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swedeheadchris

Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

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So I did a search and found it. One question springs to mind: What sort of person has a secretary at work for them after 9 PM? Odd. Anyways, I'll regret it later, no doubt, but a link to that has been posted at wotmania.

And now, back to our regularly-scheduled programming of Twits Engaging Repetively in Retarded Yo-yoing. Oh St*nek, I didn't have it spell out Tairy :(

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Do we know if Robert Jordon is ticked at Terry for any real reason?

I hear the old story pop up now and again about whether or not Terry stole ideas from RJ (which we all know is rediculous) but does RJ know it is rediculous?

I saw this over there and couldn't help but laugh. I mean we all know that Tairy's fans are delusional, but COME ON!

Oh also I just remembered another similarity I forgot to mention. In WoT, Egwen is a "Dreamwalker" as are several of the Wise Ones. In SoT, Jagangbang is a Dreamwalker. I can't believe I almost missed that one...

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Anyways, I'll regret it later, no doubt, but a link to that has been posted at wotmania.

Did you post that in the forums? I went peeking, to see if it's stirred anybody up yet. Couldn't find it. A link might be nice, just so we can check in on their responses.

I saw this over there and couldn't help but laugh. I mean we all know that Tairy's fans are delusional, but COME ON!

I saw that too. :lmao: I was going to post about it, but didn't have time. The bastards had the nerve to make me actually work at work today. The injustice! If I were truly celerious, I'd have kicked the boss in the jaw, and told her to have somebody else do it. But, alas, I need to keep my job. *sigh*

Another mention for your list word: the Heart Hounds(?) in SoT, which are very similar to the Darkhounds from WoT.

Edited by Muttering Bill

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Crap. Is there a summon WLU spell? He's more eloquent on this than I could ever be.

* * BAMF * *

What the hell am I doing here? I was just taking a crap. DON'T LOOK AT ME I'M HIDEOUS!!

*pulls up pants, gets to work*

Okay, he's accusing RJ of being inconsistent with his writing? I'm not very familiar with Jordan's works, but I think he's probably much better in that respect than Goodkind, whose continuity is just shot to hell, or takes up deux ex machinas to explain such-such.

Mystar is on record somewhere that he is the one that Yeardii calls whenever he's not sure about a plot point or continuity. So apparently we have two people to blame for any plot holes - Mystar for not mastering his lord and saviour's religious texts, and the Yeard himself for being fucker too lazy to re-read his own books or keep track of his own world. Of course, I suppose he figures that since his magic system is so incredibly mechanical and realistic, he doesn't have to think about it much. Also easier to do if you make it up as you go along rather than planning it out.

SUMMON MERRIAM WEBSTER!

Palp, Palping

Main Entry:palp

Etymology:Middle French palper, from Latin palpare

Means: TOUCH, FEEL

I've got an even better definition that's medically appropriate and shoots down this point even better.

I admit. I laughed really hard when I read that. Then I thought that Ron has a really, really sick sexuality, which, considering the fantasy he reads, shouldn't surprise me. Then I laughed again. Ugh.

I laughed when I saw the Daddy comment.

I notice you're back to the bondage-themed avatar. Your avatar and Wolf Maid's should have some sort of filmed competition of unfixed nature which is forwarded to me for review. You can read between the lines. The winner would get... I dunno, a title? Pick your perversion and I'll see if I can mail it.

Incidentally, originally I thought WM was double-posting, I mostly distinguish between avatars by shading and contrast. Actually looking is too much work.

For someone complaining about spelling/typing and writing, mystar is hoist with his own petard.

An irony that scarcely needs to be pointed out, but it's fun to do so anyway.

And, well, if TG had open heart surgery I wouldn't think it was because his heart was like a 16-year old's. But then maybe it was only a very special 16-year old. Even if mystar had said TG had some kind of pulmonary surgery, I could almost buy it; the chest might still be open and the heart might still be seen. However, if TG's having arteries bypassed/repaired, that on its own contradicts the idea that he has a young, healthy heart.

Let's not forget, he might have the heart of a 16 year old because he tore it, still beating, from the chest of a 16 year old, then tore out the brain of a cardiac surgeon and installed the heart himself. I'd buy that even his yeardliness could fuck up autocardiovascular surgery. The angle must be all wrong.

Or else he is very laid back about having unnecessary open heart suregery performed on him. I mean, it's not like it's an intrusive procedure or anything, having your rib-cage pried open.

If my surgeon ever admitted that he liked to cut up healthy people just for the hell of it I would run screaming.

I think we can all safely assume that Tairy's standards are somewhat skewed from the rest of us.

I bask in the flavors of his hate. It tastes like peaches and sunshine. Delicious.

My hate tastes like bernaise sauce. What can I say, I like rich foods.

We need Jordan to issue a fake press release stating that he has passed away while fighting off a home invader, the very next day we will hear that Tairy died 3 days earlier in a battle against the largest group off large breasted women not at the PLayboy mansion, but not before impregnanting every last one of them. At his funeral service we will hear bad dialogue about how RJ hired a man to come kill him to copy-cat TG and about living life to the fullest that life could be lived since you only get one and the greatest of men live their lives to make other peoples lives livable and life is to short not to live the best life so we are all losers for not living life like Tairy would want our lives to be lived.

RJ will be found alive and he will have a real editor that will make him finish his Opus in ways that break all of our hearts.

This post made me forgive your avatar, which still gives me a headache. I know you won't change it, because that would be choosing death. Just be aware of my pain.

I'm so amused at being called a "rabid fan" of Jordan's...the irony is enough to make me come close to pissing and shitting out iron, that's how ironic it is...

Considering that I'm well-known at wotmania for not being all that enthused about the guy's writing...that just made my day, hearing about that!

Mystar has six basic ways of dealing with arguments:

1) Personal attacks

2) Claiming victory despite evidence

3) Making up evidence (often accompanies 1)

4) Pretending to have the backing of authority figures

5) Sucking up to and flattering authority

6) Gomer-Pileing ('shucks, I guess I made a little mistake - gollee gee!' He uses this one when 5 doesn't work, or when he fucks up and there is proof)

Good call that is one I forgot to mention. Although I must say when I read it in WoT it sounded cool, but when Dicky Rahl says it, I thought to myself "wow, cheesiest line ever." Fucking Douchekind.

Wanna know why? When Rand, or anyone else says it, there's the threat of death or injury. When Richard says it, you know he's going to come out of it with a minor flesh-wound at the worst. That whole two months of torture with Denna apparently didn't result in any impairment of function whatsoever.

One question springs to mind: What sort of person has a secretary at work for them after 9 PM?

The kind who's banging his secretary.

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That whole two months of torture with Denna apparently didn't result in any impairment of function whatsoever.

What about when Kahlan got beat to a bloody unrecognizable pulp, and then without medical help was back to her normal, perfect self a year later. BONES DON'T SET THEMSELVES PEOPLE, CMON!

The kind who's banging his secretary.

I didn't know Mystar's secretary was Terry Goodkind.

Sorry Mod's, but I felt saying that was worth a warning :(.

Edited by word

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Whenever a student is misbehaving rather than kicking him or her out of class, give them a Terry Goodkind book and make them write an essay on it. After you do this several times, the torture of this method will spread by word of mouth and within a month you will never have to worry about troublemakers again.

Hmm I was assuming you meant high school english, right? Either way, congratulations on getting a teaching job.

Sounds like a great way to NOT get tenure. It would be more humane to strip them naked, cover them in honey, and tie them down above an anthole in the desert somewhere.

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Ladies and gentlemen, I present for your review:

Uhm…huh? And this guy is a writer? What the hell is “palping†sounds kinky to me, I may have to look it up and try it sometime! I would assume he meant “palpatingâ€, but I never assume anything, and when it comes to half baked theories of authors who cannot finish their own series, I never second guess let alone assume!

Palp: to have a distinct touch or feeling of; to feel. From a medical dictionary. I’ve also heard it used to describe when people are feeling an organ for the purposes of diagnosis. It’s a semi-official short form from what I know.

I must say I was forced to correct Jordan or DF’s spelling as well….

And what manor of mistake would that bee? And he apparently missed the fact that there are both spelling and grammar errors, or he doesn’t distinguish between the two.

How was he forced? Was he unable to understand the paragraph without it being corrected? Or some sort of obsessive disorder?

I swear I honestly think it’s a disease in the fantasy genre…at the very least som ekind of defect!...those kinds of people only skim things and do not actually read more than a small part of what’s written.

Apparently it’s also a disease of those reading important human themes. I know I skim Yeardii’s works. To actually read each word would mean savouring the prose like a mouthful of shit. Most people can raed tnihgs lkie tihs, as lnog as teh lttres are all tehre the atcaul spllenig denos’t metatr. Everyone’s received that forward. Someone appears to be missing the point that content is more important than spelling and grammar, though Yeardii manages a perfect trifecta of crap.

I feel so sad for Jordan and his fanatic. No wonder he can’t finish his series, he most likely goes back to see what he’s written and only skims it thus losing track of who did what, when and how…

Dude, at least he fucking re-reads it and tries to have a coherent story. Tairy doesn’t bother to look at his old prose, and frankly I don’t blame him. Why shit something out then repeatedly taste it? He's not a rabbit.

I guess Jordan’s illness must somehow affect his sight and comprehension…kind of a Chainfire effect if you will.

I’m pretty sure Robert Jordan’s reply indicates keen faculties well attuned to the finely grained bullshit that Tairy is both ripping off and spewing out. I’m also not really sure what the eyesight crack is referring to – obviously he can read or he wouldn’t have replied to a written letter. Of course, it’s possible that Jordan’s having his letters read to him and dictating his responses, in which case we should be blaming the person responsible for transcription. But I’m sure Mystar thought of that.

He seems to have over looked the fact that Goodkind had “open heart†surgery, rather than someone (presumably a medical staff person rather than rabid fan like DF) just poking around on Jordan’s chest….â€

I’m sure it’s always a double-PhD cardiologist responsible for all aspects of Tairy’s care, even the basic tests. ‘Cause a world without Tairy just isn’t worth living in. Oh, hold on, that's Bizzaro-world Tairy. Also, do you mean “…rather than a rabid fan like DF� I’m sure you did, and your criticisms of other’s grammar and spelling is just ironic. Final point – Mystar calling someone else a rabid fan? That’s extra funny. That’s the whipped cream on top of this whole argument, which itself is the feces that is produced when shame eats too much stupidity (Thank you Dale Gribble). The ‘rabid fan’ comment is the whipped cream, and that DF’s a notorious critic of Jordan is the cherry with the stem tied in a knot by a high-class transgendered hooker riddled with syphilis. I feel for tranny hookers, they’ve got it rough. It’s too bad many of them turn to prostitution when there’s such a lucrative porn market. Where was I going with this you ask? I look forward to the next time Mystar uses the term ‘pot calling the kettle black’. It will amuse me.

All my heart examinations have been via catheterization or electrocardiogram or echocardiogram or the likeâ€. Must be that Jordan is unaware of the modern techniques of fixing blocked arteries via cracking open a persons chest and actually moving the heart to one side and fixing the offending section… I do hope that he learns these things soon! He may well need such a thing as well!

Actually they both miss the point that Yeardii refers to it as a ‘defect’, not a blocked artery. Blocked arteries can indeed be treated through the use of keyhole surgery and catheter procedures, but this is a defect, not atherosclerosis. Given Jordan’s condition (cardiac amyloidosis), he may or may not need surgery, but irrespective, he shouldn’t need any arteries fixed – it'd be either a pacemaker or a new heart. Finally, Jordan is talking about heart examinations, Yeardii is probably talking about a congenital defect and Mystar is for some reason talking about blocked arteries. Since I’m not sure of the exact condition that the Yeard had, I’m not going to speculate on who’s wrong. But I will call the Yeard a douchebag.

Tairy Goodkind’s a douchebag.

I never cease to be amazed at how people get so many things wrong simply because they do not pay attention to what’s written.

This makes my above comment especially amusing. Here I thought I was merely pointing out logical flaws, turns out I was setting Mystar up to fuck himself with his own keyboard. I pay attention to what’s written, then do a tiny bit of research. The result is, I don’t say things that can make me look like a moron as often. Though I will admit I've been an idiot before.

My daddy once told me, “son, if all else fails, then follow the damn directionsâ€! And it has served me well all these years!

Condom joke. Also, there’s no errors in formatting or anything that could be addressed through a manual, so referencing directions is irrelevant. Plus, I thought he wasn’t supposed to swear, for all the twelve year olds posting on his website? Shame if in addition to reading about namble, gang, broom and political rape, they learned about the ultimate destination of sinful souls.

Again I am amused that after all this time the truth is finally admitted to myshkin et al are pseudo Nazi loving wanna bee’s. The moment I point this truth out, (A point that I had made more than a year ago) rises to the surface! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_Law

Thanks for lifting that from our page. Did you know about that before? Actually, our constant chorus is the comparison of Richard to a Nazi. Since we’re not arguing with him, we didn’t lose that argument. Plus, it’s an irrational, emotional comparison to say we’re like Nazi’s, while it’s a very rational one to compare Richard with a Nazi (stifling of dissent, dictatorship, oppression of those who disagree with you, long speeches, black leather, it goes on). As a final point, HA! Mis-using Godwin’s law to ridicule a valid comparison is a diversion, meaning you’ve again lost the argument Mystar. Twice in one post, on Godwin’s law alone.

I get such a chuckle out of being proven right!

If this is true, your Ventromedial prefrontal cortex must be severely atrophied.

Back when these poor witless creatures were screaming Goodkind/Nazi etc, we clearly see Godwin’s Law only applies when myshkin and his cohorts are outted as such…

Actually, I don’t know if we’ve compared Goodkind to a Nazi, just Richard. Though I’m sure we’ve compared Goodkind to a psychopath, megalomaniac, a bag of vinegar and water used for washing out the vagina, and the literary equivalent of getting shot in the head.

my my my how these people remain so blind is not a mystery, it is a choice they strive at, they work hard to remain jaded and even more to obfuscate the truth.

That fact that he persists in calling us Nazis leads me to believe that he his either woefully ignorant of the nature of the Nazis, or he is entirely insensitive to the atrocities they commited.

You provide people you don’t like with avatars, erase and block their accounts, and ignore their arguments. You, specifically. I kinda feel sorry for the other board members, most of them actually try to engage in discussion and disagreement when one of us posts over there (which usually ends up with ‘I disagree, here’s my reasons’ on both sides. Which we should respect and why we shouldn’t spam the other boards. If we want to discuss with specific Yeardites, we should PM them or invite them over on non-mocking, discussion threads. Otherwise it’s shitting in a big pool instead of just Mystar and Tairy’s hot tub of gayness. By which I mean mutual joy at finding each other, not homosexuality. Plus, calling someone a homosexual isn't an insult unless you are closed-minded homophobe bigot). When you post here, we point out the flaws in your argument, which you respond to by insulting us and ignoring our points, when you aren’t coming up with bogus statistics (how many Europeans want to move to the States by the way? Was it 90% or 99%?). Has your account ever been blocked? Have you ever had an avatar forced upon you? One board can be more aptly compared to a despotic government. Though still it is much more spurious comparison than that of Richard and the Nazis.

Jaded can mean “Worn out, wearied, or lacking enthusiasm; exhausted or cynically insensitive; made callous by experience.†We’re not insensitive, we just think the Yeard exploits his audience, and his more enthusiastic fans have an irrational attachment to some of the more monstrous actions of the Sword of Truth’s protagonists and insane or flat-out false ideas of the author. At worst, that makes us hypocrites (because we’re irrationally attacking him). However, most of the evidence I’ve seen leads me to think he’s fucking crazy or shitting-blind stupid.

MALTARAN - I updated your user page on wikipedia 'cause they removed the old image of 'Constipated Tairy with His Arms Crossed Angrily Because He's a Serious Author of Important Human Themes and Will Never Feel Joy.' FYI

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WLU wins the celery prize this round!

So, Mystar's calling us Nazi's? I feel a bit insulted and defamed. Lawyers should be contacted. :devil:

"Lord Rahl has very big hands. They fit perfectly over my breasts." -Mord-Sith Berdine

That was totally my first sig I used for Sig Terry Week. :P

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Really, I don't know what TG was thinking when he posted that. Was he making light of his heart condition, and was not at all contradicting himself? But anyways, I'm glad he's doing fine now. :)

"When you are out numbered, and the situation is hopeless, you have no option-you must attack!" -Richard

Must use this as my new sig. Anyone know from what book in SoT this is?

Reminding people not to get too personal in the posts, btw. I live in horror of the day we see them don the mod hat/bra.

Edited by The Wolf Maid

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Reminding people not to get too personal in the posts, btw. I live in horror of the day we see them don the mod hat/bra.

Well, at least we haven't gone and called people out as Nazis. Saying someone is dumb is a matter of our opinion. Calling them a Nazi would be tantamount to libel. But I digress...

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Must use this as my new sig. Anyone know from what book in SoT this is?

Stone of Tears when he is about to give his retarded speech to the room full of Wizards/Sisters of the Light, telling them he will destroy the Palace of the Prophets. Arrogant SOB.

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:clap:

Very eloquently said, WLU. :D

Picks up the slow clap that you started for WLU

@WLU

You need some peanut butter to put on all that celery?

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Picks up the slow clap that you started for WLU

@WLU

You need some peanut butter to put on all that celery?

What I need is for Wolf Maid to get one of her old avatars back.

I still don't think I'm on my A-game for the Yeardite bashing, I could've done more. My excuse is I spent a good part of the day rearranging receipts to claim money for my trip to San Diego. Holy shit it's polluted in California. It looks like it's humid, until you notice that the haze is brown and tastes like blood.

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Holy shit it's polluted in California. It looks like it's humid, until you notice that the haze is brown and tastes like blood.

That's why I smoke, it keeps the smog out of my lungs.

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If I may be a little critical of Jordan’s past few books, I can at least say he’s consistent. That’s a luxury of having put in a little effort into word-building. Tairy’s not so much a fan of guidelines

How on earth does a death-chooser like you earn a title? You should know by now that SoT is about Important Human Themes and world-building is only for sissies who are writing fantasy. I oughtta smack you around like a camp follower and feed you your own testicles.

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I think we need to tone down the personal attacks. I don't really see the point in or joy derived from bashing Mystar. It's sort of like beating up a mentally challenged person. It doesn't make you cool, it just leaves people with a bad taste in their mouths.

And I don't think any of you should attack anyone for spelling or grammar mistakes. You make enough of your own. I let a lot slide here.

And how about we try to focus on the writing and interviews etc. of Goodkind, rather than resort to ad hominem attacks. Just calling him a douchebag is not very impressive.

I also think the obsession with post counts is lame and unworthy of these threads. It makes Ro's arguments against them stick a little better.

To rectify the mistakes that some of you newly ascended are currently making, I will be posting a new excerpt of WFR with comments shortly. To get us back on track.

Consider yourself admonished.

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I would like to let you all know that doctors recently discovered that I had a potentially fatal defect in the major artery that supplies blood to my heart. The performed surgery – called a “beating heart†procedure, because they don’t have to stop the heart – and corrected the problem. The surgeon said that I have no heart disease of any kind and that in fact my heart looks like “the heart of a twenty-year old.†He said that he held my heart in his hands and can tell me first hand that I have a great heart and will have no further problem. He said it was a pleasure to operate on a healthy patient for a change.

Has anybody tried to replace heart with brain ?

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I think we need to tone down the personal attacks. I don't really see the point in or joy derived from bashing Mystar. It's sort of like beating up a mentally challenged person. It doesn't make you cool, it just leaves people with a bad taste in their mouths.

And I don't think any of you should attack anyone for spelling or grammar mistakes. You make enough of your own. I let a lot slide here.

And how about we try to focus on the writing and interviews etc. of Goodkind, rather than resort to ad hominem attacks. Just calling him a douchebag is not very impressive.

I also think the obsession with post counts is lame and unworthy of these threads. It makes Ro's arguments against them stick a little better.

To rectify the mistakes that some of you newly ascended are currently making, I will be posting a new excerpt of WFR with comments shortly. To get us back on track.

Consider yourself admonished.

:agree:

And on that note, here's a new parody:

Richard Bond - Rise Up, Live Your Life and Let Everyone Else Die

Miss Boobyfanny, in the tradition of secretaries everywhere, was filing her nails at her desk when a hat whirled across the room towards the hatstand. With raptor-like accuracy, it knocked the hatstand to the floor and ripped out its spine. Richard was back from his latest mission. He stood at the door, striking a manly pose.

"Richard!" cried Miss Boobyfanny ecstatically. She batted her eyelashes at this avatar of manhood.

Richard flashed a rare smile, lighting up his face usually lined with the lines of his boiling hot rage. Miss Boobyfanny sighed. He really was as gentle as a lamb, apart from the whole uncontrollable fury thing.

"Z is waiting for you, you know. You're five hours late," she said archly, thrusting out her boobs and hoping Richard would notice her fifth and latest boob job. Richard gave them a glance, decided yet again that they were still too small for his large hands, and strode into Z's office.

"Ah, Bond, you're here at last," snapped the irascible Z, as he looked up from behind a pile of paper probably containing secret plans and copies of enemy technology and that sort of thing. "We need you to go on another mission behind the Iron Curtain."

"You mean the huge metal barrier that you single-handedly erected across the entire continent, and which protected us from all the horrors that lie on the other side until they found a way to break through last week?" asked Richard, unnecessarily.

"Exactly so," said Z. "Someone behind the Iron Curtain is plotting against us, and I need you to find out who it is and what they plan to do, and anything else you can find out. We fear they may be engaged in... Communism!"

"Wait," said Richard. His mind raced. "You mean my enemies are actual communists this time, not just badly-thought-out strawmen versions?"

"Well, not exactly," said Z. "We suspect that the ringleader may be a communist who plots to amass untold wealth, which sort of contradicts the communist ideal, but as contradictions don't exist then feel free to ignore it."

Richard did indeed feel free. Free, free as the wind blows, free from all care, all doubt, all responsibility for his actions, all semblance of logic. With this in mind, he glamourously jet-setted to a random exotic location to plan his next move.

--------------------------

Over the casino table, Richard's raptor-like eyes were glued to the magnificent bosom of the woman opposite; it was like a rain (of glue) on a campfire. He could feel her sky-blue eyes mentally undressing him as he rolled the dice, winning hand after hand with his Spy's First Rule trick of making all the other players think they had lost.

Roller of Dice.

The woman edged closer and whispered a filthy suggestion into his ear. Instantly Richard's thing rose, and the dice shot from his hand, causing needles to fall from the pine trees and red-hot shards to cascade around him. Throwing her over his shoulder, he swept her away to his magnificent penthouse suite, where they had raptor-like monkey-sex.

Shagger of Random Women.

Shortly afterwards, Richard was awakened from his post-coital snooze by a soft snicking sound in the room, like the sound of someone opening a pair of shears. He looked up to see his beautiful bed-companion standing above him with a pair of shears! His testicles were in danger! Richard's mind raced. Pretending to stretch, he grabbed the shears from her hand and instantly she had been overpowered and tied to the bed. She writhed and spat in anger.

"How dare you do this to me?! Filthy capitalist pig-dog!"

"I ask the questions round here," said Richard sternly, and tried to think of some questions to ask. His mind raced. "Who are you, and who sent you, and what do you want, and why did you try to cut off my testicles?"

The woman's beautiful face twisted into a sneer. "I am Nikita Kutchabolokov, super assassin hired by Jagang, the leader of the communists, to destroy you before you found out about our secret plans, hatched in our hidden base in the basement of the orphanage, to ban fire and take over the world, as well as becoming filthy rich in the process by blackmailing everyone with our sole control of fire! But I wasn't going to cut off your testicles. Normally this is my speciality but yours were so magnificent, I was instead only going to cut off your stupid-looking yeard."

Richard recoiled in horror. "Cut off my yeard? What kind of monster are you? But now, I know where your master lies hidden, and your plans will come to nothing!"

He turned to go, when an evil chortling came from behind him. "Not so fast, Mr Bond," said a voice whose foreign accent indicated its evilness. It was Jagang! "My Mord Sith will make short work of you. Girls!"

From the wardrobe sprang three beautiful large-breasted women, whose tight red leather outfits left nothing to the imagination, which is just as well because the author has very little of that.

"Richard, may I introduce... Bigboobina Fuxalot, Slutterella Bendova and Fellatio Suckov, my most trusted and skilled torturers! I leave you at their mercy - I hope your death will be a long and protracted one! Now I'm off to conquer the world! Mwahahahaha!" At that, Jagang twirled his moustachio, swept up his cape and vanished in a cloud of dry ice.

"You'll never get away with this, you fiend!" shouted Richard, and shook his fist.

The Mord Sith advanced, and began torturing Richard in a rather sexy way with lesbian overtones. But soon they were overcome by his manly pheromones, and lay there passively like good women should. Richard soon dispatched them to wash the dishes and do the dusting, and he was back on the trail of Jagang.

Jagang had a good five minutes' head start, but Richard was hot on his heels. After two weeks' chase, Richard saw Jagang enter a building up ahead and close the door behind him. That must be his secret lair!

Richard's mind raced. He decided the best thing to do would be to pretend to be a salesmen, so he combed his yeard, picked up a briefcase and headed to the door.

A nameless flunky answered. "Hello, I'm here to sell things," said Richard, with difficulty forcing his face into another smile.

"OK, what are you selling?" asked the flunky, with suspicion.

Richard's mind raced. "Er, weapons? And other items for world domination?"

The flunky's face broke into a beaming smile that lit up the room. "Ah, welcome then! Come right in!"

Richard's face sagged with relief, flaked out on the sofa and made itself a cup of tea. His plan was working!

Jagang entered the room, holding a button marked "Press for World Domination". He was cackling evilly to himself when he saw Richard.

Instantly a war broke out, but Richard won - apparently his pants could turn into a huge battle-droid which took out all of Jagang's orphan army. Jagang was pushed into his own vat of molten celery and died a traitor's death.

Nikita was waiting for his helicopter as it descended on the casino roof. "I've decided to defect, and not be a commie any more," she declared, the tears falling from her eyes like rain on a campfire. "Take me back across the Iron Curtain with you and away from all this misery!"

Richard swept her up into his arms and they flew off into the sunset.

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How on earth does a death-chooser like you earn a title? You should know by now that SoT is about Important Human Themes and world-building is only for sissies who are writing fantasy. I oughtta smack you around like a camp follower and feed you your own testicles.

I wouldn't be too harsh, Mr. 'Landed Knight without a Title (and Obviously Missing Some Celery as Well)'.

I think we need to tone down the personal attacks. I don't really see the point in or joy derived from bashing Mystar. It's sort of like beating up a mentally challenged person. It doesn't make you cool, it just leaves people with a bad taste in their mouths.

The mentally challenged generally don't bring it on themselves then gloat about it.

And I don't think any of you should attack anyone for spelling or grammar mistakes. You make enough of your own. I let a lot slide here.

And how about we try to focus on the writing and interviews etc. of Goodkind, rather than resort to ad hominem attacks. Just calling him a douchebag is not very impressive.

I also think the obsession with post counts is lame and unworthy of these threads. It makes Ro's arguments against them stick a little better.

To rectify the mistakes that some of you newly ascended are currently making, I will be posting a new excerpt of WFR with comments shortly. To get us back on track.

Consider yourself admonished.

I've lost track of if we're still being serious or not, but I'll grant that you do have some points. We're a bit short on interviews unfortunately, perhaps he finally got a PR consultant.

Has anybody tried to replace heart with brain ?

Why replace when he apparently doesn't need or use either?

I'm disappointed that no-one to date has commented on my X-Men reference. Sigh.

As usual, MinDonner's parody is excellent. Though nothing will beat 'Shaker of Booty' in my mind.

Edited by WLU

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