HelenaExMachina

Mental Wellbeing Thread

113 posts in this topic

Since the other threads are long buried I'll start a new one. 

A place to discuss your MH struggles with others, offer advice or just unload your problems if need be. Please be respectful, and remember that just because something helps you doesn't mean it's going to help others too.

Lately I've been doing well. I have fewer days where my depression interferes with my day-to-day life. And, even where it does, I made a big step in telling my flatmates and BF about my problems, so i have people close to me who understand and will try to help if they can (for me, this is usually them enforcing their company on me. Sounds stupid I know, but if I'm not alone I make a conscious effort to break out of my negative thinking and bleak mood. And it also prompts me to get out of bed and make some effort to get dressed, which is hard when my depression is at it's worst). 

But, as I said, these days are less frequent now, even during really busy periods at uni where I feel overwhelmed by work. Part of it, I think, is that after about 9/10 years I've finally managed carved out some sort of life for myself, outside of just work and school, and I feel more comfortable about who I am. I stopped trying to just blend in so I wouldn't be noticed, and I'm able to be myself. That has been difficult, as every instinct screamed out at me to stop it, and just go back to trying to fit in with those around me.

In terms of eating, well, I manage. I have bad days, where just the thought of certain foods (read: carbs) makes me feel nauseous and wracked with guilt just for thinking about them. But, I also have more good days than bad. Most of the time I enjoy cooking, and looking for new recipes, and the feeling of accomplishment when I prepare a meal from scratch and eat it without thinking how many calories, how much fat etc is in it. Related to the socialising stuff I mention below, I do still feel uncomfortable eating around others, particularly if I don't know them well. But I can do it, which is more than I could say a few years back. I also exercise at a more reasonable/normal level now. I don't try too much on too little, and I don't exercise with the purpose of losing weight. I do it because I enjoy it. It's a much more healthy approach for me

I do still struggle with socialising. Meeting new people is often very trying for me, I always feel very uncomfortable and self-critical, and I feel as though I have no interesting conversation to offer, and that all of my flaws are on display. I'm not at all forward either, as if people are talking beside me in a general, inclusive manner (sort of just addressing those in the area) I keep quiet because I worry about saying something stupid. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable enough to start speaking more freely with people. Theda's eye contact thread was interesting for me because someone was pointing out how surprising it was that such a simple thing as eye contact could be so difficult for some people. I confess it left me feeling rather deflated and inadequate. This (socialising in general, not eye contact specifically) is something I'm trying to work on now.

Edited by HelenaExMachina

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Thanks for starting this thread, pal

Winter is getting to me really bad - in the spring and summer I was volunteering in the museum one day a week, working there 3or 4 days a week and working another job in the weekends. 

Now all I do is work on the weekends and do nothing with the week days - I mean I'm doing a Masters at the moment but I still feel like I'm just useless.

I'm actually pretty sociable and whilst at times a tiny bit awkward can get into conversations and good raport with people fairly easily but living where I do and not being able to drive I'm so isolated and I haven't been able to take my dog for as long of a walk because the weather is so bad andhe's getting older so for hugechunks of the time i am just in doors doing nothing.

Some people say that sounds great but I hate it I feel like I should be an active person ilove walking I love the idea of hiking, I used to be one of the best kids in cschool for a number of sports; long distance, sprinting, long jump, rowing - now I feel like I'm just this fat lazy slug of a person taking up space.

I did apply for a job, get an interview on Thursday to move back to Cardiff my favourite city where I could hang out with all my friends there, work almost full time, do my Masters, and maybe join a drama group, go to some meetups because I'm at my best and thriving when I'm keeping really busy and activebecause at the moment in just in one big massive rut 

And I keep thinking about my appearence and obsess over it and how hideous and disgusting I am but I honestly can't be bothered to go to a doctor about this because on the outside im doing okay and funcioning and getting on with my life so I don't feel I'm significant enoughand I also just don't want to go to the doctor anyway but I'm starting to realize the amount I think about my appearence negatively is not normal an it takes up a fair amount of my day

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oh no I'm depressed again. 

3 week slump this time; feeling very very tired, and low, and hopeless and lost and really, really, really ugly these past 3 weeks i just want to sleep and for people to leave me the hell alone but im also really lonely ? lol life is so fun. im pissed off this is still happening to me so i guess this is a lifelong recurring thing at this point ...what an attractive prospect 

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6 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

oh no I'm depressed again. 

3 week slump this time; feeling very very tired, and low, and hopeless and lost and really, really, really ugly these past 3 weeks i just want to sleep and for people to leave me the hell alone but im also really lonely ? lol life is so fun. im pissed off this is still happening to me so i guess this is a lifelong recurring thing at this point ...what an attractive prospect 

Sorry you"re going through this :( Are you still with your parents at the minute (I know you said you were looking to move out, but I appreciate how difficult that is (see below...)

i've kind of resigned myself to the idea that I'll go through such episodes on-and-off for the rest of my life too. It really fucking sucks that I only got 11, or I guess 13 at a push, years of my life where I wasn't battling depressive episodes and/or other mental health issues. 

That said, this (academic) year has been better than any other year at university I think. I've still gone through phases but for the most part I've managed to get myself up, go out, socialise a little bit. 

I'm struggling again now though. Finished uni, been rejected from countless job applications. Facing the prospect of moving back in with my parents soon if I can't get my life together. And of course the more I allow myself to sink into a depressive episode, the less motivated I am to search for jobs, the more useless I feel, the more depressed I become...rinse and repeat. Fucking-A.

 

Oh, another thing I wanted to mention. People are still awful when it comes to empathy for Mental Health. I'm more open than I once was in terms of admitting to people that I have depression, and an eating disorder, and spoften struggle in social settings so yeah that is why I wont be coming out tonight okay? But of course hat doesn't cut it and I should just hang my depression in the wardrobe for the night and come out anyway because it's clearly all in my head and I can drop it at will. Ugh, people.

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9 hours ago, HelenaExMachina said:

Sorry you"re going through this :( Are you still with your parents at the minute (I know you said you were looking to move out, but I appreciate how difficult that is (see below...)

i've kind of resigned myself to the idea that I'll go through such episodes on-and-off for the rest of my life too. It really fucking sucks that I only got 11, or I guess 13 at a push, years of my life where I wasn't battling depressive episodes and/or other mental health issues. 

That said, this (academic) year has been better than any other year at university I think. I've still gone through phases but for the most part I've managed to get myself up, go out, socialise a little bit. 

I'm struggling again now though. Finished uni, been rejected from countless job applications. Facing the prospect of moving back in with my parents soon if I can't get my life together. And of course the more I allow myself to sink into a depressive episode, the less motivated I am to search for jobs, the more useless I feel, the more depressed I become...rinse and repeat. Fucking-A.

 

Oh, another thing I wanted to mention. People are still awful when it comes to empathy for Mental Health. I'm more open than I once was in terms of admitting to people that I have depression, and an eating disorder, and spoften struggle in social settings so yeah that is why I wont be coming out tonight okay? But of course hat doesn't cut it and I should just hang my depression in the wardrobe for the night and come out anyway because it's clearly all in my head and I can drop it at will. Ugh, people.

Yeah still living my parents lmao. Learning to drive atm which is one good thing but I'm starting to worry I'll never get a decent job and move out. Glad to hear your academic year is going well! Is it your last year? My third year was by far my best as well tbh - I definitely wasted some time searching for a decent job and stuck with this retail job...15 hour contract...LMAO this was cool when I was 21 but at 23 I'm starting to really feel like my life should have started going somewhere by now 

 

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Theda :grouphug: 

You know, not too long ago I realized something about myself: While I do not like being alone, for most of the time I like being left alone. For me though, realizing this was a welcome epiphany and has made me feel much more in harmony with myself.

 

Something new with me, my doctor put me on Vyvanse which is an ADD/ADHD drug. I am 99.9% positive I don not have ADHD, but the doctor was more interested in seeing if the side effect of it curbing appetite would help me.

So far no noticeable effect on my appetite, but a curious thing, every time when I take it, about 10-15 minutes later I get sleepy. Vyvanse is an amphetamine, so the sleepiness is a paradoxical effect, which is a sign of ADD/ADHD, but I'm still pretty sure I don't have that. Weird.

 

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I feel like I've been making some progress ever since I began taking Prozac a year ago to treat my Social Anxiety(I was taking Zoloft at first, but it's side effects outweighed it's benefits for me, such as weight gain). I've by far made the most progress when it comes to public speaking. Last fall semester in English 102, we had to do an 8-10 minute presentation on the topic we choose pertaining to Privacy and Social Media, basically being our final. I was scheduled to go next week so I could give myself time to practice my presentation. Instead, I decided to take a gamble, I told myself "fuck it", and went up a week early and winged it.

My presentation lasted a little over 8 minutes, receiving a good grade from the teacher. Not only that, I received positive feedback from my classmates, despite sounding a bit nervous throughout. With that, I passed the class. It was my second time taking English 102, the first time I took it was back in 2014. I had to drop the class with several weeks to go, because knowing I had to do a presentation at the end of semester left me paralyzed with fear and dread. This was before I started seeking treatment, and the thought of speaking in public  was just too much for me.

That's why when I took the class again and passed, I consider it my greatest achievement to date.

My social life, on the other hand, is still a work in progress. I'm 26 years old and looking for my first job since my social anxiety impeded my ability to do so when I should've started a decade ago. I can empathize with Theda when it comes to still living at home and feeling like you're not making the most out of your 20s (which makes me think of the article titled "You're not making the most out of your 20s" published in Thought Catalog).

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Posted (edited)

Oh, useful thread. If I had known this existed, I wouldn't have needed to misuse the dating-thread for basic social interactions advice a while back. :blush:

First of all: Don't know what to say to your negative episodes. Except that I hope that you managed to somewhat recover by now.

I myself feel slightly better by now. Still not 'normal' by any stretch of imagination, but my constant negativity and self-loathing was dialed back. I suppose I can judge myself lucky that I don't get depressed easily by 'virtue' of powering through everything life throws at me, even if I regularly power myself out. But my burnout-related sour mood and frustration about everything and most of all myself was really annoying for the past five months. My apologies for the following rant, but I somehow need to get this off the chest.

I finished my 'practice semester' in January, which means that from teaching in a school with fantastic kids and getting comfortable with the day-to-day business of my future role, I was thrown back into university life. With its messy time-tables and completely unrelated courses lead by headless lecturers who have no idea what they are doing because we were the first ever group that had this practice semester. Everything felt like a waste of time, all my homework and even my master thesis just appeared to me like a pointless torture to fill the time till teacher training begins. Add to that truly ridiculous time constraints that don't allow me to finish in the prescribed time and the political nightmare the US and Europe were and are facing. The latter really got to me on a basis that I really didn't expect. I'm about to become teacher mostly because my own school life was hellish and I want to dedicate my life to making it better for future generations so that they won't face apathetic teachers who don't care enough to step in when faced with bullying and other shit. But this truly evil disregard for our climate and the more and more apocalyptic predictions of what is going to happen if Trump and his buddies continue to blithely keep up their bubble of fake reality in addition to the more pragmatic political repercussions of a fracturing europe caused a lot of fear that this future I want to help build may be lost even before I started. I wanted to go out there and change shit, but for that I had to finish my reports and homeworks and master thesis and I wanted them done yesterday. So I threw myself in my work in despair, and with everyday I've spent holing myself up writing, the less I actually managed to achieve, which caused me to get even more frustrated, forced me even harder to get finished and ended up with even worse results. Only after my body really signalled me that I can't go on like this (I had tendosynovitis in two of my fingers, as well as constant neck- and headaches in addition to really bad mood swings in combination with it), I stopped myself to a certain degree.

There is still so much frustration left. When I look to my fellow students, most haven't started yet but are still fairly certain that they get finished in time while at least one person I spoke yesterday with who started two months earlier than I did, is now finished with her thesis. All the while I crawl around accomplishing nothing and make myself miserable. And in doing that, my mood darkens, I get consumed by frustration about myself and start to push people away, being even more reclusive I usually am. At least I have noticed that I do get progress when I'm out of the house and work in the library. Part of me thinks that there is just too much negativity at home. I've spent the last five years at the forefront of a messy divorce with an incompetent lawyer on our side, an aggressive and spiteful one on my father's, and my father himself who tried to break us through stalking, threatening letters, ridiculous demands and heaping up lawsuit upon lawsuit just to wiggle himself free of any alimony responsibilities. My university life should have been the best time of my life and yet I've spent it watching my mother being consumed by anger, helplessness and paranoia. I still want to help her, but I have become too tired. Right now my father is only sporadically annoying us with hateful E-Mails because he is too busy finding a replacement for his affair that recently threw him out. And yet my mother is still constantly ranting about her own unhappiness, making reproaches to me, picking up baffling fights over literally nothing and ridiculing my own problems whenever I make the mistake to bring them up. I noticed that when I am trying to work at home, all I do is just evading her to not annoy her with typing sounds or music or even by being in comparably good mood. Which is quite hard, given that we only have two rooms. This atmosphere is just suffocating and yet I'm too tired to put forward anything to change it.

Well... I did manage to make myself somewhat more comfortable over the last month. I managed to fight back the cramps in my fingers, started to work out a little and have regular physiotherapy sessions to get my messed up body back into shape. Though the workout is a little hampered by my mother because I can't excercise when there is a chance she enters the room for fear of getting made fun of and whenever I try to go out jogging I receive snide remarks that cause me enough trouble to rethink and abandon my plans. Ironically enough, watching TV helped a little. Sense8 gave a little faith in humanity back to me, at least until Netflix pulled the rug under us, though I have to admit the second season has become too tense to be considered relaxing. I then started Supergirl, appreciating the positive messages but I soon relapsed into my usual complaining about badly written scripts, because, let's be frank, the show is stupid. In a fun, campy way, but still a lot of eye-roll-inducing stupid. At least this dosis of superhero stuff caused me to watch some other things of the same blend. Interestingly, I watched 'Mask of the Phantasm' after finding out that it is considered by some to be the best Batman movie there is. There was this truly messed up scene in which Bruce Wayne (before becoming Batman) tearfully apologized in front of his parent's grave for being happy, feeling guilty and undeserving about it because it caused him to rethink his crusading plans. While my situation is quite the opposite, I could relate to the guy more than I feel comfortable with. Though after the first irritation, I was quite amused by the thought that my shitshow of a life has turned me into some kind of teaching Batman whose self-sacrifice should have a meaninful impact upon others.

If only I'd get shit done within a reasonable amount of time... Right now the constant weather-changes from suffocating heat to hailstorms and back are really taking a toll on my already weakened body. For this reason, I can't even make use of any mental improvements I'm doing after this phase of burnout-induced moodiness. Screw you, Global Warming!

Edited by Toth

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On Invalid Date at 11:08 PM, HelenaExMachina said:

Oh, another thing I wanted to mention. People are still awful when it comes to empathy for Mental Health. I'm more open than I once was in terms of admitting to people that I have depression, and an eating disorder, and spoften struggle in social settings so yeah that is why I wont be coming out tonight okay? But of course hat doesn't cut it and I should just hang my depression in the wardrobe for the night and come out anyway because it's clearly all in my head and I can drop it at will. Ugh, people.

I was going to echo this. Even when people (and often loved ones) are trying to help, they say or do things that are dismissive of our mental illness or generalized struggle. This is because to be truly empathetic, you have to sit with those same uncomfortable feelings. People are either not equipped for this, or do not wish to turn towards those dark corners. Its hurtful and creates loneliness.

On Invalid Date at 11:08 PM, HelenaExMachina said:

 

i've kind of resigned myself to the idea that I'll go through such episodes on-and-off for the rest of my life too. It really fucking sucks that I only got 11, or I guess 13 at a push, years of my life where I wasn't battling depressive episodes and/or other mental health issues. 

I totally get this. Sometimes I'm accepting that this will always be a struggle. I keep hoping that one day I will just look back on this is a "dark time".

 

On Invalid Date at 11:12 AM, KingintheNorth4 said:

I feel like I've been making some progress ever since I began taking Prozac a year ago to treat my Social Anxiety(I was taking Zoloft at first, but it's side effects outweighed it's benefits for me, such as weight gain). I've by far made the most progress when it comes to public speaking. Last fall semester in English 102, we had to do an 8-10 minute presentation on the topic we choose pertaining to Privacy and Social Media, basically being our final. I was scheduled to go next week so I could give myself time to practice my presentation. Instead, I decided to take a gamble, I told myself "fuck it", and went up a week early and winged it.

My presentation lasted a little over 8 minutes, receiving a good grade from the teacher. Not only that, I received positive feedback from my classmates, despite sounding a bit nervous throughout. With that, I passed the class. It was my second time taking English 102, the first time I took it was back in 2014. I had to drop the class with several weeks to go, because knowing I had to do a presentation at the end of semester left me paralyzed with fear and dread. This was before I started seeking treatment, and the thought of speaking in public  was just too much for me.

That's why when I took the class again and passed, I consider it my greatest achievement to date.

My social life, on the other hand, is still a work in progress. I'm 26 years old and looking for my first job since my social anxiety impeded my ability to do so when I should've started a decade ago. I can empathize with Theda when it comes to still living at home and feeling like you're not making the most out of your 20s (which makes me think of the article titled "You're not making the most out of your 20s" published in Thought Catalog).

Glad to hear that you are making progress and on a medication that works for you! I had such a bad time with my first medication that I'm too scared to try something else. Its nice to hear that there really are cases of the right fit !

On Invalid Date at 4:30 AM, Toth said:

My university life should have been the best time of my life and yet I've spent it watching my mother being consumed by anger, helplessness and paranoia. I still want to help her, but I have become too tired. Right now my father is only sporadically annoying us with hateful E-Mails because he is too busy finding a replacement for his affair that recently threw him out. And yet my mother is still constantly ranting about her own unhappiness, making reproaches to me, picking up baffling fights over literally nothing and ridiculing my own problems whenever I make the mistake to bring them up. I noticed that when I am trying to work at home, all I do is just evading her to not annoy her with typing sounds or music or even by being in comparably good mood. Which is quite hard, given that we only have two rooms. This atmosphere is just suffocating and yet I'm too tired to put forward anything to change it.

 

It sounds like you are going through a lot right now, and its totally understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed on top of everything else! And taking care of parents is never easy, no matter how old we get. I'll never stop wishing I could be the kid for once - even in my mid twenties. I can't say much to help, except that I read your post and I am thinking about you!

 

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I posted a comment similar to this in a previous Mental Illness thread, but I can't find it, so I'll type another one.

My mother suffers from Persecutory Delusional Disorder. It's a mental disorder where a person believes that he or she is being harrassed, spied on, poisoned or drugged, being followed, etc. I began to notice signs around summer of 2007, when we lived in Connecticut. My father had noticed it years earlier (they separated in June 2009). When a car drives by our house, she thinks the driver is watching her. When she's driving, if a car is too close to her bumper, she'll think she's being stalked. She used to pull over and give the passing drivers the finger. She has more bizzare delusions. She thinks that someone is coming into our house either moving items around or taking them (items she thinks get are usually just misplaced by her).  She also believes that she is being constantly "gassed" with an unknown chemical everywhere she goes, and has even believed that some of our family members are in on this. I was hoping she would get better once we moved back home to Illinois in 2012, but nothing has changed.

It's impossible trying to reason with her, since it only leads to us arguing, so when she tells me what she thinks is happening to her, I simply  stay silent. Sadly, she's not the only person in my family that suffers from this illness. I have an Aunt and two Uncles (her siblings) that have showed similar signs of having bizzare delusions.

I feel powerless about the whole situation. I really want her to seek help, but I know that she won't since she thinks her delusions are real. My absolute worst fear is her confronting someone and getting violent with them because she thinks they're harrassing her, and end up either getting injured or killed.

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On 6/10/2017 at 11:07 AM, drawkcabi said:

Theda :grouphug: 

You know, not too long ago I realized something about myself: While I do not like being alone, for most of the time I like being left alone. For me though, realizing this was a welcome epiphany and has made me feel much more in harmony with myself.

 

Something new with me, my doctor put me on Vyvanse which is an ADD/ADHD drug. I am 99.9% positive I don not have ADHD, but the doctor was more interested in seeing if the side effect of it curbing appetite would help me.

So far no noticeable effect on my appetite, but a curious thing, every time when I take it, about 10-15 minutes later I get sleepy. Vyvanse is an amphetamine, so the sleepiness is a paradoxical effect, which is a sign of ADD/ADHD, but I'm still pretty sure I don't have that. Weird.

 

When I started on Aderall, it was a low dose and I would fall asleep 30 minutes later.  When the doctor upped my dose, I became very functional (and it did curb my appetite) 

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2 hours ago, Lany Freelove Cassandra said:

When I started on Aderall, it was a low dose and I would fall asleep 30 minutes later.  When the doctor upped my dose, I became very functional (and it did curb my appetite) 

Thanks, that's interesting to know. My doctor upped my dose last week and I'm no longer getting sleepy after I take it. 

Not really a mental issue, but I also have restless leg and it is just getting worse. I take the muscle relaxer Flexeril when I'm having an episode and that does make me sleepy, weak, and tired all the next day after I take it, but sometimes I just got to get some peace from that damn shaking, it's terrible to either not be able to get comfortable to sleep because my legs keep moving or to be just on the verge of getting to sleep and then it's like someone grabs me by the ankles and shakes hard, and it happens all night unless I take the flexeril.

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23 hours ago, KingintheNorth4 said:

I posted a comment similar to this in a previous Mental Illness thread, but I can't find it, so I'll type another one.

My mother suffers from Persecutory Delusional Disorder. It's a mental disorder where a person believes that he or she is being harrassed, spied on, poisoned or drugged, being followed, etc. I began to notice signs around summer of 2007, when we lived in Connecticut. My father had noticed it years earlier (they separated in June 2009). When a car drives by our house, she thinks the driver is watching her. When she's driving, if a car is too close to her bumper, she'll think she's being stalked. She used to pull over and give the passing drivers the finger. She has more bizzare delusions. She thinks that someone is coming into our house either moving items around or taking them (items she thinks get are usually just misplaced by her).  She also believes that she is being constantly "gassed" with an unknown chemical everywhere she goes, and has even believed that some of our family members are in on this. I was hoping she would get better once we moved back home to Illinois in 2012, but nothing has changed.

It's impossible trying to reason with her, since it only leads to us arguing, so when she tells me what she thinks is happening to her, I simply  stay silent. Sadly, she's not the only person in my family that suffers from this illness. I have an Aunt and two Uncles (her siblings) that have showed similar signs of having bizzare delusions.

I feel powerless about the whole situation. I really want her to seek help, but I know that she won't since she thinks her delusions are real. My absolute worst fear is her confronting someone and getting violent with them because she thinks they're harrassing her, and end up either getting injured or killed.

It's so hard when a loved one has a mental illness and they refuse treatment.  I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

Has she actually been diagnosed with that illness?  Paranoia and delusions can manifest with a whole bunch of different things, including depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc.  I do hope you find a way to get her some treatment.

23 minutes ago, drawkcabi said:

Thanks, that's interesting to know. My doctor upped my dose last week and I'm no longer getting sleepy after I take it. 

Has the upped dose curbed your appetite?  One of my kids is on Vyvanse and the dosage is great for his functioning but he barely eats, which just isn't good for a kid his age or activity level.  

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6 hours ago, Dr. Pepper said:

.

Has the upped dose curbed your appetite?  One of my kids is on Vyvanse and the dosage is great for his functioning but he barely eats, which just isn't good for a kid his age or activity level.  

My son was on Vyvanse for years and barely ate, so we didn't give it to him on weekends. Until he turned 12.  Then he started eating more.  We took him off it at 13, and since then, he eats like a typical teenager...everything he can get his hands on.  He has also grown a lot since going off it.  I think he grew like 6" in 18 months (I know part of that is puberty, but I think part was eating more too).  Of course his grades suffered, but it's a challenge we are trying to deal with.

 

 

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9 hours ago, Dr. Pepper said:

Has the upped dose curbed your appetite?  One of my kids is on Vyvanse and the dosage is great for his functioning but he barely eats, which just isn't good for a kid his age or activity level.  

On the lower dose there was no change, on this higher dose I do feel less of an appetite, but I'm also fighting a lifetime of programmed behavior, always wanting the sensation of eating something tasty, having food be associated and thus needing it to be part of other activities to enjoy them fully (watching TV, reading, playing video games), and I panic if I feel I don't have enough food in the house which leads to food hoarding and because it's there I eat it even if I don't feel hungry, I'm trying very hard though to only eat when I feel hungry.

My councilor told me they were on Vyvanse or something like it as a kid and his parents would have him eat breakfast in the morning before taking his medicine and that helped getting at least one good meal in him before he took another dose and lost his appetite.

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3 hours ago, Lany Freelove Cassandra said:

My son was on Vyvanse for years and barely ate, so we didn't give it to him on weekends. Until he turned 12.  Then he started eating more.  We took him off it at 13, and since then, he eats like a typical teenager...everything he can get his hands on.  He has also grown a lot since going off it.  I think he grew like 6" in 18 months (I know part of that is puberty, but I think part was eating more too).  Of course his grades suffered, but it's a challenge we are trying to deal with.

I wish there were another medicine he could try.  I have a feeling that when he moves back home (he's my foster son), his parents may take him off the meds because they are so concerned he's not eating.  I'm not allowed to take him off and have to keep detailed med logs, but I'm definitely going to see about 'forgetting' on weekends. 

1 hour ago, drawkcabi said:

On the lower dose there was no change, on this higher dose I do feel less of an appetite, but I'm also fighting a lifetime of programmed behavior, always wanting the sensation of eating something tasty, having food be associated and thus needing it to be part of other activities to enjoy them fully (watching TV, reading, playing video games), and I panic if I feel I don't have enough food in the house which leads to food hoarding and because it's there I eat it even if I don't feel hungry, I'm trying very hard though to only eat when I feel hungry.

My councilor told me they were on Vyvanse or something like it as a kid and his parents would have him eat breakfast in the morning before taking his medicine and that helped getting at least one good meal in him before he took another dose and lost his appetite.

I'm going to start the breakfast before meds thing now.  At least one full, good meal is better than none.

I understand about the poor programmed food habits.  I spent so many years depressed and food was good medicine and now it's just so impossible to change.  I hope these meds help you reprogram.  

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7 minutes ago, Dr. Pepper said:

I wish there were another medicine he could try.  I have a feeling that when he moves back home (he's my foster son), his parents may take him off the meds because they are so concerned he's not eating.  I'm not allowed to take him off and have to keep detailed med logs, but I'm definitely going to see about 'forgetting' on weekends. 

I'm going to start the breakfast before meds thing now.  At least one full, good meal is better than none.

I understand about the poor programmed food habits.  I spent so many years depressed and food was good medicine and now it's just so impossible to change.  I hope these meds help you reprogram.  

Thanks. I hope the breakfast before meds works for you and him.

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9 hours ago, Dr. Pepper said:

I wish there were another medicine he could try.  I have a feeling that when he moves back home (he's my foster son), his parents may take him off the meds because they are so concerned he's not eating.  I'm not allowed to take him off and have to keep detailed med logs, but I'm definitely going to see about 'forgetting' on weekends. 

I'm going to start the breakfast before meds thing now.  At least one full, good meal is better than none.

I understand about the poor programmed food habits.  I spent so many years depressed and food was good medicine and now it's just so impossible to change.  I hope these meds help you reprogram.  

I wish you luck.  I think the breakfast before beds is a good idea.  That is what we did as well

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Posted (edited)

Super random question but it is on topic:  has anyone ever received the results of a test of their allopregnanolone levels?

If so, I'm curious if it's a simple blood test or if it's something one needs to draw from the cerebral spine fluid or something.

thanks

ETA:  And just to clarify, I've found it bizarrely difficult to find out online if this is an easy test or not.  Many other things one just googles "XXXX test,' but maybe not with this one which makes me wonder if it's not something many labs test regularly.  

Edited by Triskan

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On July 13, 2017 at 11:03 PM, Dr. Pepper said:

It's so hard when a loved one has a mental illness and they refuse treatment.  I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

Has she actually been diagnosed with that illness?  Paranoia and delusions can manifest with a whole bunch of different things, including depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc.  I do hope you find a way to get her some treatment.  

No, she hasn't. After telling my own therapist about all of this, and he pretty much confirmed that she has the signs of having PDD. I don't know where all of this could've manifested from, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't depression and anxiety. My only guess is possibly stress.

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