RhaegarTargaryen Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 No way Ramsy owns Hells Kitchen, no doubt. He could probably drive somebody to the point of eating their own fingers! Qyburn own's George W's kitchen. Except instead of what you might think... they specialize in making drinks from the blood of little children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogbebaba Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I would like to thank lady blackfish for putting a link to this thread in her sig. this has to be one of the funniest threads I have ever read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Blackfish Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 If Ran ever deletes this thread I will be the saddest fish in the history of the universe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord of Oop North Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 If Ran ever deletes this thread I will be the saddest fish in the history of the universe. Don't worry, I saved it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zerotonin Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 As a newbie to these boards, this thread does please me greatly. However, despite the many posts I've just read, none mentions the possibility that Bran might not be able to walk. Martin keeps it ambiguous, but here's my evidence: 1) I know we've established that Bran *loves* climbing ...but what if all that climbing is actually metaphorical? Martin explicitly mentions that Bran dreams of climbing. I know that this is fantasy, and real-world laws of metaphysics do not apply, but even then it is also very suspicious that the only people who claim to have seen him climbing are now dead. Very suspicious indeed. Through killing off these characters, and through positioning Bran as a sheltered pre-teen lording who has never seen much of the outside world, Martin is subtlely hinting to audiences that Bran's POV accounts of him climbing are not to be trusted. 2) Bran is traveling cross-country with his friends, and he needs to be carried a lot. Some might say that's just because he's tired, but I ask you: could a boy who supposedly likes climbing around his castle - and was personally involved in building the castle when he was younger (one of his nicknames is Bran the Builder) be tired so easily? I saye thee nay! He contracted a slow-acting strain of polio either from the asbestos that he inhaled while building Winterfell, or from lice in his wolf's coat. 3) Hodor hodor hodor 4) He dreams a lot about the three-eyed crow. Crows can fly, and a third eye is traditionally a sign of demonic possession! And he travels with the Reeds. Maybe this is symbolic that he will star in his own spinoff series where he has a magic broomstick (made of reeds) and become a star in the magickal worlde while being watched over by his mysterious uncle in secret. So he won't need to walk because that's what the broomstick is for. I know it sounds like a crazy theory (afterall, how could disabled people be heroes???) but I'm sure Martin will pull off a Twilight Zone-worthy plot twist! Maybe there'll be a part where Dany and Jon are stranded fighting the Others on the Wall, and they need a messenger to send to Theon for aid, so they'll ask Bran to run over to the islands... ...but Bran will say "...actually I can't walk. I'm paralyzed from the waist down. I was just faking being able to walk the whole time." then Dany and Jon will go "DO NOT WAAAANT!" together and all hope will seem lost until the next thrilling chapter! It'll be like that bit in Earthsea SPOILER: Earthseawhere you find out that Ged is in fact the titular Wizzard of Earthsea! but more unexpected. George RR Martin please do not disappoint me! EDITED FOR CONSPIRACY and grammar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoannaL Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I would like to thank lady blackfish for putting a link to this thread in her sig. this has to be one of the funniest threads I have ever read. Yeah I also thought so, before some one (it may have even been Lady Blackfish as well) pointed out to me the exsistence of the Darkstar thread.Try that one it is even funnier! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogbebaba Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Yeah I also thought so, before some one (it may have even been Lady Blackfish as well) pointed out to me the exsistence of the Darkstar thread.Try that one it is even funnier! well put a link i am too lazy to use the search engin (there must be a bunch of darkstar thereads) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkyPirate Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 well put a link i am too lazy to use the search engin (there must be a bunch of darkstare thereads) Errand Bard has the link in his sig. (I'm also too lazy ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roza Ahai Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Who is Sandor Clegane? Who is Gregor Clegane? Are they new POVs? OMG, it is a spoiler tread. You should wrap everything in spoiler tags. Are they relatives of Bill Clinton? Do they maintain Hillari's campaign? Are thery heroes of the movie "Kill Bill"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MTGAP Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Who is Sandor Clegane? Who is Gregor Clegane? Are they new POVs? OMG, it is a spoiler tread. You should wrap everything in spoiler tags. Are they relatives of Bill Clinton? Do they maintain Hillari's campaign? Are thery heroes of the movie "Kill Bill"? Well Sandor Clegane is the great x 679 grandson of the third cousin of King Tut, and if you do the calculation, this means he isn't actually born until about year 12000 AD. So actually, ASOIAF takes place in the distant future. This makes sense because somebody famous said "I do not know what weapons World War 3 will be fought with, but World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones." Except that scientists during World War 3 created zombie technology and cryogenically froze the zombies for 9500 years. Gregor Clegane is the son of Robert Wadlow's* daughter plus Andre the Giant's** evil twin. He was cryogenically frozen as a Soviet experiment in 2018, right after the Soviets completely obliterated the North American continent and zombified everyone in Europe. *http://www.smisene.webzdarma.cz/img/robert-wadlow.jpg **http://www.cwfarchives.com/assets/photo3/full/10893%20copy.jpg P.S. That is the best fake crackpot theory I have ever thought of. Pat me on the back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogbebaba Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Well Sandor Clegane is the great x 679 grandson of the third cousin of King Tut, and if you do the calculation, this means he isn't actually born until about year 12000 AD. So actually, ASOIAF takes place in the distant future. This makes sense because somebody famous said "I do not know what weapons World War 3 will be fought with, but World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones." Except that scientists during World War 3 created zombie technology and cryogenically froze the zombies for 9500 years. Gregor Clegane is the son of Robert Wadlow's* daughter plus Andre the Giant's** evil twin. He was cryogenically frozen as a Soviet experiment in 2018, right after the Soviets completely obliterated the North American continent and zombified everyone in Europe. *http://www.smisene.webzdarma.cz/img/robert-wadlow.jpg **http://www.cwfarchives.com/assets/photo3/full/10893%20copy.jpg P.S. That is the best fake crackpot theory I have ever thought of. Pat me on the back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteWalker Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 wow i was laughing the whole time i read that. BEST theory ever in my opinion. i never ever thought Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vin Venture Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 This thread needs to be assigned as required reading for all new members. Only then will the poor, naive fools come to comprehend the depths of analysis to which they must aspire... As a first-time poster myself, I must say...I am awed by the collective wit of this board. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Man Who Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 This is the first time I've seen this thread, and while it raises many valid points, I have to throw my hat into the Sandor and Gregor are not brothers. Gregor is apparently some sort of mountain that rides and is bad tempered. Sandor on the other hand is scared of fire. Why would someone ever be scared of fire? Maybe if they were Ice and scared of melting. But this would mean that Sandor was a sword. But have you noticed that Sandor has disappeared, and also Ice was reforged into Oathkeeper. Surely this means that Sandor saw the incident where Lyanna asked Eddard (or Ned? whichever one it was?) to promise her. Therefore Sandor is a living embodiment of this oath and how it must be kept. I therefore posit that a mountain and a sword cannot be brothers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fireball07 Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 That first post is the best thing I have ever read. Ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Hound's Bastard Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 I'm so glad someone found this thread and actually resurrected it. I think something inside me ruptured from laughin so much. A little bit of wee came out too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Mallister Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Jaime L., Right now I really really hate you, because I jsut read through that and frankly I hate you for it. Bring back Rory and maybe I'll forgive you. Ok I read some more and I like you agian... ...I;m hamnmersauced amnd my temprement changes quickly... ...but really, was this necessa;ry..... .....pronbably, ill shut up now... ...sory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MTGAP Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 This is the first time I've seen this thread, and while it raises many valid points, I have to throw my hat into the Sandor and Gregor are not brothers. Gregor is apparently some sort of mountain that rides and is bad tempered. Sandor on the other hand is scared of fire. Why would someone ever be scared of fire? Maybe if they were Ice and scared of melting. But this would mean that Sandor was a sword. But have you noticed that Sandor has disappeared, and also Ice was reforged into Oathkeeper. Surely this means that Sandor saw the incident where Lyanna asked Eddard (or Ned? whichever one it was?) to promise her. Therefore Sandor is a living embodiment of this oath and how it must be kept. I therefore posit that a mountain and a sword cannot be brothers. That makes total sense. [/sarcasm] Gregor is actually Lightbringer, and Lightbringer melts ice. Which is why Sandor is afraid of Gregor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nichole Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Seeing this thread again just made my day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cybroleach Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Classic thread apparently never go out of style. I used to laugh for days when this first got started... and now that i see it again its still funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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