Dating Triple-Ex-Eye

[Inigima]

In replies I try to do both. I answer any questions, preferably in a way that's interesting and/or funny or at least that shows some personality, but I think it's important to ask a question or two as well so that there's something to reply to. As the old sales adage goes, make it easy to say yes.

[kungtotte]

Yeah you have to give them something to work with, otherwise it won't be much of a conversation.

[Theda Baratheon]

Yeah, you gotta have an equal amount of asking and answering questions otherwise it's not much of a conversation. :)

[The Warlock of Qarth]

I disagree with this. I actually recently stopped chatting to a guy because he did exactly this - after four or so messages, I was giving out a lot more in-depth responses than he was, and he was responding to everything and asking questions about it but he wasn't giving me anything back. Not only does that make it harder to carry a conversation, it's uncomfortable because, y'know, many or most of us do not consider ourselves and our interests to be the important subject and actually want to have a real discussion with a give-and-take.

So I'd say tell them about your interests, even or especially if they're a little unusual.

Oh, certainly! If a girl asks me a question, I'll answer it of course (and ask a few questions myself, that part I've found is critical for the response rate) but I'm definitely less detailed in my responses than I was in the beginning.

In replies I try to do both. I answer any questions, preferably in a way that's interesting and/or funny or at least that shows some personality, but I think it's important to ask a question or two as well so that there's something to reply to. As the old sales adage goes, make it easy to say yes.

This is the way I try to do it now. Still a case of hit and miss through, or maybe I'm not nearly as witty as I think I am. ;) For example, last week a girl messaged me first, said she thought I had an funny and interesting profile and asked what I was doing on friday evening. I answered I was going to my swordfighting practice and to a salsaclub afterwards with a female friend for drinks and dancing. I then asked her what her plans were for friday and the weekend. The response? Nothing. It's stuff like this that has me my scratching my head in wonder sometimes. :dunno: After all, why bother initiating contact if you don't follow up on it afterwards?

[kungtotte]

You did say you were going salsa-dancing with another girl, can't really blame her for not responding very well to that.

[The Warlock of Qarth]

You did say you were going salsa-dancing with another girl, can't really blame her for not responding very well to that.

That is a possibility, but I clearly stated on my profile that one of my hobbies was salsadancing. Since it's customary that men dance with women, I'm not quite sure what she was expecting. Then again, maybe she is one of those people who can't stand the thought of a potential romantic partner having friends of the opposite sex, in which case I dodged a bullet without knowing it. ;)

EDIT: Checked my message, I didn't even mention my female friend, I simply stated I was going out dancing after the swordfighting practice. I'm not sure if that would make things better or worse from her PoV. Probably worse, since now I'm dancing with more than one woman. Oi vey! :P Even in that case, I'm not sure sure what she was expecting considering my listed hobbies.

[Inigima]

What you said is fine. Mentioning the friend would have been a bad move.

She might have thought the swordfighting thing was weird. It might have been an invitation to make plans and you dropped the ball. It might have been something else you said. She might have decided to get serious with someone else.

Or it might be none of these things. Women aren't puzzles to be solved so that a date comes out. Sometimes shit doesn't resolve neatly.

[kungtotte]

That's really good news Chats! Not about the mediocre sex, but that everything works.

Also, funny works for me. Not in an opening message, but in my profile and once the conversation is going I get a good response by being witty and funny. That doesn't mean peppering every single message with jokes though.

[The Warlock of Qarth]

Or it might be none of these things. Women aren't puzzles to be solved so that a date comes out. Sometimes shit doesn't resolve neatly.

True that, it's always best not to worry too much about these things.

Amen, brother. The MOST IMPORTANT thing is the photos. I think that one should be shirtless, personally. I like to see what I'm getting Unless you aren't muscular. Then, keep your shirt on.

The photos should also not have other people in them. I always toss the ones who only photograph with their kids...or worse, have pics with another woman. Why in the hell would I want to see your ex gf? Or mom? Crop her out!!! Or find another pic. And the ones with you and your bff's? NO. I need to be able to identify YOU.

Keep your messages short, relevant, always with a question for her to respond to...but don't go into "funny". "Funny" never works. Sense of humor does not translate well in writing someone you don't know.

Speaking words of wisdom Chat! On the other hand, some profiles are so hilariously bad they reach a level of awesomeness of their own. I once came upon a site dedicated to bad profiles and it's disturbing how many men think posting a picture of their junk is a good idea. Regarding 'funny' messages, I'd say you can send them, but only sparingly and wisely. Being witty is good, but nobody wants to date Bozo the clown and if you need half a dozen smileys to ensure your 'funny' message translates well in writing, you're better off scrapping your message completely and starting over.

[kungtotte]

Well, I'm actually funny. It's not like I'm relying on knock-knock jokes here...

[Sir Thursday]

Amen, brother. The MOST IMPORTANT thing is the photos. I think that one should be shirtless, personally. I like to see what I'm getting Unless you aren't muscular. Then, keep your shirt on.

The photos should also not have other people in them. I always toss the ones who only photograph with their kids...or worse, have pics with another woman. Why in the hell would I want to see your ex gf? Or mom? Crop her out!!! Or find another pic. And the ones with you and your bff's? NO. I need to be able to identify YOU.

Keep your messages short, relevant, always with a question for her to respond to...but don't go into "funny". "Funny" never works. Sense of humor does not translate well in writing someone you don't know.

*********

In other news, I slept with Mr. Commercial Litigation last night, and it was sooooo not worth it. (The doc said that the 18th was ok)

Bah. He only had one time in him, he didn't, ah, "pay enough attention" to me after I gave him a lot of "attention".

On the other hand, I now know that things are 100% normal, and a guy can't tell that I don't have a cervix :) I asked if he could feel a difference.

I didn't get great pleasure out of it, but I think that was him, not me.

Interesting - I've seen a TON of profiles which explicitly state that if you have shirtless picture on your profile you will not be getting a response from them (not that my chest is a particularly key asset of mine, anyway). Might just be that the matches OKC's algorithms spit out for me aren't into that sort of thing, I suppose...

ST

[Ded As Ned]

Happy Monday fellow shipmen and women!

The date went great. It was perfect weather, beautiful day. I made it to the park and found her immediately (she timed it wrong and got there too late), so the whole "treasure hunt" thing was a wash. I kissed her hello to get it out of the way since she was receptive, and you can generally negate a few hours of figuring out chemistry with a kiss (at least for me). Went from there. We spread some blankets out under this big walnut tree, sat and covertly sipped on bourbon talking, listening to music on our phones, people watching, etc. As the day went on, and the bourbon did it's job, we kind of forgot the road that loops through the park was only 50 yards away or so. So we're laying there making out under our tree when I become acutely aware that we're not alone. Look up to see a middle-eastern guy with his wife & two kids standing there watching us, lol. "Can I help you????"... "Sorry to interrupt you, but do you mind if we use the picnic table and grill over there?" (about 20 feet away). "No problem man, help yourself." I'll give them credit, I expected them to be uncomfortable and leave quickly, but we went back to it and they didn't bat an eye... grilled their food and let their kids play for an hour or so before they went along their way. A few other families/peoples came by here and there to use the picnic table/grill and none of them lasted more than a few minutes before decided to go elsewhere, lol. The funny thing was the occasional calls and honks we would get from people driving by.

As day turned to night, she invited me back to her place. I pointed out the reasons why it is generally not a good idea to invite a stranger you met online into your home, but luckily for her I'm not the serial killer type. She had some friends she kept checking in with to make sure she was ok. So I ended up spending the night, had a great evening. We went sailing and enjoyed the coastline, circled around the harbor a few times but never brought the ship in to port. Something to anticipate for later. Parted ways early yesterday morning (I had a busy day yesterday), and eagerly awaiting the next time I get to see her, which will probably be a couple of weeks. All in all a great experience, and has some potential. It will be a slow progression (if it progresses), because between work, kids, etc. we're only going to be able to see each other every other week or so... which is a good thing. We were both clear and on the same page in what we want this relationship to look like if we keep seeing each other. In the end it was pretty much exactly what I needed at this point in my life. Nothing more, nothing less.

[The Warlock of Qarth]

Awesome to hear your date went well Ded As Ned! Hope things work out well! :)

[Insomnium]

Ded As Ned, I like your deliberation. Everything seems level headed and calm. Glad to hear about the success so far.

[Inigima]

Oh one more suggestion for the online dating crowd - ASK QUESTIONS. If someone writes you and you respond, and then don't ask them anything in return it sounds like you're not interested, and it kind of leaves them hanging. It's a back and forth - you have to keep it going.

So very much this. And that goes for women too, even if you don't think you have to. I've stopped messaging people because they were responsive but I didn't think they showed any interest.

re: shirts/shirtless, like ST lots of the profiles I see explicitly say no shirtless pics. I think it depends what you're looking for.

[Ded As Ned]

Ded As Ned, I like your deliberation. Everything seems level headed and calm. Glad to hear about the success so far.

Thanks.

Yep that's me. It took me a good 15 years to get the hang of being a responsible adult and (more recently) parent, and a failed marriage to figure out what I really need and want from a relationship. Better late than never. But I'll not be jumping head first into a hardcore serious relationship with a "screw it, I'm in love and taking my hands off the wheel and hope for the best" attitude, like ever. Because, kids. And the ex hasn't moved out yet (she found a place and is taking it if it doesn't go by Wed. when she has the money together, PLEASE OH PLEASE), and dammit I'm looking forward to having the house to myself. Closet space and 3rd bedroom man cave. It's really kind of sick how much I'm looking forward to that, lol. Def. not even close to entertaining the thought of giving that up.

[Insomnium]

No ex wife. But ex girlfriend left me in the same delight over the freed up space. I can actually hang everything, and not use makeshift storage. What a perk! haha.

[Ded As Ned]

No ex wife. But ex girlfriend left me in the same delight over the freed up space. I can actually hang everything, and not use makeshift storage. What a perk! haha.

I've had about 2 feet of hanging space in the closet, which ended up going to dress clothes I rarely wear. I've been digging through two laundry baskets for clean clothes longer than I care to think about it. The first time I go to find my shoes and it doesn't take 10 minutes of digging through a pile of women's shoes to find them I swear I'm going to dance a jig. It's the little things in life. ;)

[KiDisaster]

I think a shirtless pic is fine so long as it's not the main profile pic. Put it at the bottom of the photos page for those who want to see more of you, and like Chats said it should be a picture where being shirtless makes sense in context ie. a picture taken at the beach.

Personally I won't be putting any shirtless pics up, my hairy-as-hell body is something no one wants to see prior to already being interested in me. I'm practically a damn werewolf.

[kungtotte]

Most of the dating sites I use have an option for private photos, so you only show them to people you come into contact with. That's where you should put the shirtless ones.