John Suburbs Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Oh Bantam Books editorial staff, how could you let this one get by?: aFfC, Cersei X, right after Pycelle announces in court that he has been making moon tea for Margaery: The uproar that followed that was all that Cersei Lannister could ever have hoped for. First of all, it has three "that"s, only two of which are necessary. Secondly, hyperbole is the enemy of good writing and the use of the word "ever" in this instance is pure hyperbole. And thirdly, it ends in a preposition, which is not against the rules anymore, but it's still a red flag that the sentence should be recast. It literally drops like a huge steaming turd on the page. Much better: "The uproar that followed was more than Cersei Lannister could have hoped." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ravenstark Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 I always thought it was how the characters thought, and as such, these are the peculiarities of Common Tongue, like mimicking it. In some ways, it is extremely similar on how some learners of English speak or write during the process of language absorption. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Selig Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 "The sight of their arousal was arousing." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Suburbs Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 3 minutes ago, David Selig said: "The sight of their arousal was arousing." Where is that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Suburbs Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 12 minutes ago, Lord Ravenstark said: I always thought it was how the characters thought, and as such, these are the peculiarities of Common Tongue, like mimicking it. In some ways, it is extremely similar on how some learners of English speak or write during the process of language absorption. The problem with that is it would be like this all throughout the book. But by and large the prose is pretty clean, and even some highly critical moments are just stated matter-of-factly. On the first and second reads, I stopped a few times and thought, "wait, what just happened?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Selig Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 ADWD, one of Dany's chapters, when she meets Xaro Xhoan Daxos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hodor's Aunt Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 When I first read the topic headline I thought the topic would be the crucifixion of the 163 in Meeren. But yeah, the later books are poorly edited. Even as a non native speaker it strikes you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Hyle Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 12 minutes ago, David Selig said: "The sight of their arousal was arousing." I sometimes find the sight of arousal arousing. Is that a problem? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Hyle Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 20 minutes ago, David Selig said: "The sight of their arousal was arousing." duplicate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HairGrowsBack Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Just now, Ser Hyle said: I sometimes find the sight of arousal arousing. Is that a problem? Well, it's ridiculously redundant, even if you get past the less than tasteful meaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Hyle Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 4 minutes ago, HairGrowsBack said: Well, it's ridiculously redundant, even if you get past the less than tasteful meaning. Less than tasteful is granted, but the word choice is redundant, not the meaning of the sentence. "The sight of their sexual excitement was arousing" doesn't exactly flow off the tongue either though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HairGrowsBack Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Just now, Ser Hyle said: Less than tasteful is granted, but the word choice is redundant, not the meaning of the sentence. "The sight of their sexual excitement was arousing" doesn't exactly flow off the tongue either though. Oh I agree. I get what he was going for, but he should have replaced one of those arousals with something else. I mean, he's writer, there are many ways in which you can convey the same meaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FuzzyJAM Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 The Cersei one is probably intentional. You're supposed to feel a disconnect. The questionable grammar is a reflection of the questionable thought process. For me, "fat pink mast" is always going to win it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tonberry Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 20 minutes ago, FuzzyJAM said: The Cersei one is probably intentional. You're supposed to feel a disconnect. The questionable grammar is a reflection of the questionable thought process. For me, "fat pink mast" is always going to win it. I came here to post the same. Horrible metaphor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melisandre's White Pubes Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 19 minutes ago, Tonberry said: I came here to post the same. Horrible metaphor. I liked it…they're on a ship, so the nautical reference is apropos. It lets you know that Sam isn't a little guy down there without going into detail, and it's (deliberately, I believe) funny, which is really the only way to write a guy like Sam losing his virginity. The one in the OP is pretty terrible…I can't think of any worse off the top of my head, though…oh yeah, that one which described the dire wolf sensing it's siblings that is phrased in a way that makes it unclear how many are left, which has led to theories that Grey Wind is alive. It wasn't very well written, but maybe the ambiguity was deliberate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OtherFromAnotherMother Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 1 hour ago, David Selig said: "The sight of their arousal was arousing." I think this one is meant to be funny. I know I smiled when I read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FuzzyJAM Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 12 minutes ago, A Song of Ass and Fire said: I liked it…they're on a ship, so the nautical reference is apropos. It lets you know that Sam isn't a little guy down there without going into detail, and it's (deliberately, I believe) funny, which is really the only way to write a guy like Sam losing his virginity. I refuse to believe anyone in the history of ever has thought of their dick as a fat pink mast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bloodofthedragon1995 Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Whilst fat pink mast is traumatising, let's not forget about Cersei's 'myrish swamp' line Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackfyre Bastard Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 11 minutes ago, bloodofthedragon1995 said: Whilst fat pink mast is traumatising, let's not forget about Cersei's 'myrish swamp' line Eeeegh. Why o why did I had to look it up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dariopatke Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 I know this is from show, but "bad pussy" and "20 good men" just have to be mentioned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.