You have 20 good men, what do you do?

[[Deleted]]

On 7/18/2016 at 7:14 PM, Nocturne said:

You are the lord of a small northern house. In peace times your house made a decent living selling lumber, loyal to the Starks who always treated you fairly, but never had any particular interaction with them besides business.

The Boltons took over and they have demanded more then 2/3 of ur production as payment for not flaying ur house alive. You are forced to compile with the request, as you only have 20 good men to serve you in times of war. (properly trained soldiers).

The battle of the bastards is looming, you know the small odds of success that Jon has, what do you do when he comes knocking at your door?

If these are the same 20 good men Ramsay had, I'd take the Iron Throne since no one could stop me.

[Rubicante]

21 hours ago, Aegonzo The Great said:

If these are the same 20 good men Ramsay had, I'd take the Iron Throne since no one could stop me.

Why stop at the Iron Throne?  Why not conquer Essos as well?

[[Deleted]]

6 minutes ago, Rubicante said:

Why stop at the Iron Throne?  Why not conquer Essos as well?

Good point! With Ramsay's 20 good men, I could take over the whole world in a week, The Lands Of Always Winter included!

Luckily for us, Ramsay was too preoccupied with being a sadistic little prick to think on the grand scale.

[Cron]

On 7/18/2016 at 7:14 AM, Nocturne said:

You are the lord of a small northern house. In peace times your house made a decent living selling lumber, loyal to the Starks who always treated you fairly, but never had any particular interaction with them besides business.

The Boltons took over and they have demanded more then 2/3 of ur production as payment for not flaying ur house alive. You are forced to compile with the request, as you only have 20 good men to serve you in times of war. (properly trained soldiers).

The battle of the bastards is looming, you know the small odds of success that Jon has, what do you do when he comes knocking at your door?

What do I do when Jon comes knocking at the door?

I invite him in say let's sit down and talk, but we need a better plan than your "full frontal assault" when we're so badly outnumbered.

There are other threads with NUMEROUS suggestions of things that would have been a better battle plan than what Jon and his allies did at the Battle of the Bastards.  Indeed, there is at least one entire thread devoted to suggestions of how Wun Wun ALONE could have been used much more effectively than he was used by Jon in the show, some of which suggestions are ingenious (not mine, to my memory I don't think I posted anything there, or maybe I made some minor contribution, but some people had some GREAT ideas of things that could have been done with Wun Wun)

The full frontal assault that Jon did, though, was not very smart in my opinion, and really it's nothing short of a miracle that they won and lived (indeed, as has been pointed out many times by other posters here, the fact that Jon himself survived the battle after all the near misses he personally had was nothing short of astounding.  Realistically, he should have been dead dozens of times over.  Realistically, he should have been dead in the first few seconds of that battle, when he was standing there, on foot, facing down a full cavalry charge.)

[lakin1013]

I would align with the Starks but I would refuse outright fighting.  Instead I would offer my 20 good men to perform surveillance, espionage, and spying. I would suggest they report to Davos, Jon, and me.  My terms would be a contract that House Stark would continue to use my lumber operation to the exclusion of all others for the next 20 years.  My daughters, if I had any, would be pledged to a wedding with a House Stark liege lord of appropriate lineage.  My sons, if I had any, would train at House Stark under Sir Davos with the expectation that my sons would get some type of appointment befitting their skills and as a thank you for their history of supporting House Stark.  If Jon were to argue that he could not make any of these terms, I would still offer my 20 good men. Cuz .....honor.

[The Fattest Leech]

On 7/19/2016 at 6:55 PM, Rubicante said:

I would refuse directly participating in the fighting and "pull the strings from the shadows" by sending each of my 20 good men to complete the following tasks.

Good Man #1: Meet with Sansa and instruct her not to inform Jon about the potential Vale army because by not doing so this will "make her a player" and "empower her".

Good Man #2: Have him carve a small wooden stag.  Observe Davos going out for a walk and drop the stag in a location where Davos is sure to find it based on his last known trajectory.

Good Man #3: Meet with Rickon in Winterfell.  Tell him that if a situation arises where he needs to run away from an archer, the best way to avoid the arrows is to run in a straight line. 

Good Man #4: Meet with Lancel Lannister assuming the identity of a prophet.  Deliver to Lancel the cryptic message "If sent to retrieve the Lioness, follow the Little Bird instead".

Good Man #5: Meet with the High Sparrow playing the role of a messenger.  Tell him to start Lancel's trial without the presence of King Tommen as he is busy chasing Ser Pounce. 

Good Man #6: Meet with the High Sparrow pretending to be the captain of the Lannister guards.  In the event that Cersei does not show up for her trial, tell him to send less of the sparrows to get her compared to the last time he tried this, and to send the most important witness in her trial (Lancel) as well.

Good Man #7: Meet with the Faith Militant Sparrows.  Inform them that nobody is allowed to leave the Great Sept of Baelor after Loras' trial.  If anyone chooses to attend, It's a 2 for 1 trial package with no bathroom breaks allowed between trials.

Good Man #8: Meet with Cersei and Qyburn.  Convince them to "live life a bit on the edge" by using slow burning candles to ignite the wildfire, rather than using a method which absolutely guarantees the wildfire to ignite.

Good Man #9: Go to Braavos and steal a face from the House of Black and White.  Then return to Westeros and deliver the face to Arya just as she arrives at the Twins.

Good Man #10: Meet Arya at the Twins.  Assume the role of a Frey baker and help Arya bake two of Walder Frey's sons into some pies.

Good Man #11: Meet with Jaime Lannister at Riverrun.  Tell him that instead of returning to King's Landing as quickly as possible to witness his sister's trial, he should give himself a pat on the back and go for a feast at the Twins instead.

Good Man #12: Meet with Dany in Mereen.  Convince her that there is no chance the masters will attempt another coup when she sails with her dragons to Westeros as long as she leaves Daario the sellsword in charge of Mereen.

Good Man #13: Meet with Dany in Mereen.  Tell her to appoint Tyrion to be the Hand of the Queen even though she barely knows him and hasn't really done all that much to earn her trust.

Good Man #14: Sneak into Dany's chamber in Mereen during the night and cast a spell which deletes her memory of Varys once setting up an assassination attempt on her.

I've run out of ideas.  If anyone else has any suggestions for Good Men #'s 15-20, please add them.

There must be one five more...

Good Man #15: The Raker. His mission is to stay one step ahead of Daario and Jorah, and when the timing right, rake the horse crushed mud and grass of 10,000 Dothraki screamers and plant the one true ring just perfectly on a single blade of grass so it catches the light.

Good Man #16: The Rubber. His mission to transport himself back to the ToJ and rub one sword off to create two swords for Arthur Dayne so that he can dual wield... and still die.

Someone add some more...

[Dolorous Gabe]

On 7/19/2016 at 11:55 PM, Rubicante said:

I would refuse directly participating in the fighting and "pull the strings from the shadows" by sending each of my 20 good men to complete the following tasks.

Good Man #1: Meet with Sansa and instruct her not to inform Jon about the potential Vale army because by not doing so this will "make her a player" and "empower her".

Good Man #2: Have him carve a small wooden stag.  Observe Davos going out for a walk and drop the stag in a location where Davos is sure to find it based on his last known trajectory.

Good Man #3: Meet with Rickon in Winterfell.  Tell him that if a situation arises where he needs to run away from an archer, the best way to avoid the arrows is to run in a straight line. 

Good Man #4: Meet with Lancel Lannister assuming the identity of a prophet.  Deliver to Lancel the cryptic message "If sent to retrieve the Lioness, follow the Little Bird instead".

Good Man #5: Meet with the High Sparrow playing the role of a messenger.  Tell him to start Lancel's trial without the presence of King Tommen as he is busy chasing Ser Pounce. 

Good Man #6: Meet with the High Sparrow pretending to be the captain of the Lannister guards.  In the event that Cersei does not show up for her trial, tell him to send less of the sparrows to get her compared to the last time he tried this, and to send the most important witness in her trial (Lancel) as well.

Good Man #7: Meet with the Faith Militant Sparrows.  Inform them that nobody is allowed to leave the Great Sept of Baelor after Loras' trial.  If anyone chooses to attend, It's a 2 for 1 trial package with no bathroom breaks allowed between trials.

Good Man #8: Meet with Cersei and Qyburn.  Convince them to "live life a bit on the edge" by using slow burning candles to ignite the wildfire, rather than using a method which absolutely guarantees the wildfire to ignite.

Good Man #9: Go to Braavos and steal a face from the House of Black and White.  Then return to Westeros and deliver the face to Arya just as she arrives at the Twins.

Good Man #10: Meet Arya at the Twins.  Assume the role of a Frey baker and help Arya bake two of Walder Frey's sons into some pies.

Good Man #11: Meet with Jaime Lannister at Riverrun.  Tell him that instead of returning to King's Landing as quickly as possible to witness his sister's trial, he should give himself a pat on the back and go for a feast at the Twins instead.

Good Man #12: Meet with Dany in Mereen.  Convince her that there is no chance the masters will attempt another coup when she sails with her dragons to Westeros as long as she leaves Daario the sellsword in charge of Mereen.

Good Man #13: Meet with Dany in Mereen.  Tell her to appoint Tyrion to be the Hand of the Queen even though she barely knows him and hasn't really done all that much to earn her trust.

Good Man #14: Sneak into Dany's chamber in Mereen during the night and cast a spell which deletes her memory of Varys once setting up an assassination attempt on her.

I've run out of ideas.  If anyone else has any suggestions for Good Men #'s 15-20, please add them.

 

7 minutes ago, The Fattest Leech said:

There must be one five more...

Good Man #15: The Raker. His mission is to stay one step ahead of Daario and Jorah, and when the timing right, rake the horse crushed mud and grass of 10,000 Dothraki screamers and plant the one true ring just perfectly on a single blade of grass so it catches the light.

Good Man #16: The Rubber. His mission to transport himslef back to the ToJ and rub one sword off to create two swords for Arthur Dayne so that he can dual wield... and still die.

Someone add some more...

Good Man #17: Disguised as Ironborn, travels to the Kingsmoot. Waits patiently in watchful curiosity until Euron is chosen. Then secretly convinces the majority of the men that Yara should have been chosen and follow her to steal all the ships.

Good Man #18: Travels the entirety of Westeros to quietly convince everyone that for all these years they've had it all terribly wrong: Kinslaying and Kingslaying aren't actually bad things.

Good Man #19: Meets with the Not-Waif Nameless Girl and incites irrational hatred of Arya in spite of the HoBaW teachings so that Arya's story can have a ridiculous antagonist.

Good Man #20: Meets with Davos at Castle Black. Tells him that there's a dead body outside and that Melisandre can bring him back to life, and that it should be his new purpose in life to make sure that happens.

[The Fattest Leech]

#1- #14 courtesy of the genius of @Rubicante

updated below

[The Fattest Leech]

22 minutes ago, The Fattest Leech said:

#1- #14 courtesy of the genius of @Rubicante

~snipped for length~

updated below

[Meera of Tarth]

Good Man #17: Meets Tyrion in Meereen and gives him a "How to train a dragon for dummies" book. Tells him it's very important to follow the instructions in order not to get burnt. He also gives him "The rules of slavery" and "A Tale of Jokes" and explains that he should read them and put them into practise as soon as possible.

 

[The Fattest Leech]

With the hard work started by @Rubicante and completed by  @Dolorous Gabe

Good Man #1: Meet with Sansa and instruct her not to inform Jon about the potential Vale army because by not doing so this will "make her a player" and "empower her".

Good Man #2: Have him carve a small wooden stag.  Observe Davos going out for a walk and drop the stag in a location where Davos is sure to find it based on his last known trajectory.

Good Man #3: Meet with Rickon in Winterfell.  Tell him that if a situation arises where he needs to run away from an archer, the best way to avoid the arrows is to run in a straight line. 

Good Man #4: Meet with Lancel Lannister assuming the identity of a prophet.  Deliver to Lancel the cryptic message "If sent to retrieve the Lioness, follow the Little Bird instead".

Good Man #5: Meet with the High Sparrow playing the role of a messenger.  Tell him to start Lancel's trial without the presence of King Tommen as he is busy chasing Ser Pounce. 

Good Man #6: Meet with the High Sparrow pretending to be the captain of the Lannister guards.  In the event that Cersei does not show up for her trial, tell him to send less of the sparrows to get her compared to the last time he tried this, and to send the most important witness in her trial (Lancel) as well.

Good Man #7: Meet with the Faith Militant Sparrows.  Inform them that nobody is allowed to leave the Great Sept of Baelor after Loras' trial.  If anyone chooses to attend, It's a 2 for 1 trial package with no bathroom breaks allowed between trials.

Good Man #8: Meet with Cersei and Qyburn.  Convince them to "live life a bit on the edge" by using slow burning candles to ignite the wildfire, rather than using a method which absolutely guarantees the wildfire to ignite.

Good Man #9: Go to Braavos and steal a face from the House of Black and White.  Then return to Westeros and deliver the face to Arya just as she arrives at the Twins.

Good Man #10: Meet Arya at the Twins.  Assume the role of a Frey baker and help Arya bake two of Walder Frey's sons into some pies.

Good Man #11: Meet with Jaime Lannister at Riverrun.  Tell him that instead of returning to King's Landing as quickly as possible to witness his sister's trial, he should give himself a pat on the back and go for a feast at the Twins instead.

Good Man #12: Meet with Dany in Mereen.  Convince her that there is no chance the masters will attempt another coup when she sails with her dragons to Westeros as long as she leaves Daario the sellsword in charge of Mereen.

Good Man #13: Meet with Dany in Mereen.  Tell her to appoint Tyrion to be the Hand of the Queen even though she barely knows him and hasn't really done all that much to earn her trust.

Good Man #14: Sneak into Dany's chamber in Mereen during the night and cast a spell which deletes her memory of Varys once setting up an assassination attempt on her.

*Good Man #15: The Raker. His mission is to stay one step ahead of Daario and Jorah, and when the timing is just right, rake the horse crushed mud and grass of 10,000 Dothraki screamers and plant the one true ring just perfectly on a single blade of grass so it catches the light.

*Good Man #16: The Rubber. His mission is to transport himself back to the ToJ and rub one sword off to create two swords for Arthur Dayne so that he can dual wield... and still die.

(Sidenote: #16 was fired by @Meera of Tarth  for allowing Dayne to dual weild so he was repalced by the NEW #16) Good Man #16: Meets Tyrion in Meereen and gives him a "How to train a dragon for dummies" book. Tells him it's very important to follow the instructions in order not to get burnt. He also gives him "The rules of slavery" and "A Tale of Jokes" and explains that he should read them and put them into practise as soon as possible.

*Good Man #17: Disguised as Ironborn, travels to the Kingsmoot. Waits patiently in watchful curiosity until Euron is chosen. Then secretly convinces the majority of the men that Yara should have been chosen and follow her to steal all the ships.

*Good Man #18: Travels the entirety of Westeros to quietly convince everyone that for all these years they've had it all terribly wrong. Kinslaying and Kingslaying aren't actually bad things.

**Good Man #19: Meets with the Not-Waif Nameless Girl and incites irrational hatred of Arya in spite of the HoBaW teachings so that Arya's story can have a ridiculous antagonist.

**Good Man #20: Meets with Davos at Castle Black. Tells him that there's a dead body outside and that Melisandre can bring him back to life, and that it should be his new purpose in life to make sure that happens.

And, if it ok, I just want to add in a backup Good Man (in case one gets multiple gut wounds) Good Backup Man #21: The WTF. He is only used when things get too complicated and tied into pretzel knots. He is only used to sweep the area and extinguish every candle, cover every window, smash every lightbulb, etc, just to keep things running smoothly... because if you can't see what is happening, then you can't say nothing happened. Makes sense, right?

[The Fattest Leech]

6 minutes ago, Meera of Tarth said:

Good Man #17: Meets Tyrion in Meereen and gives him a "How to train a dragon for dummies" book. Tells him it's very important to follow the instructions in order not to get burnt. He also gives him "The rules of slavery" and "A Tale of Jokes" and explains that he should read them and put them into practise as soon as possible.

 

Updated at the NEW #16

[Rubicante]

I like the new additions.  I got a good laugh out of them.

If it helps to add more, the tasks for Good Men #'s 9 and 10 can be completed by one Good Man.  Ditto with the tasks for Good Men #'s 12 and 13.

[Noelle Snow]

Gather my 20 good men, get our asses on a ship and head to the Summer Islands.

[Dolorous Gabe]

17 hours ago, Rubicante said:

I like the new additions.  I got a good laugh out of them.

If it helps to add more, the tasks for Good Men #'s 9 and 10 can be completed by one Good Man.  Ditto with the tasks for Good Men #'s 12 and 13.

Pleased you approve, since you started it quite brilliantly

[Darkstream]

21 hours ago, The Fattest Leech said:

And, if it ok, I just want to add in a backup Good Man (in case one gets multiple gut wounds) Good Backup Man #21: The WTF. He is only used when things get too complicated and tied into pretzel knots. He is only used to sweep the area and extinguish every candle, cover every window, smash every lightbulb, etc, just to keep things running smoothly... because if you can't see what is happening, then you can't say nothing happened. Makes sense, right?

 Brilliant @Rubicante, and the others who contributed.  

Just one little factual discrepancy, I hope you don't mind me pointing out. In Weisseros, multiple gut wounds are only needed in the attempted murder of little girls (and still, rarely effective). But grown men, trained to be soldiers, it only takes one little dagger wound to the leg (inflicted with a force equal to that of a small, scrawny child, who's source of nutrition comes from candy) to render them helpless and ineffectual. Twenty good men, might not be as effective as some would think.  

[The Fattest Leech]

12 minutes ago, Darkstream said:

 Brilliant @Rubicante, and the others who contributed.  

Just one little factual discrepancy, I hope you don't mind me pointing out. In Weisseros, multiple gut wounds are only needed in the attempted murder of little girls (and still, rarely effective). But grown men, trained to be soldiers, it only takes one little dagger wound to the leg (inflicted with a force equal to that of a small, scrawny child, who's source of nutrition comes from candy) to render them helpless and ineffectual. Twenty good men, might not be as effective as some would think.  

He's fired, too. He lied on his application. 

[Nocturne]

This thread is turning up better then expected, keep it up lads:D

[Toon Ganondorf]

On 7/25/2016 at 10:45 AM, The Fattest Leech said:

Good Man #10: Meet Arya at the Twins.  Assume the role of a Frey baker and help Arya bake two of Walder Frey's sons into some pies.

Love your work, but if you're looking for backup Good Man, you need another Good Man to identify Lothar and Black Walder as the two Freys that happened to kills members of Arya's family personally, so that her pie conveniently wraps up the only three Freys we actually care about.

[AugustusTheGreat]

If I have no personal relation to the Starks, then I wont support them even if I wanted to. 20 men wont swing the battle, and I have everything to lose. I will wish them luck and say no. 

I will pull a Greyjoy and conquer a small nearby house that has famished their forces for the battle. I will disarm them and let them live peacefully yet threateningly. then we marry my closest unmarried family member to one of theirs to secure the alliance. #EmpireBuilding