Zap Rowsdower Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Hey, I just found a youtube video of Kahlan, the only woman Richard could ever love! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caligula_K Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Awww. Poor Richard. I almost feels sorry for him. Goddamn that Richard that is not a Richard and his smooth stretching moves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VarysTheSpider Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Heh. I had a dream about the Sword of Truth last night. Richard was doing a lecture tour in disguise, going by the name of Ivor Biggun. Zedd was herding lemmings along Brighton beach, trying to get them to run into the sea. What have I become?? Heh, I've seen stranger things in Brighton. This thread's been a bit whack, no? I liked the one last week with all the hilarious exerpts, it reminded me why I never finished wizard's first rule. If anyone here has read multiple volumes of that crap, you really deserve a medal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VigoTheCarpathian Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 If anyone here has read multiple volumes of that crap, you really deserve a medal. Actually, this is what spawned (at least) my supreme dislike of our dear TG...I started reading his books when I was younger, thought they were alright...SotF came out, and I was not impressed. My friends and I agreed that it was ridiculous, and the only interesting part was the pseudo-grey baddie Dalton Campbell. Then came Pillars of Creation, which fundamentally changed how I viewed SoT, and made me realize certain things. 1. I was only reading the books solely based on the fact that I had already invested both time and money in them. After reading about 200 pages into it, I flipped through the book looking for the words "Richard" or "Rahl", because I really didn't enjoy the Jennsen/Oba storylines, and just wanted the book to progress the story (basically, SotF seemed like a sidebar, and I wanted TG to shit or get off of the pot with advancing the plot). 2. I co-bought Naked Empire with my roommate (we both no longer wanted to spend the full price of the books, after PoC), and this was good because the book was a huge hunk of shit: up until FotF, the books at least seemed to push forward with the main storyline. SotF and NE both seemed like rewrites of FotF, with corrupt democracy and peace-loving hippies substituted in for commies (Richard goes into a nation, they are stereotypes, he makes some long fucking speeches). 3. I believe I read Chainfire from the library: it seemed to advance the plot, but the speech-to-story ratio had gone up. Haven't touched Phantom yet (may get it from the library over the summer, before Confessor rears its ugly head, and chase it with a few bottles of bourbon), and it's not very high on my priority list. I really didn't care much one way or the other until TG's whole "people who stopped reading my books are children, anyone who doesn't like my books are death-choosers" remarks, and the original incursion by a nameless idiot onto another message board, who made a ton of stupid comments regarding people (among them, myself) who don't like SoT. I know I have carte blanche when it comes to my opinions, and since I did in fact feed the Yeard in the past, I think I have a right to express my discontentment with the shit he put out onto a page. As for people who say "Oh, you don't have to read it...you're obsessing about something that you hate", I say "Fuck you, I walked off that cliff already, and anytime I can dissuade someone else from doing the same, I will." After all, if a perfect stranger came up to me and said "I heard this milkshake made out of shit is great, should I try it?", I would knock it out of their hands. I'd even go so far as to post preemptive warnings about said milkshakes, and let everyone know that "Hey, I sort of liked the first flavors of milkshakes that Yeardi Queen put out. But the fecal content just gets worse, and regardless of the people who say that the shit tastes just like chocolate, you probably should not poison yourself with it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 I know I have carte blanche when it comes to my opinions, and since I did in fact feed the Yeard in the past, I think I have a right to express my discontentment with the shit he put out onto a page. As for people who say "Oh, you don't have to read it...you're obsessing about something that you hate", I say "Fuck you, I walked off that cliff already, and anytime I can dissuade someone else from doing the same, I will." Vigo, you are truly a Lemming of Discord. Now put that proudly in your sig. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nichole Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Heh. I had a dream about the Sword of Truth last night. Richard was doing a lecture tour in disguise, going by the name of Ivor Biggun. Zedd was herding lemmings along Brighton beach, trying to get them to run into the sea. What have I become?? That is weird, I also dreamed about Sword of Truth last night. The really weird thing is, I've never read it. I just really enjoy reading these threads, I must say I am intrigued. I may break down and try to find them at a used book store. Also, the Grease parodies are great, it actually makes Grease likable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Enough of the "buying used copies or cheap copies"...borrow from the library, that way absolutely no money changes hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myshkin Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Enough of the "buying used copies or cheap copies"...borrow from the library, that way absolutely no money changes hands. Better yet, steal them from small children. That's what Richard would do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alytha Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 And if the kids dare to protest, smash melon-sized holes into their heads with Tairy's logarrhoea bricks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 And if the kids dare to protest, smash melon-sized holes into their heads with Tairy's logarrhoea bricks. Or better yet, kick and shatter their little jaws. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nichole Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Enough of the "buying used copies or cheap copies"...borrow from the library, that way absolutely no money changes hands. I owe some money in library fees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Or better yet, kick and shatter their little jaws. Explain to the child who protests to, "hold on a second, let me tie myself to this chair before you continue to complain that I'm stealing your book" and then kick their little jaws in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Explain to the child who protests to, "hold on a second, let me tie myself to this chair before you continue to complain that I'm stealing your book" and then kick their little jaws in. Oh, isn't that the perfect Kodak moment. Absolutely priceless. You'll laugh. The kid and his parents will laugh. And then everyone will laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HammerOfGod Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 The SoT MySpace page! Okay. Props to a nice little page. But I'm struck by this notation on there: The new book in the "Sword of Truth" series due out in November 2007. Eagerly awaited by many who love this series. Many could mean 3 or 4 people... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HammerOfGod Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 I owe some money in library fees. Don't worry Goodkind will not get any of it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HammerOfGod Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Or better yet, kick and shatter their little jaws. That was the first book...when Richard was still a man...he has taken to many blows to the head and is now just a shadow of what he used to be...Going to the Old World did something to him...and I don't think it was good... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HammerOfGod Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Actually, this is what spawned (at least) my supreme dislike of our dear TG...I started reading his books when I was younger, thought they were alright...SotF came out, and I was not impressed. My friends and I agreed that it was ridiculous, and the only interesting part was the pseudo-grey baddie Dalton Campbell. Then came Pillars of Creation, which fundamentally changed how I viewed SoT, and made me realize certain things. 1. I was only reading the books solely based on the fact that I had already invested both time and money in them. After reading about 200 pages into it, I flipped through the book looking for the words "Richard" or "Rahl", because I really didn't enjoy the Jennsen/Oba storylines, and just wanted the book to progress the story (basically, SotF seemed like a sidebar, and I wanted TG to shit or get off of the pot with advancing the plot). 2. I co-bought Naked Empire with my roommate (we both no longer wanted to spend the full price of the books, after PoC), and this was good because the book was a huge hunk of shit: up until FotF, the books at least seemed to push forward with the main storyline. SotF and NE both seemed like rewrites of FotF, with corrupt democracy and peace-loving hippies substituted in for commies (Richard goes into a nation, they are stereotypes, he makes some long fucking speeches). 3. I believe I read Chainfire from the library: it seemed to advance the plot, but the speech-to-story ratio had gone up. Haven't touched Phantom yet (may get it from the library over the summer, before Confessor rears its ugly head, and chase it with a few bottles of bourbon), and it's not very high on my priority list. I really didn't care much one way or the other until TG's whole "people who stopped reading my books are children, anyone who doesn't like my books are death-choosers" remarks, and the original incursion by a nameless idiot onto another message board, who made a ton of stupid comments regarding people (among them, myself) who don't like SoT. I know I have carte blanche when it comes to my opinions, and since I did in fact feed the Yeard in the past, I think I have a right to express my discontentment with the shit he put out onto a page. As for people who say "Oh, you don't have to read it...you're obsessing about something that you hate", I say "Fuck you, I walked off that cliff already, and anytime I can dissuade someone else from doing the same, I will." After all, if a perfect stranger came up to me and said "I heard this milkshake made out of shit is great, should I try it?", I would knock it out of their hands. I'd even go so far as to post preemptive warnings about said milkshakes, and let everyone know that "Hey, I sort of liked the first flavors of milkshakes that Yeardi Queen put out. But the fecal content just gets worse, and regardless of the people who say that the shit tastes just like chocolate, you probably should not poison yourself with it." Pillars of Creation is the worst book ever written: I have not read anything in SoT since then.... Faith of the Fallen was alright...except that it is a pure rip-off of {Atlas Shrugged} by Ayn Rand...might be better to read the original...the only thing that FotF has going for it is that Richard's speeches are only 18 to 20 pages long...the John Gault speech near the end of AS is 43 fucking pages long...kind of breaks up the breathtaking action of the book... I hear that very few people really read Atlas Shrugged a second time...probably the long winded speeches and all that... I have many things I would like to say about SoT...but I am 70 years old and my Doctor told me to stay calm and not cause my blood pressure to rise... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Monkey Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 .the John Gault speech near the end of AS is 43 fucking pages long...kind of breaks up the breathtaking action of the book... Really? That scene felt about as long, as, uh, Storm of Swords. And there was no Tyrion to lighten it up for me. I bet Ayn Rand would be considered a serious philosopher if she had a comedy relief dwarf in her books. Even her non-fiction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zap Rowsdower Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Something has been bothering me for a long time. Ever since I first read “Wizard’s First Rule,†there was one scene that I never really understood. I must have re-read the scene at least a dozen times, but I’ve never been able to really make sense of it. I have been haunted ever since. Self doubt has gnawed away at me for years until I have finally reached this point. In order to exorcise the demons of confusion and discord Tairy afflicted me with so long ago I want to set up the scene for you exactly as it was set up in the book and see if it makes sense to any of you. You see my problem is this- when I read the scene, it just doesn’t make any sense at all. I’ve squinted my eyes and tilted my head but to no avail: this scene seems totally ludicrous no matter how many times I read it. I asked myself: is Terry Goodkind smarter than me? Maybe Terry’s thinking is so sublime, that it is on a completely different intellectual plane. It starts about on page 140 of my paperback copy of “Wizard’s First Rule,†so those of you who have the book in your possession can reread it yourself and verify that I am not imagining anything. Let me set the stage. Richard has just saved Kahlan’s life and taken her to Zedd in order to seek his help in order to save the Midlands from Darken Rahl. Zedd, Kahlan, and Richard are interrupted however, by an angry mob. There have been a lot of strange goings on recently such as a two headed calf being born. The mob accuses Zedd of being a witch because they’ve all seen him doing amazing, inexplicable things over the years. Zedd manages to defuse the situation using a pretty stupid bit of deception that I won’t go into. As the mob disperses Zedd informs Kahlan and Richard that something is wrong: Zedd stood with his hands on his bony hips, watching the men go. “Idiots,†he muttered under his breach. It was dark. The only light came from the front window of the house behind them, and Richard could barely see Zedd’s face, but he could see it well enough to see he wasn’t smiling. “My friends,†the old man said, “that was a stew stirred by a hidden hand.†Snip. Snip. Snip. “As I said, this was a stew stirred by a hidden hand, the hand of Darken Rahl. But he has made a mistake tonight; it is a mistake to use insufficient force to finish the job. In so doing, you give your enemy a second chance. That is the lesson I want you to learn. Learn it well; you may not get a second chance when your time comes.†Richard frowned. “I wonder why he did it then?†Zedd shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe because he doesn’t have enough power in this land yet, but then it also was a mistake to try, because it only served to warn us.†They started toward the door. There was a lot of work to do before they could sleep. Richard began going through the list in his head but was distracted by an odd feeling. Suddenly, realization washed over him like cold water. Richard inhaled in a gasp. He spun around, his eyes wide, and grabbed a fistful of Zedd’s robes. “We have to get out of here! Right now!†“What?†“Zedd! Darken Rahl isn’t stupid! [Debatable] He wants us to feel safe, to feel confident! He knew we were smart eough to beat those men, one way or another. In fact he wanted us to, so we would sit around congratulating ourselves while he comes for us himself. He doesn’t fear you- you said he’s stronger than a wizard- he doesn’t fear the sword, and he doesn’t fear Kahlan.. He’s on his way here right now! His plan is to get us all at the same time, right now, this very night! He hasn’t made a mistake, this was his plan. You said it yourself, sometimes a trick is better than magic. That’s what he’s doing; this was all a trick to distract us!†Kahlan’s face went white. “Zedd, Richard is right. This is how Rahl thinks, the mark of his way. He likes to do things in a manner you do not expect. We have to get out of here this very minute.†“Bags! I have been an old fool! You are right. We must leave now, but I can’t leave without my rock.†OK. Let me try and sort out this mess once and for all and maybe give my tortured brain peace at last. “That was a stew stirred by a hidden hand.†First of all, nothing in the angry mob confrontation scene indicates that this is the case. As far as I can tell, Zedd weaves this conclusion together out of thin air. Nothing about the mob indicated that they had been either possessed by Darken Rahl’s magic or had been simply been tricked by Darken into attacking Zedd. The mob is there because Zedd possesses strange powers and there have been strange and evil goings on in that region of the Westland. So, it seems the only thing the mob actually did was to reason that since Zedd had strange powers he might be the one responsible for their current problems. Frankly, this does not seem like an incredibly large intuitive leap. I fail to see how Zedd can justify his whole “stew stirring†comment. Christ, Zedd doesn’t even give us “I felt a disturbance in the force.†Now, lets move on to “But he has made a mistake tonight; it is a mistake to use insufficient force to finish the job. In so doing, you give your enemy a second chance. That is the lesson I want you to learn. Learn it well; you may not get a second chance when your time comes. Maybe because he doesn’t have enough power in this land yet, but then it also was a mistake to try, because it only served to warn us.â€â€ This is a very strange thing for Zedd to say since only a few pages before it is revealed to Zedd that Darken has opened the boxes of Orden and by doing so he has made himself invulnerable to any and all types of harm. In addition to that, Zedd already knew that Darken was the most powerful wizard on the face of the Earth and that’s even someone of Zedd’s own considerable magical ability could not hope to challenge Darken Rahl. It therefore seems strange that Zedd would think that Darken had to resort to using a bunch of inbred yokels to carry out his dark designs. Which brings me to Richard’s “remarkable†revelations. I know Terry was trying to make Richard seem smart and heroiffic. However the first time I read this scene I said to myself “hold on here- if Darken Rahl knows where to send the redneck mob after Zedd and co. then he obviously knows where the heroes are hiding.†I do not consider myself a genius, and yet I reached this conclusion within a split. Now, as for the rest of the stuff Richard babbled- gargh I can’t even begin to describe how stupid this is. Lets reconstruct Darken’s plan step by step, shall we? It is the only way to completely fathom Goodkind’s idiocy. Even though Darken Rahl is the most powerful wizard on Earth and he is totally invulnerable and he knows the exact location of the heroes, he decides to: A. Utilize a redneck mob of the local yokels to confront the heroes. B. Rahl knows that not only will the heroes defeat the mob, but that the heroes will somehow discern that the mob was “a stew stirred by the hidden hand,†of Darken Rahl. C. This is good for Rahl, since this will force the heroes to sit around for the longest time gloating about how they outsmarted a bunch of rednecks instead of saying “Ohmygosh! Darken Rahl knows where we live! Run away, run away, run away!†D. So, while the heroes are gloating over their victory over the rednecks, Darken will swoop in and capture them, even though he could have done exactly the same thing, minus the redneck mob and warning the heroes that he knew exactly where they were. Now, it is just me or this “plan†incredibly stupid? Or am I missing something? Does this whole sequence make sense and I’m just too dense to understand it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theMountainGoat Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 *Sends for one very large bottle of whisky for Zap stat!* I will skip the obvious statement about your lack of moral celery and just suggest that perhaps you need a strong drink and a good long nap after that. Splendid work and of course it goes without saying it is as stupid as just about everything else in these books. As a friend of mine would say "its as mad as a box of frogs." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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