karaddin Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Bear in mind I've got a year of it naturally shrinking as well ffs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 As for your tearing up over stories about my mum Mandy. I feel like I've suddenly founded a new religion where tears shed after death correspond to quality of afterlife. The more people I can make cry and understand the better off she will be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaldanya Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Both my parents really really love kids, as much as anyone I've ever known. Mum thought she was done before me, but then I came along as a surprise 7 years later at 40. I was her baby and she had more time to dote on me than the others, but the relationship was that strong for all of us..... What a lovely post, kar. It has made me tear up. She sounds like a truly formidable woman. She was 100% correct you are beautiful. I wish you a speedy recovery from your surgery and I hope in time you can remember your mom without the pain of her passing. N Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 One silver lining in it all is that there was very little pain in her passing for her. The swelling from the tumour was mostly controlled and without that there was no pain, the seizure that killed her was quick and didn't leave her lingering. My last conversation with her was on the phone before I left the country and cognitively she was 100% Mum for that conversation, we just gossiped and chatted and I was making sure she didn't miss me because I knew how upset she would be if I left without a goodbye call. So my last memories of her are of her as she was, and our relationship as it was. As close a mother/daughter relationship and a friend relationship as I knew it was possible to have coexisting. It's funny that I never would have used the word formidable to describe her, I think that's something only those on the outside would have seen (and certainly that it was there), to me though she was just the soft embrace of love. Back to the other half of this thread, got a new technique for dilation AND had to use the large dilator today, but the move is totally worth it. It's active now, basically a stirring motion once it's in rather than just sitting there, it both keeps me more occupied because I'm doing something, does a better job of stretching things out, and I actually feel better downstairs as a result. Like its been used right instead of scraped over a frame too large. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Surgeon today told me I might think my clot looks a bit big and that's easily fixed, can just snip a bit off. I had to contain myself from a furious "you keep your hands off her, she's perfect size".The amusing things that autocorrect does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Double post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Oh ffs fixed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Instead of continuing to spam out this thread, I did what I've been doing of late and talked into a video. And cried a lot. http://youtu.be/1Dh7zSGuYlY Kara, This just broke my heart. I'm so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Tower of Almond Joy Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Hello Kara! You don't know me yet. I'm relatively new to the forum. Lurking first, getting my nerve up to post something simple (like Hallo ; ) then very cautious posts that I hope don't get a reply of 'that is totally insane and ridiculous' lol I watched your youtube video. You are so beautiful! Your goodness radiates through the screen. I would love to have a real life friend like you. Your eyes are so pretty. And your skin..oh your skin...gorgeous.I hope your transition goes smoothly. I have several male gay friends (I am a female) My heart goes out to them when they tell me how they came out and how their parents rejected them and the pain they suffer because of that.I am so sorry about your Mum. It is very hard losing someone you love. There is no end date for grief. Don't let people force you to do something you don't want to do. When they say, oh this will be good for you, I cringe inside ..and reply oh so sweetly, ' oh my dear, I am sooo sorry, but I must decline. I have a previously scheduled enema' Boy that shuts them up and they never ask again. Wickedness can sometimes be so delicious. lolMy mother died at 7:30 AM on Christmas morning 7 years ago. The hospital called and said her breathing was getting shallow. We threw our clothes on in a mad rush. As we were running out the door, they called again to say she had passed. I have had 3 other very loved ones die in my arms. I think it was easier for me to not have been there. I was going through my Mom's things, and I came across a small book of poems that she had written down. I didn't know she did that kind of thing. I came across this poem:We shall not be apart sweetheartThis year on Christmas DayFor tho, it finds me hereand you so many miles awayIn thoughts we'll be together stilland all the day long thruMy loving wish will always beMay God watch over you......Love always finds a way...May God watch over you, KaraLynn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 This is me about that last post This just broke my heart. I'm so sorry.Thanks Lynn (coincidentally my mothers name) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Argh itchy spots...scratching seems a very VERY bad idea. UGH!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Tower of Almond Joy Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Welcome to the world of feminine products. ; ) Get some Vagicaine, great for itching and numbs it up some too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 At this point, it is just the healing process and nerves getting used to their new neighborhood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Yeah, it was in the same spot that 10 min earlier had been stinging, this one isn't a welcome just surgical business as usual Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
all swedes are racist Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 As for your tearing up over stories about my mum Mandy. I feel like I've suddenly founded a new religion where tears shed after death correspond to quality of afterlife. The more people I can make cry and understand the better off she will be.You certainly got to me, for what it's worth. Very sorry about your mother, Karradin. She truly sounds like an amazing person. And also happy and excited for the awesome new page in your life. Get well and keep kicking ass out there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Oh god this is so fucking hard doing it alone. I'd imagined doing it on the other side of the world when I moved to the US, but at least I always had my partner with me in those scenarios. I miss my Mum and I'm so fucking alone, and I hurt and I can barely move. I know everyone on here somehow thinks I'm strong, but if I ever am I'm not right now/ I'm a broken wreck curled up on the ground Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Hang in there mate. I know we aren't there with you, but we are all barracking for you and are here to listen to, smile with and commiserate with you. You are a valued boarder and sister of the BwB. I myself (and I'm sure everyone here) sends you virtual hugs and best wishes. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 What Stubby said. Stay strong, Karaddin, we're all cheering for you. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gillio Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 As for your tearing up over stories about my mum Mandy. I feel like I've suddenly founded a new religion where tears shed after death correspond to quality of afterlife. The more people I can make cry and understand the better off she will be. well sign me up, too! Oh god this is so fucking hard doing it alone. I'd imagined doing it on the other side of the world when I moved to the US, but at least I always had my partner with me in those scenarios. I miss my Mum and I'm so fucking alone, and I hurt and I can barely move. I know everyone on here somehow thinks I'm strong, but if I ever am I'm not right now/ I'm a broken wreck curled up on the ground Kara, :grouphug: So much has happened in a very short time. Its a lot for you to cope with both mentally and physically. Things will get better, I promise! when do you get to go home? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Being strong doesn't mean you don't feel pain and loss. I wish there was something we could do to help ease your pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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