So I read a Stanek book

[Cantabile]

This answers the question from the WoT thread about what Jordan was lacking to make his politics better and more realistic.

Preteen dry humping. Clearly.

[The Evil Hat]

her consciousness held her no more

What does this mean? She's not unconscious.

[Cantabile]

Consciousness in the sense of one's cognitive awareness, not necessarily the state of simply being conscious. In other words, her conscious mind held her back at first, but then she is enslaved by the emotions. Neurologically, emotional responses occur in response to a stimulus before the brain is even capable of conscious appraisal of those emotional responses. In that sense, there's the direct separation between consciousness and unconsciousness.

[Spastic Plastic]

Okay, Stanek. We know now that you understand what "consciousness" means. Now go and pick up a geography textbook.

[Grack21]

I'm posting this as a treat to you guys. I found this on a Livejournal page (it was linked to Happy Ent's link), and it's equally cringe-worthy and hilarious to read, since it's in a children's book.

Robert Stanek's attempt to write an almost-sex scene:

This is in a Stanek book marketed to nine year-olds.

If I read it at the age of nine, I'd laugh.

I threw up in my mouth a little. :ack:

It's like a Gene Wolfe story gone horribly wrong. Stanek I mean. A man so enamored with himself he creates thousands of fake identities to worship himself. Do you think he even knows that his socket-puppets are him anymore?

[Cantabile]

His Leglessness stared at the map. North. South. East. West. Synonyms for Pain, Suffering, Torture, and Agony. Sanity became lost in the bowels of those labyrinthine concepts, neural circuitry seared by mere directions. North. South. Through three decades of training in an isolated Shaolin monastery, His Leglessness had mastered those two arcane words. Yet even He, a synthesis of geography and flesh, flailed to understand East and West, just as a morbidly obese man searches in vain to find his cock underneath mountains of fat. Two syllables. Two torture devices. "East" and "West" were the English translations of Satan's name, and geography the dark-arts disguised in a facade of science, He came to understand.

And then suddenly his eyes twitched across the map, glimpsed "North-East," "North-West," "South-East," and "South-West," scrawled sadistically beside the arrows. A single heartbeat. His Leglessness's brain exploded.

[Jaxom 1974]

It doesn't seem to make sense at first, but when you take in plate tectonics and the difficulties in syncing up labels in english and elvish it all makes perfect sense.

There's not enough bourbon on Earth for that...any of them. Middle, Upper, Lower...

[prone_to_say_stupid_things]

There's not enough bourbon on Earth for that...any of them. Middle, Upper, Lower...

I would like to live in a place called Upper Earth. How cool an address would that be?

[Spastic Plastic]

His Leglessness stared at the map. North. South. East. West. Synonyms for Pain, Suffering, Torture, and Agony. Sanity became lost in the bowels of those labyrinthine concepts, neural circuitry seared by mere directions. North. South. Through three decades of training in an isolated Shaolin monastery, His Leglessness had mastered those two arcane words. Yet even He, a synthesis of geography and flesh, flailed to understand East and West, just as a morbidly obese man searches in vain to find his cock underneath mountains of fat. Two syllables. Two torture devices. "East" and "West" were the English translations of Satan's name, and geography the dark-arts disguised in a facade of science, He came to understand.

And then suddenly his eyes twitched across the map, glimpsed "North-East," "North-West," "South-East," and "South-West," scrawled sadistically beside the arrows. A single heartbeat. His Leglessness's brain exploded.

Thanks. You just made me spew coffee all over a computer at my workplace.

[Cantabile]

I'd blame Stanek, but after all the poor guys been through we should really give him a break. Maybe even a vacation. He can relax in a mud bath, get a pedicure, and gather up much needed energy for forging little kids' handwriting.

[Kawnliee]

I see that Robert Stanek finally took down the line on his blog "In prison, people like them usually get shanked."

[Mad Monkey]

I love empty threats from Internet badasses. Right, Stanek; we really believed that you're some kind of hardcore prison gangsta, who's down with the Bloods and the Aryan Nations and probably the Mexican Mafia too. Better not fuck with that guy's fantasy novel career, because he'll cut you so bad that... you gonna wish he no cut you so bad, man.

(bad, bad, man)

[Liadin]

What if the explanation behind Stanek's insanity is that he's in prison (do they have Internet access?) or under house arrest, and he creates hundreds of sockpuppets because he has so much time on his hands?

[Cantabile]

Stanek has no need for shanking: he just has to force his victims to read Ruin Mist, Clockwork Orange-style.

[Kawnliee]

Here is an extensively updated and very in-depth look at Stanek's photoshopping, along with comparisons of multiple images:

http://conjugalfelicity.wikispaces.com/stanek5

[Liadin]

I still can't figure out where Stanek's legs are in that picture. He says they're behind the table support, but that's not really working for me visually.

Also, the two girls don't appear to be of the same race, which leads to the frightening question: who on earth would allow Stanek to adopt???

[prone_to_say_stupid_things]

I still can't figure out where Stanek's legs are in that picture. He says they're behind the table support, but that's not really working for me visually.

Also, the two girls don't appear to be of the same race, which leads to the frightening question: who on earth would allow Stanek to adopt???

We shouldn't be smearing Stanek's family.

Let's stick this disucssion to his books and the crazy interent stuff he does to promote them.

[prone_to_say_stupid_things]

Stanek has no need for shanking: he just has to force his victims to read Ruin Mist, Clockwork Orange-style.

Don’t think so. Robert Stanek doesn’t fancy the ultraviolence.

That is why “George RR Martin fans hound this author like a hound dog on a fox.”

[MinDonner]

:lmao:

There's a reason George RR Martin fans hound this author like a hound dog on a fox. It has nothing to do with the quality of the writing or the author. What's here is well written and nicely done. The author is surely a nice guy. So what it has everything to do with is this book is both christian and family friendly, so while it does get gritty at times, it stays strictly in the realm of PG-13. It is respectful of the sacred cows: religion, family, friendship, honor. So I can understand the groaning from those who expected the graphic violence and such that GRRM's books offer. That's Martin's forte, not Stanek's.

"The author surely is a nice guy", even! I'm sure "Burt" would know...

ETA: And "Burt"'s other reviews are Stanek classics, too. Apart from one smokescreen Robin Hobb review, all the others are either glowing reviews of other Stanek works, or pimping Stanek in comparison to other authors... he does have it in for Sanderson, too. Has Sanderson notably joined the Stanek-bashing, or is it just a weird personal vendetta?

[TrueMetis]

At some point you would think there would be some sort of fraud law or something kicking in to get this guy.