Dating 25, It's Not You, It's Me

[Theda Baratheon]

ugh when will men just stop making comments about our faces not looking exactly how they want them to look god damn

[eyenon15]

ugh when will men just stop making comments about our faces not looking exactly how they want them to look god damn

In 2045, we just decided on this at the super secret big annual men of the world meeting.

right fellas?

[Bronn Stone]

Those who truly attended ScratchYourself Club do not talk about ScratchYourself Club.

[eyenon15]

Those who truly attended ScratchYourself Club do not talk about ScratchYourself Club.

I think the secret is already out. Don't you remember our meeting was right down the block from the WeDemandToBeScratched meeting.

[HexMachina]

OMG I suffer from bitchface too!!

ugh when will men just stop making comments about our faces not looking exactly how they want them to look god damn

More a case of when will people in general stop with those comments for me. I'm the sort of person where natural expression = angry/upset. So I get really tired of people telling me to cheer up or whatever. To make myself look like I'm not upset I'd need to walk around with a grin plastered permanently to my face, which would make me look ridiculous

[Quorra]

Then you'd get "What the hell are you laughing at, bitch?" You're a bitch no matter what you do.

[Tellus Explorer]

:lol:

as long as youre not looking like this

but I agree, if I'm smiling just to pacify people, I'll get asked;

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing"

"Are you hiding something?"

"No"

"um.....ok?"

"......."

"Why do you look mad now?"

"BECAUSE I'M NOT SMILING"

[Quorra]

The weekend before last I went to a concert of 4 bands celebrating the bar's birthday and I was in a great mood, dancing, talking to rando-strangeos, feeling friendly and having a good time. Nobody was buying what I was selling. I don't know how to turn it on and off, unless misery truly is the magnet. Or maybe I'm underestimating just how cute that top was.

[eyenon15]

Maybe they were intimidated by your flirtery? Speaking as an average guy I'm always suspicious when a woman comes up and talks to me at a bar. It happens so rarely that I'm immediately suspicious when one does. The more beautiful she is the more suspicious I become. Like "Why are you approaching me? No one ever does that! What's the catch here?? Are you setting me up to get robbed or something!?!?!"

[Larry of the Lawn]

I hate it when people say stuff like "what's the matter with you?" or "why so depressed?" Uhhh that's just the way my face looks and I'm not about to try to manipulate it just to put you at ease. Same goes for when people take pictures - if I'm smiling and having a good time, sure I'll smile, but I hate being told to smile for pictures. So usually I just stick out my tongue or make a face. I have several relatives that have pretty much disowned me because of this. I'm not the black sheep, just the tie-dyed goat.

[Arkhangel]

The weekend before last I went to a concert of 4 bands celebrating the bar's birthday and I was in a great mood, dancing, talking to rando-strangeos, feeling friendly and having a good time. Nobody was buying what I was selling. I don't know how to turn it on and off, unless misery truly is the magnet. Or maybe I'm underestimating just how cute that top was.

Well, to be real, there is a certain type of sleaze ball who targets unhappy looking women alone because they seem like easy targets. They're best avoided if at all possible.

[eyenon15]

I don't get what's sleazy about that.

[Quorra]

Ah yes, the unhappy girl alone act, little do they know that's how I expertly lure them to their doom

...and by "doom" I mean talking nonstop about my friends and how much I hate them.

[eyenon15]

Ah yes, the unhappy girl alone act, little do they know that's how I expertly lure them to their doom

...and by "doom" I mean talking nonstop about my friends and how much I hate them.

Still might be better for him than the happy looking woman who was with her friends and immediately told him to get lost.

[HexMachina]

I don't get what's sleazy about that.

Because its targetting someone because they look vulnerable/ "easy pickings"

[eyenon15]

Because its targetting someone because they look vulnerable/ "easy pickings"

But why sleazy? I could understand if you were targeting them to be murdered.

but it's just talking.

if you look around and see "ok, that woman looks like she's with her boyfriend"

"That one over there looks like she's hanging out with her friends"

"Oooh, this one is alone and she looks unhappy. That's probably my best shot at striking up a conversation"

I don't see why it's sleazy just because one might think it's "easier pickings"

[Quorra]

Agreed. It's not sleazy to take advantage of a situation to talk to someone. People do it all the time in other ways.

If you specifically target your attentions towards unhappy women because your intention is to parley that unhappiness into coercing her to make self-destructive decisions from which you alone can benefit, then, yes that is sleazy. Enough people do this, I suppose that the initial move seems sleazy. Just because a hammer can be used to destroy something doesn't mean it's a fundamentally destructive tool.

[Glaurung]

Because its targetting someone because they look vulnerable/ "easy pickings"

This is the type of woman I usually talked to in the rare event that I worked up enough courage to approach a woman in the first place. Yes, they are easier to get a date from, but calling them "easy pickings" is not a good way to put it, unless you're looking for a one-night stand. Remember, when you approach somebody you aren't approaching them because of their personality...that is a mystery at this point. You approach somebody because you find them attractive and/or there is something that makes you think they might be easier to approach. Approaching a woman who is by herself is generally a more successful approach in my experience. She's not going to be distracted by her friends or have the jealous friend who doesn't want her friend talking to any boys(unless you have a guy friend to distract the other friend). She is more likely to be open to being approached, because women who are with friends are often there only to hang out with friends and don't have guys on their radar. A woman who is alone is more likely to be single and thus available. A woman who is alone is, in my experience, less likely to bite your head off if you say hi to her, where as a woman who is with her friends may be more likely to tell you to F*ck Off cause she's "with her friends". So, approaching women who are by themselves isn't a good choice because they're "easy pickings", it's a good choice because they are generally more receptive and more approachable and the experience is less likely to result in rejection.

I don't know if I've ever approached unhappy looking women, but generally if they're laughing and having a good time, I am less likely to approach. This generally means they're there with acquaintances and don't want to be bothered. I don't want to interrupt their good time. A woman who has a neutral face though looks like she might be bored, nervous, or shy. To me, this puts me more at ease, because I'm nervous as hell already, so if somebody else looks shy or nervous I associate with them more as a kindred spirit. She might not be at ease, being out of her element, so I know I'm not the only one who is nervous or shy...and strangely this takes the anxiety away and I feel more comfortable talking to somebody who might be going through some of the anxiety that I"m going through...like we have something in common. Also, if somebody looks unhappy, then it can put me at ease trying to cheer them up. I'm an anxious person who gets stressed out about meeting new people, but for whatever reason, if somebody looks unhappy I feel more comfortable talking to them. I want to make them feel better...whether male or female, so there is nothing sexual about it. I might approach somebody who looks unhappy wanting to cheer them up, and I won't have any intention of it being anything other than platonic in nature...but the mere fact that I can approach them easier means that statistically they did lead to more romantic encounters.

FWIW it works the opposite way as well. Women don't generally approach, but I found that when I went to clubs/bars/etc by myself, I was often approached by women. This was so apparent, that after I broke up with an ex, I started going out alone. I had a very active sex life as a result. Women approached me when I was alone...often in groups, but not always. They never approached if I was with friends... So, going out alone was a good method for me, particularly because I am shy and had problems approaching women. Why they approached me when I was alone, I don't know. Sometimes it seemed to be out of curiosity..."are you waiting for somebody?" or "what are you doing out here all by yourself, don't you have any friends?". Sometimes I think maybe I looked upset(I'm not doing a lot of smiling/laughing by myself) and they wanted to cheer me up.... So..basically the same reasons why a guy would approach a woman who is alone.

[Glaurung]

Agreed. It's not sleazy to take advantage of a situation to talk to someone. People do it all the time in other ways.

If you specifically target your attentions towards unhappy women because your intention is to parley that unhappiness into coercing her to make self-destructive decisions from which you alone can benefit, then, yes that is sleazy. Enough people do this, I suppose that the initial move seems sleazy. Just because a hammer can be used to destroy something doesn't mean it's a fundamentally destructive tool.

I think generally people go for those who are alone or unhappy(or both) because they are easier to talk to and humans have a natural desire to cheer other humans up. A normal person doesn't like to see another person unhappy. This leads to conversations.

I'm not sure what you mean by "self-destructive decisions from which you alone can benefit". Are you talking about casual sex? Because this is the 21st century. Casual sex doesn't have to be self destructive, and it can be beneficial to both parties, so long as it is decent sex.

[Quorra]

I'm not sure what you mean by "self-destructive decisions from which you alone can benefit". Are you talking about casual sex? Because this is the 21st century. Casual sex doesn't have to be self destructive, and it can be beneficial to both parties, so long as it is decent sex.

I was thinking more along the lines of selling her drugs or luring her into a prostitution ring. You know, typical first date stuff.