Your Random ASOIAF/TWOIAF/D&E Opinions, Confessions and Dirty Secrets, (making the) 8. [The Seven was cursed]

[HexMachina]

It has always bothered me a little that all the art and depictions of dragons that I've seen for this series, are actually wyverns.

I think that is how GRRM envisioned them. And may also be how he describes them in the books, I would need to check

[Shuvuuia]

OT but, damn

I want to punch reboot Kirk in the face so very much

he is like if Darkstar and no-character development Jaime had a child

[Good Guy Garlan]

Last night, slightly drunk on a bizarrely strong eggnog, I had an incredibly random thought about something Martin could've done to make the Dorne chapters bearable, if not kickass: first, get rid of the superfluous POVs of Arys and Hotah. Second, save Arianne's POV for later, when she sets out on her mission. Instead, the POV we get to show us Dorne for the first time is...Loras!

Hear me out, gonna lay it down for you: basically, Loras takes Balon Swann's role, but arrives a bit earlier. Cersei chooses him to deliver Gregor's head to the Martells for the same reason she's so happy when he goes to Dragonstone: Dorne is just as dangerous for a Tyrell as your average war zone. So Loras goes, expecting to meet Arys, but surprise surprise, Doran tells him Arys has died in a mysterious accident no one seems to like to talk about. The whole thing then becomes a classic whodunit, a Ned 2.0, if you will, as Loras, a guy who prefers to solve arguments in a fight, is forced to navigate the intrigues and secrets of the Dornish court and encounters a long list of potential suspects in the death of Ser Arys: Ellaria, Oberyn's bereaved paramour; his dangerous daughters, the infamous Sand Snakes, each more threatening than the other; the seductive Princess Arianne; seemingly feeble but cunning Prince Doran; Hotah, the stern captain of the guards; and the mysterious, unseen figures of the estranged Prince Quentyn and the knight ominously called Darkstar. 

Eventually Loras discovers the truth: Arys was involved in a conspiracy to crown Myrcella and declare war against the Iron Throne, and was murdered by Hotah when found trying to smuggle Myrcella out of the castle. However, he was not working alone, and his co-conspirator, Princess Arianne, working with the malignant Darkstar, soon attempt another coup, resulting in Myrcella losing an ear and Loras' face getting burned (somehow). 

The Iron Throne then sends Balon Swann to fetch Myrcella, and he ends up hunting Darkstar. 

So pretty much is the same, except we'd have a cool murder mystery instead of the slogging plot we got, told by the perspective of a less than conventional "detective", as Loras is not only gay, but also sort of dumb, according to Olenna, and 10000000x times more interesting than Arys or Hotah. 

[The Fattest Leech]

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to my favorite moose knuckles and camel toes

you too D&D intern. 

And Garlan, pass the egg nog cuz that was some intense random thought 

[Shuvuuia]

 Instead, the POV we get to show us Dorne for the first time is...Loras!

 

I love it! I always felt it's a shame we didn't have his pov. There are many things I would like to know - how did he feel about the plan to marry his beloved sister to Robert, did Renly actually mocked Brienne or just didn't believe in her martial prowess, etc

I also think the show's Dorne would've been slightly more bearable if Loras went with Jaime

So pretty much is the same, except we'd have a cool murder mystery instead of the slogging plot we got, told by the perspective of a less than conventional "detective", as Loras is not only gay, but also sort of dumb, according to Olenna, and 10000000x times more interesting than Arys or Hotah. 

I don't think he is dumb, he is just Jaime-jr and, like 16-17.

[Good Guy Garlan]

And Garlan, pass the egg nog cuz that was some intense random thought 

I know right? Much like Jaime I tend to go inside myself when confronted with horrifying events, like gift exchanges at Christmas family gatherings. 

 

I love it! I always felt it's a shame we didn't have his pov. There are many things I would like to know - how did he feel about the plan to marry his beloved sister to Robert, did Renly actually mocked Brienne or just didn't believe in her martial prowess, etc

I also think the show's Dorne would've been slightly more bearable if Loras went with Jaime

I don't think he is dumb, he is just Jaime-jr and, like 16-17.

Yeah, he's not really dumb, just impulsive and immature. But yeah, his POV would be all kinds of awesome and illuminating. And we obviously don't know if it'll change in future books, but I think it's convenient that the only gay POV we have is weirdly asexual, probably cause Martin being a straight guy would be uncomfortable writing (male) gay sex scenes, but with Loras he'd pretty much have to. 

[Shuvuuia]

I know right? Much like Jaime I tend to go inside myself when confronted with horrifying events, like gift exchanges at Christmas family gatherings. 

Yeah, he's not really dumb, just impulsive and immature. But yeah, his POV would be all kinds of awesome and illuminating. And we obviously don't know if it'll change in future books, but I think it's convenient that the only gay POV we have is weirdly asexual, probably cause Martin being a straight guy would be uncomfortable writing (male) gay sex scenes, but with Loras he'd pretty much have to. 

Why though? If Loras Pov is after Renly's death there is no need for sex scenes. He could be all romantic but without flashbacks to sex. Of course some comparison of the attitude towards homosexuality in Dorne vs the rest of Westeros would be unavoidable.

Someone needs to travel back in time and plant the idea of Loras's POV into the GRRM's head, Inception-style

[JonCon's Red Beard]

 Feliz Navidad, gente!!!

[...]

So pretty much is the same, except we'd have a cool murder mystery instead of the slogging plot we got, told by the perspective of a less than conventional "detective", as Loras is not only gay, but also sort of dumb, according to Olenna, and 10000000x times more interesting than Arys or Hotah. 

Ok, I like this.

Also, I love it for the potential of making a gag of Arianne seducing gay dudes (Renly, Loras and Jon, heh).

[Blackfyre Bastard]

Last night, slightly drunk on a bizarrely strong eggnog, I had an incredibly random thought about something Martin could've done to make the Dorne chapters bearable, if not kickass: first, get rid of the superfluous POVs of Arys and Hotah. Second, save Arianne's POV for later, when she sets out on her mission. Instead, the POV we get to show us Dorne for the first time is...Loras!

[...] 

Bizarrely strong eggnog. Ah, yes. The bane of the holidays...

As to your Loras whodunit idea: are you trying to rob us of the "I'm of the night" line? That's a classic. 

 Merry Christmas and happy holidays to my favorite moose knuckles and camel toes

you too D&D intern. 

And Garlan, pass the egg nog cuz that was some intense random thought 

The unsung hero of the show.

[JonCon's Red Beard]

 Speaking of odd Christmas, at least I had Sam Heughan for Christmas, being a Prince, on local TV. Everybody was hugging and greeting and I was like "leave me alone with him, you filthy animals!"

Bizarrely strong eggnog. Ah, yes. The bane of the holidays...

As to your Loras whodunit idea: are you trying to rob us of the "I'm of the night" line? That's a classic. 

He could have said it later, to Loras, which would be funnier with his comments.

"And this is?"

"I'm Gerold Dayne"

"Are you related to the Sword of the Morning?"

"No. He died. I'm of the Night".

"I see...", what an asshole.

[Blackfyre Bastard]

 Speaking of odd Christmas, at least I had Sam Heughan for Christmas, being a Prince, on local TV. Everybody was hugging and greeting and I was like "leave me alone with him, you filthy animals!"

He could have said it later, to Loras, which would be funnier with his comments.

"And this is?"

"I'm Gerold Dayne"

"Are you related to the Sword of the Morning?"

"No. He died. I'm of the Night".

"I see...", what an asshole.

No, he would've made a Scooby Doo: ?

[RoamingRonin]

This hot weather is scaring me, ya'll. Were we good boys and girls? Has the Long Summer come at last? Or will the next winter bring the Others?

[JonCon's Red Beard]

^Es el Niño.

[Good Guy Garlan]

Why though? If Loras Pov is after Renly's death there is no need for sex scenes. He could be all romantic but without flashbacks to sex. Of course some comparison of the attitude towards homosexuality in Dorne vs the rest of Westeros would be unavoidable.

Someone needs to travel back in time and plant the idea of Loras's POV into the GRRM's head, Inception-style

I imagine Renly and Loras' important conversations (and extensive gossip about everyone and anyone) took place post coitus, since that was all they could do in a world without cigarettes. 

 Feliz Navidad, gente!!!

Ok, I like this.

Also, I love it for the potential of making a gag of Arianne seducing gay dudes (Renly, Loras and Jon, heh).

And the gag of KG going to Dorne to meet their untimely end. They might as well call themselves Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers.

BTW, I think I've said before but your avatar is perfect as always. 

No, he would've made a Scooby Doo: ?

It would be like Scooby Doo in that the culprit is super obvious but Loras only figures it out until the very end. He ain't no Velma. 

Actually, Arys' murderer would have to be someone more exciting than Hotah ("Hotah was the killer all along!" "Who?"), maybe like...Myrcella. Arys tried to smuggle her out of the castle at night, to rendezvous with Arianne at the meeting place, but Myrcella being clever sensed something was wrong and stabbed Arys with a scorpion brooch (Lyonel Tyrell shout out, y'all!) and ran back to bed. Arys, wounded, stumbled around the Shadow City until he ran into an angry Dornish mob that recognized him and beat him to death. 

 

[khal drogon]

I wish Daenerys has gone to Asshai instead of Qarth in the second book. There she could have received her visions and met Quaithe. It would have been a much better setting than Qarth. 

[Good Guy Garlan]

I wish Daenerys has gone to Asshai instead of Qarth in the second book. There she could have received her visions and met Quaithe. It would have been a much better setting than Qarth. 

Anywhere would've been a much better place than Qarth. That's an entire book wasted, a big gap where nothing happens. People complain about the Meereenese Knot, but the Qartheen Slog was the first sign that Dany's storyline was going off the rails. If Martin had done her aSoS arc in aCoK, only including the House of the Undying and Arstan's arrival at the end, then we'd have her Meereen/Sons of the Harpy plot in aSoS, and by aDwD she'd be in Westeros, maybe.

[Trogdor Targaryen]

I wouldn't mind waiting another year for tWoW if in exchange we got a couple new Dunk and Egg stories.

 

 

 

[Beautiful Balon]

I want Dany to get growth hormones to give to her dragons because I feel that would let her progress through her story much quicker.

Dothraki need to be united, burn them

the tattered prince wants Pentos, Burn him then burn Pentos for good measure

Slaves in volantis want to be free, just burn Volantis, that should fix it

[The Fattest Leech]

I want Dany to get growth hormones to give to her dragons because I feel that would let her progress through her story much quicker.

Dothraki need to be united, burn them

the tattered prince wants Pentos, Burn him then burn Pentos for good measure

Slaves in volantis want to be free, just burn Volantis, that should fix it

that was pretty much the way of the Targs when they first invaded Westeros. Submit or burn. So theoretically, with Dany now accepting fire and blood, this could happen. 

For me, if Dany and Jon get together in any happy sexy-time way, I will throw earth off its orbit with mad rage. 

[Lost Melnibonean]

I wouldn't mind waiting another year for tWoW if in exchange we got a couple new Dunk and Egg stories.

 

 

 

I agree.