Errant Bard Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 [b]Vandermeer:[/b] You have two cows, you cannot decide which is real between the opera singing squid/mushroom hybrid and the other. Every report on cow genetics you get is untrustworthy. [b]Marquez:[/b] You have two cows, you call them Abel and Cain. [b]Vian[/b] You have two cows, one dies of shame, and you have to row the other over a sea of blood. [b]Graves[/b] You have two cows, but you lose them to the Germans, thus the other farmers assassinate you. [b]Adrian Tchaikovsky[/b] You have two cows, you are the superior race because they can't use tools and you can. You make one milk the other, and then start conquering more pastures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 [b]LE Modesitt JR[/b]: You have two cows. One is black and the other is white. They live in balance. For as many times as you want to tell the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabada Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 [b]Stephen Baxter[/b] You have two cows. But because all equations in physics always have two solutions, one of them is actually the anti-cow to the other and travels backwards in time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mance Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Stephen King- You have two cows. The first cow is afraid that the oth... WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU!?! *dies* A Dance With Dragons- You will soon have two cows. No, you won't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Pita Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 A Dance With Dragons - You'll have two cows. By the end of 2007, promised. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tobin Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 [b]CSFriedman[/b] - You have two cows, one is a good priest and the other is an evil bastard - yet people will still write /slash about them. [b]GRRM[/b] - you have two cows who have really bad luck at weddings. (sorry if that one had been mentioned before) [b]WoW[/b] - You have two cows, now collect 6 more bear tongues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Pita Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 GRRM - You will have two cows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Silenus Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 [quote name='lockesnow' post='1703806' date='Mar 1 2009, 01.08']Ender's Game - you have two cows. you kill them and all other cows because the cows wanted to marry each other which is a threat to your well being. cows should always submit to bulls. you inherit the last cow in the universe. It is pregnant.[/quote] You have slaughtered all cows because you [i]love[/i] them. [b]Speaker For the Dead:[/b] Now you have two pigs (and a cow fetus and an iPhone). You teach the pigs about Jesus and you are a jackass at funerals. [b]Watchmen:[/b] "On Friday night, a cow died in New York. Someone threw it out of a window and when it hit the sidewalk its head was driven up into its stomachs. Nobody cares. Nobody cares but me." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arlingzen Bill Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 [b]Original Star trek series:[/b] You have two cows locked in eternal combat, one white with black spots and the other black with white spots. Kirk gets laid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VarysTheSpider Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 [b]World of Warcraft[/b]: You have two cows[i]. [/i]You rent them for a monthly fee. No one knows why. [b]War and Peace: [/b][i]Vous avez deux vaches[/i]. What happens to them is a matter of historical destiny, the coming together of countless millions of factors, each believed, errenously, to have acted, or to have been acted, by independent free-will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watcher Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 [b]Age of Conan:[/b] You have 2 excellent cows, they lose to the 800 pound gorilla. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Pita Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Watchmen - Who cows the cowboys? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaqen the FatManderly Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 [quote name='VarysTheSpider' post='1723812' date='Mar 18 2009, 10.36'][b]War and Peace: [/b][i]Vous avez deux vaches[/i]. What happens to them is a matter of historical destiny, the coming together of countless millions of factors, each believed, errenously, to have acted, or to have been acted, by independent free-will.[/quote] Brilliant :) [b]Richard Wright[/b]: You had two cows, but when you went to milk one it wouldn't stop mooing until you'd stopped its breathing, for good. You butcher the carcass and start to grill it but the other cow calls the pigs for help, and you are left wondering how it all came to this. [b]Graham Greene[/b]: No matter how often you try to disown your cows, abuse them, or deny even liking milk, there is nowhere on earth you can go without finding that your cows are there, waiting for you on arrival. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bastard of Godsgrace Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 The Orphan's Tales: You have two cows. Youe are fooled into believing they are in fact the same cow, and you are reduced to asking people on Internet boards why it isn't so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 diablo - you dupe your cows to sell on battlenet to n00bs, then gank them later when they complain about it. KOTOR - despite having cows, you never get anywhere with them because you keep toying around with the chicken coop and the bee hive. KOTOR II - one of your cows is dysfunctional, until the release of the 1.0a patch, which corrects the first cow but disables the second one, which is corrected in the 1.0b patch. even with the patches, neither produces milk because they were rushed immature to market in time for christmas. fallout 2 - you carefully develop your cows until both die near the end of your tenure because you collected too many implements for their caretaking. baldur's gate - you dream about your cows every night for a week after you get them. you talk about them incessantly for a year. decades later, you will remember them fondly as what got you back into animals in the first place. nethack - your c are hunted and killed by C. DYWYPI? torment - the words are like bared steel: there cannot be two cows. in the wake of these words, came war. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Errant Bard Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Heh MMORPGs: You have two cows, but you miss a healer and a tank to farm the level 80 pasture. Starcraft: You have two cows. You miss a beat milking them. A horde of flies appears and devours them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serious Callers Only Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 What war? Oh the unbroken circle. Continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Ent Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 [b]Infocom[/b] [font="Courier New"] > INVENTORY You are carrying: two cows [/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nerdanel Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Angband: You have one cow. You are never allowed to have two cows, let alone three. The single cow is all you ever shall have and if it dies, consider your dairy farming operation finished. If you somehow manage to get another cow, everyone looks down on you and ignores your accomplishments. ToME: You have one cow. You find a rare potion that will turn into a cow if your first one dies. You worship a god that might resurrect your cow if it dies and you haven't been praying, maybe. You learn dark necromancy that will allow you to channel the souls of the slain to bring your cow back to life if you do it quickly enough. You consider sacrificing your cow to the forces of evil to get an inferior replacement cow if your original cow dies. Other than that, it's just like in Angband. Dwarf Fortress: You have two cows, but are unable to milk them and instead use them as guard animals. The cows (or cow and a bull, as it turns out) breed like rabbits via spores and soon you're knee deep in incestuous cows that slow everything down. You butcher the excess cows, make earrings out of their bones, and decorate said items with spikes and hanging rings of cow bone. They don't sell for all that much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mance Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 [b]Virtual Villagers:[/b] You have 9 common cows, 5 uncommon cows, and 2 rare cows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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