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Have a dragon.


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I'd become the Westerosi Batman...except everything would be dragon-themed.



Or, I'd: fly to the Vale and let Kitty Boo-Boo (I'd name my dragon Kitty Boo-Boo) eat Littlefinger then we'd give Sansa Stark a lift. I'd drop her off with the Manderlys. Then, I'd go scorch Oldtown, because fu** Oldtown. We'd swing by the Iron Islands. When we left, they'd be renamed the Melted Islands. Next, we head to Winterfell and help Stannis cook Bolton's goose. Kitty Boo-boo would eat Ramsey, but then get sick and barf his partially-digested corpse up. Stannis and I would get drunk and try to convince Lord Too-Fat to eat Ramsey. Many good laughs are had. We'd then fly to Mereen (or the Dothraki Sea, in case she's already flown off) where I'd flat-out charm the tokar off Dany. She'd admire the size of my dragon (Oh, Yeah!), and Kitty Boo-boo would intimidate the hell out of Drogon. She and I wipe out her opposition in Slaver's Bay, gather up her forces, and head back to Westeros. Me, Dany, the Unsullied, the Dothraki and Victorion's IB would kick the crap out of the Golden Company first. Then, we'd take KL, , send the Tyrell's packing, claim the Iron Throne, and give Cercei to Vic as his new bedwarmer (since we made him leave the Dusky Woman with us, you know, since she's Missandei's mom.) We tell Lord Commander Snow to let us know what's up with the others, install Tyrion at Casterly Rock, Rickon at Winterfell (with Sansa as his regent), and make heirs until my back wears out.


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First I'd have to train the dragon not to kill me. Then I'd need some money (maybe hide the dragon in a cave and charge admission to see it?). Finally, I'd travel to all the places I've heard about in those songs the minstrels sing.



Oh, and I might take a side-trip north to help save the realm.


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For the purpose of this scenario, I am going to assume that my father is a dragonseed sailor from Driftmark and that my mother was the tavern wench he happened to knock up while he was here. I will also assume that a wild dragon made a layer in a Westerland cave and that I was able to tame it because of my bloodline.

Let the Dragon Peasant's conquest begin!

First thing's first, I am going to fly to the Iron Islands and burn down every shipyard there, as well as half of of the IronBorn castles. I will offer to spare House Drumm's chief castle if they hand over Red Rain (what rags-to-royalty story is complete without a magic sword?). House Codd and their possessions I will leave completely unscathed, and all I will ask in return is their support as allies and their prettiest unwed daughter as my first concubine. House Codd should be able to capitalize on the power vacuum and take over the Iron Islands, even Though All Men Do Despise Us.

Having just all but neutralized the rapist-pillager threat from the archipelago a few miles off the coast, I should have the support of the peasants and the lower lords living on the western coast of Westeros.

Now my dragon and I will land in Lannisport, I will dismount, and declare my intent to conquer all of Westeros. I'll ask House Lannister for support: if they refuse to join me than Casterly Rock burns to the ground and gets awarded to the first peasant who joins my army. Either way, I should be able to conquer the Westerlands from within.

From here I will head strait for the Riverlands, offer the Tully's the same choice I offered the Lannisters. Either way, my army should be swelling and I will have a clear path to the Iron Throne.

Next, I fly into the city of Kings Landing and burn the Red Keep (making sure to spare the actual city). The High Septon should be so terrified that he agrees to crown me King of the Seven Kingdoms.

Once I am king, the taxes should roll in. Anyone who objects to a peasant being king can take it up with my dragon.

I don't want ghosts, so instead of living in the Red Keep I'll commission the construction of a new castle on the other side of Kings Landing. This castle will just be temporary; I will live in it while I am having builders and septons rebuilt Harrenhal and preform exorcisms there.

As dragons are the power of my new house (I'll call it House Yellowduck to ensure my descendants never forget their lowborn roots), I'll have a library built in my temporary castle and send people searching far and wide for any and all books related to dragon taming. I'll bring in Former Maesters whose chains were revoked (people like Quburn) so I can be sure the Grey Sheep do not hinder my vision for Westeros. I'll have these scholars teach me reading and writing, and I'll have them look through the Citedal with a Royal Bodyguard to ensure the Grey Sheeps do not try any funny business.

With sufficient Dragonlore, I'll get to work finding ways to make my Dragon lay eggs.

Next I'll fund the Alchemist Guild extensively, even sending Pyromancers to The Wall to open up another guild building in Castle Black.

I'll try to have around five concubines of noble birth, so that I can have plenty of heirs. The first son I will raise to be a king, the second son I will raise to be a Septon, the third son I will install as king of the Summer Isles (using dragon fire), the forth son I will install as Sealord-for-Life of Braavos (using gold), and all subsequent sons I will send to The Wall.

Next I will build a big ass Royal Navy, and have it disrupt the Slavs trade. This way I can drop the freed slaves off in Westrosi fishing villages so that my kingdom has more cities, and because slavery is forbidden by The Seven and the Old Gods I can tap into religions zealotry to bolster navy recruitment.

I will also settle some of these freed slaves in The Gift, because The Night's Watch needs to be restored. In addition to bringing in fresh imports to populate The Gift, I will also send Pyromancers there so Castle Black can make Wildfyre.

Finally, as a goodwill gesture to Essos, I'll burn Vaes Dothrak to the mothertrucking ground!

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I would take over dragonstone and set it up as a dragon preserve.



Dragons were the source of the power for house Targaryn.



Why they didn't appear to put any serious efforts into dragon conservation or a dedicated extensive breeding program is beyond me.



It would be like if America after WWII had allowed the arsenal of democracy to completely atrophy and move to countries who had within living memory killed American soldiers.



Oh wait...


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Swear fealty to an important Lord real quick. Preferably before somebody puts a dagger in my back or poison in my drink.

Your back will probably be just as safe with a lord's protection than without it.

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