Toth Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Thank goodness, this forum is back again! I made good on my promise. I pushed the screen-lighting to max and watched the fucking episode while making notes. Fun fact: I effectively resisted spoiling myself too much from looking into the forums. I watched it unspoiled with the exception of the leaks, therefore my musings will likely a repitition of stuff that other people also have already put into more eloquent words. Here I go... Notes of Thrones Episode 1: - can’t get over the fact that „Sunspear“ is called „Dorne” in the opening - okay... do I get this straight? Olly and his gang killed the Lord Commander and then all collectively went to go get a drink (or a juice) at Molestown? Just leaving Jon’s corpse laying there, not even bothering to make sure he doesn’t rise as a Wight? Oh, and of course there are no sentries at all especially after the last Wildling attack had come from the south. Speaking of which, this tiny fucking castle even at such an hour should be full of people. After all, where went all those numerous Wildings Jon ferried to north of the wall to make them walk to Castle Black instead of doing the sensible thing and leave a third at Eastwatch. - at least they acknowledged Ghost’s existence and retconned him to being locked away. At last! - Wait, Davos spent the night just sitting there near an open door, apparently moping about Stannis, and it took him some faint rattling sound made by Ghost to realize something happened? He didn’t care for all the bustling commotion from last episode or what? - okay, fine, NOW there suddenly are a couple of random good NW brothers who accompany Edd. Good job guy! And good eyes! I can barely see anything, but you saw it was the LC from afar, even though you missed all his murderers - damn cliché with the eyes... and for some reason, I wanted Edd to say “Fuckin’ Olly” - oh great, Mel, remind me that Davos is a Ser in the show, and never was made a Lord Hand for his honesty... - oh, there everyone is! Including an Olly reaction shot. Where did I leave that fucking Bingo card? Apparently there is a huge commotion that was summoned. Well, they invited everyone except Edd and the random good guys. And nobody saw Jon lying in the middle of the yard on their way there? - Davos owes his life to Jon? What? And where the fuck are the Wildlings? “We don’t have the numbers” my ass, there should be a fuckton of Wildlings around who could cower all non-conspirators into neutrality while they murder Olly and his lackeys. But apperently Beardy and his guys are all sent... somewhere else... instead of the severely undermanned and perfectly hospitable castle they have at hand - Ramsay Sue mourning about Harley Quinn. I can’t even... Oh, and this is storyline two in which I barely can see a thing - yeah, all this cavalry you pulled out of your ass was very impressive - NOW Roose realizes he went up against the Lannisters. And by the way, this Lannister fanboyism in the writing makes me angry as hell. Yeah sure, a Lannister army is so awesome they aren’t faced by Blizzards at all. No, those pesky Baratheons with a moron like Stannis at their head can’t even compare to them - oh right, Theon’s plan is to hijack Batfinger’s teleporter and escape to Castle Black on foot. Sounds reasonable... pity there is no winning Baratheon army around - BRIENNE SMASH! I admit... the fighting choreography is not all that bad. Considering how low it got in the South, I’m actually kinda grateful at that - has anyone realized as what a manly man the brodudes are framing Podrick? Not only does he turn into a sexmachine who literally fucks the brains out of a couple of sexworkers, now he’s also a badass killer! - well, at least until Theon comes killstealing, anyway - now it gets interesting. I can see Sansa being grateful for the immediate rescue and then asking for what the fuck she was thinking the last time she picked up a random fight against her protectors. This execution was not quite as terrible as expected, but of course they don’t address any reasonable doubts Sansa has in Brienne’s sense of judgement. And while I can’t blame her for garbling this oath of fealty under the cicumstances, I question the decision to make Pod being the one to correct her. If they really went for Sansa being all ‘empoweredment’ (barf), they should have shown her at first confused and then remembering some fitting words on her own. After all, etiquette as well as thinking on her toes when it comes to acts of courtesy are the real Sansa’s strengths. - dear god am I happy to see Carol. I immediately tensed upon thinking now we would get to Porne... - Oh, and look how happy she is as well! Myrcella, all her thoughts being about Myrcella, not about her trial or anything. - And since when the fuck did the Red Keep has its own harbor? Why all the bother with marching through the riots in season 2 when there is a perfectly safe harbor where Carol can walk to all alone? - Carol musing about her daughter, getting framed again as a perfectly relatable mother. How awesome! Cersei wouldn’t be mourning, she would be furious, swearing vengeance and promising to tear down all of Dorne. Or at least state how much Myrcella looked like her, not make it something on her own. And I don’t know who the fuck NCW is playing, but it sure as hell isn’t Jaime. But who cares for character development anyway? - Septa Spoonella! Yay! Can’t say anything about the High Grandpa’s speech about purity, since I have like totally forgotten what the hell the charges of Marg in the show were anyway. I thought it was all about her brother being gay... and it sure as hell can’t be about her own ‘purity’ as a wedded queen who slept with her mentally challenged husband. - oh, fucking Dorne... and since Larry didn’t do the sensible thing and fucking turned his ship around, he is now all cosy with Faullaria and tells her story in how envious he was of Oberyn and that he liked to be such a manly man as he was! Fucking nonsense... but oh well, who cares for two brothers who got along splendidly and adjusted their respective public images to complement each other in every aspect when you can instead drive the point home that there is only one right kind of man: The horny, sexual promiscuous as well as violent and dangerous kind. And what is with those who don’t fit? Ah, who cares about those fucking nerds with their fucking books? - I really don’t want to think about which fucking way this letter had to go due to Jaime’s incompetence... - most lousy guards, ever... and yay, drive the point home about how much Doran doesn’t conform to stereotypical orient expectations and therefore is violently loathed even by his own guards. Sounds reasonable... especially after his talk about keeping them prosperous and happy instead of, you know, going on a disastrous revenge-campaign Dorne can’t possibly win. And I’m not even trying to think about the implications of the repercussions to Dorne through the extinction of the Martell line. Sure as hell the brodudes didn’t either. This storyline now will get ‘aborted’ in the most literal sense, with everyone pretending that Dorne doesn’t exist from now on. Nothing to see! Just sand and rocks! Nothing to see at all! - that greedy bitch spared us from another scene of snake-fu, you know that? At least I am fucking grateful for that much. And Larry truly is the worst bodyguard ever... wait, the scene looks like they killed him when arriving at KL... I keep that in mind for later. - Saint Tyrion, you are being in idiot. You are not looking like a merchant, you are looking like a dwarf! The actual Tyrion would never let us forget that. - Mocking Varys for his lack of cock, very tasteful jape, especially with the addition of the crude writing - yeah, religion is a problem, good thing that Saint Tyrion shares the views of D&D, right? - let me guess, now comes Tyrion the dragontamer? - oh no, forgot, Drogon is sleepy. Instead the Ds track back and burn Dany’s ships they had introduced to skip the Victarion’s storyline, now that they re-include the Iron Isles - oh gosh, the Daario brothers... seeing the repercussions of a Dothraki horde slicing through the countryside would have been better with the really tall grass from season 1 - they fucking found the ring... I am sure many LOTR-jokes were already made, so I keep it to myself - oh great, Dany is shown to be a ‘Strong Woman’(TM) by staring at the guy whipping her in a vaguely smug manner. Yeah, great job. Even though we all would like to not having her in this position at all. - since when do Dothraki need the permission of their Khal to rape someone? Did anyone remember season 1? Anyone? They could have written it in a way that makes the Khal claiming her for himself, a quite rational thing considering how crazy Drogo was about Valyrian women. But oh no, making them talk about rape all the time makes it sound more gritty, eh? - I... really can’t grasp any of the expressions Emilia does. Really, I have no idea what the fuck they are supposed to mean. Being vaguely annoyed? Being gasping for breath? Considering her acting in season 1, I am content to blame the headless directing, but it sure paint her in a bad light. - oh, and since when do Khal’s have a harem? Or was Drogo the monogamous exception? Ah well, I guess they can throw something like this in at any time. - seriously, considering the Khal could reasonably expect all of her words to be baseless lies due to him never having seen her before, his belief in her being Drogo’s wife doesn’t make an inch of sense. Why even put her in this position? And why not coming up with something remotely believable, like claiming tanned bearded guy #5 is one of Drogo’s bloodriders. Like the fucker Dany actually met in the books! And who sure as hell is already burned to crisp in Dany’s Winds chapter 1! - THIS is Braavos? What the fuck happened to channels? Ah, why do I even bother? - this completely unmotivated fight scene would have become very awkward if anyone actually wanted to use that stupid road and squeezed along them. And believing to know which scene they wanted to ‘adapt’ with this nonsense makes it just so much worse. Really, this entire ‘waif’ character hurts me like hell. She should be Ai Haibara from Detective Conan, but instead she’s as unmotivated a bully as Ambrose of the Kingkiller Chronicles - ah, now they remember that getting Jon’s corpse would be a good idea. Come to think of it, why the hell do they even defend his body? For all they know he could fucking raise at every moment, blue eyes and everything! It all makes sense because the Ds wanted it to happen. - Meli-sans-bra popping her boobs. Seriously, where did I leave that fucking bingo card? And really, Carice’s morose expression perfectly mirrors my own. - not even going into detail regarding the idiocy of this ‘twist’, what an idiotic thing for Melisandre to just do! Oh that’s it. I somehow survived it with my sanity intact. Ranting while at it surely helps, even though I wasted one and a half hour of my life watching this episode. Final musings: Balon is still fucking alive! And Davos seems to be only in team Jon by default of being a sympathetic character the audience recognizes. And for some reason I expect Faullaria and the Sand Fakes to just drop dead next episode, with everyone involved pretending Porne never happened. I wouldn’t put it past them... ... speaking of the Sand Fakes. Did I get this straight... they were last seen standing with Faullaria at the docks, waving the ship goodbye. This means, shortly after them being confused about Faullaria’s poison plan, they for some reason decided to swim to the boat and actually reach it, then wait until it arrives at KL and then murder Tryskebab (let me hug whoever came up with that) and swim back to Dorne or something? And all of this directly under the nose of Larry? This doesn’t make any... ah, why do I even bother? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toth Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Fucking DP, forum still buggy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetsunray Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 3 hours ago, Seasick Shrimp said: The sex jokes, for the love of god would someone stop with the sex jokes!!? Or every joke, for that matter, the comedy on this show is so terrible. The biggest problem is though that they seem to completely have stopped caring this season. YOu can just feel in every scene how everybody involved just want to get this series done with so that they can move on to new projects. The plot holes are pretty much everywhere now, no one even seems to care if they contradict themselves, like Varys and Tyrion walking around talking about how unstable and dangerous Mereen is now, whilst at the exact same time walking around the city without any guards. "Oh, yeah, one should absolutely not walk around in Mereen alone, that would take a madman, since it's filled with traitors, civil war and random killings in every corner, am I right, VArys?" "You're damn right, Tyrion, my friend. What do you say you and I, presumably the two people in the city who would be in the very most danger, take a walk unaccompanied through the city? We won't gain anything from it, we aren't forced to do it, we should just do it!" "What a splendid idea! Both of us should be absolutely worthless in a fight, so that sounds like reasonable for us to do such a thing! Btw, you don't have a cock, Varys!" *insert laugh track* "You know what they say, Tyrion, no cock is better than a dwarf cock" *laugh track* "Oh VArys, my dear old friend, that's not what the whores at the dock are saying. Cock, pussy, whore, cock, fuck, bollocks, shit, piss, cock, and whores..." "Ooh, what an edgy thing to say, Tyrion, this is such an edgy fantasy-show that's not at all for kids, only for adults! A show doesn't become one for adults by having fleshed out, deep, and well written characters, no no, the level of maturity depends on how many swear words one uses and the number of tits one shows!" "It is known, my cock-less little no-cock-friend..." "It is known, you whore fucking mini-dick-man..." 2 hours ago, Seasick Shrimp said: Thank you for that comedy gold, sir loin steak! On another note, what happened to the massive WW-army at Hardhome? I can only imagine how their discussion must go; "Shouldn't we have invaded Westeros by now?" "No no, not yet, we must wait for our episode. First they must use up about 8 episodes or so to show Arya being miserable in that place that no one cares about, Theon being sad, Jon Snow being dead, Sansa being helpless, Jaime doing whatever he's doing (no one really knows), Cersei switching characters back and forth without any reason, Brienne saving every situation cause that's what a strong female character is supposed to do, and the Sand Snakes being shallow '90s cliche warrior women, Daenerys being kidnapped by the dothraki so that she could then be rescued by jorah and whats-his-face back to Mereen where she can start all over again cause all her ships have now been burnt, Tyrion being clever and witty and Varys walking around like he's severely constipated all the time... Then, in the last two episodes, we show our faces again, this time moving at least ten meters closer to Westeros. By doing that we will trick the audience into thinking that something will actually happen next season, which it of course won't, the cycle will merely repeat itself once again, but now with us being ten metres closer to the wall, of course, think of the excitement!" "But we have been waiting, sir! Five seasons we've been waiting!! (<--- imagine Sirius Black's voice). Didn't they say in the very first episode that winter was coming and all that?" "YEs, yes, but just a little bit longer now. Soon it will be the last season and the producers will be forced to spend money on at least one big battle........" I nominate you as executive producer for S7! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetsunray Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 double post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonCon's Red Beard Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Self-Promotion: http://jonconsredbeard.tumblr.com/post/143381331138/game-of-thrones-the-red-woman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonCon's Red Beard Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Self-Promotion: http://jonconsredbeard.tumblr.com/post/143381331138/game-of-thrones-the-red-woman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tall Tyrion Lannister! Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Does anybody like the dorne stuff? Everybody i've heard comment on it says it's dumb and they don't care about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonCon's Red Beard Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Self-Promotion: http://jonconsredbeard.tumblr.com/post/143381331138/game-of-thrones-the-red-woman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonCon's Red Beard Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 // Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonCon's Red Beard Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 // Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperMario Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 5 minutes ago, Tall Tyrion Lannister! said: Does anybody like the dorne stuff? Everybody i've heard comment on it says it's dumb and they don't care about it. No. That includes the writers, producers, directors, showrunners, audience and most of the actors. I would think pretty much the Sand Snakes are the only ones who like the Dorne stuff because after this shit awful representation of Dorne, I don't think many producers and directors are going to be calling their agents for potential roles, so they might as well savor it as long as they can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetsunray Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 8 minutes ago, SuperMario said: No. That includes the writers, producers, directors, showrunners, audience and most of the actors. I would think pretty much the Sand Snakes are the only ones who like the Dorne stuff because after this shit awful representation of Dorne, I don't think many producers and directors are going to be calling their agents for potential roles, so they might as well savor it as long as they can. Well, actually the actress of Obara (I know people think she's the worst of all) was an awesome child actress in a NZ movie about whales and Maori-culture. So, I think she has more acting potential than we have seen. I just don't think she'll ever be able to showcase it in this show though. Let's be honest, the sand snakes in the books are allready fairly one-dimensional so far. They are not the most rounded characters in the books. Shitmouth has a more rounded personality than the Sand Snakes like Obara. And then of course, I'm also reminded of Dillane's interview where he said that all D&D ever told him about Stannis was "Bah, he won some battles," and then Dillane went snooping around on his own to find out more about the character he had to be, though he was never really certain and confused. The confused Dillane actually worked, as it comes across as Stannisesque. But I can hear the background they gave the Sand Snake actresses in order to get into their role - "Bah, kebabed some people". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetsunray Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 8 minutes ago, SuperMario said: No. That includes the writers, producers, directors, showrunners, audience and most of the actors. I would think pretty much the Sand Snakes are the only ones who like the Dorne stuff because after this shit awful representation of Dorne, I don't think many producers and directors are going to be calling their agents for potential roles, so they might as well savor it as long as they can. Well, actually the actress of Obara (I know people think she's the worst of all) was an awesome child actress in a NZ movie about whales and Maori-culture. So, I think she has more acting potential than we have seen. I just don't think she'll ever be able to showcase it in this show though. Let's be honest, the sand snakes in the books are allready fairly one-dimensional so far. They are not the most rounded characters in the books. Shitmouth has a more rounded personality than the Sand Snakes like Obara. And then of course, I'm also reminded of Dillane's interview where he said that all D&D ever told him about Stannis was "Bah, he won some battles," and then Dillane went snooping around on his own to find out more about the character he had to be, though he was never really certain and confused. The confused Dillane actually worked, as it comes across as Stannisesque. But I can hear the background they gave the Sand Snake actresses in order to get into their role - "Bah, kebabed some people". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bemused Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 My dear Fellow Ranters, The things I liked best about last night were the Frey pot pies stuffed with "pork" tenderloin, button mushrooms, shallots, pease and other goodies (washed down with fearsomely strong cider) and the chestnut and whipped cream pastries for dessert (prepared by our cook, Sleep Deprived Sean)... However, I fear one or two of the mushrooms may have come from the toe of a dwarf's boot, because we all experienced some sort of weird communal vision afterward. Talk about a bad trip ! I'm shuddering just thinking about it. Disappearing bloodhounds, impossibly teary psychopaths, confusing Boss. Ass. Bitches of every description kept popping up - one was afraid of water, some appeared to be excellent swimmers, and I think one was a Greedy.Boss.Ass. Bitch... Then some short guy said "Cock" and we all laughed uncontrollably. Another guy stood to make a rousing speech in a crowded room but what came out of his mouth was pure nonsese... At some point a man and woman clung together,vowing to take back all that had been taken from them, and more.. and for some odd reason, I spontaneously broke into a chorus of "Oh, Carol! I am but a fool..." ... In spite of the excellent meal we'd had, a voice was demanding mutton.. Half naked men were speaking a foreign language, but I could understand it ..something about white haired pussy..and then a naked old crone appeared and showed me I should just go to bed and sleep it off. So I did. It might take me a week to recover (or perhaps I never will). Please be careful with mushrooms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Winged Wolf Bran Stark Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Isn't there an Aftershow later today where 2 guys discuss the episode? Who is planning to take the fall and watch that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Winged Wolf Bran Stark Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Isn't there an Aftershow later today where 2 guys discuss the episode? Who is planning to take the fall and watch that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kissdbyfire Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 7 minutes ago, bemused said: My dear Fellow Ranters, The things I liked best about last night were the Frey pot pies stuffed with "pork" tenderloin, button mushrooms, shallots, pease and other goodies (washed down with fearsomely strong cider) and the chestnut and whipped cream pastries for dessert (prepared by our cook, Sleep Deprived Sean)... However, I fear one or two of the mushrooms may have come from the toe of a dwarf's boot, because we all experienced some sort of weird communal vision afterward. Talk about a bad trip ! I'm shuddering just thinking about it. Disappearing bloodhounds, impossibly teary psychopaths, confusing Boss. Ass. Bitches of every description kept popping up - one was afraid of water, some appeared to be excellent swimmers, and I think one was a Greedy.Boss.Ass. Bitch... Then some short guy said "Cock" and we all laughed uncontrollably. Another guy stood to make a rousing speech in a crowded room but what came out of his mouth was pure nonsese... At some point a man and woman clung together,vowing to take back all that had been taken from them, and more.. and for some odd reason, I spontaneously broke into a chorus of "Oh, Carol! I am but a fool..." ... In spite of the excellent meal we'd had, a voice was demanding mutton.. Half naked men were speaking a foreign language, but I could understand it ..something about white haired pussy..and then a naked old crone appeared and showed me I should just go to bed and sleep it off. So I did. It might take me a week to recover (or perhaps I never will). Please be careful with mushrooms. Brilliant, bemused! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kissdbyfire Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 7 minutes ago, bemused said: My dear Fellow Ranters, The things I liked best about last night were the Frey pot pies stuffed with "pork" tenderloin, button mushrooms, shallots, pease and other goodies (washed down with fearsomely strong cider) and the chestnut and whipped cream pastries for dessert (prepared by our cook, Sleep Deprived Sean)... However, I fear one or two of the mushrooms may have come from the toe of a dwarf's boot, because we all experienced some sort of weird communal vision afterward. Talk about a bad trip ! I'm shuddering just thinking about it. Disappearing bloodhounds, impossibly teary psychopaths, confusing Boss. Ass. Bitches of every description kept popping up - one was afraid of water, some appeared to be excellent swimmers, and I think one was a Greedy.Boss.Ass. Bitch... Then some short guy said "Cock" and we all laughed uncontrollably. Another guy stood to make a rousing speech in a crowded room but what came out of his mouth was pure nonsese... At some point a man and woman clung together,vowing to take back all that had been taken from them, and more.. and for some odd reason, I spontaneously broke into a chorus of "Oh, Carol! I am but a fool..." ... In spite of the excellent meal we'd had, a voice was demanding mutton.. Half naked men were speaking a foreign language, but I could understand it ..something about white haired pussy..and then a naked old crone appeared and showed me I should just go to bed and sleep it off. So I did. It might take me a week to recover (or perhaps I never will). Please be careful with mushrooms. Brilliant, bemused! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetsunray Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Love the raner reviews!!!! Bemused is another great one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Winged Wolf Bran Stark Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Descriptions for Episodes 2 and 3 revealed: http://towerofthehand.com/blog/2016/04/25-new-episode-titles-descriptions/ Episode 2, Home: Quote Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright) trains with the Three-Eyed Raven (Max von Sydow). In King's Landing, Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) advises Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman). Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) demands good news, but has to make his own. At Castle Black, the Night's Watch stands behind Thorne (Owen Teale). Ramsay Bolton (Iwan Rheon) proposes a plan, and Balon Greyjoy (Patrick Malahide) entertains other proposals. and Episode 3, Oathbreaker: Quote Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) meets her future. Bran meets the past. Tommen confronts the High Sparrow (Jonathan Pryce). Arya (Maisie Williams) trains to be No One. Varys (Conleth Hill) finds an answer. Ramsay gets a gift. Don't you just love how Ramsay appears in both descriptions? Also, we need to make a list of every character Balon Greyjoy has outlived compared to the books. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.