Universal Sword Donor

Always figured it was Dany

Those aren't their words

It's probably gibberish specifically because GRRM isn't a linguist and has gone out of his way to emphasize that. He has also gone to lengths to conceal or not reveal house words and sigils where it would reveal something in the long term plot.

Did they? Oswell did because he was kingsguard but Minisa was already married to Hoster at that point (assuming she's still alive).

Iceland is a small island versus a swamp attached to a south american size continent. Alligators / crocs would have been living in the area long before it blew up. You can't say the same thing with iceland since it has an isolated population of whatever animals could swim / fly / hitchhike there.

Being in the night's watch basically guarantees lack of upward mobility. Even if you're LC, you're still tied to the wall, no wife, no lands, and no real possessions. Fake stature in a quasi military organization limited to the coldest part of the country isn't a reward. We see the absolute lack of respect for the NW in both POV and public conversation. The Citadel or faith will absolutely let people join for free -- though traveling to Oldtown would indeed cost money -- but it's not going to be easy. And the citadel literally provides education and training, as in that's it whole purpose. Wandering septons don't need to be able to read and are clearly a level up from the average peasant. We see the city watched expanded in peacetime and in warfare in Westeros. Again might not be easy but it's a sight better than freezing and poor and without respect in the far north.

Man you're breaking hearts over here with this advice

The green men tried to break the north off from westeros, possibly using the same kind of magic the Valyrians used. Volcanic activity could explain the explosion and why the swamp is warmer, the aforementioned hot springs a la Iceland

I'd expect the Vale to go north at some point. Dorne will likely be caught in some fighting but I have no idea with whom

Possibly? And we have no idea unless it was the fact he was a worthy, attractive consort to arianne albeit a particularly unsuitable one in Doran’s eye as it would undue the betrothal

Darkstar is a pale imitation of Oberyn Martell, Doran's brother. Arianne even makes the direct comparison betwixt the two in her chapters. Doran goes on at length to Arianne and the sand snakes about him and oberyn working together like the snake and the grass. He very would understand Darkstar in your scenario. He might very well fear what he represents, but for sure he understands the kind of man DS is.

Idk what’s worse: * reading that entire thing thinking “what idiot would team up Balon Greyjoy with Gerold?” * not remembering Balon had been dead for almost a year at this point in the series re-read really cleared up both points

Fireball: "FUUUUUUU.... why why didn't anyone tell me this?"

Yeah that's definitely not the way to keep vassals happy

This coupled with a general indifference to governance. There's also the debt aspect. There's a "non canon" line where Robert references being half a kingdom in debt to Cersei's father which is illuminating. However Jaime probably said it best: "A man can bear most anything, if he must," Jaime told his son. I have smelled a man roasting, as King Aerys cooked him in his own armor. "The world is full of horrors, Tommen. You can fight them, or laugh at them, or look without seeing . . . go away inside." And we know which one Robert would dearly love to choose and which one he actually resorts to.