Happy Ent Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 [b]Altered Lactose[/b] You have two cows, but may only sleeve into one at a time. [b]Fallen Angus[/b] You have two cows. You kill them all. [b]Woken Furries[/b] You have two cows. One of them may be Quellcrist Falconer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sio Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Paolini: You have two cows. It is crudely hinted that one of them may be important to the plot, but then your dragon gets peckish and eats them both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slynt Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 [quote name='Peadar' post='1431420' date='Jul 8 2008, 14.06'][b]Robinson Crueso[/b] You have two cows. They're starting to look mighty attractive.[/quote] We have a winner :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reskyr Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Melville: You have two cows. One cow is exceptionally white, large, reclusive, and vengeful (though this last bit might simply be you giving the cow a little too much credit). While you search for the ivory cow, you observe the other cow in excruciating detail. The exact placement of the fingers on the udders in order to achieve maximum milking. The process, from beginning to end, of slaughter--stunning the cow, cutting its throat, positioning yourself to avoid the bloodletting; skinning the cow; picking the choicest meat, turning some to t-bones and filets while other sections must be cured and dried in order to creat jerky; tanning the hide; dyeing the leather; melting the rest down to glue; bottling said glue. . . WHERE THE HELL IS THAT WHITE COW?!? (Edit: Not exactly fantasy, but I just saw Moby Dick on the shelf and had to do it. . .) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 [b]Flashman[/b] You have two cows. You accidentally ended up stealing them from the Maharajah after shagging all his daughters, and inadvertently started a war which would bring down the glorious British Empire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Errant Bard Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 [b]Gilman[/b] You have one cow, but one day it vanishes, so you go to the city where cows gather to bring it back. You don't find it, but run into Peter Pan, Corwin and a guy who trapped the essence of another cow in a ship. [b]Dune[/b] You have the only two cows in the universe, milkmen claim that MILK MUST FLOW, you laugh in their face. Then you proceed to trample civilization under the hooves of your herd. [b]Kafka on the Shore[/b] You have two cows, they might be your subconscious. Cats are cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peadar Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 [quote name='Slynt' post='1700832' date='Feb 26 2009, 14.26']We have a winner :D[/quote] I agree. :cheers: I don't know why everybody else even keeps trying. Maybe it's because both of their cows are losers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 [b]Robin Hobb's Farseer[/b] You have two cows. They are named Tasty and Milky. [b]Robin Hobb's Liveship[/b] You have two cows. They're actually dragons' souls trapped in the bodies of cows. They're tran-species-ial cows. [b]Melanie Rawn's Sunrunner series[/b] You have two cows. One of them has the thought color of opal and aquamarine, the other has the thought color of ruby and diamond. [b]Mercedes Lackey's Last Herald Mage[/b] You have two gay cows. One of them dies. The other mopes around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactus Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 [b]Sergei Lukyanenko:[/b] You have two cows, one is black, one is white. You pit them against each other in order to keep them occupied and hidden from humanity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanna vander Poele Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 [quote name='DrBloodmoney' post='1431629' date='Jul 8 2008, 07.25'][b]Malazan[/b]: you have two cows: one holds nine separate bovine souls, one is a warren unto itself [i]for 15,000 pages[/i][/quote] Holy shit :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max the Mostly Mediocre Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [b]The Steel Remains[/b]: [i]These fucking cows[/i] want you to help them rape and pillage their neighbors. You decline. This time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalbear Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Bakker's Prince of Nothing: You have two cows. The value of one is tied intrinsically into carefully woven subtext about premodernity, gender relations, the philosophy of behavioralism, faith, neuroscience and life. The second grips its phallus with great longing as its black seed jets into the gentle pastures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dornish Pasties Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [b]Edgar Allan Poe[/b] You have two cows. One of them is sick, sick unto death. Or maybe you just hallucinated them. Or maybe one of them is trying to torture and kill you. Or maybe [i]you [/i]are the cow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geddon Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [b]Wheel of Time[/b]: You have one cow, which appeared to be an ordinary farmyard animal until it started hearing the voice of Moos Therin Telamon, the bovine destroyer of the old world. Now your schizophrenic cow is amassing a giant herd which it intends to lead into battle against the forces of evil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dornish Pasties Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [b]Russell Kirkpatrick[/b] You have two cows. They live in a triangular field with an area of approximately two hectares. It has a height of 300 metres above sea level. The field slopes gently toward a mere which contains an abundance of waterboatmen. [b]Cecila Dart Thornton[/b] You have two cows. They have eyes, ears, hair, hooves, udders, legs, fetlocks, tails, noses, nostrils, eyelashes... [b]Karen Miller[/b] Do you have two cows? I think that you do not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerol Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [b]Roger Zelazny (Amber)[/b] - You have two cows, all other cows are shadow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 [b]Swanwick[/b]: You have two cows. One is made of metal. The other was eaten by dinosaurs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 [b]Harlan Ellison[/b]: You have no cows, but you must moo. [b]Harlan Ellison[/b]: Connie Willis has two cows. You grab one on stage at the Hugo awards. [b]Harlan Ellison[/b]: You have two cows. You slaughter them, and mail them to your publisher (fourth class, postage paid at destination). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 [quote name='Bellis' post='1432984' date='Jul 9 2008, 08.23'][b]Orphan's tales[/b]: The first cow is actually the duck from page 153, while the second cow is the mother of the narrator.[/quote] Cat is sitting on my couch, and she thought this was hellaciously funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 [b]Hemingway[/b]: You have two cows. Neither one ever actually says the word "abortion". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.