sologdin Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 pre-marriage duration is fairly irrelevant for persons who know what they want and are perceptive enough to discern it. current wife and i, for instance, met on day one, moved in together on day ten, and wed at about day 140. that's all going on seven years ago now.knowing what one wants, however, is largely a function of knowing what one doesn't want, through brutal or tedious trial and error. i'd been previously married, and she'd lived with others before, both of us in our thirties, neither reasonably within the scope of inexperienced. so the decisions basically made themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted June 29, 2013 Author Share Posted June 29, 2013 Some people in this thread seem not to understand why I wouldn't want to live with her. But, if you think from the perspective of someone who tries to take his faith seriously, it would be irresponsible and inconsiderate to put her in a situation where every day temptation to fornicate is presented to her.Believe it or not, there are Christians who aren't lukewarm. I care about her and I will not compromise the salvation of her soul for any reason. I respect that there are those who don't believe the same things I do, but understand that Christian living isn't something that goes away for me Monday through Saturday.Someone asked if we've even met before. I don't know what kind of people you've dealt with that'd consider something as serious as marriage without spending time together, but I'm not one. But your concerns on time are noted.She has expressed the desire to be married to me before but I do think I'll sit down with her and have a serious discussion, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battle Kitten Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 4 months? 22 years old? Christian Mingle?Head explodes.Yeah, ditto. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 Her temptation to fornicate? The salvation of her soul? What about yours? To those saying it worked for some people not living together first, I totally appreciate that it does work for some people and I'm happy for them. It's just not for me, I think.Ser Rodrigo, I appreciate you sharing your culture, however strange it may seem to me. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reposado Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 What if she eats pizza with a fork and knife?how do you eat it? with your hands???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 When you notice the baby bump. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted June 29, 2013 Author Share Posted June 29, 2013 Her temptation to fornicate? The salvation of her soul? What about yours? To those saying it worked for some people not living together first, I totally appreciate that it does work for some people and I'm happy for them. It's just not for me, I think.Ser Rodrigo, I appreciate you sharing your culture, however strange it may seem to me. :) of course I'm worried about my own salvation but mine is directly tied up in how I treat others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Walker Texas Ranger Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 Some people in this thread seem not to understand why I wouldn't want to live with her. But, if you think from the perspective of someone who tries to take his faith seriously, it would be irresponsible and inconsiderate to put her in a situation where every day temptation to fornicate is presented to her.Believe it or not, there are Christians who aren't lukewarm. I care about her and I will not compromise the salvation of her soul for any reason. I respect that there are those who don't believe the same things I do, but understand that Christian living isn't something that goes away for me Monday through Saturday.Someone asked if we've even met before. I don't know what kind of people you've dealt with that'd consider something as serious as marriage without spending time together, but I'm not one. But your concerns on time are noted.She has expressed the desire to be married to me before but I do think I'll sit down with her and have a serious discussion,Are you accusing every Christian who has pre-marital sex of being lukewarm about their faith? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 After the second child.Well that's when my parents did it :P and had their 16th wedding anniversary yesterday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted June 29, 2013 Author Share Posted June 29, 2013 Are you accusing every Christian who has pre-marital sex of being lukewarm about their faith?nah. I'm just saying that it's not fair to be expecting that because there are lukewarm Christians out there who treat sex like a social activity doesn't mean I'm one of them. I myself commited that sin before I met Christ so I certainly am not proposing that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 You may have more luck getting advice from a forum that largely shares your beliefs, then. Not many folk here have such views about "fornication" so 99% of the advice you'll get, while honest, is not going to be welcome.My own view? OF COURSE you should fuck before you marry. If we're talking about two people who need to be long-term compatible, rather than some esoteric bullshit about a damnable soul, then finding out if your sexual appetites and preferences match up is just as important as the other stuff. Sure, people find a way to compromise about this, but it's a big risk and could leave you with decades of frustration and unhappiness if you get it wrong. :dunno: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Visenya Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 Mid-coitus.Arn't Christians supposed to get married before doing that? :P. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Francis Buck Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 Arn't Christians supposed to get married before doing that? :P.Honestly I didn't even read the thread before posting. Now that I have, my advice has changed.Post-coitus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 Littlefinger, I join the ones of the opinion you should probably wait a little longer to get to know each other better, and yes, this includes living with somebody for some time before you marry.As far as I know, a Christian marriage does not acknowledge divorce (correct me if I am wrong), so that makes it even more important for Christian people to really know each other well and know they can stand each other for the rest of their lives IMO.Some people in this thread seem not to understand why I wouldn't want to live with her. But, if you think from the perspective of someone who tries to take his faith seriously, it would be irresponsible and inconsiderate to put her in a situation where every day temptation to fornicate is presented to her.Erm.*prepares to be mocked on the ground of naivety ...* But still ...Temptation?I am sure temptation is not the same as actually having sex with each other. You two both have control over your bodies. You have your brain to regulate what you do with your bodies. This is something called self-control. Is being tempted and resisting it not even a proof of your faith?(This goes for both of you, although in your post you only mention her.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zar Lannister Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 As far as I know, a Christian marriage does not acknowledge divorce (correct me if I am wrong), so that makes it even more important for Christian people to really know each other well and know they can stand each other for the rest of their lives IMO.Well, at least for the denominations I'm familiar with, annulment of Religious marriage is available for certain things (like adultery, forced marriage, bigamy, non-consumation, etc.) but in general, if you're tying the not it's for the long run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaldaur Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 The good Lord gave you a thingie to put in her thingie. At least wiggle it around a little bit to make sure everything fits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yolkboy Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 You've already admitted you have sex with yourself.http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/topic/91199-whats-your-biggest-vice/#entry4628437I don't know what the difference is with sexing yourself and sexing another person, and how it makes you a 'lukewarm christian'. You can learn a lot about each other by being intimate - including how much you like each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 You've already admitted you have sex with yourself.http://asoiaf.wester...e/#entry4628437 :stunned: Hooboy. I hadn't even read that thread.OK kid, the right time to propose is NOT when you're saying or thinking things likeOverbearing girlfriends with massive insecurity issuesCos holy crap man, that shit is not going to be magically solved with a wedding ring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zar Lannister Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 Well, I think Minaku nailed with when she said this thread delivered :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 ''Overbearing girlfriends with massive insecurity issues''Oh man. Too soon, too soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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