Shryke Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Please doctor, tell me more about my condition. All my life, I've been living under the illusion of happiness, yet clearly you know much more about me than I do, I do. You've repeatedly stated you are performing an act you don't enjoy simply to get enough goals to meet some arbitrarily defined number of goals. Then you "win". And you've continually been desperate to tell everyone on this board about it because it's all you ever talk about. It's fairly clear that you have deep-seated insecurities you are trying to cover up via posturing, avoiding intimacy and avoided nihilistic leanings. You could be any guy on a PUA forum. You kinda remind me of a 16 year old kid I used to raid with in WoW. One time he brought his new girlfriend on Vent. Why? "No reason." /snort We all had a good chuckle about it once he left. Nice kid, but utterly transparent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 i call shenanigans. people who use vent don't have -friends or sex or whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 [mod hat]Let's not continue this thread as faux psychotherapy for a single user and focus instead on arguments. [/mod hat] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martini Sigil Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I wote a book on this very subject. The new title is going to be "Honest Love: Why a Vanilla relationship might not be for you" www.buymyfuckingbook.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angalin Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Ok, not everyone came across as smug, but since I'm in a really bitter place towards monogamy, and men, and all relationships in general, at the moment, it's definitely colored my perspective ;) I've read Eat, Pray, Love, but I thought Elizabeth Gilbert came across as terribly smug in the Love chapter, and I can't read her book Committment for fear I would barf. The most irritating thing about EPL for me was finding out her publisher had contracted with her for it before she left, so it wasn't as if she was taking some big financial risk to try out a new life the way most of her readers would have to. Although her latest novel is supposed to be very good. On topic: monogamy works when it's the right time and the right people. Otherwise, try dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tears of Lys Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I'm married; the topic is on monogamy, and I posted. My apologies for coming across as smug; I was just feeling very loving towards Mr. ES when I posted. Next week, when he's once again talking about needing a new bass boat, has mowed down my flowers and is screaming at the TV, it'll be a different story. :) I love being married, but I suspect I would love being a single Accounting hottie with the world at my feet. We can't all be Lady Chats. <3 This. Oh, absolutely this. There are times I'd like to take Mr. Tears and punch him in the nose. Those times are few, thank the gods. But, yeah. People can be happy being monogamous or not, or celibate, etc., etc. Just do what you want to do and go in peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 YeahThis. Oh, absolutely this.There are times I'd like to take Mr. Tears and punch him in the nose. Those times are few, thank the gods.But, yeah. People can be happy being monogamous or not, or celibate, etc., etc. Just do what you want to do and go in peace.Yeah. Exactly. I don't understand why we expect people to want to live the same way we do. I don't expect the world to embrace silver pants and creepy sad baby heads. Why would I think everyone is supposed to have the same relationship that I have?That's kind of silly, really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 This. Oh, absolutely this.There are times I'd like to take Mr. Tears and punch him in the nose. Those times are few, thank the gods.But, yeah. People can be happy being monogamous or not, or celibate, etc., etc. Just do what you want to do and go in peace. Absolutely, and aside from anecdotal observations and conclusions I've made, this is the bottomline truth. There are some specifics to my philosophy on mono and poly that I also really want to get out more into the masses: -Monogamy is not default relationship type. I think it's actually 50/50 on whether a man is monogamy or polygamy oriented, for example (I can't say the same about women, purely anecdotally it seems more women are mono-oriented due to reproductive differences, but in the age of contraception this argument loses value)-Any person should establish whether they are mono or poly oriented. Trying to force a poly person into a mono relationship does not end well and a huge cause for breakup/divorce rates. Society's expectation of mono as default setting, I think, is extremely damaging. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 i'd amend 'orientation' to avoid confusion with the usage already current. otherwise, that's probably a good distinction to make. likely that it can be made more complicated than mono/poly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I don't expect the world to embrace silver pants and creepy sad baby heads..Are you talking about Quarles from Justified or Dan Halen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Are you talking about Quarles from Justified or Dan Halen?Both, of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dope in Highgarden Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 It's not monogamy that's a failure - it's commitment. People struggle to even make it with each other for 5 years now. People often forget that a relationship is still work at the core. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 dunno, man.if a marriage is always like school in summertime, might be time to 86 it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martini Sigil Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 dunno, man.if a marriage is always like school in summertime, might be time to 86 it. I can attest its not always like that.... we have a great marriage for 17 years.... I know others who feel the same... although I'll concede that it's far too rare Being a sex educator, who gives seminars on secular relationships.... and being in and around the adult industry for a long time.... my wife and I negotiate non monogamy .... Yet I'll argue that despite engaging physically with other people, we are as monogamous as anyone.... because monogamy extends beyond physicality, and is based in honesty. lies begets more lies, and jealousy is a cancer.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 curious. monogamy as a mental state, much like chastity. must cogitate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unlady B Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 curious. monogamy as a mental state, much like chastity. must cogitate. What's to cogitate? Simply you're not turned on by anybody else. Chastity is another discussion. ETA: That's saying monogamy by choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Scot A Ellison Posted June 15, 2014 Author Share Posted June 15, 2014 Baltan,Who is never turned on by anyone but their chosen mate? Is that physically or mentally possible? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Marquis de Leech Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 Baltan,Who is never turned on by anyone but their chosen mate? Is that physically or mentally possible? There's a trope on it, if nothing else, which cites H.L.A Hart as a possible real-life example: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SingleTargetSexuality Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 balty--monogamy as mental state even when the body is polygamous. that's worthy of cogitation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 double grrr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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