated I said "Hi. Thanks for a good time. I'd really like to see you again. I'll be going to Wed and head over to Kelly's after. Meet you there?"

She already said she didn't want to go to that music gig because she's on the outs with the people running that club, so that's why I didn't ask about that.

[Prince Alexander]

No. This was the first one. I commented on a Facebook status of hers and got a positive reply, but that's it. I said I had a great time and that we should do it again and she agreed, but nothing further.

Quick tip: don't be on facebook with anyone you date...

[kungtotte]

Well, I'm 30 and she's older than me so I think we can both be adults about it.

[Inigima]

Generally I'd want to propose a date somewhere where we aren't usually. Otherwise you run into the is-it-or-isn't-it-a-date issue. Too late for this time though.

If you guys are usually there she might have decided it didn't need a response because she'll just see you there.

She might also have been hoping for something more... interested-seeming than "let's drink at the bar where we always drink"? I dunno.

[kungtotte]

Always is a big word for something that happened once. Since we met there and we were literally just talking and weren't overtly flirting I didn't want to be too pushy. There were plenty of signals though, and she asked for my number so I have that going for me which is nice

[kungtotte]

Oh yeah, when/if we meet I'll definitely make my intentions clear. I'm just cautious and I don't want to blow it, because I think she can be a really good friend if she's not into the idea of dating.

[Frances Bean Corbray]

Tips for killing unwanted crushes?

Edit: in the sense of stopping the feeling, not in the bury-him-in-the-backyard sense, which seems a little extreme.

I've found burying them in the backyard doesn't necessarily stop the feeling, anyway.

Er, I mean, I've heard burying them in the backyard doesn't necessarily stop the feeling.

[Maithanet]

Tips for killing unwanted crushes?

Edit: in the sense of stopping the feeling, not in the bury-him-in-the-backyard sense, which seems a little extreme.

Do you have an unwanted crush on someone else? Or do they have a crush on you? This seems like a pretty important distinction when it comes to advice.

[Summah]

Mandy, you had your own Mr Collins.

[Arkhangel]

Do you have an unwanted crush on someone else? Or do they have a crush on you? This seems like a pretty important distinction when it comes to advice.

I have an unwanted crush on someone. It's absolutely not leading anywhere, I'm not even sure that I'd want it to, and I don't want it to get in the way of what I think could be a pretty great friendship. I used to see him in just a friendly light, and I'd really like to go back to that!

[Inigima]

Arkhangel: Spend a week or two away. It'll pass.

[Maithanet]

I have an unwanted crush on someone. It's absolutely not leading anywhere, I'm not even sure that I'd want it to, and I don't want it to get in the way of what I think could be a pretty great friendship. I used to see him in just a friendly light, and I'd really like to go back to that!

That sucks.

I remember one time when I was young and overly shy with women, I had an unrequited crush on one of my friends for several years. I never directly told her, but there's no doubt in my mind that she knew about it, because the signs couldn't have been more obvious. I knew that she knew, and she wasn't interested in taking that next step. So one night I decided to just let it go, be friends and nothing more, and stop putting myself through this. I was happy with this decision; it was definitely time to move on. That night I had, without a doubt, the most vivid sex dream of my life.

I woke up the next morning, and I was super pissed at my brain. What the hell are you doing to me?

I realize that isn't advice, but just an indication of how frustrating crushing on your friends can be. I would just focus on how crushes are inevitably based on fantasy, ie, what you imagine this person would be for you, rather than who they really are. If you are pretty sure you don't want to date this guy, why is that? How is your brain building this fantasy about him, and why isn't it accurate? These kinds of thoughts aren't always going to work, but they will at least you keep perspective.

[Arkhangel]

Arkhangel: Spend a week or two away. It'll pass.

I wish it were that simple, but that's not how I work. I'm not someone who has three crushes a week (not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not me). My crushes are very few and slow to start, but they can last for years. I am, much to my own disgust, the pining kind :bang: That's why I'd like to head this one off at the pass.

That sucks.

I remember one time when I was young and overly shy with women, I had an unrequited crush on one of my friends for several years. I never directly told her, but there's no doubt in my mind that she knew about it, because the signs couldn't have been more obvious. I knew that she knew, and she wasn't interested in taking that next step. So one night I decided to just let it go, be friends and nothing more, and stop putting myself through this. I was happy with this decision; it was definitely time to move on. That night I had, without a doubt, the most vivid sex dream of my life.

I woke up the next morning, and I was super pissed at my brain. What the hell are you doing to me?

I realize that isn't advice, but just an indication of how frustrating crushing on your friends can be. I would just focus on how crushes are inevitably based on fantasy, ie, what you imagine this person would be for you, rather than who they really are. If you are pretty sure you don't want to date this guy, why is that? How is your brain building this fantasy about him, and why isn't it accurate? These kinds of thoughts aren't always going to work, but they will at least you keep perspective.

That's a good thought, I'll try to keep the idealised crush version vs. actual guy distinction in mind. Thanks!