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Toth

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About Toth

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  1. Well, I take what I can get.^^ Yes, I wholeheartedly agree to how ludicrously hard it is (I'm still pretty bad playing any other faction than Imperial Navy), but right now I still find it very cool. Often frustrating, but all the more glorious when you pull off a victory in the campaign. BSG Deadlock also looked somewhat interesting, but I guess it comes a bit late and the BSG craze went over me. I'm still curious how Battlefleet Gothic Armada 2 will look like. From what I can tell it is basically the same game as the first one, just with an insane 12 factions instead of just 4 + 2 DLC ones. I'm also not exactly a fan of the new Gathering Storm events. Probably because I have too much of a soft heart for Magnus and wanted him to have a redemption arc, so I obviously don't like him loosing his soul and becoming one-dimensionally evil for no good plot-reason... not that he seems to be appearing in the game, of course. Trazyn and Papa Smurf are comparably interesting characters at least, especially from what I read about the latter being totally irritated about all the grimdark, while former is just an amusing troll. Makes me hopeful that the story will be a bit more engaging than the first game. Yes, its campaign mode is very reminiscent of Dawn of War II (which is my favorite Warhammer game), but the actual 12th Black Crusade storyline doesn't really offer much in terms of twists, it is the same Chaos fucking things up story that crops up in every single game except the DoWII basegame.
  2. Toth

    Mental Wellbeing Thread

    Thanks and likewise, I'm sorry. I know that it's like 50% of all kids have to live with their parents going separate ways, but it's the ugly, messy divorces that leave scars. I always keep wondering whether it would have been a blessing if my parents separated earlier, before so much hate and resentment was bottled up. Because seriously.... It's been six years now and this nonsense is still going on... Also wow. I thought I was the only one who did that as a coping mechanism. Retreating to my computer and focus my mind on writing stories that had nothing to do with this whatsoever. Unfortunately my mother didn't take kindly to this and kept yelling at me why I'm not crying or acting like I'm driven insane and that my behavior is a sign that I don't care enough for her. It were these accusation that drove me over the edge back then. And even today I notice that I still keep diving headfirst into work whenever these conflicts erupt again and once again this accusatory tone keeps popping up. I'm not doing enough for her, I don't give enough support for her, I'm just another selfish asshole who can leave and die. Thanks, but nothing of this could help me, specifically. Mostly because I'm utterly unable to 'power down' and give myself any kind of break. I've forced myself to focus on myself the last holidays and came out even more exhausted than before, because when I try to relax I end up in a constant state of regretting what I'm doing. That I don't deserve any break because there is still so much work I'm just pushing away. That all this will catch up to me and then I'm screwed. It also doesn't help that this fear of my mother's reactions is also present here as well. She does indeed deride it as stupid that I'm working until my body shuts down, but when she sees me taking a break she also makes pointed sarcastic remarks about how good I have it to have finished everything. This last week was especially bad. Almost all of my lessons were cancelled because of some stupid events and because of this I had more free time as usual... free time I spent with an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion, a myriad of ways my body shut down and when I tried to get myself some rest I was wrecked with guilt and anxiety while I kept getting these accusatory remarks. I guess it's quite telling that I'm copying her own coping mechanisms as well. She too has massive health troubles lately and still goes to her awful and taxing minijob and when I express my worry and recommend going to the doctor instead, she screeches that she can't afford not working because we would run out of money if she gets told to take a leave (which isn't true). I believe that's why she reacts so harsh to my attempts to do something for myself: She keeps getting the impression that I have it easier than her and that I'm subconsciously rubbing that into her face... Right now I'm just deadly afraid that we are just two miserable people constantly resenting each other... which is what her marriage was, exactly...
  3. Toth

    US Politics: Paradise Lost

    It is kind of a staple of religious fundamentalists to think that all men are weak willed slaves to their carnal urges and that women, being inherently not more than objects of sexual desire, have to drape themselves in potato sacks or else would get raped all the time. But the emphasize is that these men simply can't help themselves and it's the women's fault for daring to show too much ankle.
  4. Yeah, the humblebundle cheapskate strikes again. Even though I really shouldn't have and now feel extremely guilty about it, I bought the Warhammer bundle after a particularly exhausting day to blow off some steam. I was especially interested in Battlefleet Gothic Armada, which had looked extremely cool when it came out. And I must admit, it indeed is extremely fun. Both very tactical and 'slow' as I love my strategy games, while the individual engagements still barely last more than 5 minutes. So you can accomplish quite a lot in what little spare time you have... And the atmosphere is really, really terrific. When in my very first mission as admiral one of my escorts was torn apart and sacrificed itself ramming the enemy ship and the captain of one of my cruisers panicked and wanted to warp out despite the enemy vessel being already as good as done for and I had to order his fist officer to execute him... yeah, that's the grim darkness of the 40k universe alright. Also the ships look absolutely stunning and detailed and mean. So really, I had a lot of fun. ... at least if the game wouldn't be so astonishingly hard even on Normal difficulty. The first convoy I had to protect against Ork pirates I did around half a dozen time. They always just charged right past my cruisers and swatted the transports right away, causing me to loose the important food delivery for this planet. I only managed after I looked up some tips and learned that you can right-click on every skill to let the AI automanage them so that you aren't constantly stressed out by keeping the boarding action and torpedo arcs of every ship in sight. In fact, it made every battle considerably easier given how ridiculously good the AI captains are at timing their skills. With that I was much more effective in taking on the Orks (I still changed my strategy in the way that I now just leave my transports where they are and just focus only on the enemy vessels, one time even hiding them behind a convenient asteroid field where the Orks had a hard time even reaching them). I also dabbled a bit in the skirmishes. They too are extremely unforgiving. The first matches I always got my ass handed to me and I had to warp out. When playing the Eldar I forgot to switch from broadsides to frontal assaults and ended up wondering why my ships weren't firing. Still one of my best first runs given how ridiculously powerful they were. When playing chaos however I was incredibly frustrated fighting the Tau. The chaos thing is whittling down an enemy at a distance, but the Tau are simply better at this and always give you a face-full of rockets. When I grew desperate and closed in at ramming distance, the Tau's turn-rate made it impossible to out-maneuver them and I kept getting a face-full of rockets. It's the only battle where I didn't manage to warp out and they just wiped me out in the very first engagement. I don't know how the hell I could have done a better job there since Chaos just sucks all-around and the Tau proved to be ridiculously tough. Orks however... my first mission was against Space Marines and I find it rather telling that here too I approached them the wrong way, but had time to adjust my strategy and still win. It seems the Space Marines suck just that badly in space. In any case, after my first frustration that I could barely scratch them with my puny weapons (so much for the 'shooty' approach you can do in ground combat), I ended up just mashing red buttons and rammed everything in my way. That was both very fun and highly effective. Especially in one scene where I saw two Space Marine escorts essentially lining up in front of one of my cruisers, but one of my own severely damaged Ork escort with disabled engines was in my way. I then said "WHAT AR YA DOIN YA GITS? GET DA HELL OUT O MY WAAAAGH AND LEMME HIT DA BOXY HUMMIES!", mashed the red button, cleaved through my own ship and both the Space Marine vessels, destroying all three of them. That really felt like an incredibly orky thing to do.
  5. Toth

    Dating - I love the way you swipe

    What I found a little odd though is how the author repeatedly fell back on saying how easy human desire can be stimulated or suppressed... despite the fact that she herself early on debunked this whole 'hook up culture' nonsense as generally being a myth. This coincides with studies I had seen some years ago about younger generations becoming increasingly conservative in terms of their ideal relationships. They want to find a partner fit for a long-term relationship, but aren't able to invest much time into finding one or self-sabotage their efforts. This really isn't a sex problem, but a problem of intimacy and relationships, or am I too blockheaded again?
  6. Toth

    Dating - I love the way you swipe

    Agreed. Though I must admit, while it might be relieving to see that you aren't the only person plagued by worries like this, it was also quite terrifying just how much I saw myself in the parts about the vicious cycle of anxiety or about you are propelled to prioritize everything else above relationships (and really, I'm thinking this is actually the main reason here). I mean how exactly are you supposed to invest in any kind of relationships if you already work 5 days a week and still have to make homework and preparation on the weekends and then get hit by bouts of depression and self-loathing in your scarce off-time? Then that line about "if you don't have intercourse at the age of 25, there is a reasonable chance you won't until the age of 45". Great, still 5 months left... I guess I'll just have to continue in my so far rather unsuccessful struggle of trying to ignore these ingrained ideas that you have to have made these experiences. There is a fair chance that intimacy would just make me feel even more miserable, so why do I still have these ridiculous moments where these 'you are missing something' thoughts pop up... I wish I could just turn them off.
  7. Having been going through Marc Martel songs again these last few days. This stunningly gifted bastard needs far, far more recognition. I think I found my favorite original song from him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFw8Kq59AEE When I close my eyes I imagine that this is how it would sound if Freddie Mercury were still alive and making new songs. Though I must say, in terms of vocal range, Martel seems to be even superior.
  8. Aye. While it might be true that the coastal areas are still comparably sane, I have no intention of visiting either. Actually I never had since two years ago... I get your point, but I'm thinking globalization isn't really the issue here. The US always had these people in their rural areas, it's just that they have become more vocal and the system more rigged now (come on, the voter turn-out is still just 50% despite extremely high commitment on both sides? This is ridiculous for a modern democracy!) I still remember stories of exchange students from my schools who happened to spend a year in the American midwest. Each and every one of them came back utterly horrified. At first they were amused about how endearingly stupid their guest family was, but then they looked more and more like a cult and they didn't dare say anything to contradict their world view lest their guest family might turn hostile (and in some of these stories they did). And this was during the Bush era and before. So these nutjobs didn't just pop up out of nowhere. Yes, damaging influence of economic inequality coupled with a sense of entitlement and demagoguery against migrants and refugees has given a rise to the far-right everywhere. The economic inequality might have been a side effect of globalization, but it is also recognizable how the roll-back of social safety-nets and the cutting of education budgets have made it possible that the economic gaps drift apart to such a degree. And this I blame entirely on neoliberal economic policies that are just beyond stupid from every angle and would be similarly disastrous without shared markets. I'm thinking that the US and Britain toppled dived into crazy first because both countries populations have a strong sense of exceptionalism that makes the uneducated parts especially prone to live in their own bubble and bend reality into whatever plays best into their fears. Italy's politics were always nutty, so there isn't anything particularly new there. Brazil as well. And Germany... well, we keep doing horrified lamentations, but it's about right-wing populists that are stuck at 12%. So I'm thinking that we are still riding on the wave of better times when CDU and SPD were fully embracing ordoliberalism with all its benefits.
  9. These elections didn't only cause massive anxiety in the US. I slept horribly last night. In between lessons I saw several of my students stare at their phones with electoral maps opened, discussing what exactly this means and asking me questions (10th graders, mind you, but back when Trump won the presidential election I also had deeply concerned 8th graders in front of me the next day). Now I came back home and started my PC to check my E-Mails. On the news page of my e-mail provider (which varies alot in the political spectrum, but usually has opinion pieces that desperately plea to the sanity of its troll commenter crowd), the first thing is an interview with some conservative political scientist who claims that this has been a terrific victory for Trump and all the people demanding a strong Europe that grows a spine 'should wake up', that Trump will stay and our politicians have to crawl up his ass instead of antagonizing him (as if he wouldn't betray everyone at the slightest provocation). Of course the right-wing lunatic trolls in the comment section cheered and prophesied that Germany will soon also 'come to sense' and 'abandon dirty leftist policies' (as if Merkel isn't a centrist...). I must admit, my heart skipped several beats at that. Now I took a closer look at the election results and... while it might not be quite as bleak as I had dreaded considering all of these things, it still boggles my mind. This administration was two years of damn constant scandals every freaking week. And yet... despite its utter contempt towards truth, the future, common decency and everyone who is not filthy rich, including their own voters... despite everything, the Republicans actually gained senate seats. I can't get it. The US is fucked. Obviously people actually are just that dumb, heavily rigged system or not... And it makes me dread for the day when the country with the most weapons on this planet will slither down to dictatorship just because of this...
  10. Toth

    Umineko: When they Cry

    Okay, I just found out that there is a kickstarter out there for an English dub of the Umineko VN. And the 20 minute showcase is actually pretty good: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvvTbgdqj1M This actually makes me feel really excited. I especially love how the difference between First and Third Person narrator gets especially highlighted by being read by different voice actors here. Or rather, by being read in the first place.
  11. So... for the first time in ages I went to the cinema and watched a movie. "Bohemian Rhapsody" had its German premiere today and I was watching it undubbed in an afternoon showing with just 30 people. I was thinking that it should work far better in a cinema than when watching it at home and I guess it delivered that much. And actually, I was starting to think that the whole movie was just an excuse to reenact Queen's entry to the Live-Aid concert in its entirety. No kidding, the last twenty minutes are just the Live-Aid concert frame by frame. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, because it is truly a terrific scene! Well... all in all it certainly is a good movie that delivers great entertainment, but maybe I was expecting too much. It is not a master-piece given that there was always a certain something that was missing. It has some fun and some heartfelt moments, but the pace was so fast that the messages it wanted to get across never really managed to deliver. I'm thinking that maybe there will be a director's cut offering a better story. More to that in the spoilers:
  12. Toth

    Mental Wellbeing Thread

    Okay... I'm so done with this family... For six years my parents fought this messy divorce on top of my head. For six years every day was just a constant state of fear and anxiety and mudslinging since my mother lives at my place. I got yelled at for 'not caring enough' when I was too emotionally overwhelmed to give any sound advice and whenever I stand up and try to be the translator between both sides all it does is getting myself yelled at to shut up. By both sides. It's so unbelievably exhausting... no wonder every time it gets inflamed again I end up an emotional trainwreck who keeps sabotaging my own life. And it is so infuriating how helpless I feel. Gah. It's my own fucking flat and I feel like I have no place to escape to except yelling out my frustration at the internet. God damn it...
  13. Just how exactly is "Hitler being swept up by his times" a neo-nazi narrative? Sorry for my confusion here, but as someone who studied the time extensively as part of his job, I always take it for granted that there are a lot of factors that enabled the nazis in taking over the government and do as they did. I'm talking about the widespread anger about the treaty of Versailles, the economic after-effects of the great recession, the general distrust in democracy, fearmongering against the left, lack of compromise between centrists and leftists, constant politically motivated violence including assassinations, streetfighting and intimidation tactics at the polls etc. etc. All those things that made people vote for a fascist strongman or not vote at all. Admittedly, I'm also in the "Trump is too stupid to be Hitler" group, but he DOES love to portray himself as a fascist strongman and surrounds himself with people who clearly have nazi sympathies. Case in point, Bannon with his Breitbart always struck myself as dumber, washed-out and petty version of Goebbels, while Stephen Miller's cartoonishly evil kid concentration camps make him look like a Himmler wannabe. So there are some more direct comparisons possible, even though I say the thing that is the most horrifying is the political atmosphere in the US. Because what enabled a moronic narcissist and compulsive lyer clearly could have enabled somebody far worse. The sympathies for the same rhetoric are clearly there. And given the Republican dismantling of democracy and the forcing into line of all branches of government should make you worry about how well the path will be paved for someone who is far, far worse. As long as Trump's MAGA cult will not be dissolved, things will get worse and worse! Admittedly, your very own comparison with the Reichstagsbrand is something I had to frown on. Thing is, what exactly happened there is not totally clear, but it either boils down to a Nazi false-flag attack to justify the purging of communists and social democrats to get rid of their competition in the upcoming election or a convenient act of vandalism of a lone communist that was used for the same end. With the first one being more likely (especially given how the Nazis loved to play elaborate acts to portray themselves as victims - after all, they even pretended that Poland shot first) and the US right-wingers constantly droning about the MAGA-bomber being a false-flag of the left... aren't you confusing the sides here? I think since this was a riled up right-wing nutjob attempting political assassinations, we can 'just' put that as a major example of political violence brought upon the US by the rhetoric of Fox News, Trump, Breitbart and the likes. And political assassinations such as these were par of course in Weimar's turbulent last years as well...
  14. Toth

    Anime

    I just noticed that I haven't wrote any more musings after the series finished some time ago. Shame on me. So... basically my final verdict on Steins;Gate 0: Despite all this ranting, it probably still is a fairly decent show. But nowhere near the masterpiece that I thought its predecessor to be.
  15. First of all: Does Google know something I don't know? Lately I have gotten a lot of Youtube recommendations for Batman Beyond clips and somehow lapsed and watched a couple of them. And now suddenly Humble Bundle has a WB bundle including Arkham Origins and Arkham Knight with all DLC for the latter. So... I gladly took that offer for 10 bucks, after having played Asylum and City after a previous bundle already. I now installed Origins and while I'm not very far in it, it already got me a bit thinking. Mostly about what makes a good Batman story. I'm not starting to bash Origins here, because as far as I can see it makes a really good job at being virtually the same as the previous titles (I really felt immediately familiar with all the controls and so on), but about why the Batman incarnation in the Arkham series irritates me across all games. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised by how good Origin's Batman is voiced. Therefore my impression that they really didn't care much about the plot itself and focused more on drowning you in comic references and otherwise let Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill do their thing to create a great atmosphere, is a problem that goes beyond Rocksteady. I guess it mostly boils down to it that to me the TAS Batman is the most interesting and well written version I can think of. I guess because it wasn't tainted yet by modern writers portraying him as an invincible macho god, but rather as a horribly broken person who tries to turn his pain into a force of good, only to be consumed by 'the mission' and grow increasingly bitter. TAS Batman has such a large fascination to me because ultimately it's a very strongly written tragedy that evolves throughout countless episodes of Batman, Justice League and ultimately Batman Beyond where Terry manages to remind him of what he initially set out as. I still remember fondly how triumphant "Return of the Joker" ended not just for Terry, but also with how Bruce reunited with Barbara and Tim Drake, trying to make amends for how he shunned them out of his life. Enter the Arkham Batman. I give the games credit that they get the atmosphere of being the dark knight 300% right. They are a lot of fun, gameplay-wise. But this Batman also is a very one-dimensionally gruff asshole pretty much 90% of the time despite being also voiced by Conroy. His only moment of empathy I still remember is his "You are better than this!" line to Mr. Freeze in City that I really loved (and I guess was a crowning moment for the game's best boss battle). Otherwise he is just there to beat bad guys up and watch helplessly as his villains murder the entire town. His no-killing rule is pretty much a self-righteous joke, TAS Batman's conviction that he can help everyone, even some of his villains, is totally absent. But interestingly, despite the Arkham series apparently not being quite aware of these flaws, it still brings them to their ultimate end. Because let's face it, Arkham Knight (and yes, I totally got myself spoiled there) portrays this Batman as a total failure in his crusade. That's something I noticed especially after I read that Origins takes place 8 years before Asylum and is the second year of Batman's appearance in Gotham. Therefore... with Arkham Knight being the conclusion of his story, he was active for just about 12 years at most and in this timeframe the whole city went spectacularly down the drain. Of course, much of that is just the serial escalation of the excuse stories that allow the player to punch his way through his entire rogue's gallery in single nights, but I'm also thinking that Arkham Batman's utter cluelessness in what he actually wanted to accomplish by beating up crazies had a large part in such a sorrowful outcome. Compare that to TAS Batman: In the prologue of Beyond Bruce retires after 30 years of crimefighting and leaves the city in a noticeably better state than it was before. The mafia is essentially gone and with it the racketeering and most of the corruption of state officials. Gotham PD under the command of Barbara is a force to be reckoned with and while cyberpunk Gotham of Terry's era still has gang violence, drug abuse and the corrupt exec of Wayne-Powers to deal with, we catch more than a few glimpses into the comparably normal day-life of the city and it feels much, much safer. In fact, what little super-villainy there is focuses on high-profile hit-jobs that barely concerns the average citizen (enter 'Return of the Joker' and the stakes are suddenly put much, much higher). There is still a need for Batman, but this Bruce with all his personal sacrifices actually succeeded to a degree. And I think this is because his mission had a clear goal in mind and he started out very empathetic about his villains (noticeably Mr. Freeze, Harley, Baby-Doll or heck even Crane during 'Lock-up', with the first two being confirmed to have gone straight by the time of Beyond). I guess my rant just means that I'm tired of Bruce being portrayed as an emotionless 'badass'. He seems obviously far more effective as a flawed human being that sacrifices his entire self for the greater good. Likewise, given that Origins takes place early in Arkham Batman's career, I then went and watched "Batman: Year One" yesterday evening to see whether that might have inspired this portrayal. And indeed, the Batman there (while also being horribly voiced and prone to ridiculously pretentious monologues) was a bland, one-dimensional idiot as well. But then again, he barely qualified as a side-character anyway, given that this was essentially Gordon's story. And even that was... odd, to say the least. Him playing the good cop vs. the corrupt GCPD was par of course, but everything about his personal failings and how they were resolved just annoyed me. So I'm basically fine with blaming Frank Miller for this nonsense. XD
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