So I read a Stanek book

[Cantabile]

Since I tend to visualize everything, I'm getting vivid mental images of Stanek writing letters to himself in a childish scrawl with crayons, and then patting himself on the back because he has so many fans. I can also imagine him sitting up into the late hours of the night, schizophrenically praising himself from hundreds and hundreds of Internet accounts.

Sadly, I think your mental image is the reality. A quick glance at the Bugville Critters series shows that it's about as obscure as his fantasy, meaning that it has likely not even been bought by as many children as are praising it in their letters. So either he's actually forging the handwriting of little kids, is enslaving his children to write fake fan letters for him, or paying kids to.

I think we all know what the most likely answer is.

Here's another thought: does he even have children or a wife? Seeing as he's created thousands of fake personas, and lied about every single thing in his life, who wants to be that he made up having a family as well?

Shit, I can't imagine a guy like this having a wife, and her actually putting up with him sitting down for 14 hours a day talking to himself online. How the hell does he support himself? How many home-delivered pizza boxes are stacked in the basement of his mother's house, where he writes his mind-blowing literary masterpieces?

[Larry.]

He actually has a pretty good job, as he has written or edited dozens of Microsoft's how-to manuals over the past 10 years or so. This makes his fiction sham all the more puzzling, since he has a good day job as a technical writer, although I suppose this just means that he might be more batshit insane than previously suspected.

[Liadin]

Sadly, I think your mental image is the reality. A quick glance at the Bugville Critters series shows that it's about as obscure as his fantasy, meaning that it has likely not even been bought by as many children as are praising it in their letters. So either he's actually forging the handwriting of little kids, is enslaving his children to write fake fan letters for him, or paying kids to.

I think we all know what the most likely answer is.

Perhaps he volunteers at the church nursery and has the kids write letters while their parents are at services, or some such? OTOH, there are only 2-3 distinct handwriting styles there, so while they look like legitimate kids' writing, it's certainly possible that his own kids wrote them all.

I see him as a bizarre mix of self-deluded amateur writer who thinks his stuff is good and an amateur con man. Not sure whether the wife in this scenario has equally bad taste and also thinks his stuff is good (but she isn't a fan on Facebook?), or simply puts up with him out of pity.

[Cantabile]

He actually has a pretty good job, as he has written or edited dozens of Microsoft's how-to manuals over the past 10 years or so. This makes his fiction sham all the more puzzling, since he has a good day job as a technical writer, although I suppose this just means that he might be more batshit insane than previously suspected.

I just glanced at the Amazon sales rankings, and it seems you're right. There's not even hundreds of fake reviews for them! I think this might be a case of convincing himself his fiction is a present from God to us mere mortals, coupled with a psychological disorder.

I can scarcely imagine the fantasy this man has built around himself; he's written thousands of and thousands of messages about he's the greatest writer to have ever lived, how he's a bestseller, has won countless prestigious awards, is going to have movies directed by Peter Jackson or George Lucas, is a miltiary hero...I mean, shit, I bet many of us know what it's like to start believing your own bullshit simply from talking about it so much. You go on a date with a cute girl, she asks how you got that scar on your arm, and you joke that you got it kicking a great white shark in the ass for looking at you wrong. She believes you, tells all her friends, and you go along with it. After a few months of telling the story you suddenly realize when you look at the scar you feel pride. It overrides the truth that you got it from a tragic accident playing with a Barbie dream house. You legally change your name to, "Jim the Kicker of Shark Ass."

Won't be long before he starts publishing his fiction under the psuedonym, "Robert R. R. Tolkien"

[Mad Monkey]

You legally change your name to, "Jim the Kicker of Shark Ass."

I was with you until this bit; this has never happened to me, or to anyone else. To make it closer to Stanek's reality, you would have to construct an animatronic shark and clumsily photoshop an image of it taking a chunk out of your arm, and then forge thousands of letters praising your bravery and courage, and even finance and direct a made-for-TV movie based on your battle against the shark and air it using your own broadcasting corporation that you started up specifically for this purpose. Self-promotion is one thing, but this guy has created an entire parallel universe to support his stories. Maybe if he focused the same obsessive passion on writing, he might have more legitimate success.

[Cantabile]

:rofl: I almost spewed wine all over my laptop at that mental image.

I am surprised he hasn't invaded this thread yet. I keep expecting to see hundreds of new users start spamming about how Robert Stanek cured their cancer, and that the Earth does not in fact revolve around the Sun, but around Mr. Stanek's omnipotent testes.

[Spastic Plastic]

Cantabile, have you visited the Robert Stanek forum yet?

It's virtually a zoo of sockpuppets. There's thousands of users and countless posts, and every single one is Robert Stanek.

[Cantabile]

Yeah, I mentioned his forum a few times in my posts. I thought the highlights were, "Move over Brooks, Goodkind, Jordan, Stanek ROCKS!!" "Making Your Way Through Stanek," the ten page thread about how Stanek is better than Tolkien, and all the conspiracy threads about how evil internet hooligans are out to defame and ruin the career of such a divine author.

I admit that this man's insanity is addicting entertainment; it's almost a shame his antics have died down for the moment.

[BigFatCoward]

i imagine him sat somewhere surrounded by the self written letters from small children in crayon with pictures of them holding good old robs hand skipping through a meadow or at the seaside eating ice cream toghether.

[Spastic Plastic]

i imagine him sat somewhere surrounded by the self written letters from small children in crayon with pictures of them holding good old Robs hand skipping through a meadow or at the seaside eating ice cream toghether.

That's incredibly tragic.

He would be a much better author if he dedicated all that obsessive energy towards writing, instead of being a pathetically inept conman and writing millions of false reviews.

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

He may not be capable of better. The sad thing is that when I attempt to write fiction it sounds way too much like Stanek's stuff. Until I'm not embarrassed to release that stuff in public it will never see the light of day. However, Stanek seems to think that he can change the public's mood toward his dreck if he simply writes enough glowing reviews. Those reviews will somehow magically change it from crap to quality. I don't think it works that way.

Stanek refuses to admit writing requires some degree of skill in prose, plot, characters, story, worldbuilding, and dialog. He has none of these and continues to throw stuff out there. His actions, if they weren't a form of fraud on the public, would be sort of pitiable.

[Cantabile]

Yeah, his prose sounds like pretty standard amateur fiction, nothing all that worthy of making fun of. Hell, it's on par with plenty of published fiction. It's just his inability in characterization, plotting, and worldbuilding that make it so cringe-worthy.

I can understand where he's coming from though: popularity breeds popularity, that's a simple fact of mainstream culture. He figured he just needed to push the wheels in motion, and then they'd spin for him. Unfortunately for him, manipulating society requires more luck and cunning than his photoshop-happy self is capable of.

Just for fun, here's the diagnostic criteria for paranoia personality disorder. Needs to have at least three.

1.excessive sensitivity to setbacks and rebuffs;

2.tendency to bear grudges persistently, i.e. refusal to forgive insults and injuries or slights;

3.suspiciousness and a pervasive tendency to distort experience by misconstruing the neutral or friendly actions of others as hostile or contemptuous;

4.a combative and tenacious sense of personal rights out of keeping with the actual situation;

5.recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding sexual fidelity of spouse or sexual partner;

6.tendency to experience excessive self-importance, manifest in a persistent self-referential attitude;

7.preoccupation with unsubstantiated "conspiratorial" explanations of events both immediate to the patient and in the world at large

I'm thinking 6 out of 7 fit. Can't say for certain about #5 since we've yet to hear about his supposed wife. I still doubt he even has a wife, though. I picture him getting kicked out of restaurants for scheduling candlelight dinner reservations and trying to bring his blowup doll with him.

Wonder which of his characters he named her after.

[VarysTheSpider]

Just for fun, here's the diagnostic criteria for paranoia personality disorder. Needs to have at least three.

Holy shit I so have that. But seriously, this guy just needs to be ignored. And in spite of what he's done, I can't help but feel a little bit bad for him.

[Cantabile]

Stanek has updated his blog for October:

Dear Reader,

Every year RP and I giveaway books to schools. About $25000 last year including books to schools in the Bronx NY, Puerto Rico, Guam, and an entire 2nd grade that had never before had books of their own. It’s a good feeling to give, and letters from kids and teachers really mean a lot.

2010 was to be the last year of the giveaway program, but I’d like to try to keep it going. Also, as the year end approaches, we still have quite a few of this year’s allocation on hand. My goal was to make this year the best year of the giveaway program. You can help by reposting and telling others. Visit http://ow.ly/2LNui to learn more. Thank you!

Mother Teresa doesn't have shit on Stanek. I say we begin a nomination program to get this man recognized as a saint by the Catholic Church.

[Spastic Plastic]

I bet Saint Stanek's massive "donations" consisted solely of Ruin Mist books which nobody bought.

(I'm getting another mental image now - Saint Stanek coming around all schools right before Christmas with his sled and reindeers, assisted by his sockpuppets Christmas elves, to give away free books to all the kids.)

[Cantabile]

Santa should start putting Ruin Mist novels in the stockings of naughty kids. Coal doesn't quite inspire the horror needed for reform.

[Mad Monkey]

The sad thing is that when I attempt to write fiction it sounds way too much like Stanek's stuff.

As you said, writing is a skill just like any other. It has to be cultivated through work. Most people don't have the time to become a talented writer of fiction; they're too busy doing other things that suit their own strengths. It's just like how most people aren't good singers, or good dancers, or brilliant lawyers, or excellent doctors. The difference is that Stanek thinks that, instead of improving his own skills, he can simply tear down other authors and hypnotize people into buying his books.

Yeah, his prose sounds like pretty standard amateur fiction, nothing all that worthy of making fun of. Hell, it's on par with plenty of published fiction. It's just his inability in characterization, plotting, and worldbuilding that make it so cringe-worthy.

His prose is pretty contemptible. He combines clunky syntax with a complete unawareness of what the words he uses actually mean. Even if he was writing with ASOIAF characters in Westeros, the writing would still be pretty terrible. From the excerpts in the first post, it's definitely a notch below Twilight or even Eragon -- they tend to rely on hackneyed metaphors anyway and even when they try to be original it's at least possible to visualize what the narrator is talking about. Seriously, what the Hell does this mean?:

The robed figure lowered his hood to reveal childlike features riddled with lines that spoke of ages past and of hardship

What would that look like? If you were an artist, how would you render something like that?

Santa should start putting Ruin Mist novels in the stockings of naughty kids. Coal doesn't quite inspire the horror needed for reform.

I'm pretty sure the Geneva conventions apply in the North Pole...

[Cantabile]

What would that look like? If you were an artist, how would you render something like that?

Actually, that passage gives me a rather fascinating visual image, and viewing it as a contradiction seems more of a misconception that an appearance is either old, or young, as absolute values rather than a continuum. The facial characteristics that develop to reflect biological aging in humans is much more complex than simple wrinkles or lines. Perhaps imagine a child, with wrinkles added via cosmetics to give the false illusion that he has aged. Despite the wrinkles, facial features will still display youth, and that's how I imagine that description. A fine example is Hollywood's use of wrinkles and makeup to try and age actors, yet their youthfulness still being obvious. Here's an elaboration of different facial characteristics that compose our perceptions of age:

...with physical changes first visible in the upper portion of the face. Horizontal creases develop in the forehead and the upper eyelids begin to droop, emphasizing the superior orbital groove and causing the eyes to appear smaller and more deeply set (Kolb 1998a; Neave 1988). Nasolabial grooves—laugh lines—and lateral orbital lines, commonly called crow's-feet, develop and deepen with increased age (Guy et al. 1977). Lines around the mouth, or circumoral striae, become apparent, and lines from the edge of the nose to the lateral part of the mouth will progressively deepen. With the onset of these changes there may also be a hollowing of the cheek area below the inferior border of the zygomatic arch, or cheekbone (Neave 1998). By age fifty, more fine lines develop in other areas of the face, the skin becomes thinner with a tendency to sag (Macho 1986; Novick 1988), and wrinkles start to appear on the neck (Neave 1988). Other changes in the skin include decreased tonicity and elasticity; increased dryness, roughness, and coarseness; and the appearance of age spots or other variations in skin color (Henry et al. 1997; Neave 1998; Novick 1988; Orentreich 1995; Uiotto et al. 1989). At the same time the skin is undergoing such physical alterations, an individual may show pattern balding and the depigmentation of scalp hair while experiencing increased hair growth or noticeable growth in areas of previously low growth (Neave 1998; Orentreich 1995; Thrasher and Lamberg 1995). Men and women of middle ages may display thicker, bushier eyebrows than in their younger years and may have hair growth in the nose and ears, or more noticeable growth in these areas (Novick 1988; Thrasher and Lamberg 1995). In women of advancing age, hair growth may also occur on the upper lip and chin

[Spastic Plastic]

Stanek is a true Renaissance Man; he illustrates his books himself. Someone earlier in this thread had a link to Stanek's "artwork".

The robed figure lowered his hood to reveal childlike features riddled with lines that spoke of ages past and of hardship.

I'm getting a mental image of Satan's baby in the Passion of the Christ. You know, the creepy demon infant with a wrinkled face and a hairy back. Probably Stanek looked like that as a child.

[Cantabile]

To be fair his children's books illustrations look kinda' cute. Though knowing that a grown man forged letters from lil' kids makes it a lot more depressing. I wonder how his books for kids compare to his fiction...surely not even Stanek can screw up first grade sentences.

*knock on wood*