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Goodkind XLVI: Behold the BRILLIANCE

Gabriele

By Gabriele,
in Literature

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Grendalen Sellsword

Grendalen

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Get to the 70 page torture bit. At least do us that little favor. I want to see someone's reaction. You'll know when it is when the word "mistress" starts popping up.

He has to get through the painting magic bit first, though. I almost didn't get through that nonsense.

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respectabull Sellsword

respectabull

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So there is this CAGE MATCH going on at Suvudu. It pits a lot of fantasy characters against one another in a bracket in honor of March Madness. You can access it at Cage Match

It is pretty freaking funny, and it appears that the Suvudu people are lemmings to boot! Here is a fight that you all may find very interesting.

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Kahlan Amnell

Mother Confessor

Age: 20s

Race: Human

Weapons / Artifacts: Mind control, beauty

Special Attack: Summon Husband

Drizzt Do’Urden

Dark Elf Ranger

Age: 200(ish)

Race: Drow

Weapons / Artifacts: Twinkle and Icingdeath

Special Attack: Flurry Attack

Advantages

* Beautiful

* Can control people just by touching them

* Has a very angry husband

Advantages

* Has killed pretty much anything that walks

* Loyal friends

* Extreme fighting prowess

Disadvantages

* Gets kidnapped a lot

Disadvantages

* Too nice

How we think the fight will go

Kahlan Amnell hid within the drooping boughs of the wayward pine. One man stepped into the clearing, but Kahlan knew there would be others to follow. Three others, if her guess was right. The man was dressed all in black, from booted feet to deep cowl. Slung on either hip were a pair of swords, one twinkled in the twilight, the other was icy as death. Lavender eyes surveyed the clearing, hunting for prey.

“Err, you can come out from there,” said the slender man.

“Tell your friends to leave!” Kahlan called out, using her best ‘Mother Confessor’ voice.

The rest of the Quad emerged from the trees, but to Kahlan’s surprise, none of them were dressed in black, nor did they look D’Haran. One was tall as a mountain, with blond hair and a close-trimmed beard. Despite the chill, he wore only the pelt of a small fox around his waist. Next to him was a short man, nearly as wide as he was tall. His red beard dragged along the ground, the braids stuck full of twigs and moss. He held an astoundingly large battle-axe, hefted over his shoulder like it weighed nothing. The final member of the quad was even shorter, barely taller than a child, with no beard, but a belly to make any innkeeper proud. He looked confused and tired.

“We do not wish to harm you. We simply need to take you into custody.”

Custody? She’d heard that before. But Kahlan left the safety of the wayward pine anyway, confident that her experience in being kidnapped would see her through the situation fine. She strode up to the man in black and put a hand on his arm.

“Ooh, but aren’t you a fine specimen.”

“Ahh, well… but, err-” the man in black said. His blush was hidden behind his cowl, but obvious in his words.

His hands were gloved, but she slid one off, for she was a mistress of seduction and no man could see her and not be immediately smitten. His skin was like living obsidian. She danced her fingertips along the top of his hand.

Kahlan’s magic erupted from her, a concussion of air that shook the clearing, loud as thunder, and wrapped the man in its powerful embrace. Kahlan collapsed to the ground, all of her strength fleeing her body with the magical attack. But it was no problem, the man in black was now hers.

“What happened?” he said, staring down at her curiously, purple eyes fully under his control, not hers.

But…. Realization dawned on her. He’s an elf!

She was swept off the ground by the remaining members of the quad, slung over the should of the tall blond one.

They had not even left the clearing when anger itself burst from the trees, sword swinging and lungs bellowing. He looked like an ordinary man, but was, in fact, the physical embodiment of rage and anger and bloodlust and temper and strength and hate and righteousness. He was her husband.

“You, evil men whom I do not have the time to speak to nor reason with (and would not reason with, if given the chance), put down my wife, or else.”

“Or else what?” said the black skinned man.

“You will die an even more painful death. If you put her down now, I will simply kick your jaw in, cut off your nipples, pillage your homeland, slaughter your people and force my values down the throats of those who remain. You do not want to know the alternative,” the angry man said.

“We shall see,” said the cloaked man. He drew his two swords.

Kahlan’s husband drew his own sword (much larger than the cloaked man’s, she was happy to notice) and his eyes glazed over as the sword’s magic captured all the pure, perfect rage in his heart and turned it into potential carnage.

The man she loved launched a brutal attack at the elf. The elf just stood still, watching the man hurtle through the clearing, not budging an inch. The entirety of his passion and weight fueled the overhand chop, meant to split the elf in half. But then, his sword was lodged in the ground, no elf-bits clinging to it.

Kahlan cringed, and the child-like man cheered, as the elf reappeared, a whirling black cloud of death and metal. Still trying to wrench his sword from the stony ground, her husband was enveloped by that maelstrom attack. He was eviscerated immediately, a plume of red mist left in his wake.

The elf stepped from the crimson fog. His swords were already back in their sheathes and he was dusting off his hands, as if nothing were amiss.

“Let’s go,” he said.

Kahlan was hiked higher on her captors shoulder and the motley crew fled into the forest.

Who was going to save her now?

Predicted Winner: Drizzt (With help from his ‘Quad’)

(Kahlan Amnell is a character from Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth series; Drizzt Do’Urden is a character from Wizard of the Coast’s Forgotten Realms series, as written by R.A. Salvatore)

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I just wanted to share the hilarity with you. :)

Favorite part

“You will die an even more painful death. If you put her down now, I will simply kick your jaw in, cut off your nipples, pillage your homeland, slaughter your people and force my values down the throats of those who remain. You do not want to know the alternative,” the angry man said.

ENJOY!!!

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Grendalen Sellsword

Grendalen

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Has anyone checked out his site recently?

Status Update 03.13.2010

Welcome. Please pardon our downtime as we transition this site and prepare to launch the all-new TerryGoodkind.com, heralding the next era.

Wow. It's like the Fifth Age is about to begin!

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Grendalen Sellsword

Grendalen

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I thought you guys would love this.

:P

Patrick

holy fucking shit

If I ever get something published I fully plan on saying that Terry really did inspire me to write. I think I'd wait until book 3 to be that blatant, though.

And, coincidentally, I'm about 200 pages into Name of the Wind right now.

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