Picky eaters

[IheartTesla]

Starving children in sub Saharan Africa would love to eat red meat reduced in red wine.

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

DP,

I think if something really bothers someone, there should be an effort to accomodate it when possible, but at the same time that person needs to aknowledge that this is their idiosyncratic habit and make an equal effort not to force it on others, and possibly even admit its silly in extreme cases and try to get over it.

I actually have way more experience with this than I would like - in the very early days of my commune dwelling there was this notion that having dinner together was vitally important, and absurd length would be gone to to come up with a meal everyone could eat everything in. (We had quite limited ingredients usually, so this was more difficult than you'd think. Often as not, it either ended up very bland or total chaos and everyone got mad and lived on toast and chocolate spread for three days. I kept expecting someone to get jaundice or scurvy or something wierd like that.) And thats once you're cooking - try shopping for 17 people on a rather limited budget.

Yet another example of Marxist systems failing in practice.

:P

[kairparavel]

The way mom did it

Did your mother in law do all the cooking? Does your husband do any cooking at home? There might be some correlation if the former is yes and the latter no. It's something I've experienced before, and not just in cooking. Mom makes stew ___ way. Mom folds shirts ___ way. To a certain extent, if that's all you've ever known, it's gotta be the right way, right? I mean, cripes, that's how Mom does it. I was like this for a while, after initially falling out of the nest. Eventually I came to realize that mom's way, is just that, mom's way. But I think breaking out that habit comes from experimenting with things yourself. That and my mother is completely anal about the way she does stuff. It was liberating to learn that steak can come in medium well, and even medium; that you don't need to kill it a second time and that no, you will not die if it's pink inside. It was also cathartic to fold towels completely different, and not have them lined up in perfect columns in the linen closet (although a certain someone might able to say I have my own ways of doing things, but we're not talking about that here... :) )

As a sidebar, I did spend some time in exile recently, living with my sainted mother, and part of the deal was that I would cook most of the meals. I was making steaks and burgers med for me and her uh, guy friend, and grey for her. I was doing crazy, out of this world stuff like seasoning the meat! and using thermometers to determine the doneness of the poultry instead of 'it's not completely dry yet, let's give it twenty more minutes'. When my youngest sister would come over for her weekly meal mooch, the call earlier in the day included her asking if the meatloaf has onions, of course not!, while I'm thinly dicing a really big one. 42 days of obnoxiously providing my mother with cooking tips and suggestions was just what our bonding relationship needed before I darted back over that international border again.

Food taste

For the longest time I would beg off some food, saying I didn't like it, but really meaning 'eww, that looks friggin' gross and I just know it's going to taste even grosser'. In my new awakening of food exploration, I try everything once. If I don't like the taste of it, that's ok, but I'd never dream of telling someone else, particularly the guy whose pillow I drool on, he can't eat something because I don't like the taste or look of it. Scrambled eggs make me 86 sorts of squicky, but it's not like I'd get a restraining order on them.

Food smell

I'm sure every one has smells they love like baking bread, or cinnamon or liver...? And for some people certain smells bring up memories of trauma, or they just bring up their current meal. Has your husband some traumatic vinegar experience from childhood? I can't think of too many food smells I can't abide or things that have set me off my meal, but I'm certain it happens. But really, malt vinegar is one of the ordained nectars of the Gods, so clearly he's insane. But if it makes him feel ill, that's a valid reason to avoid it. I guess. I love malt vinegar. It's one of the reasons I enjoy going to Five Guys.

So to recap, I have no actual answer. But overall, if the meal's going to end in nausea, it might be worth considering avoidance of certain things. Otherwise, it's your meal, and you're not asking anyone else to eat it.

[Guest Raidne]

Sharing food with your companions is an essential part of the dining experience IMO. I will always adjust my orders to the dietary restrictions of my guests when out in public. Since I'll eat almost anything (and anything a picky eater would want), it is easy for me to adjust on irregular occasions.

Fortunately, if we're going for tapas or something else meant to be shared with friends, he'll eat a snack ahead of time and try a little bit of everything.

It is very strange to me that this person who will throw a fit about olives will eat, say, an oyster or alligator or whatever in the presence of others. He will also make an effort to choke down just about anything at a dinner party. And he tries things every so often to make sure he really doesn't like them, and sometimes he changes his mind. For instance, for awhile he insisted he didn't like sushi because of, yes, the cold rice, but he's apparently over that and will eat tuna. Naturally, he always wants spicy tuna rolls (*sigh*) but he likes tuna sashimi also. But not salmon. How on earth does that make sense?

And, even in the presence of company, I bet he'd still flip if someone broke out the malt vinegar, unless it was a business dinner or something like that.

[Nichole]

My best friend had a whole long list of stupid shit she wouldn't eat or drink in college and when she was a kid...

My best friend is the same way, except she is still picky as hell. Growing up her parents were always trying new recipes that smelled wonderful to me. Especially since my parents made really boring meals all the time. She would refuse to eat what her parents made, even crying like a baby if she was forced to try one bite. I think it is witnessing her ridiculous behavior is what made me open my mind to try new things.

[Bronn Stone]

And, even in the presence of company, I bet he'd still flip if someone broke out the malt vinegar, unless it was a business dinner or something like that.

For the next six months, dab some behind your ears before every intimate moment!

[Guest Raidne]

When I was home over Thanksgiving I made meatballs, and she saw me chopping up the basil and oregano and asked if I really had to put that in there.

That is just f*ed up. Seriously.

My family is all overly sensitive to garlic, so whenever they visit I have to adjust to the completely weird notion of not putting garlic in anything. But, for Thanksgiving proper, they leave it up to me. They'll eat it, as long as I'm making the decision to deal with the consequences without complaining.

Bronn: :lol: Holy gods that would be hilarious. I think he would sprint straight out of the bedroom. Truly.

[Eponine]

Good grief. Is your husband an only child?

I expected better from you than that, Scot!

***

From my years of extensive research, I have concluded that FIVE is the number of foods that a person can reasonably refuse to eat (excepting things that are ridiculously unusual for the setting- if you go to a culturally American friend's house for a casual meal and there is a dog head looking at you from your plate, you are excused from the table).

I don't like green bell peppers, sausage, cauliflower, raisins or... well I'm sure there's a fifth thing, and I think that it's reasonable to be able to avoid these foods and for my boyfriend to be particularly accommodating about them. Five things is a reasonable compromise in a way that having pages of lists of things you refuse to be in the same room with isn't.

Hard boiled eggs do smell gross if you're not the one eating them.

[Guest Raidne]

Okay, oysters are on my list. That oyster from last weekend is still giving me little moments of imaginary nausea.

Can I count "offal" as a general item, or do I have to count each type individually?

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

Eponine,

My apologies for giving offense. In my expericence picky eaters tend to be people who were catered to as children. Only children tend to have a greater opportunity for such catering. My wife is an example of a picky eater who was an only.

To be clear this does not mean there is an actual corrilation between being an only child and a picky eater.

[Datepalm]

DP,

Yet another example of Marxist systems failing in practice.

:P

See, heres the thing - we got better at it. Behaving to your peers like a human being, untangling wants from needs and embracing others' needs as being as important to fulfill as your own - those are skills, they take practice, and thats not practice one gets that much of in a capitalist society. (And i'm not suggesting everyone who isn't a marxist is an asshole, but merely that theres nothing very capitalist about friendship.)

[Arbor Gold]

Growing up, I would eat any vegetable except corn and peas (not an issue because my mom never made peas). Shockingly, the only vegetable my sister would eat was corn. She's older, so she probably liked corn first and I was the one being a pain in the ass...especially since now I like corn (and peas, sort of).

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

DP,

See, heres the thing - we got better at it. Behaving to your peers like a human being, untangling wants from needs and embracing others' needs as being as important to fulfill as your own - those are skills, they take practice, and thats not practice one gets that much of in a capitalist society. (And i'm not suggesting everyone who isn't a marxist is an asshole, but merely that theres nothing very capitalist about friendship.)

Let me be serious for a moment. I have no problem with Marxism on the small scale. If you and your friends want to live as Marxists more power to you. I do respect your choice. What I object to is Marxism on the large scale where people who are unwilling are forced to live as Marxists.

[Ixodes]

Have you ever considered calling him "PollyPrissyPickyPants?" I ask this because when my 6 year old (an exquisitely picky eater -- he would be great friends with your hubby) refuses to try a food, I call him this. And he will try the food out of spite.

For example:

<Offers a delicious perfect grilled elk tenderloin to my son, a food he has never seen>

Son: "I don't like that. I won't eat it."

Me: "You've never tried it. Try a bite. If you don't like it you don't have to eat it."

Son: "NO. I DON'T LIKE IT."

Me: "C'mon, PollyPrissyPickyPants, try it."

Son: <Glares but tries a piece of elk>

[S John]

My best friend is an extremely picky eater. It annoys the shit out of me. He wont even eat cheese for Christ sake. And he's not lactose intolerant, he just thinks its disgusting because of how its made. What a sissy.

I am not a picky eater at all, I am actually pretty adventurous with what I'll eat.... but you can fuck right off with that sour cream. I had a falling out with the local Taco Bell because they repeatedly ignored my polite request to not plop a huge white disgusting blob on my god damn tacos. Thats ok though, Chipoltle respects my decisions and is way more delicious.

Other than that I don't particularly care for sauerkraut or that orange sea urchin stuff at sushi places, but I wouldn't rule out giving either of those a another go. Sour cream is dead to me, though.

[Shryke]

Your husband sounds like the typical picky eater type. I bet his parents caved to him when he was younger or something.

Regardless, if you are doing the cooking, put whatever you feel like in it and don't tell him.

My GF hates onions, oput I sneak that shit into everything.

[QuietColours]

I don't think there's anything wrong with not liking even a wide number of foods as an adult. There are many reasons people might not like tastes--the smell is just too nauseating, extremely sensitive taste buds, a food poisoning experience. I'm a very picky eater myself. However, I will try anything you give me (at least three bites, unless the result of the first bite is comical enough you say it's okay not to), I won't tell anyone else what to eat, and I won't make anyone change a menu to accommodate me. It's simply not polite to do otherwise, and if I didn't try things, how would I find all the wonderful things I do like? And deciding you don't like something you previously said you did because of an ingredient you couldn't taste is ridiculous.

That said, if there's a smell that makes someone feel sick, or if someone has had a truly unpleasant experience with a flavor, I would also avoid subjecting them to that stimulus. But that's probably not dozens of foods. It's not the world's job to accommodate the picky eater, it's the picky eater's job to figure out how to work with the world.

[Mack Kilimaro]

I have sympathy for the irrationally picky eaters of the world. Most would lump me into that category not out of volume of things that I won't eat but by the magnitude of the one item where I've made my stand. I don't eat cheese, not because I'm lactose intolerant but because when I was in kindergarten I ate some cheese and then puked my guts out in nap time and my brain decided I was never going to eat cheese again. That was over 20 years ago now. Jesus.

If I'm at a restaurant, I will avoid menu choices that have some sort of cheese, or ask there be no cheese put on it. Sometimes they put cheese on stuff automatically and I do find this annoying; then I just say oh, hey, I'm lactose intolerant, could I get this with no cheese on it? When this occurs, I won't be ordering any dessert with ice cream. Over the years I've developed an appreciation for cuisine that does not have cheese as a topping. Bless you, Asian food.

However, I am fully understanding that this makes me strange. I don't act like it's normal. It's kind of a joke in my family. They have tried many times to get me to consume cheese by hiding it in a sauce or something, but I always know. When I was younger my sister would try to put little pieces of American cheese slices in my bowl of corn flakes (because I always eat my cereal dry - also a weird thing, I suppose) but I picked them out every time. I scrape every speck of cheese off of pizza on the rare occasions I eat it. Stuffed crust pizza makes me cry. And so on.

I used to be pickier than this, but my horizons broadened a lot after spending three years living in a dorm and eating dorm dining hall food. Desperation brought me to discover many things I probably would not have ever tried otherwise. When it came to cheese, though, I would not budge, no matter how hungry I was.

I suspect there is a woman in the world who could get me to eat cheese, but I haven't met her yet. When I do, you can be sure I'll marry her, consume cheese for the remainder of my life and be happy doing so.

[Renasko]

Yup, I'm afraid this a classic case of bad parenting.

[Datepalm]

DP,

Let me be serious for a moment. I have no problem with Marxism on the small scale. If you and your friends want to live as Marxists more power to you. I do respect your choice. What I object to is Marxism on the large scale where people who are unwilling are forced to live as Marxists.

Theres no such thing as being forced to live as a marxist, becuase theres no particular dogmatic marxist lifestyle to be forced on people. Our commune was an experience* - an experiment in freeing our minds, becuase outside it (and to an extent inside. Nothing is pure.) we didn't have a choice of not living as capitalists. Marxism (to me anyway) is largely a set of tools and methods to understand the world. My goals boil down to the extremely simple one of equality. If you can find me a system that explains the roots of inequality better than marxism, i'll convert.

So, most dissonant threadjack ever?

*and one I ultimately broke with, as I simply couldn't handle it anymore. I do suck at being social - but thats not what marxism is for me. I find it hard to call myself a marxist right now, but thats not because of lifestyle but because of inaction. Although the two are tangled together and this gets back to praxis and the concept of "stychia" which even Sologdin has never heard of. :dunno: