MinDonner Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 See, "cat" or "dog" would make more sense. But that's not got enough swagger? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I thought it was because of the Duran Duran song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Scot A Ellison Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 Duran Duran, role model for all romantic relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NestorMakhnosLovechild Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 "Works" is a subjective term. I know plenty couples who are together for 10-20 years and are miserable. Monogamy failure rate is very high in my observations. This isn't just divorce or couples' splitting up rate, it's also general unhappiness that can be observed. Are there lots of couples who are very happy in mono relationships - yes, absolutely. One of the things I discuss lots of the time with my "Students" (e.g. those who come to me for dating advice), is to figure out if they are a "wolf" or a "dog". Wolf-type people should avoid monogamy, as it will only cause harm to them, and their partners. Dog-types are more likely to have monogamy "work". I'm not sure that the fact that many monogamous relationships end is evidence of failure. Monogamy doesn't necessarily mean that you're pair-bonded forever - it just means that when you're pair-bonded, you are pair-bonded exclusively. The fact that many people believe, quite wrongly, that all monogamous relationships are or should last forever suggests to me less that monogamy is a failure, but that people have unrealistic expectations about their relationships in general. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalbear Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 From a purely statistical state serialized polygamy fails significantly more often per capita and per instance than monogamy. Whether people are more or less happy is a bit harder to measure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NestorMakhnosLovechild Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 PA,Are you deliberatly selecting metaphores that make those of us who like monogamy look like wusses? No offense Scott, but with all the whinging going on you're doing a pretty good job of making yourself look like a wuss all on your own... Far be it from me to suggest there's any kind of correlative relationship to your monogamist preferences, though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 PA,Are you deliberatly selecting metaphores that make those of us who like monogamy look like wusses? Many/most dogs are more vicious than wolves and have plenty other positive qualities besides. Although, this is an ASOIAF board, so wolves kinda win by default. I'm not sure that the fact that many monogamous relationships end is evidence of failure. Monogamy doesn't necessarily mean that you're pair-bonded forever - it just means that when you're pair-bonded, you are pair-bonded exclusively. The fact that many people believe, quite wrongly, that all monogamous relationships are or should last forever suggests to me less that monogamy is a failure, but that people have unrealistic expectations about their relationships in general. Certainly, but a person who is monogamous with someone for a week, and then needs to move on to another partner is only mono by technical definition. I'm monogamous almost every time I get into a relationship, but I put a time frame on it. I don't consider myself a monogamous person. My definition of monogamy is when 2 people get into a relationship with aspirations to be in that relationship until death parts them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Scot A Ellison Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 Nestor,I'm not whining... I'm not... I'm really not.:P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Opisthokont! Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 My SO partitions my harddrive so I don't have to.But then you either have to encrypt each partition separately or give him the passphrase for the whole disk. And no relationship should be that trusting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 That's a less realistic definition than that espoused even by most of those who identify as monogamous. I identify as monogamous, but that doesn't mean that, if a relationship ends, I no longer identify as monogamous. How do you classify someone who has that mindset and is in a relationship that ends? Are they a failed monogamist? If they begin a new relationship are they no longer monogamous? I guess if you want to put too fine a point on it, I consider myself a serial monogamist...I prefer being in a relationship to playing the field, but if a relationship ends, I start looking for a new one. The key is what you aspire to. When you start a new relationship, do you go in with a mindset: "I hope this relationship will last for the rest of my life?" Or do you go in thinking: "I know this relationship is temporary." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalbear Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Neither; I go into a relationship thinking that it will last as long as we're both happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pebble thats Stubby Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 When I buy a lottery ticket I hope to win, I certainly don't expect to win. When I start a relationship I am hoping to find someone I can connect with and still have lots of fun. If the relationship develops into something more meaningful then yeah I hope we will still be happy and togther and still madly in love when we're well into our 80's. Yeah I know statisisticaly the odds are stacked against us and if we don't keep working on it we will be just another statistic. The one thing I want most in the entire world is for my Husband to be happy. I also know he feels the same way about me. If this ever changes then yeah things are going wrong in our marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castel Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Neither; I go into a relationship thinking that it will last as long as we're both happy. How long do you want to be happy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wise Fool Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 "Works" is a subjective term. I know plenty couples who are together for 10-20 years and are miserable. Monogamy failure rate is very high in my observations. This isn't just divorce or couples' splitting up rate, it's also general unhappiness that can be observed.I take someone saying their marriage works to have more weight than your vague anecdotes about the happiness of other people. I mean what are you, a self-appointed expert in happiness too? "I know plenty people" who are miserable regardless of their relationship status. Welcome to the 21st fucking century, n00b. One of the things I discuss lots of the time with my "Students" (e.g. those who come to me for dating advice), is to figure out if they are a "wolf" or a "dog". Wolf-type people should avoid monogamy, as it will only cause harm to them, and their partners. Dog-types are more likely to have monogamy "work". Oh for fuck's sake. Do you even read this shit you vomit up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalbear Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 How long do you want to be happy?How long do you consider something to be 'temporary'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 When I buy a lottery ticket I hope to win, I certainly don't expect to win. Do you not see a difference with attitude of "I know this won't last"? Same for Kalbear and Great Unwashed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalbear Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Nothing lasts forever. I do think that there's a difference between 'no matter what I do, this is going to end soon' (which appears to be your attitude) and 'I'm hoping for good things but have reasonable expectations about most of the relationships I'm in'. I think that if you have the attitude that things are absolutely going to end, fairly soon, then you're almost certainly going to get what you're expecting. Similarly, I think that if you have the attitude that things may or may not end and you'll keep an open mind on how things are going, you'll get a very different outcome - even with the exact same people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pebble thats Stubby Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Do you not see a difference with attitude of "I know this won't last"? Same for Kalbear and Great Unwashed. Sorry? If I have a holiday romance yeah I go in with I know this won't last, but thats part of the point with holiday romances. If I get into a serrious relationship withsomeone, hell there's every chance it could last, and I go in with the belief that it just might last with a bit of luck and a lot of hard work. If you go into a relationship with the mindset that this is going to fail then yeah guess what IT WILL ALWAYS FAIL. You will be looking for reasons to end the relationship say Hey it was good while it lasted, next. Instead of building on your differencance and making them work for you. Its no acident that I'm still married to my Husband and I love him far more now than I ever did when we got married. ya know this honeymoon period thing, most days I think we are still in it, and we have been married 8 years now and wher serrious for 4 years before that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 But who is saying "I know this won't last"? When I enter a relationship I'm saying "this might last, this might not last". And I make frequent re-evaluations, but that doesn't change the uncertainty. That's why, if I'm happy in a relationship, I still think it's important to make sure and work hard to ensure that she's happy. It's not an either/or proposition. Either you're certain that it will end in some forseeable future, or you aren't (and just hope for the best, like in your case). It is an either/or. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Scot A Ellison Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 PA,You live in a very black and white Universe. You will find that most parts are really subtle shade of gray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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